


The Trouble With Us

by Amaris_guti



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Ex-Partners, F/M, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 112,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaris_guti/pseuds/Amaris_guti
Summary: Scott can’t do it anymore. The training, the music, the sport. So he does the one thing he knows will end it all. He ends their partnership.Now, two years later, their paths cross again.





	1. Running

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh. I never thought I'd get to this point. Was fully expecting to be over these two a few days after the Olympics but NOPE.

**August 2017**

 

** _Before_ **

 

He wouldn't look at her. 

He's pacing all over the place, running his fingers through his hair, over and over and over again.

"I can't do this." He repeated it like a mantra, like the words were his lifeline.

“This clearly isn’t our fucking time.” Scott was sputtering out words, not thinking about the consequences behind them. Not thinking about how much they were hurting her. “What the fuck were we _thinking_. We can’t do this.” He stops his pacing to stare straight into the green eyes he once loved looking into. “I can’t do this anymore... not with you.” 

His words are like daggers sinking into her skin, splinting and cutting towards irreparable damage. His expression grew darker as if determined to hurt her. Like it was his goal. The cold air of the locker room froze her skin along with his words.

“I’m wasting my fucking time with this. I can’t be on the ice anymore Tessa.” He’s angry, he’s furious for a reason she can’t yet place. “I’ve fallen out of love with it.” He’s pacing again, running his fingers through his hair like does when he can feel his anger building. “I can’t stand the fucking music or the pressure.” He stops, his chest rising quickly with every breath, and casts his eyes down, “I can’t stand the sport, Tessa.”

Tessa couldn’t process what was going on, what he was saying. But one message was clear. 

He couldn’t stand _her_.

This wasn’t her Scott. This wasn’t the Scott she’s known for twenty years. This wasn’t her best friend. The person she’s been so intertwined with her entire life, she can’t remember life without him. She tries to frantically muster a response as a thousand questions scatter through her head.

“Scott just stop and tell me what’s wrong,” Desperation drips into her voice, “Please, just _talk_ to me!” Tessa feels the ground slip from under her, her world tumbling and turning upside down in a matter of seconds.

“Tessa,” He breathes in, looking at her like she’s meant nothing to him, “Stop.”

Tessa’s anger builds in return. “No, I won’t stop Scott.” She spits out, frantic. “You’re telling me you want to end this? All of it? And you keep giving me bullshit excuses.” She feels every crack in her heart. She steps closer to him, determined to have him open up to her about what’s tearing him apart. “Please Scott, not you too.” Everyone is leaving her, for reasons she has yet to understand.

She had no one left but him. But he's slipping from her fingers and she's glued to the ground. 

Her words turn to broken whispers, “I don’t know who I am without you.” Tessa’s body shakes frantically as the tears fall and begin streaming down her face, her words stuttering. Her body feeling more and more frail every passing second. “Please don’t do this, we’ve worked so hard-”

“Stop Tessa.” He yells out, shocking her. His voice echoing across the empty, cold locker room. He steps closer. Making sure she hears what he’s about to say. “Maybe at one point in my life… you were everything to me. I did everything for you.” His own eyes show signs of tears but he quickly shakes them away. “Every second of work I put into this was to have you standing up on those fucking podiums because I knew how much it meant to you. But things are different now.” He turns away breathing heavily as he looks up, preparing himself for what was next.

Tessa backs away from him, preparing for the impact from his soul-shattering words. He knows her better she knows herself. That means he also knows how to hurt her.

He looks back at her, an unreadable expression on his face. “But it’s hard to be around you. I don't want to be around you anymore.” He shows no hint of sadness, only anger. “We go back and forth and we keep hurting each other. Tessa, we’re not fucking meant for each other and I need you to understand that. We can’t keep trying to convince ourselves that this was gonna last forever. Don't you get that? I can’t have you and all of this in my life anymore. I’ve given you twenty fucking years of my life.” He shakes his head, shifting his eyes up and down her heartbroken face. “The Olympics aren’t happening for me, not this time. I’m done training and I’m done with all of this, I’m trying to move on.” His jaw clenches as he looks down at her. The pain on her face having no effect on his demeanor. “Find another partner or don’t, I don't care anymore. I’m done.”

Her mind goes blank. She wasn’t quite sure if she was still crying or what emotion was displayed on her face. She didn't know how her body still held the strength to keep her standing at that moment. His words breaking her more than he knew, or maybe he did. This is what he wanted. To break her enough she ran from him and left what they had behind. She never thought she’d have to ask. Her next question has already been answered, but she still lacked the resolve to walk away. She needed to know for certain he knew exactly what he was asking of her before they both walked away from twenty years of what was once the most important relationship of their lives. Her question came as a broken whisper.

“Do you still want to skate with me.”

He stands there watching her as his silence says it all. _No_. No verbal confirmation is needed then. No physical cue. After everything they had been through, he didn't have the decency to hide the blank expression on his face, as if she meant nothing to him anymore. As if their history was erased and of no importance to him. Scott’s hesitation sealed their fate and shattered her heart all at once. A small piece of her heart hoped Scott still wished to hold her hand on the ice for the rest of their lives. She had hoped she meant as much to him as he does for her. Her eyes swell with tears but she won’t give him the satisfaction of watching them fall down her face. Her throat feels tight and the pain of holding back her sobs burns her from the inside out.

She’d never felt so pathetic in her life.

She’d always believed she was a strong individual, one who wouldn't crack under the pressure of her sport and the constant judgment and detrimental comments from those around her. Yet, at this very moment, the one person she couldn't remember her life without, the one person who she believed would walk hand in hand with her for the rest of her life, shattered whatever little spirit she had left. He never fucking loved  _her_. She meant nothing to him anymore, and the pain from the realization caused her to stagger backward away from him and whatever other pain he was planning on inflicting.

By some miracle, Tessa gathers what little strength still resides within her as she makes contact with the hazel eyes she once felt so comfortable looking into.

“I know you better than I know myself. I know you enough to realize you’ll learn you made a mistake…and when you come to that realization… don’t come looking for me.”

It hurt to speak, she wasn’t even sure if he’d heard her from how raspy and low it had come out, but the small twitch around his eye indicated he had. She stood there watching him as he watched her. Taking in what she knew were the last moments of ever being around him. She’d never look into his eyes again. The eyes she looked forward to seeing every minute of every day. The hazel in his eyes that once felt like a warm embrace protecting her from harm now provided her with a sharp pain behind her eyes. It was like staring at the sun, the longer she looked the more damage it would do. Tessa finally looks away. She believed that whatever love he once had for her had now dissipated into the locker rooms harsh cold air. She wills her body to move past his and leave him behind, just as he had been doing the last few months. He didn’t try stopping her, never even turned back around to watch her leave the room.

Tessa was the first to walk away, but he had forced her to do it.

She walked past the ice, past the entrance to the arena she knew she’d never come back to. The air was heavy and her lungs felt like they weren’t getting the oxygen they needed. Her breathing was shallow as she forced her body towards an escape. She wanted nothing more than to get as far away from him, from everyone and everything. Her pace picked up as she ran across the parking lot towards her car and ripped out from the place. She was alone and empty. She felt pathetic and broken. Her mind felt blank but the tears streaming down her face proved otherwise.

She didn’t bother looking back, there was nothing left there for her.


	2. Don't Wake the Riot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’d lost a lifetime of friendships and happiness, but they’d also lost her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor bby Tess, I promise things get better for her.

August 2019

 

Present

 

Her run along the path was short lived as the rain came pouring down upon the green earth of Portland, Oregon. She’d never minded the rain, in fact she welcomed the light drizzle on her morning runs, but today, the rain came crashing down forcing Tessa to turn around earlier than she’d liked. 

She quickly made her way to a small coffee shop she’d fallen in love with when she first came across it almost two years ago. The aroma of the brewing coffee welcomed her in as she made her way towards the counter to place her order. Tessa took up her favorite spot at the corner of the shop and watched the rain patter against the stained glass. The shops exposed brick wall, the friendly staff, and the mocha cappuccinos quickly made the cafe her happy place. It was the safe haven she needed when she first arrived in Portland almost two years ago. It’s warm and cozy atmosphere was a feeling she was missing and craving all at once. 

She, surprisingly, has enjoyed living in the cute and buzzling city. The running paths amongst the dark green trees helped provide a much needed distraction from everything she had been so desperate to avoid. She very quickly fell in love with every little aspect of her surroundings, she couldn't see herself ever leaving the comfort it gave her. Truthfully, she never saw herself living in a place like this before. She always expected her life path would lead her to London or New York. In all honesty she always believed she’d stay in the active city of Montreal, but Portland was a beautiful surprise she was thankful for. 

Tessa made her way home as soon as the rain outside turned into a light drizzle. Her shoes coming off immediately followed by her wet clothing as she steps inside. Her choice of wear quickly becomes a sweatshirt twice her size as she tosses her body against the comfort of her bed. 

Tessa was once again, alone with her thoughts as she usually always is and maybe this was a sign that she desperately needed friends. Something her mom never failed to remind her about. She almost always tried to divert the conversation from the touchy subject, but her mother had become tougher when it came down to having the conversation. Tessa would turn angry as her stubborn nature held her back from agreeing with her. She knew in the end run, her mom was right. 

Tessa was lonely. She knew this. She’d been lonely from the moment she arrived. A true friendship was the one department this beautiful city had failed her in, and maybe it was her fault, she wasn't making the effort she should be making. The memories of her past failed relationships became a barrier in her mind that stopped her at every opportunity of pursuing a companionship. The reminder of betrayal from all of those she had once loved and cherished became too much to cope with, so she stashed all those foul memories away, something thats become easier to do every passing day. 

It came close to nine in the morning, the time she usually calls her mom or sister to update them on what has now become her incredibly mundane life. Tess presses on one of the two phone numbers saved to her phone and waits to hear the voice of her mother.

“How are you sweetheart?” Her mothers voice fills her with immediate comfort and warmth. 

“I’m okay. I’m just laying in bed. Super exciting stuff.” Tessa plays with a thread on her bed sheets. She grew to hate talking about herself. “What are you up to?”

“I’m actually at the market for a couple of things, and I was just wanting to leave the house for a bit. They’re still working on the roof and I couldn’t take the pounding anymore.” Her mother grumbles on the phone making Tessa laugh and miss her even more than she already does. 

“You’re just now getting the roof fixed? It’s been months mom, jeez.” She shakes her head at her mothers procrastination. Not that she’s been any better lately. “Anyways, how’s Jordan doing? Is she the bridezilla she prayed she wouldn’t become?”

“Your sister is doing just fine.” Her mother laughs, “She wanted me to pick up a few things for her here. You know she loves it but couldn’t find the time to come with me.”

“Yeah well I’m a bit jealous, I miss that market.” Her response is followed by some hesitation on her moms end and Tessa instantly regrets saying she misses the market. She knows what her mothers going to say before she says it. 

“Well Tessa… you could always…” her mother pauses, “come back and visit… for a few days…see everyone again.”

Tessa wanted to hang up, but her mother would only fly out to Portland and drag her back to Montreal. 

“The market, um has those leather journals that I’ve… been wanting for a while,” she’s desperately trying to diverge the conversation away from the one thing she loathes having to talk about, “maybe you can send me some yeah?”

Her mother, never being one to turn away from a conversation she knows they need to have, continues to push through. “Tessa, sweetheart.” She hears rustling on the other end, she was probably making her way through a crowd, “We miss you, everybody misses you.”

Tessa refuses to answer, she was seriously done talking about this.

“Why don’t you think about it. I mean really think-“

“Mom.”

“He misses you.”

Her heart feels like its being torn apart. An empty pit forms at the bottom of her stomach and she wants nothing more than to shove the memories back towards the depths of her mind where he and everyone else belongs. Before everything happened, she was someone who had her life together. She knew what she wanted out of life and how to pursue it. But life was too unpredictable and taking control of it became a task too difficult for her to control, so she ran away. Away from the pain and the hurt that lingered atop and consumed the city of Montreal. She was pathetic, she knew it. She felt it every fucking day. 

She was no longer the one time Olympic Champion people looked up to. Her disappearance from the sport and essentially, the public eye, had turned her life upside down and into one she no longer recognized. She’d been getting better, but her mother’s and sister’s constant pressure only took her back several hundred steps and had her feel like she had to start the healing process all over again. 

“I can’t believe you keep doing this.” Tessa angrily whispers against the phone. She feels the wind knocked out of her and her head begins to spin at the mention of him. 

“Tessa, listen to me-.”

Tessa grew angrier the longer she thought about her current situation and having her mother on the other end of the line was dangerous. “Why do you fucking do this all the time?” She was lashing out, something she’d probably regret later, but she no longer felt control of the words spewing out her mouth. “He fucking hurt me. Do you not understand that?” She no longer feels comfort just sitting on her bed and begins pacing her room with angry, heavy steps. 

“He-.”

Tessa doesn’t want to hear it. She can’t. “Why is he the victim in this situation mom? Why should I care? I didn’t run away from him and everyone willingly. I was pushed away by them. They don’t care for me, they never fucking did. Mom, I can’t-” Her voice broke as she let out the words that she kept bottled up for too long, “I don’t think I can ever go back after everything. I’m trying to move on, I just need more time. But I can’t try living in peace if you bring this up every chance you get.”

“Tessa,” her mother was choking up. Tessa knew her mother wanted the best for her. She’d seen the way Tessa glowed whenever she was around him all those years ago. She’d been through the crushes, the fights, the competitions. She only wants to mend that relationship again, but her mother doesn't fully understand the full story behind the reason why Tessa could never go back to having that. Tessa refused to speak about it. “Sweetheart, I didn’t… I’m so sorry. I just want you to be happy and I just miss you so much. I would never want to put you in that position, I’m sorry Tessa honey.” She was rambling, “I haven’t told him where you’ve been. I haven’t told anyone.” She tries to backtrack after mentioning him again, “I mean you can trust me Tess baby, I won’t ever bring it up again.”

“Mom it’s okay, just breathe okay it’s… okay.” Tessa needs to take a breather herself and tries to move the conversation forward, not wanting to argue with her any longer. “I’ll be seeing you soon anyways… right? I’ll see you at the wedding in about a month.” The dreaded wedding. She was happy for her sister but the thought of stepping on Canadian soil again raised the hair on her body.

Theres a second of hesitation before her mother answers and it makes Tessa’s nerves spike. “Yes! I uh well that was going to be my next topic of conversation Tessa.”

“What is it?” Tessa should hang up now before whatever comes out of her mothers mouth worsens her mood.

“Jordan has decided to…expand the guest list… exponentially.” Another fucking stutter. “It’s no longer going to be anywhere near as intimate as we originally thought it would be with you and me and Tommy’s side of the family.” She pauses. “Do you understand what it is I’m saying honey?”

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Mom.”

“Over two hundred or so guests Tessa.”

She should have hung up.

“I just wanted to let you know… before you showed up and…”

Ran into him at the wedding.

The universe seemed to be against her the last couple of years, and she was getting really fucking sick of it. 

“Breath Tessa, breathe nice and slow okay?”

Tessa hadn’t realized how irregular and fast her breathing had become. She felt a panic attack coming on and her mother wasn’t here to help her through it. The ground was swallowing her up and her body became too hot she tore the sweatshirt off her body throwing it on the floor. The room’s air felt dense and thick allowing no fresh air into her heaving lungs. 

“Mom I’ll call you back okay, I…” she was hyperventilating, her heartbeat going a hundred miles an hour, “I have to go…I… I’ll call you back later I promise.” Tessa hung up the phone before her mother had a chance to respond. Her phone slipping from her hand and crashing against the hard wooden floor of her room, cracking the corner of the screen. 

She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t fucking ready. She could prepare for a thousand years and she’d never feel ready enough to face everyone that pushed her away. They still hated her, they loathed her, she was sure of it. They couldn’t stand to be around her during her last few weeks in Montreal, during their last performances… they treated her as if she weren’t in the same room as them. They stopped plastering fake smiles on their faces whenever they came near her. She trusted them and they threw her trust away like it meant nothing. The betrayal still stung strong in her heart. If given the choice, she’d choose to never see them again. Even her mothers mention of their collective desperate need to know where she’s escaped to, their need and want to get in contact with her couldn't sway her. She felt no satisfaction from them finally realizing that they’d been in the wrong this whole time. They should have never doubted her.

And the thought of being around him again…being in the same room as him…

Tessa threw up. She threw up the cappuccino and muffin she’d enjoyed at the cafe earlier. She ignored the incoming phone calls from her phone on the floor as the panic attack consumed her mind and body. The contents from her stomach emptied into the toilet bowl and her heaving burned her chest and neck. She sat on the floor of her bathroom and tried to desperately control her breathing. She hopelessly tried to remember the breathing exercises her therapists had helped her through but nothing seemed to help. 

She knew at that moment how incredibly pathetic she was being, she’d had close to two years to heal, but she couldn't reason with herself and take control of her body. She couldn't bring herself to fathom the idea of confronting those who damaged her so badly, she no longer recognized herself when she looked into the mirror. 

Twenty years of history was hard to erase, at least for her it was. She swore she was getting better, or maybe it had become easier to lie to herself and she’d fallen for her own tricks. But she so desperately wanted to be who she used to be. She missed Tessa fucking Virtue. She missed the Tessa who fought and trained so hard even when the pain from her legs felt like shards of glass seeping into her skin with so much as a single step. She missed the Tessa who had the courage to fight for the gold she knew she craved and deserved. She no longer had the courage it took to stand a top the podium, knowing every drop of sweat and every bruise on her skin was well worth every second of exhaustion and pain.

She was broken.

That was the harsh cold truth that still managed to slap her across the face whenever she thought about the events that lead her to where she is now. Her chance at another gold in 2018 had been ripped away from her. They’d been so close, but their relationship was so shattered by that point, he’d ended it all. All their months of hard work coming to a sudden stop. But the resentment she feels towards everyone she used to love is a barrier she didn’t want holding her back anymore. She feared she wouldn't be able to live with the agony she still felt inside, because of what she’d suffered two years ago. She has changed. She’s different now. But she couldn't have her future poisoned by her current shattered heart any further. Her dreams and values were still there inside her somewhere and she’d be doing a disservice to herself if she continued avoiding her destined path no matter what obstacles were in her way. 

She’d lost a lifetime of friendships and happiness, but they’d also lost her. 

Tessa managed to get up from the cold bathroom floor and made her way back to her bedroom, picking her phone and the sweatshirt up off the floor and setting them on the bed. She’d missed six calls from her mother and figured she’d call her back as soon as she felt oriented again. Tessa approaches her windows opening them as the drizzle outside continues to fall, filling the room with her favorite smell. She stood there in front of the open window as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath filling her lungs with the fresh air, her breathing returning back to normal. This had very quickly become her favorite type of weather. She felt comfort from hearing the pitter patter of the rain and the trees outside only looked more green every passing day. This constant was a distraction she so desperately welcomed into her life. 

Tessa grabs her phone from her bed and calls her mother back. 

“Tessa are you okay? I am so sorry, honey listen-,” her mother was rambling and out of breath as she was most likely quickly making her way back home, “I’m booking a flight out to Portland okay? I know you said not to but I’m doing it as soon as I get home.”

“Mom just stop and listen.”

“Yes Tessa what is it?” She was still frantic.

“Nothing has changed. I’ll be at the wedding.” A pause, “Please don’t waste your time coming down here. I’ll see you in less than a month okay?”

“Oh honey, I wouldn’t be wasting my time.”

“I just need time to…process and work through some things…alone.” Another pause, “But I promise I’ll be there. I would never miss Jordan’s big day.”

“Tess I still think I should fly out-,”

“Mom, please let me do this alone.” She whispers, “I need to try and heal and better myself before…”

“Tessa, you’ve been alone for two years.” 

Her mother was crying, and understandably so. Her daughter had disappeared on her and everyone. It wasn’t until recently that Tessa had let her know exactly where she’d been living. 

“I think… I… can actually do it this time you know? Get better.” If Tessa’s own mother didn’t believe in her where did that leave her?

“I just need a minute to think okay?” Tessa could hear the sound of a door opening and closing. She’d probably just made her way home. “Tessa are you completely sure about this?”

“Yes.” She continues inhaling the fresh air coming from outside. “I am.”

“If you change your mind or anything and I mean anything changes, you call me immediately. Do you understand me?”

“Yes. I promise.” She feels the breathe she’d been holding in escape her body.

“I love you Tess. You’ve always been such a strong woman and nothing has ever changed that about you, nothing ever will.”

“I love you.”

They both hang up after their goodbyes and she’s left surrounded by silence again. She’s left to realize that she needed that push from her mother, no matter how much it hurt her to admit it. She was a strong woman, she only needed to prove it to herself again. 

Making her way back to the one place she tried so hard avoiding didn't mean she had to let them back into her life. It didn’t mean she’d ever let herself be overwhelmed by him again. She didn't want that anymore. 

But it did mean rebuilding her life. It meant healing and seeing her family again, and that’s all she could ever want.


	3. Mind Over Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idea of simply ignoring everyone… ignoring him… and enjoying her sister's newfound happiness seemed appealing enough to follow through with.

**September 2019**

 

Tessa found herself in a cab on the way to the airport at five in the morning, and she felt great.

No, she didn’t.

Her heartbeat seemed to quicken the closer she got and controlling the pace of her breathing in the back of a cold cab was harder than she thought. She had half the mind to tell the driver to pull on the side of the road so she could hop out and run away.

Damn her sister for falling in love and getting married.

Unfortunately for her, she stayed quiet as they made their way forward. She’d miss Portland. Granted, she was only leaving for a few days, but she’d made her home here and has never had to leave it before in the last two years. She felt safe, guarded and protected and was afraid it was a feeling she’d never find anywhere else.

Upon reaching the airport and going through security, Tessa purchased a coffee to wake herself up before making her way to the designated gate. As she sat there next to the giant windows watching the planes take off, a child and who she assumed to be the girl's mother sat across from her. It was far too early to have this child staring at her the way she was currently doing, and Tessa kept looking away awkwardly but found herself looking back when the little girl got up and made her way over.

“I skate too!” The girl excitedly exclaims.

Tessa was… shocked? She hadn’t had anyone come up to her the last two years. Really, she thought everyone had forgotten about her.

“Do you?” Tessa asked as her heart warmed by the beautiful smile radiating from the young girls face on this early gloomy morning.

The young girl's mother, who looked half asleep, seemed to realize her daughter was no longer beside her and hurriedly made her way off the seat and towards the both of them.

“Hi, hello I’m sorry is she bothering you?” The mother gently grabs her daughter's shoulders and pulls her back from Tessa. “She has a habit of running off.” The mother laughs light heartedly and finally takes a good look at the stranger that had stolen her daughter's attention.

“Oh… oh my God! Tessa! Tessa Virtue! No wonder Kendall made her way over!” Her face lights up with surprise and raw happiness, something Tessa hasn’t seen directed towards her in a while. The lady grabs her daughters shoulders again and pushes her back towards Tessa. “You and your partner are actually the reason why I placed her in figure skating this is so great!” She looks back at her little girl and introduces her, “Babe, this is Tessa Virtue!”

“Hi it’s nice to meet you.” Tessa reaches out her hand for her mother to shake before turning her attention to Kendall, “Hi Kendall, its lovely to meet you.” Kendall’s smile gets bigger and Tessa’s left wondering how such a little human had so much energy at this time in the morning. She sits forward in her seat. “So you like skating huh? I bet you’re the best!” If she seemed nervous talking to the little girl it’s because she was. She hasn’t had a real conversation with anyone but her mother and sister in the last two years and she’s feeling a bit out of practice.

“I’m not the best.” Kendall pauses, “But I will be!”

Her mother looks down at Kendall and smiles, before pulling her into a hug and looking back at Tess. “She’s quite the skater! I’m actually in the process of trying to pair her up with another young boy in her school.” She laughs, “Kinda like having a little Virtue and Moir thing going on you know?!” She continues laughing and nudging her daughter.

Tessa doesn't get a chance to respond. The lady suddenly perks up and quickly turns her head around scanning her surroundings, “Scott’s not here is he?” She leans closer to Tessa as she covers her mouth so her daughter can’t hear her, “She’s got quite the crush, and would run the other way if she saw him!” She half whispers with an amused glint in her eye.

Tessa isn’t laughing anymore, the mention of his name sucking the life out of her. Somehow she manages a small smile on her face, “No, he isn’t” she says followed by a cough. “But I’ll let him know just how great Kendall is, he’ll be so excited.” If they notice her sudden awkward demeanor they don't mention it.

Kendall’s mother is just about to say something else but Tessa’s boarding announcement becomes her saving grace. She gathers her things before standing up and gives her goodbyes and well wishes to the both of them before making her way to the check-in line. Once inside the plane, she picks a seat by a window and prays no one sits next to her on this seemingly empty flight to Montreal. She allows herself a moment to breathe after she’s settled down for her six-hour flight.

She closes her eyes as she breathes to ten, going through the motions of her breathing exercises. Once she feels calm she gives herself a moment to reflect on what just happened. She’d been working hard on improving the quality of her life the last month. When she mentioned doing so to her mother, she wasn’t lying. She really tried, and in a way, she was getting better. She didn’t feel like passing out or smashing something at the thought of him anymore. Her self-confidence had improved a bit as well, and that small defeat was enough for her to feel proud of herself. She didn't feel like the broken, empty and pathetic woman who let a mans absence dictate the way she lived her life, at least most of her didn’t. But the mention of him from that woman seemed to knock her off balance. She’ll blame her lack of sleep and how early it is on that one.

Tessa realizes she still has much more to improve on within herself, and this trip might be the key to overcoming the demons that have been haunting her for too long. She closes her eyes once more and lets sleep overcome her.

 

***

When she lands in Montreal’s International airport she feels everything and nothing at once. The familiar surroundings from coming here all the time to travel to other competitions feels strange now because it’s just her. It brings a sense of dread as she stands there feeling like she’s intruding.

She was back on Canadian soil. A feat she’d never really thought she’d go through with. Granted, she wasn’t doing this willingly, but for her sister, but being back wasn’t giving her the welcoming feeling she wished it had.

This was no longer her home.

Her shoulders felt tense and maybe it was the long and uncomfortable flight, or maybe that was just another lie she was telling herself. She’s suddenly grateful she booked her flight only one day before the wedding, so she wouldn’t have to be here any longer than she needed to be.

Her mother insisted on picking her up, so she made her way to the exit after grabbing her luggage. The air outside was brisk and she’d suddenly wished she’d brought a scarf along with the other things she’d overpacked. As she waited for her mother she wondered if it was too late to run back inside, book herself another flight and escape back to Portland again. However, her plan was quickly discarded when she saw her mothers car pull into the pickup area.

Her mother quickly puts it in park and hops out running towards her daughter. Her smile making this whole trip worth it when Tessa’s eyes pool with tears. She’d missed her mom terribly.

“Oh honey Tessa,” her mother's voice is muffled when she finally reaches Tessa, embracing her tightly, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she answers tearily, her throat begging to let the sobs out as she hugs her mother back. She hadn’t seen her in two years, the longest she’d ever gone without a hug from her.

Her mother pulls back taking a minute to soak up her daughter's presence, not quite believing that she’s finally here. She places a hand on Tessa’s cheek and kisses her on the forehead. “Cmon Tessa let's get your stuff in the car and we’ll go get a coffee.” Her mother reaches down to grab her suitcases but not before Tessa beats her to it hauling it to the car.

 

***

The atmosphere in Cafe Lali is one Tessa had missed. The familiar white walls adorned with stunning art warmed her heart bringing some of the familiarity she so badly craved. She and her mother Kate sat there, hands cupping their coffee cups as they waited for Jordan to meet up with them.

“I can’t believe it’s finally tomorrow. These last few months flew by so fast.” Her mother exclaims taking a sip of her coffee, “and now you’re here and I get to have both my girls by my side again.” Her mothers' eyes filling with tears before getting herself under control again.

“I’m here mom.” Tessa answers back. At least she was for the next few days, but stating it out loud would only break her mother's heart more than she already has.

“Yes you are, and there’s your sister.” Her mother motions behind her. Tessa turns around and finds her sister entering the establishment. Tessa immediately rises from her seat as Jordan spots them quickly making her way over.

“Tessa!” Jordan shrieks bringing far more attention from those around them than she’d like. She almost knocks someone over from how eagerly she’s practically skipping towards her sister. Tackling her in the tightest embrace yet Jordan lets go to look at her sister before shrieking once more and continuing the embrace. “Oh my God, Tessa,” another squeal, “You’re here and I’m getting married tomorrow,” yet another squeal, “but you’re actually finally here!”

It’s Tessa’s turn to squeal. She places her hands on Jordan’s shoulders and takes a step back to look at the sister she’s missed so dearly. “I’m so so happy for you Jordan, this is actually happening.” The smile on her face one of the most genuine things she’s felt in a while, “So tell me cause mom won’t admit to it,” she sets a serious expression on her face before asking, “are you a bridezilla?”

Jordan lets out a loud snort, jokingly pushing Tessa away, “Stop trying to get me to admit to it, I’ve been acting perfectly civil.” Jordan faces her mother then making her way over to greet her with a kiss on her cheek, “Hey mom, thanks for not ratting me out.”

Kate shakes her head as her daughters continue their “civilized” squabble. Oh, how they missed each other.

 

*** 

Conversation with her mother and sister was surprisingly light. No hard topics or questions were thrown Tessa’s way as if Kate had warned herself and Jordan not to bring anything up that could potentially cause Tessa to shut down. They were making an effort to have Tessa feel as comfortable as possible without the risk of her running away. They talked about her new life in Portland, what she’d been up to, what television shows she was currently binging, what her new favorite coffee order was. It was easy, it was what she needed. 

Tessa was able to sit there and admire the strength of the two women sitting in front of her. Her mother, for raising her to trust herself and admire the strengths she held within. Her sister for pushing her to unleash the potential she knew she had. Both of them, such remarkable, bright and intelligent individuals, Tessa could only dream of being half the person they both were.

She couldn't help but feel like she’s let them down in some way. These thoughts were difficult to brush away nowadays. They didn’t deserve the things Tessa had done to them. She not only ran away from those who hurt her but she also, by default, ran away from her family. The people who would never hurt a hair on her head, and after all this time, she still hasn't found the strength to apologize.

 

***

Jordan excuses herself after they’re done. They’d spent three hours at the cafe and she needed to go and finish off a few things at the reception hall before her big day tomorrow. Kate and Tessa made their way to the house, where she would be staying for the duration of her visit. Her mother helped her unpack then left her to settle down. Tessa appreciated the way her mother knew when she wanted to be left to her own thoughts. So she sat on the bed of her mothers guest bedroom, trying to process the feelings running through her head. 

Although her day started off rough, the feeling of caution had managed to wear off throughout the day. The warmth and familiarity she felt after seeing her mother and sister again after two years brought tranquility to her heart. She was feeling optimistic, something that felt so rare to her she didn’t understand how to control it. Tomorrow was her sister's wedding and the thought of it brought a smile to her face. She was genuinely excited for her sister and the upcoming future she was going to live intertwined with the love of her life. But the thought of the reception tomorrow made her heart beat wildly.

Tessa got ready for bed and slipped between the soft sheets. Her mind and heart raced as she unsuccessfully tried to get herself to sleep. She was terrified. Terrified of facing everyone, terrified of what she’d say, what she’d do. The idea of simply ignoring everyone… ignoring _him_ … and enjoying her sister's newfound happiness seemed appealing enough to follow through with. She had healed, but not completely. Her heart was still littered with cracks and any pain caused to her would shatter it again. She knew the probability of acting like nothing was wrong, like she was indifferent to the situation, was farfetched and childish. She cursed herself for not being as strong as her mother and sister, knowing how disappointed they’d be in her.

After a restless couple hours, Tessa finally succumbed to sleep, dreaming of nothing but hazel eyes.

 

***

Wedding day.

Maybe it wasn’t _too_ late to fly back.

Tessa doesn't have time to slide out the bedroom window before her mom comes barging in. “Wedding day Tessa. Wedding Day.” She speeds over to the window and pushes the curtains open letting the sun come streaming in. Tessa quickly turns away the sun blinding her. She's never been a morning person.

Her mother seems part nervous part ecstatic. “It’s happening Tessa sweetie.” She seems frantic when she begins pacing the room as Tessa’s half woken brain fights hard to wake up. Her mother, always so poised and composed, looked overwrought. “Get dressed Tessa cmon.”

“Mom it’s not for another seven hours, just take a breather,” Tessa says laying back down and closing her eyes for a second. A pillow lands on her face and Tessa’s so tired she can’t react to it even if she wanted to.

“I know that. But get up anyways. We’re having breakfast and headed over to Jordan to help her with her nerves.”

“Mom I think you’re more nervous than she is.” She grumbles from underneath the pillow still settled over her face.

Another pillow lands on her.

 

***

Jordan is just as frantic. If not more. Mother like daughter. 

Tessa is also frantic, for other obvious reasons. However, she’s mastered hiding it underneath the facade of indifference on her face the last hour.

Jordan’s wearing her dress, everything in its place but the veil. “My make up looks wrong doesn’t it.” Jordan’s looking at herself in the mirror, with a horror-stricken expression. “and my hair, it’s already getting flat!” Tessa rolls her eyes, a smile on her face. She’s over exaggerating like she always has.

Tessa looks up, laughing when she shouldn’t. “Jordan your make up looks amazing and your hair looks great, just relax a bit.” Tessa’s tracing the embroidery stitched on the veil that’s currently sitting on her lap. “Tommy would marry you even if you came out wearing a potato sack.”

Jordan gasps loudly, turning her view from the mirror to Tessa, “Does it look like I'm wearing a potato sack!?”

“No!” Tessa sets the veil down. Quickly getting up and walking towards her sister, “I just meant that-” she put her hands on her sisters shoulders, “I just meant that that guy is so seriously and madly in love with you it makes me sick,” she laughs softly as Jordan’s lower lip quivers with a hint of a smile on her face, “No but seriously Jordan, he looks at you like you hung the moon and stars. You found a guy who would move mountains for you and nothing is going to change that. He’s lucky to have you.” Jordan’s eyes fill with tears as she gives Tessa a bone-crushing hug.

“I love you Tess.” She takes a step back looking her sister in the eyes. “You know you’re gonna find someone like that too right?” She whispers, a nervous glint in her eye.

Tessa’s not surprised. She’s known Jordan for too long to know that she’s been dying to talk to her about _that_. But now’s not the time. Maybe not ever.

“Jordan this isn’t about me. Today’s about you.” She clears her throat looking down, changing the subject. “Besides, we have to finish getting you ready.” Tessa turns to grab the veil from behind her.

Jordan and Tessa both step up to stand in front of the full length body mirror. Jordan breathing in deeply through her nose as Tessa places the veil in place. “The most beautiful bride.” Tessa states excitedly and hugs Jordan from behind. “Now… lets get you out there so you can marry the love of your life.”


	4. Another One Bites the Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She forfeited the right to learn anything else about his life, but the small layer of betrayal began to settle underneath her heart.

Tessa’s eyes fill with unshed tears as she watches her sister and Tommy say their “I do’s.” The raw happiness displayed on Jordan and Tommy’s face is enough to have her feel dizzy from the amount of happiness coursing through her body. Her sister found her other half, she found the person she’d wake up to and fall asleep next to. She found someone who would cross the ocean if it meant holding her in his arms. The way he’s looking at Jordan was enough to make every pair of knees in the room feel weak. The sunlight peaking in through the big bay window lights up the wedding hall and bathes her sister in light, making her look more angelic than she already is.

The wedding ceremony is attended by herself and close family, as well as Tommy’s side, just the way they wanted it. She could breathe easy, for now. She still hasn’t crossed paths with anyone who gave her a reason to run away those two years ago. Mostly everyone she’s had to acknowledge and greet were aunts and uncles she hadn’t seen in a long time. They asked her where she’d been and what she’d been up to, Tessa treating it as casual conversation trying not to give too much away.

It was the wedding reception she was dreading, the confrontation she would most likely have to face. When the bride and groom’s 200+ guests would come streaming in. When Tessa would have to decide between a fight-or-flight situation. Deciding whether to face her demons or continue running away from them. The latter seemed more convenient to her feelings no matter how childish.

Cheers erupt inside the hall as they share their first kiss as husband and wife. Tommy pulls back, giving Jordan a look so full of love and content, it makes Tessa’s own heart skip a beat, and dips her kissing her all over again. Laughter fills the air and Tessa feels a way she hasn't in a long time. She feels elated. Elated for the pure love shared between two of the greatest people she has ever known. Elated for the lifetime of euphoria that awaits her sister. The guests stand and cheer as the newly weds make their way down the aisle.

Kate comes up beside Tessa and intertwines their arms together as they walk side by side to the halls exit. Pure joy is expressed on her mothers face and Tessa leans her head on her shoulder as they continue.

“My baby is so happy,” Kate breathes out. Tessa turns towards her and sees her eyes fill with unshed tears of joy. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.” Her mother wipes at her eyes before they have a chance to fall. Always so poised. Tessa lifts her head from her mothers shoulder and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sure everyone will forgive you if you cry mom.”

A happy cry leaves her mothers lips.

***

Loud music and chatter can he heard booming down the hallway towards the reception hall. Guests have arrived and await the bride and groom to make their grand entrance before the party can truly commence. Tessa walks behind Jordan and Tommy, with her mother on her arm once again. Her breathes become heavier with every step made towards the loud booming music. She feels her heart go into overdrive and sweat begins making its appearance on her face. Her mother must have taken notice of her now trembling body and stops Tessa before continuing any further. Jordan, Tommy and everyone else continues their way down the hall, not realizing the panic attack happening behind them.

“Tessa, honey,” Her mother whispers, placing herself in front of her daughters body, “Just breathe. Everything is going to be okay.” Her mother reaches into her bag and takes out a handkerchief, dabbing at the sweat on Tessa’s face. “I’ll be right beside you.”

Tessa feels heartbroken for putting her mother through this. For not being able to get through this. She feels so selfish and the self hatred begins to consume her then. Her inability to get her shit together not only creates obstacles in her life, but in her mothers as well. Here she was on the verge of a panic attack, on her sisters wedding day, because she was so self absorbed in the dismay she held for other people. Her mother shouldn’t have to be pulling her back to wipe her tears. She deserved the joy of walking alongside her newly wed daughter. She deserved the right to enjoy her night and revel in her bliss. Tessa couldn’t continue wallowing in her self pity, especially not tonight.

“Mom I’m okay I just-” She was trying to steady her breathing, “I’m so sorry mom.” She reaches for her mother and places her arms around her. “I’m fine I just need a minute I promise I’ll be right in,” she mutters against her mothers shoulder, “go on ahead with Jordan, I’ll be okay I promise.” Tessa is trying so hard to contain the devastation on her face, the devastation she feels from all of this.

“Tessa-” Her mother looks determined to stay with her, and Tessa hates herself for it.

“Mom go.” Tessa nudges her mother trying to fix a smile on her face. “Go be with Jordan, I’ll be in shortly.”

Her mother looks at her for a second before looking down the hall at Jordan. Tessa can hear their announcement coming on and gives her mother another encouraging nudge to make her way over. Kate turns back towards her and takes Tessa’s hands in her own squeezing them reassuringly.

“I’m coming to look for you if you’re not in in ten minutes okay honey.” Her mother places her hands on her face and gives her a kiss on each cheek, “I love you Tessa. You’re a strong woman and I know you can conquer through whatever you put your mind to.” A small smile forms on her face before she finally turns back and hurries over to Jordan just as the doors open and the cheers grow.

Tessa is left alone to contemplate on how horrible of a daughter and sister she is with the sounds echoing and bouncing down the dimly lit hallway. The self hatred growing by the second at her selfish behavior. She’d worked hard on getting better, but being back in Montreal felt like she’s taken ten steps back. Everyone she ran from, everyone she left behind was on the other side of that wall. The weight of the realization weighing heavily on her soul, but she was no longer doing this for herself. She was doing it for her mother and her sister, and if putting herself in the position to face her demons was what was needed, then so be it.

Her breathing slows as she counts to ten in her head. She takes one step forward and the sound of her heels bounce off the walls. She’s just about to take the final steps needed to finally pass the threshold leading to the reception hall when a toddler comes bursting and giggling passed her from the party. Tessa shrieks and almost loses her balance from the shock she’s just received, placing a hand on her chest to calm her heart. She turns quickly, her eyes following the little girl who continues down the lonely hallway. Tessa looks back into the hall flooded with drinking and dancing guests and sees no one coming forward to chase after the little girl.

Tessa takes off immediately, chasing after the small girl with no parents on her tail. The little tot having quite the quick legs on her as she quickly scurries away, down the hall, around the corner, and towards the double doors leading to the patio. The night air is cold and the last thing Tessa wants is her tiny little body catching a cold. Tessa’s feet ache from running in her uncomfortable heels by the time she finally catches up. She’s an Olympic champion but can’t keep up with a toddler? Sheesh she has been out of it.

The toddler becomes distracted by the pretty roses set across the patio as she begins poking at their petals. Tessa kneels down as the little girl continues playing with the flowers while murmuring soft “pretties” from her mouth. She’s wearing an adorable rose gold dress embroidered with silver flowers that’s tied up with a silver bow, a rose hair clip is set in her dark brown hair. Tessa becomes worried and wants to return the beautiful girl back to her parents as soon as possible.

“Hey princess,” she whispers and puts a gentle hand on the toddlers back, “what’s your name?”

This finally gets the girls attention as she lets go of the petals and faces the woman to her side. Tessa gets a clear view of her face and finds a beautiful set of hazel eyes staring back at her. Her big and dimpled cheeks causing them to crinkle a bit when she smiles and softly murmurs her name.

“Belle.”

“Belle, thats a beautiful name.” She gets closer to Belle, “My name is Tessa.”

“Tessa!” Belle excitedly repeats while clapping her tiny hands once.

Tessa laughs at the endearing tiny human in front of her, “Where are your parents Belle?”

Belle seems shy but comfortable around Tessa. She looks up at her and lets out a sweet giggle.

Tessa laughs softly at her and repeats her question. “Where are your parents princess?” Another gentle rub against her back. “Hm?”

“Princess!” the girl excitedly repeats. “Princess” she sweetly says again whispering while reaching her tiny hand out to tug a bit at Tessa’s hair and dropping them to her dress, tugging at the silk.

“Why don’t we go inside Belle? Cmon.” However, Belle doesn't budge. Clearly she doesn’t want to leave the flowers she had found earlier. Tessa admires her determination. Instead she settles on the ground with the stubborn yet sweet girl and pokes at the roses petals herself.

“You like roses?” Tessa asks Belle, a warm smile directed at her.  
Belle nods enthusiastically and turns to play with the same rose Tessa was playing with. Tessa laughs inwardly, thinking how fitting it is for a child named Belle to like roses. Tessa reaches out to lightly tug on Belle’s dress. “Your dress is beautiful princess. I love the flower,” she pokes at the flower in her hair, “and I love the bow,” she pokes making Belle have a giggle fit.

“Daddy,” she seems to be stumbling over her words as she struggles to get them out, “daddy… for me”

Belle was missing a few words but Tessa was able to understand what she was trying to say. Belle’s dad had chosen out the dress.

“Your daddy chose the dress?” Tessa gasps and places a look of surprise on her face making Belle giggle once more, “lets go look for your daddy so I can tell him how beautiful his princess is okay?”

Tessa places her hand in front of her for Belle to take. Belle’s little hand, however, is too small so she settles for wrapping her hand around Tessa’s finger.

Before Tessa has a chance to rise up off the ground she hears rapid footsteps making their way closer around the corner, Belle’s name being called from the stranger she can’t yet see.

The stranger rounds the corner, breathes ragged from the running he had clearly just been doing. He stands at the patios entrance as his eyes lay on the two girls on the ground in front of him, his breathing coming to a sudden halt.

Scott.

It wasn't a stranger. It was Scott. Her ex skating partner of twenty years, the one person she’s loved so unconditionally her heart hurt at the thought of him. The person she’s been so desperate to forget, avoid, and separate her mind, body and soul from. He looks like he hasn’t aged a bit. Apart from the haircut he’s gotten since she last saw him, he looks to be the same handsome man he’d always been. Tessa’s heart feels like its exploding and shattering all at once. So much going through her mind yet it feels blank and empty at the same time. It’s a difficult feeling to describe.

His eyes slowly shift from Bella to Tessa and back before getting on his knees, “Belle, baby.” He breathes out, his arms reaching out for the little girl to take.

Belle immediately lets go of Tessa’s finger and runs over to him, giggling, “Daddy!”

Once she’s in his embrace he stands and pulls her tightly against him, closing his eyes once he feels her safe in his arms. Showering her face with kisses. “You can’t run off like that Belle,” he whispers briskly as his daughter snuggles deeper into the comfort of his neck, “I was looking for you everywhere baby. Don’t do that to me.”

Scott is Belle’s dad. Scott’s a father.

A million questions begin racing through her head, but she doesn’t have the power to sort through them. She’s tried so hard to wipe him from her life, but there he stands holding his daughter in his arms. The man who she believed once trusted her more than he apparently did, the man whose life was once so molded and intertwined with hers she knew every step he’d make before he made them, was standing in front of her holding his child. A child she had no idea existed until now.

She understood the consequences of leaving Montreal those two years ago. She understood what she’d be giving up when she left with the intention to leave everyone and everything behind. She forfeited the right to learn anything else about his life, but the small layer of betrayal began to settle underneath her heart. Like she’s been lied to? Did everyone know about this secret child and keep it from her? The fire that begins burning through her heart at that very second hurts more than anything she’s felt in a long time.

Tessa’s still in shock from what she’s just discovered. She feels so stupid as the similarities between Belle and Scott slap her across the face. From the eyes, Belle’s beautiful, sweet eyes to their smile and stubbornness. Everything was there staring her right in the face and she failed to connect the dots. She’s convinced the universe is toying with her life in some sick and twisted game. What were the chances of her running after a little girl that happened to be Scott’s beautiful daughter? By some miracle, she realizes she’s still on the ground like an idiot and stands slowly and carefully so as not to disrupt their moment. Maybe if she slips past them quietly she can pretend this brief encounter never happened.

Tessa makes her way towards the double doors and slips past them but not before Scott’s arm reaches out to grab hers.

“Tess-.”

She quickly pulls her arm back, like he’s burned her. “I have to get back, excuse me.” Her voice low and weak, avoiding eye contact as she quickly turns and begins her walk back towards the wedding.

“Tess wait.” His voice shows a hint of desperation as he runs up to catch up before stopping directly in front of her. His voice is quiet like he doesn't want his daughter hearing what he has to say. It hurts too much to look at him so she keeps her eyes cast down as she tries moving past him but he won’t let her.

“Listen, I-” He’s stuttering, his words failing him as he shifts his eyes from Belle to Tessa. Belle giggles as if the scene playing out in front of her is the funniest thing she’s ever witnessed in her short life and suddenly Tessa wishes she was as oblivious to the sheer discomfort weighing down on her. “Where have you-” he shakes his head, “How…are,” he’s rambling and shakes his head. His eyes looking her up and down as if he can’t believe she’s standing right in front of him. All the color has drained from his face and he looks the way she’s currently feeling inside. Tessa tries hard to mask her true emotions with an indifferent expression. He takes a deep breath and makes another attempt at conversation, “I can’t believe you’re actually here.” He seems to regret it as soon as it passes his lips.

“You can’t believe I’m at my own sisters wedding?” Tessa really doesn't want to be here.

Scott quickly shakes his head taking a small step forward, “No I just meant,” he swallows as his words continue escaping him. Tessa begins to feel bad for the guy but quickly gathers herself again. She has no reason to feel that way. “I can’t believe I finally get to see you again.”

In the twenty years she knew Scott, she’d never gotten used to the effect his eyes had on her. The hazel in them seemed to look so deep into her eyes, she was afraid he’d learn of every thought and feeling flowing through her mind. That sense of vulnerability never left her when she looks away now as he gazes at her like he’s making up for lost time.

Tessa doesn’t know how to respond to that, fighting the tears threatening to break through and cursing herself for being so weak around him. But she also feels angry. What right does he have to say things like that? He pushed her away. She’d been stupidly hoping to avoid any interaction with him all week and now she has to laugh at herself for thinking that was ever an option. Tessa looks up for a second then stares right back into his eyes. She inhales the cold air blowing in through the open doors, her throat closing up as the sobs and screams she wants to let out so badly burned her. “She’s beautiful Scott,” she deflects instead, motioning to Belle, his statement hitting too close to home. Her voice faint and gentle. She can’t say the things she wants to say when he’s holding his daughter in his arms.

He opens his mouth but shuts it quickly taking a second to orient himself before answering. “I-” he wets his lips and tenderly looks down at the girl resting in his arms, “Thank you Tess.” His other hand comes up to his daughters face and brushes off the wisps of brown hair behind her ears. He seems genuinely grateful and turns back to her, a small smile on his face before it fades. “I actually wanted to explain some things-”

“Scott,” she interrupts, begging him with her eyes to let her walk away, “I have to get back now.” Her voice cracks as her answer passes her lips. The silence in the dimly lit hallway they were currently in weighing heavily down on her.

His face seems to crack, revealing a hint of the devastation she’d shown him those two years ago. His eyes mirroring the sadness in her own as he understands her desperation to leave him once again. He nods, stepping back to give her the space she needs and readjusts Belle in his arms. “Yeah,” he clears his throat, his next words paining him, “yeah, of course, you should go.”

Tessa can’t handle the grief displayed on his face and forces her eyes down as she goes to move past him but it’s Belle’s soft voice that stops her.

“Princess!”

Tessa hesitantly stops in her tracks slowly turning back to look at the tiny girl still held in the tight embrace of her father. Tessa manages a shaky smile at her and braves a step forward.

“Yes, Belle?”

Belle seems to have forgotten what it was she was going to say and retreats into Scott's neck, a small smile still framing her beautiful, sleepy face. Tessa can’t blame her, the wedding reception was scheduled late and it was well past her bedtime. Scott stands there watching the tender exchange between his daughter and ex-skating partner before looking down at Belle. “Say bye to Tessa baby,” He whispers at his sleepy daughter. Belle lifts up her hand and waves gently, cracking the ice that seemed to have thinly encased Tessa’s heart a few minutes earlier.

Tessa lifts hers in return, her smile turning more genuine every second whispering, “Bye princess.” She lifts her eyes to meet Scott’s and she finds he’s already looking at her, with those hazel eyes she swore she’d never see again. An unreadable expression is on his face. She swallows before murmuring a goodbye to Scott, too apprehensive to say anything else.

“Bye Tessa.” He murmurs back, still looking at her as if trying to read through the facade on her face.

She finally spins around and walks away from him once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH my babies I love them


	5. Pulse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa turns to find the source of the voice and comes face to face with an old friend. A former friend. 
> 
> Patrick.

Tessa feels like she has no control over her body. It’s like it’s on automatic as it takes her towards the reception hall. Some dazed and unreadable expression set like stone on her face, her mind racing 100 miles an hour and she doesn't know how to slow it down. The loud music sounds muffled against her ear once she finally passes the entrance. The dim lights somehow feel blinding and the chatter coming from everyone is like a piercing scream in her ear. Tessa doesn’t see or hear her mother until she’s standing right in front of her. 

“I was just about to go looking for you Tessa.” Her mother looks absolutely delighted. “I’m so proud of you for doing this, for getting through it.” The pride on her mothers face having little to no impact on her.

“I just saw him.” Tessa states. An indifferent tone slips from her. There’s a void in her mind and heart. Her mother’s smile immediately drops and a nervous expression takes over.

“Who?”

“Did you know he has a daughter?” She ignores her mother's question, she knows exactly who she’s talking about. Her voice isn’t accusatory, but it’s not gentle either.

“I-” Kate looks around, but nobody’s paying them any attention. They’re all too consumed in the dancing and drinking. “I thought you knew,” Her own mother can’t even look her in the eyes. “Tessa lets go back out and talk about this please.” She looks tense now as she puts her hands on her shoulders trying to lead her out.

“What are you talking about?” Tessa harshly breathes out losing the indifferent tone. She removes her mother's hands from her shoulders and takes control of her body again, “When would I have known mom? Huh? I haven’t had any contact with him in two years.” she says, her tone abrasive. Tessa’s thoughts and feelings finally make a reappearance and crush whatever sense of control she still had over her actions.

Tessa knows she’s being irrational, but the shock from her encounter pushed her off the edge.

“Tessa.”

But it’s not her mother who says her name. Tessa turns to find the source of the voice and comes face to face with an old friend. A _former_ friend.

“Patrick.” Her jaw clenches. She can’t believe this is happening. Now really isn’t the time.

He looks anxious, which is something Tessa is tired of seeing on the faces of those around her. She can’t blame them though, she’s been a ticking bomb.

Tessa thought she’d feel more anger consume her overseeing Patrick, but she’s so disheveled from… _him_ … and what she’s learned, she can’t concentrate her energy to focus on what she should be.

“It’s good to see you again.” Patrick looks genuine. She can feel him wanting to go in for a hug but decides against it last minute. Maybe the tension on her face is a sign, or maybe their past is. Tessa doesn’t say anything, letting the music surrounding them take place. Patrick clears his throat, figuring she wouldn’t say anything, “I just saw you and had to make my way over.” He looks down for a second as if he’s ashamed? He shifts from foot to foot, before looking back up at her and blurts out, “I’m sorry to do this now, but can we talk?” He motions towards the doors with his head and waits for her answer.

This is all happening too fast. First _him_ and now Patrick. Tessa wants to say no. She so desperately wants to say _no_. But she can’t keep holding herself back from relieving the pressures in her heart. She promised herself and her mother she’d face her demons head-on. Tessa nods and the surprise that falls upon Patrick's face upsets her heart more than it should have. A friendship, once so good, shattered to bits that the idea of her wanting to talk to him is startling. But the truth is, no matter how angry and disappointed she is, she’d missed him and talking to him wouldn’t do more damage than what’s already been done.

Tessa looks back at her mother, whose face holds the same surprised expression. She nods at her mother indicating that she’d be okay and walks off towards one of the doors with Patrick following right behind her.

She opens one of the double doors leading to the patio overlooking their darkened green surroundings, letting Patrick through before closing it behind her. The wind in the air was colder now, and the sudden silence that surrounded them felt chilling. Tessa goes to stand on the edge facing away from Patrick. She knows he’s unsettled and doesn't know where to begin. The last time they’d talked was a time Tessa couldn’t handle thinking about.

She can hear him step closer and ends up standing next to her, a few feet in-between them. They’re both silent for a while as they stare out into the darkness.

“I don’t even know where to start Tess.” His voice is unsteady and low. She can hear him exhale loudly.

“Just say what you think. Nothing ever stopped you before.” She can’t help herself. She hasn’t talked to anybody about what happened before her life changed. She turns to him then but he’s still looking ahead, his adams apple sliding up and down. He can’t even look at her. “At least have the fucking decency to look at me Patrick.”

Patrick suddenly turns to face her like her statement wounded him. What she doesn’t expect to see are the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He looks _devastated_. His hands leave his pockets and he runs them through his hair, down to his eyes to wipe at the tears before they fall. Tessa stands there surprised, deciding whether to hug him or run away as far as possible.

“You know they're all inside?” His voice is muffled by the hands over his face, “they’re all inside. Kaitlyn, Andrew, Eric, everyone. We all saw you walk in but we didn’t want to ambush you.” He removes his hands from his face before retreating them back to his pockets. “Tessa,” he’s concentrated on her now, “no amount of apologizing from me or anyone will ever be enough. What we said to you…” He pauses for a breath and swallows, “What we _thought_ you did…Fuck I am so so sorry. And I’m sorry for bringing this up to you on the day of your sister's wedding, but you disappeared on us Tess…” He’s broken over this, and in turn, makes her already broken heart crack a bit more, “And you had every right to, I understand that. I know we pushed you away but I can’t live with the regret that’s been eating me alive. I had to talk to you.”

Tessa is at a loss for words at his admission. What is she supposed to say? She wanted to say so much before. She had two years worth of remorse weighing heavily on her chest waiting to be released. And now that she was presented with the chance to do it, she didn’t have the right words. 

“You accused me…”

“I’m sorry Tess.” She can barely hear his apology from how soft his voice is. The pain so apparent on his face.

“Patrick,” Her anger is still there simmering below the surface, but she can’t let it speak for her now, “What happened,” she can’t look at him anymore and instead ops out to look at the stars in the sky, “I’ve been trying so hard to recover from it. What was said, what was done…” Patrick wants to interrupt but she doesn’t let him, “I can’t ever go back… I don’t think… do you understand that? I won’t ever put myself through that again.” She looks back at him, “I don’t know, maybe you were all right. Patrick, I hate myself for it.”

“No, Tessa it wasn’t you fa-.” He steps towards her, desperate to get what he believes across to her.

“Patrick you know-”

“No, Tessa. Listen to me, she _lied_ to us. She lied to everyone about what you did. She’s a manipulative bitch.” Patrick takes a breather from his rambling, rubbing at his eyes again, “I mean telling us that what you did was on purpose… and we believed her when she told us you got into the car intoxicated to hurt her?… I mean how fucking _stupid_ …we trusted her and she just twisted it and took advantage of all of us. I accused you of doing it.”

“I-” She steps back from him, her resolve weakening, “The crash _was_ my fault, I was distracted. We were arguing and,” Her words get stuck in her throat, she’s never mentioned it out loud in so long. Her eyes fill with tears, something she’s grown so used to. “And she got hurt because of it.”

Patrick looks ashamed. Ashamed for having her believe the manipulative lies.

“And now _he’s_ here.” She couldn't help bringing him up, desperate to know some answers, “With a child, I’ve just found out exits.”

_Guilt_. Guilt is what’s displayed on his face at that moment. “Belle,” he whispers and nods like he’d been waiting for her to bring her up. “I wish I could just tell you everything,” Patrick exhales and rubs his hands over his face once more, “But that’s Scott’s doing, he’s been looking for you. He’s desperate to talk to you and explain everything.”

“Looking for me?”

“Your mom wouldn’t tell him where you’ve been. She wouldn’t tell any of us, not that I blame her.” Patrick wants to so badly reach out and hold her hand, but he holds back, “We hurt you and we misjudged everything. We won't ever forgive ourselves for it Tess.”

Tessa was silent for a moment, trying to process everything.

Patrick speaks up again, “I don’t…I don’t expect you to forgive me anytime soon and I won’t blame you if you never do. But I miss you. _We_ miss you. And I’ll do everything…everything I can to take us back to how we were.”

“Everything still feels so fresh, and I’ve tried so,” her words feel thick in her throat, “so hard to forgive and forget. And I want to, believe me, I want to forget this whole thing ever happened, but I wouldn’t be doing myself or anyone any favors.”

Tessa feels like she’s at a standstill. She wants to forgive. She wants to forgive him _so bad_. But her mind wasn’t where it needed to be. She had suffered in a dejected state for so long the last thing she wanted was to continue this for any longer.

“Thank you… for apologizing Patrick,” She takes a step back, the overwhelming sensation from their whole conversation breaking her down, “But I need time.”

Patrick's eyes are still wet with tears, but the frowns on his face have smoothed out a bit. He takes a step back too, giving her space. “I understand. Take all the time you need Tess.”

“I have to head back inside now.”

Tessa heads towards the doors, her hand on the handle and stops to take a breath before turning back to Patrick. “I miss you too Patrick. I miss everyone.” Tessa was taking a chance, something she needed to do, “maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Of course. Just say the word and I’ll be there.” Patrick looks hopeful as he lifts his hand goodbye.

Tessa nods and heads back inside. Her heart feels lighter than it did earlier in the night, but the weight of everything is still there. The reception hall is still booming with music and she thanks the dim lights and crowds for hiding her from everyone's view at the moment. Too much is running through her mind, but she needs to find her mother and apologize for once again being unable to control her emotions. They’ve been getting the best of her for too long now.

Tessa finally spots her mother by her sister near the other side of the hall and begins making her way over. She dodges people as she walks through the mazes of tables sat with people she’s never seen before, but one table catches her attention.

It’s occupied by _all of them_ , except Patrick, and some of them are looking straight at her, others still in conversation before they also look over. Kaitlyn, Andrew, Eric… Tessa almost falters, and she can feel her steps slow down as she gets closer. They all have the same face Patrick had on earlier when he’d come up to Tessa. A look of apprehension and unease. Kaitlyn even tries putting a small smile on her face, but it was wobbly and broken.

Scott is there having made his way back in after their run-in with each other. He’s holding Bella in his arms, who seems to be knocked out even with the loud music surrounding her. The hand rubbing his daughters back comes to a halt as her gaze lands on him. She can’t guess what he’s thinking at, his expression carefully hiding what’s underneath. He finally looks down at Belle and continues his back rubbing. Tessa’s eyes land on everyone lasting only a few seconds before she shakes herself off and turns back towards her mother as she’s passing their table.

“Mom.”

“Tessa,” Kate turns, looking apprehensive, trying to gage her daughter's attitude before it turns worrisome, “how are you feeling? How did it go?” She pulls her daughter towards a corner of the reception hall.

“It… it helped mom. I think I don’t know I’m just sorry for how I reacted earlier.” She’s ashamed again, for ripping away what should be a happy night for her mother. Controlling her reactions to life-altering situations and changes wasn’t her forte.

Her mother doesn’t say anything and goes in for a hug instead.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, I’m sorry mom.”

“You have nothing to apologize for Tessa. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the night okay?” She looks like she’s holding something back but Tessa doesn't have the energy to inquire further. She doesn’t deserve her mother. That selfless woman would put herself through anything to have her feel better.

“Yes,” she breathes in, “lets. I need a drink.”

 

***

She had watched as Patrick…Scott and everyone else made their way out earlier. Patrick had turned back and waved his hand goodbye before headed out the building. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief when they left. The dense air cleared out and she felt lighter, the champagne finally taking effect. Their talk was still fresh on her mind but, however difficult it was, she had to push it towards the back of her mind to have a chance at celebrating her sisters day.

It’s well past three in the morning now and the party has come to a close. Only a few guests are left, those being close family who stuck around to give the bride and groom their last-minute congratulations. Tessa had…enjoyed her night, surprisingly. Maybe it was the champagne that kept slipping past her lips, or maybe the constant conversation from aunts who hadn’t seen her in forever. Whatever the distraction, she was appreciative of the efforts and small talk with those around her.

She had actually _danced_. For the first time in two years, Tessa had danced. Her cousins she so dearly missed surrounded her and lifted her spirits. The Hall and Oates songs blasting through the speakers took her back and the laughter that erupted from her sounded foreign, but she welcomed it. She welcomed the joy that seeped through every inch of her body. She was _happy_.

Now, Tessa waits for her mother to head home together after their long day, the hectic events of their night quickly catching up to her. She hugs her sister and Tommy goodbye, giving them both a kiss on the cheek. They both seem exhausted, in a good way. They’re leaning on each other without a care in the world, and the sight makes Tessa’s heart melt. She doesn't know when she’ll see them next after they get back from their honeymoon in Hawaii, but she’ll miss them.

Jordan hounds her to keep in contact, while Tommy tries prying her off.

 

***

Tessa gets in the car with her mother, after the unnecessarily long goodbyes. Their uncle offers to drive them back home when he sees Kate is still bubbly with the champagne running through her veins. The heat and comfort of the leather seats having a strong effect on Tessa as her eyes being to close against her will.

She dozes off in the backseat with the low chatter of Kate and her uncle.

 

***

_Tessa reluctantly makes her way to Cafe Vito. Patrick wanted to meet up with her early in the morning, which came as a shock considering the rocky relationship she was currently having with him. With everyone. Their attitudes towards her had been short and almost nonexistent since the accident._

_The cafe is relatively empty as she scans the establishment for Patrick. She spots him in a secluded corner, on his phone, a coffee already in front of him and makes her way over._

_“Hi.” Tessa tries for a lighthearted tone but it’s overshadowed by how shaky it comes out._

_However, it’s quickly shut down by Patricks short and to the point tone. He hasn’t even looked up at her from his phone. “Are you gonna order anything?”_

_“Uh, no. Don’t have much of an appetite this morning.” Tessa settles down in her chair as she waits for him to put down his phone. The air around them is awkward. “How are you feeling… I… I know you were a bit sick last week. Are you feeling be-”_

_“Why’d you do it?” He finally looks up and puts the device down. She can see his anger seeping through his mask, and Tessa feels thrown off her axis._

_“Do what?”_

_“You know exactly what.”_

_She feels the weight on her shoulders press down on her, “What has Cara told you?”_

_“Enough.”_

_Tessa’s lips tremble, the hurt and anger she feels at their accusations the last few weeks hurling her towards irreparable damage._

_“You think I wanted to hurt her? Is that what this is? Is that why…everyone …” Her tone is sharp and unbelieving. Her leg starts fidgeting up and down underneath the table, her hands playing with the ring on her finger._

_“You were intoxicated-”_

_“No, I wasn’t!” Tessa’s loud answer disrupts the quiet environment of the cafe. “Apparently you don’t know me, considering you and everyone else thinks I wanted to hurt her. The crash … I … we were arguing and I became distracted… but I didn’t fucking do it intentionally.” Her voice is a broken whisper at the end as she shakes her head. This “conversation” having been so inconceivable at one point in her life._

_“Tessa.”_

_“Patrick, why won’t you believe me?”_

_“Were you jealous? Is that why?”_

_“Jealous? Patrick, what are you talking about?”_

_“Scott told me you know. He told me you two were seeing each other before you decided to stop that part of your relationship for your comeback.”_

_“I-”_

_“Cara was your best friend too and when she started… seeing Scott, it made you upset.” He pauses, letting her take in what he’s saying. “Maybe you were angry that Scott was seeing other people too… apart from her.” He explained it the way he would explain basic math to her. Patrick was being condescending._

_“Patrick, I didn’t even know they were…”Tessa’s mind is going a million hours a second. The idea of Scott and Cara… together. She had been kept in the dark. “I can’t believe you think I intentionally…”_

_“Admit to it, before things get even messier than they already are.” She can see Patrick getting restless, not understanding why she just won’t admit to what he and everyone else so strongly believe._

_“I’m not admitting to something I didn’t fucking do.”_

_“Tessa, if you-”_

_“Stop!” Tessa slams her palm against the table, and the pain from it stings her hand. She can’t believe this is fucking happening. “No, I’m not fucking doing this.” Tessa finally pushes away from the table, not giving a damn about how loud she was being. All the eyes in the cafe were on her but she paid them no mind. “Screw you Patrick.”_

_She heads towards the exit and leaves before he has a chance to answer._

 

***

Tessa found herself at Cafe Lali again, one of the few places in Montreal that still gave her some sense of security. She was alone this time, without the company of her mother or sister. The talk with her mother about wanting to check into a hotel for the rest of her stay went smoother than expected. Her mother wanted to be there for her, but she understood, that after the wedding's events, Tessa needed to navigate the rest of her time here on her own. So Kate packed up her clothes and helped Tessa check into a nice hotel downtown, but not before promising her mother she’d visit her more often in the future. She’d needed time for herself and was thankful she let her have her space.

Her favorite seat is placed right beside the giant window overlooking downtown Montreal. She was people watching, as she usually does when she sits in a cafe by herself. The quiet atmosphere and the thick aroma of the coffee beans comforted her as she sipped her coffee. Tessa was mentally planning the rest of her days in Montreal when she hears the bell of the Cafe’s door ring. She lifts her eyes up by habit and her heart feels like it's been ripped into nonexistence.

It’s _Scott_.

The universe _must_ have it out for her. Out of all the cafes in Montreal, he happens to walk into the one she’s in right now. The cafe she’d beg him to go into with her whenever she was in the mood for coffee and art. And now he was here alone, walking into the establishment she’d have to stop visiting now. Her heart felt like it was convulsing inside her chest as the espresso from her coffee wasn’t helping. He hadn’t seen her, not yet. But Tessa was one of the four people in the cafe and it was only a matter of seconds before he did.

And he did, because she couldn’t stop staring like an idiot.

He must have felt her intense stare when he lifts his eyes from his phone. He turns, his line of sight landing on her and the expression that quickly covers his face is one of utter surprise. His face goes pale and eyes are open wide from shock for a second. His phone slips from his hand landing on the floor with a loud thud, making him jump and catching his attention. He quickly bends down to retrieve his phone before clearing his throat and composing himself and turns to the counter to order.

Tessa feels like she’s been pushed into a lion's den. Her thoughts and memories coming back to gnaw at her heart leaving her in the same feeble state she’s been in for months. She finally forces her eyes down and grabs her coffee cup, swirling it and reading the warning displayed on it. Anything to keep from looking up. She can see he’s done ordering at the counter from the corner of her eye and his sudden standstill makes her look up. He’s looking right at her, a hesitant glint in his eye, like he’s deciding whether to approach her or not. Tessa holds her breathe awaiting his decision, but he ultimately decides to turn around and sit at a table on the other side of the cafe.

Tessa can’t say she’s upset. If he’d had come over she might have crashed through the window she was currently sitting next to. Tessa goes back to swirling her coffee with shaky fingers. She tries, she really tries to sit there and enjoy whats left of her now cold coffee. But the thought of swallowing any more of it upsets her stomach and she’s left feeling bare. Her gaze lands on him then, lingering on the way his hands wrap around his own coffee. He’s looking down at his cup, his breathing slow and face expressionless. She knows that look. A look she’d witnessed time and time again before competitions. He was thinking about something, quite deeply, and Tessa couldn’t sit there anymore wanting to figure it out.

Without the barrier of her mother, a friend, or a wedding, she’s left here alone to fend for herself. The air in the cafe has changed. It’s no longer the clean crisp air she’d needed. It turned dense and heavy around her and her labored breathing was a sign she needed to get out.

She’d run from him at the wedding, and she wanted to run now. So Tessa does the one thing she’s good at. She leaves. Her legs shake as she goes to stand, the sound of the chair scraping the floor disturbing the silence and her hands almost drop the coffee cup she’s taking over to the trash. She won’t look at him, but she can see him look up at her from the corner of her eye as she makes her way out.

She needs to get as far away from him and the cafe.

Her legs take her down the sidewalk and they feel stiff and weak, not like the strong legs she had before. She left the cafe a minute ago and her breathing was just now returning to normal, her lungs filling with cool air. A headache currently develops in her temples bringing in an unwelcoming and uncomfortable feeling.

Tessa stands before the crosswalk, waiting for the light to blink on when she hears rapid footsteps coming up behind her.

“Tessa!” It’s Scott and he sounds desperate. Tessa turns and sees him jogging towards her and she swiftly turns again towards the crosswalk. He’s followed her out here and she wants nothing more than for the concrete floor to swallow her up at that moment.

The light is taking too long and she needs to put as much distance between him and her as quickly as possible. She looks both ways before she crosses the street and continues her way forward, her pace picking up speed.

“Tessa wait!” He’s directly behind her now and she hastily decides whether sprinting away would be childish of her. His hand goes out to grab hers before she can and his fingers wrap around her arm like they used to. Scott’s touch is familiar and warm and brings back a feeling of security she always felt from him years ago. Tessa doesn’t pull back this time, letting his hands linger on her arm as it slides down towards her hand. Tessa is still, her breathing coming to a halt, as his stare fixates on their hands. His hand encases hers for a moment before Tessa’s mind wakes up again and pulls back so fast, she wasn’t sure it happened.

“I’m sorry,” Scott’s head shakes a bit, an apologetic expression on his face. “I shouldn’t have done that, you were just walking away and I…” His eyes search hers but there’s a barrier there, “can we talk?”

_Talk to him_. “I’m in a hurry.” She mutters, her eyes avoiding his.

“Where are you going?” She can tell he knows he shouldn’t be asking, but he does anyway. He always did what he wanted.

“I don’t think, that’s any of your concern Scott.” Tessa shifts from foot to foot when he doesn't answer her, “I’m gonna…go.”

“Tess wait, please. I need to talk to you. Just let me talk to you.”

“Where’s Belle?” She blurts out instead.

Tessa knows he doesn’t want to answer. She can see the hesitation on his face and the anxiety that settles within his hazel eyes. He looks straight into hers as he answers. “With her mother.”

The stab she feels in her gut then isn’t a surprise. Of course. What was she expecting, it’s not like he’d leave Belle alone. Tessa nods but looks away, eyeing the buildings around her instead of looking back at him. “Tell her I said hi will you?”

“Tess, please I’m begging just give me a few minutes. I just want a few minutes to explain some things to you.” She’d never seen him look so anxious. Even after the hundreds of competitions they’d been through, nothing holds a chance against what she sees now.

“Stop calling me that.”

“Stop calling you what?” Scott looks confused, his eyebrow rising.

“Tess.” She feels so stupid. “It’s Tessa.”

“Tessa,” Scott repeats slowly, a damn hint of a grin appearing on his face. How is this slightly amusing to him? He knows she’s being difficult just to be difficult. He’s dealt with this many times. “Tessa let me just…explain please.”

The idea of sitting with him and actually _talking_ made her physically ache, but she knew the steps she needed to take to battle through it. She was giving in and she knew she had to. Even after all the stuff he put her through she couldn’t stand him looking at her like that. “I can’t do this here. I don’t want to talk on a sidewalk Scott.”

The flash of relief that flashes across his face, makes her heart beat faster. “Okay, that’s fine.” There’s a rush to his voice like he’s afraid she’ll change her mind on him. “There’s a park just down the street, We can talk there and then…” He trails off.

“Scott.”

“Tessa please.” He whispers, his eyes pleading her.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tessa's so stubborn :( But Scott deserves it a bit.
> 
> Comments are always well appreciated! ☺️


	6. Unforgettable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott would have to rewrite to the goodbye he so self righteously intertwined in the unfinished narrative of their story.

_January 2016_

 

_“I’m just saying, you and Scott need to cool it! Always attached at the damn hip!” Cara’s drunk, and her statement is covered in her loud laughter. “It’s gross.”_

_The thunderous chatter and conversation surrounding them at Taverne Midway bar downtown provided the perfect atmosphere for a night out. The much-needed drinks now warmed them from the inside out and a slight buzz welcomed itself into their bodies._

_“We’re not that bad Cara.” Tessa’s laughing at her best friends outrageous statement. Her cheeks are flushed from the beers or maybe Cara’s statement, and her face hurts from all the laughing she’s done the last hour and a half. The two girls sit in a booth as they wait for Scott to come back from the bar with more drinks._

_Cara laughs again catching the attention of a few men a couple tables over, “Don’t try to downplay it Tess.” Cara fixes her hair and turns to the table where the group of men sit, winking in their direction when she catches them looking before turning her attention back to Tessa, “Your codependency is showing.” Her eyebrow is raised and she’s giving her an inquisitive look._

_“You girls talking about me.” It’s Scott and he’s got that handsome smile on his face that Tessa can’t get enough of. He’s come back with three beers in hand and sets them down before slotting himself right beside Tessa where he belongs._

_“Get over yourself Moir.” Cara quickly responds a smirk on her face before taking hold of one of the beers he brought over._

_Scott takes a swig of his beer and swings his arm around Tessa. “You first Cara.”_

_Cara rolls her eyes while taking a drink from her own. “Remind me again why you’re with him?” She quips, eyeing Tessa._

_“You’re both annoying.” Tessa responds, the cup hiding her smile. The dim light of the bar hid her blush well but Scott still caught it, pulling her closer to him and kissing her temple._

_Their back and forth bickering provided Tessa with amusement and entertainment. She knew they didn’t actually mean the lighthearted insults they were throwing at each other, they’d known each other for far too long to actually feel insulted by what was being said._

_It was there, in that booth, as she watched her friends smile and cackle with bellies full of beer that Tessa realized how lucky she was. She’d always known, of course, how fortunate she was to have them, but it was moments like these that made her feel more at home then she’d ever felt before._

_She’d been nervous to introduce them to each other all those years ago. Introducing her two best friends to each other was important to her and the thought of them rejecting each other and failing to form some sort of camaraderie scared her. But they clicked immediately, and maybe it’s because their similarities were so much alike._

_Tessa was almost slack against Scott’s side, her fondness for the two squabbling idiots growing when Cara had to open her mouth. Her customary audacious statements making an appearance, “So you guys planning on letting anyone else know soon or you gonna plop out a couple babies before telling the world?” Her bold question causes Tessa to choke on her drink while Scott erupts in laughter at the sight, leaning his head back against the booths cushion. Cara’s usual boastful attitude always catches Tessa off guard._

_Tessa is still recovering, a little thrown off her game from the alcohol coursing through her veins, so Scott takes it upon himself to respond, “We’ll tell people when we wanna tell people Cara.” It’s such a simple statement, but it makes Tessa’s heartbeat quicken. This meant as much to him as it did to her. He looks down at her now, a delicate fondness displayed on his face as Tessa looks into the eyes she loves. He leans down and kisses her not giving a damn that Cara’s sitting right in front of them, his hand comes up to cup her face as his thumb lightly sweeps against her cheek._

_Tessa leans back then with a sweet smile on her face as her blush returns._

_Cara groans from across the table, a slight grimace on her face. “I was right. You two are gross.”_

 

***

 

Scott leads them to a bench that’s still wet from the morning rain. The low hanging trees create a beautiful landscape, but it’s not enough to distract Tessa from the uneven beating of her heart. Scott goes to sit first and Tessa follows, sitting the farthest she can from him on the bench. A silence settles between them and they both look out towards the strangers on their morning strolls in the distance. Only the chirping from the birds and the water droplets falling from the trees can be heard. Tessa’s heart beats wildly and anxiously in her chest. She’s afraid he might be able to hear it. 

Scott rests his elbows on his knees, his hands rub together before he runs them through his hair. He seems hesitant to start, but gathers himself and sits up still facing forward, his voice low.

“Where have you been these last two years?”

Tessa wants to keep her new home a secret, but she knows he’ll end up finding out soon enough, “Portland.”

“Maine?”

“Oregon.”

Scott’s expression is thoughtful as a low whistle passes his lips, his eyebrows raise and lower again. “That was… definitely not on my list.”

“Your list?” Tessa finally looks over at him.

He looks down at his hands before continuing. “I, uh, had a list, of places you might be.”

“Why?” Tessa gives him an incredulous look, her tone breathy.

“Tessa I went looking for you.” Scott adjusts himself on the bench again, a sigh passing his lips, finally looking at her. “I went to your house, I went to your mom’s, to Jordan’s, but you just… disappeared. You were just gone the next day and I didn’t know what to do. Your mother wouldn’t tell me where you were. Jordan wouldn’t tell me either.” Scott stands abruptly and begins pacing in front of the bench. His hands finding their way right back to his hair and combing through it anxiously. “I got so desperate to find you, I almost flew to fucking Paris because I thought there was a small chance you’d be there,” he starts rubbing his eyes, his tone lowering, “but I had Belle… and I couldn’t leave her…”

The light drizzle starts falling again, but they pay it no mind.

He stops his pacing, looking down towards the wet green grass, “I’ve… imagined having this conversation so many times. When I saw you at the wedding… I wasn’t even sure you'd actually show up… and I just… I couldn’t believe it.” Scott sits back down on the bench, this time leaving no space between them as he tries looking into her eyes. “I am so sorry Tess.” He annunciates carefully, making sure she understands every word, “For everything. For everything I believed. For everything, I kept us from accomplishing. The Olympics… I ripped that chance away from you and I’ve thought about it every fucking day since I did it Tess.”

Tessa feels the pain in her chest grow with every word that leaves his mouth. Her memories from that day reopening wounds that hurt her all over again. She tries so hard to keep the composure on her face, but her watery eyes betray her. Scott continues.

“She told everyone you caused it.” His voice is so low she could barely hear him. “When you two were on the way home from the party, she said you had had too much to drink and you wouldn’t let her drive instead. Then you started arguing with her and lost control…” He takes a breathe, “You and Cara had been tense with each other for months and… fuck.” His hands come up to the bridge of his nose, putting pressure there.

It’s Tessa’s turn to stand from her position on the bench, can’t taking his proximity, and stares down the distance of the park. She’s afraid if she tries to speak nothing will come out and starts lightly kicking the grass at her feet.

“You know what hurts me the most?” Tessa can’t help but let out a laugh. It was empty, cold and humorless. She felt no happiness inside her but the circumstances she found herself in were unbelievable, “You believed I was actually capable of doing something like that. You and everyone else believed I would intentionally cause pain to a friend I loved. Do you see the position you’ve put me in? How am I meant to forgive you?”

“I know Tess, I know and I won’t ever fucking forgive myself for what I’ve done to you.” Scott approaches her trying to take her hand in his, but she pulls away. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve and the desperation visible on his face only hardened her resolve more.

“It’s like I didn’t know you anymore.” She hasn’t sat down, instead chooses to slowly pace in front of the bench. “For the first time in our career, I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want to be around you and I’d wish by some miracle, practice would end early just so I could get away from you.”

“Tess-”

“Scott, I lost my strength trying to be strong for you.” Tessa’s voice breaks then, her throat raw from the pain of withheld tears. “The things that made me happy didn’t make me feel the same way anymore.” She stops her pacing and braves a look over at him, catching the glistening of tears in his eyes. He looks broken, the frowns on his face deepening as she continues, “You were my constant Scott. You were always there for me, and then you weren’t.”

Scott breaks down then. His hands come up to his face so swiftly she barely has a chance to see the tears roll down his cheeks. A breathy cry can be heard from his hunched body on the bench. Tessa had experienced Scott’s roller coaster of emotions time and time again throughout their twenty years. But no amount of time ever prepared her for the complete sorrow overtaking his body at this moment. He shakes as his hands continue covering and rubbing his eyes. Tessa stands there watching and contains herself from running over to him. He doesn’t deserve any kindness from her now.

Scott’s quiet after a minute, his head resting in his hands before slowly standing from the bench. His hands come down and reveal the despondent look seared into his eyes. They’re red and raw from his hands and Tessa can’t help but look away. Still hating to see him this way even after everything he’s put her through.

Her voice is just a whisper as she looks towards the man she once thought the world of and voices the question she’s been so desperate to ask, “Why did you believe her Scott?”

The guilt on his face swallows everything else, “I was so caught up in her.” She barely heard it, but it was enough to knock her heart down, "I would’ve believed anything she told me.” Scott’s confession is paired with shaky releases of breath.

His confession brought a lightheadedness to linger above her with the reality that their bits just didn’t fit together quite the right way. They haven’t for a long time. She stood there, without words as the possibilities of having their paths intertwine again fell farther from her reach. The only thing holding them together was the speck of hope she still held for him.

He’s facing her now too, stepping as close to Tessa as she’ll let him and looks into the eyes he’s missed more than anything, “I never meant…” She sees him reach for her hand, but pulls back last minute, “Tell me what I can do to fix this Tess. I need you in my life.”

_So did I_.

Tessa missed him the second she had walked away from him. No matter how angry she’d been at him, no matter how much he had hurt her, she’d always hoped to find her way right back to him. He’d been her other half her whole life, their bond grew every day until it didn’t. Tessa handed him her heart the first day she laid eyes on him.

But standing across from him now, she wouldn't let his words crash through the barrier she was currently building around herself. She still had questions she needed answers to, no matter how much she told herself she didn’t deserve to know.

“You’re a father now.”

“I am.” His eyes softened if only for a second.

“When was she born?”

“August 24th, 2017. Just a few days after you left.”

“Who’s the mother?” Tessa was able to piece the answer together, but she still needs to hear it from him.

“Tess-”

“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me you were going to be a father. How do you expect me to forgive and forget when you can’t even trust me?” Her voice and eyes are hard, determined to hear Scott say _her_ name out loud, “Who’s Belle’s mother Scott?”

His lower lip trembles slightly and he looks away for a second, his jaw clenching before he looks back at her, “Cara.”

_There it was_. She was expecting it but she didn't expect for it to hurt so bad.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing each other.”

His jaw tightens again and she thinks he isn’t going to answer but eventually does, “After we didn’t work out,” His eyes close for a second, “When we stopped everything before competing again, I felt like I was betraying you. I got so caught up in trying to keep me and Cara’s relationship from affecting us” His eyes turn angry for a second, and the disappointment he feels spreads across his features, “I thought I loved her Tess.”

Her whole body ached after every word he spoke. The distrust that dug its home between them for months became so palpable and clear then.

Her _best friends_ had been having a relationship behind her back.

Cara had known. Cara had known just how madly in love she still was, but it wasn’t enough to keep her away. And Scott… well, it’s clear it never meant as much to him.

“She wasn’t the only one Tess,” he takes a step closer, his own words hurting him, fighting to get them out, “and it didn’t take me long to realize I was just trying to distract myself from the fact that you and I weren’t together in that way anymore. But when she told me she was pregnant with Belle I- I didn’t know what to do. It was unexpected but I was happy. I didn’t want it to come between us and what we were working so hard to accomplish. I wanted to tell you so fucking bad Tess but I was afraid you’d push me away.”

Tess laughs then. It’s an empty laugh as she looks away from him. “Seems you beat me to it.”

Pain flashes across his face but he continues, “It was hard, walking into practice and trying to act like I wasn’t hiding anything from you. You knew everything about me but I was hiding my biggest secret from you. She was… pregnant when the crash happened and I was so scared something had happened to Belle-”

He seemed to stop himself from saying something else and Tessa’s desperation and anger grew.

“You pushed me away because you thought I was responsible for intentionally putting your pregnant girlfriend's life in danger? I didn’t know you two were together. I had no fucking idea she was pregnant in the first place. And even if I had…” She cuts herself off, staring hard at a broken, dry leaf on the wet ground.

“It was the worst decision of my life Tess. It hurt knowing I might never see you again. I woke up every fucking day hating myself for what I did. You were the greatest person in my life. You’ve always been, but I acted like a fucking imbecile.” He was so desperate to get his words across but he kept hitting walls, “There were days where I woke up thinking I’d see you at practice…” His voice breaks and he wipes at his nose, his eyes somber and red, “She fed us lies Tess.” His voice is low now, ashamed of the words he’s saying. “Cara fed everyone lies. My mother, my brothers, all of our friends. We all… we loved her and trusted her and she took advantage of that. She wanted everyone to push you away… and we know that now. and we just fucking-” His anger returns and his distress drives him, “She was so manipulative.”

“This doesn’t make any sense, you’re not telling me everything are you?” His inability to just tell her _everything_ angered her every passing second, “Scott just fucking say it!” Her hands hastily reach into her own hair and down her face, “You’re saying she was manipulative but you won’t tell me what she really said to _you_. What was it? What was it that Cara really said to you that made you lose all faith in me Scott?”

All Tessa feels is disappointment. There was still so much missing from their story.

“I-” He looks wretched, the broken glint in his eyes breaking her down, holding her in her spot. They pool with more tears, knowing that the truth would only shatter her further, “She-” He’s holding himself back from saying what he wants, ruining their chances of breaking down the walls between them.

He’s still holding her heart in his grasp, and she wants it back desperately.

“When you said you were done with me, with our partnership. You said you didn’t care if I got a new partner or not. It’s like our twenty years together meant nothing to you. You treated me like I was nobody.” Her anger began building until she was left trying to control the eruption, “Something else made you end it. All of it. I think I deserve the right and respect to know. Tell me what it was.” Tessa was on the brink of yelling, letting loose of everything she’s been holding in. Her despair and own desperation to get him to understand her words pained her. She was dealing with someone who no longer respected her enough to explain everything she deserved to know, “You wanted to talk, didn’t you? So talk.”

It’s like they were running in circles. She kept hitting wall after wall and only ended up with more questions. Any chance of reconciliation digging itself deeper and deeper.

But now as she stands there watching him, her hopes dim after every second his silence continues. Scott stands there his mouth opening but closing seconds after unable to get his words out. His hazel eyes are dull and dim now. She couldn’t spot the specks of gold and green in them anymore.

It’s there, peering into his eyes, searching for some invisible answers that she felt herself give up.

“We were toxic together, weren’t we? At the end at least.” She sounds hopeless, giving up on that last bit of hope she had for him, “It was a constant back and forth we couldn’t keep up with.”

“Tess, I’m trying I swear.” He takes two steps forward, but Tessa takes two steps back.

“Two years ago I told you I knew you’d realize you were wrong.” Tessa grabs her bag she’d set on the bench, “Don’t come looking for me unless you’re ready to tell me _everything_. Otherwise, stay away from me.”

“Wait-” But his own will to stop her has weakened. He knew she was right. He wasn’t ready for her to know. So he stood there, unable to move as he watched Tessa turn and begin walking away from him again.

Tessa was unable to understand the regret she felt the moment he pushed her heart away with an invisible string still attached to his, dragging it selfishly behind him. They were no longer extensions of one another. She refused to retrace her steps back to him. Scott would have to rewrite to the goodbye he so self righteously intertwined in the unfinished narrative of their story.

 

***

 

_Scott walks a tipsy Tessa back home from the bar. Their hands are intertwined as Tessa leans her head on Scott's arm, their steps swaying a bit. The dark night and cool air is filled with their soft laughter. Scott leans down towards her a couple times throughout their walk, giving her light kisses until they’re not so light. The happiness is so present within the both of them, Scott leads Tessa towards a wall, kissing her harder. His hands come up to cup her face as he brushes them lightly across her skin just the way she likes it. They both pause for a breathe leaning their foreheads against one another’s, just taking each other in. The street lights are dim, but Tessa still catches the specks of green and gold in his eyes. They crinkle a bit at the corners as his smile widens, leaning in a bit and leaving a light kiss on her nose making Tessa let a breathy laugh out._

_“Let’s get you home.” He whispers against her lips. Tessa nods suddenly desperate to get home and pull him inside with her towards bed._

_Things have never felt more right._

 


	7. Let It Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ice beneath her skates provides her with a sense of serenity. The familiar sounds of skates hitting the ice and gliding across it was like music to her ears - rhythmic and hypnotic.

_“Scottster.”_

_No answer._

_“Scotty boy.”_

_No answer._

_“Scootle.”_

_“Tess that’s a horrible nickname. I’m not responding to it.”_

_“You just did.”_

_Scott turns and looks over at her, an annoyed expression on his face. He’s at the stove working on whatever he’s making them, as Tessa sits on his kitchen island, eating the grapes he washed for her. She felt a bit useless at the moment for not helping. But Scott wouldn’t let her, knowing just how horrible she was at trying to cook anything._

_“You have so many nicknames for me and I barely have any for you.”_

_“Scootle is fucking horrible.” He turns back towards the stove and continues churning._

_“It’s not that bad.” Tessa hops off the kitchen island and makes her way towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she presses her cheek into his firm back. Scott’s hand immediately finds its way to hers on his chest. She can feel the soft beat of his heart, and his slow intakes of breath. His back is warm and she kisses him there. They’re like that for a few minutes, the low sound from the TV filling the comfortable air._

_She treasures moments like these when it’s just the two of them. When she can feel the warmth seeping through his clothes and warming her up in the process. His body was her favorite, and she never tired of it._

_Tessa pulls her arms back from his chest and slowly slips them underneath his shirt, laying her hands on his toned and warm stomach. She continues planting small kisses throughout the wide span of his back. She can’t get enough of him._

_It’s then that Scott turns the burner off, turning his whole body to face her. His hands cover both of hers on his stomach and a serious expression is set on his face as he looks down at her._

_His eyebrows are furrowed and he licks his lips before talking. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” There’s a serious tone to his voice and Tessa feels her worry spike. He looks nervous, which in turn makes Tessa feel nervous too. Scott looks down at their hands but looks up into her eyes after a second. “I’m pregnant.”_

_Tessa bursts out a loud laugh, her head tilting back and shoves Scott away. However, he catches her hand and pulls her right back to him before she can get too far._

_“You’re the worst.” She mutters, not meaning it one bit._

_Scott nods and hums in agreement. He pulls her right up against him, placing his hands on her waist and leans down to kiss her. He’s taking it slow, savoring every second of her before he deepens it a bit._

_“Knock knock.”_

_Tessa pulls away quickly as she looks towards his door. She can feel the pounding of her heart in her ears. Both of them were so caught up in each other, neither of them heard the door open._

_“Cara?” Tessa breathes out, still recovering from Scott’s kiss. She was confused as to why she was here. Tessa had mentioned it being date night, hadn’t she?_

_“Hey.” Cara looks completely unbothered, placing her bag on his couch. “Did I interrupt something?”_

_Tessa answers “um, no?” at the same time Scott answers “yes”._

_“What are you doing here Cara?” Scott looks and sounds annoyed. His arms are around Tessa again, not moving or caring for Cara’s presence right now._

_Cara raises her eyebrow at him and looks at Scott like the answer is obvious, “The game, remember?” She annunciates her words with head bobs, “You said we’d watch it.”_

_Tessa pulls her arms back from Scott and takes her seat on his kitchen island again opting to watch the two of them instead. Might as well sit this one out and let them have at it. Bickering like this happened quite frequently, she didn’t think they’ve ever gone a day without it._

_“I told you last night. Change of plans.” Scott returns, looking at Cara like his answer was obvious too._

_Cara shrugs, “Nope, too late. I came all the way over to watch the game.”_

_Scott groans and rolls his eyes at her. “Why don’t you get yourself a boyfriend, Cara. Then maybe you’d leave us alone.” He spins around and walks to his fridge, pulling out the last few ingredients for the meal he almost forgot about._

_“Ha. I hate men remember?” Cara takes off her jacket, throwing it on the couch. She’s had plenty of time to get used to Scott’s moods and mastered how to ignore them. They’d never hurt her anyway, she was too headstrong, “I don’t need one.” She makes her way towards the kitchen, “What are you making anyway?”_

_Scott rolls his eyes again and turns the burner back on to continue cooking, but not before turning to Tessa, “I’ll make it up to you babe.”_

_Tessa doesn’t say anything. Instead, she smiles and shrugs at him letting him know it’s okay._

_She can’t help but sense the crippling feeling of irritation creep up within her anyway? She loves her best friend but it was date night, and Cara busted in here like nobody’s business. Considering how much time the three of them already spend together, Tessa would really value some alone time with her boyfriend right now._

_Cara walks up to the stove and stands next to Scott. She leans on him a bit as she takes a look into the kitchen pot he’s currently working on again. “Smells good” she comments before turning to Tessa like she’s just realized she’s here. “Hey T,” Cara snatches one of the grapes from the bowl, “Wanna watch the game? I know you don’t really care for it.” Cara’s looking at her like she’s expecting Tessa to say no and make her way out, leaving them to revel in the excitement of the game. Or maybe Tessa’s just hangry at this point and overthinking everything. What is up with her lately?_

_“I’ll watch.” She purses her lips and sways her legs back and forth, “should be fun anyways.”_

_Cara shrugs, “Better be.” Before turning back to Scott and offering him her help._

_The three of them sit on Scott’s large couch and finish their plates minutes before the game is supposed to start. Tessa settles herself right next to Scott, full from the pasta he made them and lays her head on his shoulder. Cara makes her way to the fridge and brings back three beers setting two of them down on the coffee table._

_“They better fucking win. I’m betting a lot on them right now.” Cara mutters, opening up her beer._

_Scott lets out a chuckle, “Yeah, me fucking too.” He wraps his arm around Tessa and brings her closer, “How much?” He eyes Cara. She looks embarrassed before muttering her answer._

_“Three hundred.”_

_“Jesus Cara.” He pauses before he lowers his voice, “Kinda hope they lose now.”_

_“Ass.”_

***

Skating had been Tessa’s escape from the busy noise of the world since she could remember.

Except she hasn't stepped on the ice in two years. Because even after all this time, her days without Scott and the ice still managed to feel like some part of her had become useless. Her life had become unbalanced, sloppy, and clumsy. It felt unnatural, bent in spots where it wasn’t supposed to be bent. It’s a realization that’s still hard for her to want to accept and it paints a bitter intensity on her face. Her inability to have her life’s direction sting less pressed heavily against her chest every morning.

Tessa had debated heading to an ice rink this early morning as she laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Not her  _former_  ice rink, but a local one she’d found not far from her hotel. Her fingers itched to feel the skates as she laced them up, her skin missed the goosebumps only the ice could provide, and her legs craved the ache from a long day of dancing.

Tessa  _hadn’t_  sworn to never step back out on the ice, she knew that promise would only hurt her in the long run. But her decision to never head back until now was due to the loneliness she knew she’d face the moment she did. For twenty years, she’d never been alone.  _He_  was always there, holding her hand, making sure she was safe in his arms as they spun and danced their way through the day.

Her resolve becomes concrete when the ache is greater than her stubbornness and finds herself practically jumping out of bed at the thought of skating again. She packs her old white skates that her mother had dropped off earlier, along with other items Tessa had requested. Kate had shown her pure happiness and support at the thought of her decision to skate again. Kate knew she was fighting against the negative notions that had been living in her mind for months.

The air outside is brisk and refreshing as Tessa walks an unfamiliar path towards an unfamiliar rink. Her sudden high spirits bubbling inside her as she gets closer.

Once she reaches the rink, she hurriedly pulls open the doors and hurries inside. She finds a few families and pairs circling around the rink, but not too many to the point where she wouldn’t be able to enjoy herself. She finds an empty bench and just stares out at the ice for a moment, letting the cool air seep into her skin and lets herself enjoy the feeling. She looks down towards her old white skates beside her, before slipping off her shoes and reaching out towards them.

The feel of the rough laces gives her the familiar feeling she hoped it would and a small smile sneaks its way through. Tessa feels satisfied as she continues going through the tying process and finally puts her belongings in a locker before heading towards the boards. She takes her guards off and places them inside her jackets large pocket.

_Here goes nothing_.

Deep breaths are followed by her legs seemingly moving on their own. The ice beneath her skates provides her with a sense of serenity. The familiar sounds of skates hitting the ice and gliding across it was like music to her ears - rhythmic and hypnotic. She goes low and fast to feel the burn in her quads and lower back. The world speeds up then, as the constant cool breeze matches the exertion she puts out. Tessa feels like she’s on autopilot, yet she feels completely in control of her body and the fluid movements it’s making. Skating feels like she’s coming together again, like all her parts are working again. This is where she belongs. This is where she excels.

Tessa feels somewhat whole at that moment. Free from the agonizing thoughts that haunt her mind. Here she’s allowed the freedom of expression she so desperately missed. A few more people have made their way into the rink, but Tessa easily glides her way through where she needs to.

Although she still begrudgingly misses the person who was meant to be beside her, everything feels good at the moment. Until suddenly, it comes to a sudden stop, halting all movement.

“Belle slow down baby.”

Her heart feels like it’s encased in fire, burning a hole through her chest. Tessa instantly recognizes the voice and hesitates before turning. When she does she finds Scott slowly trailing behind his daughter, whose slowly skidding across the ice in front of him.

_You have got be kidding me_.

Belle’s wobbly skating brings her closer and the fond scene in front of Tessa makes her heart melt. She could barely make out Belle’s face. She’s so tightly wrapped up in a puffy pink winter jacket her arms can’t go all the way down and instead spread out to her sides. A scarf hides half her face and the toque sitting on her tiny head is slowly sliding down her face, making Scott lean down and pull it back up for her.

Scott’s toque matches his daughters and Tessa hates herself for wanting to smile because of it.

He reaches his arm out towards Belle and she takes a hold of his index finger as they skate while Scott matches his daughter's slow pace. He takes her in his arms and they begin spinning around. Belle’s sweet laughter fills the air as it echoes throughout the arena. Scott hasn't spotted Tessa yet, who’s now making an attempt to blend in with the rest of the strangers on the ice.

The clear adoration he holds for Belle tugs at Tessa’s heartstrings. He’s got pure fondness painted on his face matched with a prideful smile as he watches his tiny girl’s determined face place one foot in front of the other. Scott kneels down next to her every once in a while, encouraging her with his words while planting kisses all over her face. He leans down behind her now, as he raises both her short arms and glides forward, holding her close and securely. Belle’s red cheeks only grow when her smile takes over her face. She looks up towards her dad when he looks down, encouraging her further.

Belle’s got Scott wrapped around her tiny finger.

Tessa catches herself watching for longer than she had intended as she carefully skates closer to the boards. She quickly looks away, but the sweet images are already seared in her mind, trying to blur the harm he’s caused her. She tries focusing on the ice and what her skates are doing, but when she hears their laughs from across the rink, her heart sinks a little. She can almost imagine them now without looking, their expressive faces portraying their happiness.

But Tessa won’t let herself forget. She owes herself that much.

Tessa takes advantage of Scott’s attention on Belle to make her exit, mentally saying goodbye to the ice much earlier than she’d like. Much like Belle’s, Tessa’s own scarf hides enough of her face and she pulls it up higher as she begins making her way towards the small exit. It seems she’s always trying to get away from him and the sad realization twists her stomach uncomfortably.

But as many times as she’s tried, he always seems to catch her in the act.

“Tessa?”

_Did the ragged and old white skates she failed to replace give her away?_

The last thing Tessa wants to do is turn around and face him. After the events that went down between them yesterday, she was left with a sour taste in her mouth. Regardless, she slowly spins around, with a tight-lipped smile planted on her face. But she finds Scott staring down at her skates, and a tiny smile sneaks its way onto his face before he looks up again.

“Hey,” Tessa responds shortly, trying to hide the tremble in her voice. She tries to maintain eye contact but ultimately looks down at Belle’s tiny figure, her tone turning light, “Hi Belle!”

“Hello!” Belle responds, distracted. Her voice is soft but happy as she begins slowly skating in small circles around them. Her eyes focus on the ice beneath her feet.

“Stay close Belle.” Scott instructs, before gliding closer to Tessa, fixing the toque on his head, “I uh, bring her at least three times a week. She loves it.” He adds on, a sheepish smile on his face. She can tell Scott’s trying to hide his discomfort from their run-in with his words. He lets out a loud breath that he tries disguising as a short laugh, but stops when she doesn’t respond, letting the silence settle between them. Tessa’s eyes follow Belle for a second before she hears Scott sigh and turns back to him. He looks apologetic and rubs the back of his neck, “I’m sorry I had no idea you’d be here.”

“It’s fine, I was just leaving.” She answers, adjusting the stupid scarf that failed to hide her identity. She gives him another tight-lipped smile, trying her hardest to act civilized no matter how badly she wanted to shove him away.

Scott looks like he wants to say a million things at once, but ends up blurting out a suggestion instead, “You could stay, maybe teach Belle a few things. She’s always looking to learn.” He tries keeping the smile on his face but she can see it slipping a bit.

Tessa watches Belle for a second before answering, “Don’t think I can provide her with any help, she’s a natural.”

“Yeah,” Scott’s expression relaxes a bit. He looks proud, “she is.”

The silence that settles between them leaves the two to stare down at their skates. She hates this. She hates pretending like nothing’s wrong between them. Like they hadn’t just torn each other down yesterday. She was so close to leaving, but now that she’s standing in front of him all she wants to do is  _talk_ to him.

Scotts opens his mouth to say something but it was then that Belle came up to Tessa’s leg to hold on to it. Belle’s using it for balance as she rests for a second and looks out at the other skaters on the ice. Her adorable face is full of determination before she pushes off again. Scott’s eyes stay on his daughter making sure she’s safe before looking back up at Tessa.

It was strange having Scott in front of her. She was aware that this was the first time in two years she and Scott were on the ice together. The first time they weren’t reaching out for each other and gliding across as one.

A sudden thought crosses her mind at that moment.  _Cara_. Scott had called Cara manipulative yesterday, but it doesn’t stop Tessa from thinking there was a possibility the both of them were still together. Maybe they were, at least for the sake of Belle.  _Was she here?_

Tessa’s eyes scan the ice, trying to spot Cara. Not sure what she’d do if she did find her here. 

“She’s not here.” Scott snaps her attention back. He always seems to know what she’s thinking. “We don’t…we’re not together.” He clears his throat shifting his eyes over to Belle who seems to have found a friend in another kid. His eyes turn bright at the sight.

She nods in response to his answer, taking her lower lip into her mouth. “Okay.” It was all she could say. The slight relief she felt at his statement annoying her. Besides, maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea to talk about this while surrounded by kids and their families trying to enjoy their early morning on the ice.

However, her short answer didn’t seem to deter him. Like he suddenly needs to explain himself to her. “We co-parent. Or at least we try to.” Scott’s expression turns bitter, his brows furrowing before relaxing them again, making Tessa’s curiosity heighten. She can almost see Scott’s mind racing in front of her, debating whether or not to continue with whatever it is he’s going to say. He’s hesitant but continues anyway, “Tessa, about yesterday,” he’s concentred on his skates again, digging his blades into the ice, “I’m sorry about…how we left things, I actually-”

“Scott, not here.”

Scott looks disappointed but not surprised. He understands that discussing their current dismal situation right now wasn’t the brightest, “Yeah, you’re right I’m sorry.” He nods quickly, looking down again and fitting his hands into his pockets.

Belle’s sudden shriek echoes throughout the rink, making the both of them quickly turn towards her. Belle has fallen but she’s so bundled up in clothing Tessa’s not so sure she even felt the impact. Belle shows no signs of distress or any incoming crying. Instead, she maintains her balance as she gets up, her determination even more clear.

Scott passes Tessa and skates up to his daughter. He grabs her by the waist and quickly hoists her up into the air. Belle erupts into sweet giggles as he carefully swings her from side to side before settling her in his arms, nuzzling her face and fixing her falling toque.

“You’re amazing!” Scott leans in, kissing her forehead and tickling her tummy, “Olympics here we come!”

Belle’s still giggling as she places her hands on either side of Scott’s face, trying to keep him from giving her more kisses. Tessa stands there watching them again, feeling a small pang in her chest, but it was hard to turn away. It’s obvious how much Belle cherishes her father, and how completely and utterly in love he was. He was meant to be a father.

“How about some hot chocolate baby, hm?” Scott asks while brushing the hair off her face and adjusting her toque once again. Belle nods excitedly and nuzzles her face in his neck, something she seems quite fond of doing.

Scott’s eyes shift over to Tessa, looking apprehensive but hopeful before asking, “Would you like to join us for some hot chocolate Tessa? The place is just a short walk away.”

She’s taken aback by his invitation, considering their circumstances, but manages an impassive look on her face. Just yesterday they were both opened raw with wounding answers, and now he was inviting her down the street to some hot chocolate. “Thanks but I should get going. I have lots of packing left to do.”

Scott seems surprised by her own answer. His eyebrows furrow and there’s a hint of urgency in his question. “Packing? You’re leaving already?”

_Technically no_. She still had a couple of days left in Montreal.

“Soon.” Tessa ignores the glint of panic in his eyes, “Anyways-”

“Chocolate!” It was Belle, her smile wide and excited. She was looking right at Tessa, her hand reaching out from where it was resting on Scotts chest.

Tessa’s eyebrows raise. “Yes, Belle! Go enjoy your chocolate.” Tessa gives her encouraging head nods but all she gets from it is Belle outstretching her arm towards her like she’s beckoning Tessa to join her and her dad.  _Oh no_. “Maybe some other time Princess, okay?”

_Is Belle giving her puppy dog eyes?_

Scott’s eyes widen at his daughter's actions and takes her tiny outstretched hand in his large one, pulling it back. “Sorry, she’s persistent.” He tries covering his discomfort with a short and awkward laugh. Red slowly creeps up his neck.

_Belle is far too young to have already mastered the puppy dog eyes. What is Scott teaching her? She surely didn’t have any clue about what she was currently doing. Right?_

Belle keeps looking at her with those beautiful hazel eyes. They’re just as expressive as her fathers, and Tessa falls just as easy for them. Scott must’ve felt the gears turning in Tessa’s head then. He had learned to do it years ago, deciphering the meaning behind them. The practice hasn’t left him apparently. “Only if you want to Tess.” He isn’t pushing her, knowing it wouldn’t be fair to use his daughter against her. But Belle keeps looking at her like  _that_.

She stands there contemplating. Overthinking. Maybe Tessa was desperate. She knows the smartest thing to do is turn down the invitation and make her way back to the hotel. She could head back and let her heavy weighted thoughts continue stuffing her down as she hangs out in her room on her own.

_Or._

She could have this  _one thing_. She could escape the overwhelming loneliness she’s felt for two years and just  _go_.

Tessa’s trying hard to convince herself she’s just doing this to avoid being alone again. She wouldn’t pursue the subject. This was just going to be her enjoying a hot beverage on a morning that grows colder by the minute. She still deserves answers. She still vividly remembers everything she felt the day he pushed her away and everything else that lead to their downfall. But the fear of being alone  _again_  was too much. She missed having someone. She missed having him.

Her mouth opens before she can think any further, “Okay.” She clears her throat, “yeah let’s go.”

***

Scott ends up getting Belle a chocolate milk, fearing that the hot chocolate would be  _too_  hot for her. Belle doesn't seem to mind, taking immediate hold of the container he hands her and drinking from it happily. He makes it up to her by getting her a chocolate chip cookie too.

Scott offers to buy Tessa’s drink but she declines, stepping up to the counter and ordering a coffee for herself. They take a seat by the large window of the cafe facing the gloomy sky. Belle is instantly distracted by a dog passing by outside and turns to watch it and everyone else passing by, leaving Scott and Tessa to sip their drinks in the painfully awkward silence. The low music playing over the cafe isn’t enough.

Tessa decides to break it, can’t taking the way his eyes keep falling on her before moving down to the table, and asks something she’s been curious about, “What do you do now?”

Scott looks up quickly, surprised she’s the one taking the initiative. He plays with the label on his coffee cup and clears his throat before answering. “I’m a coach for kids just starting out. I don’t prep them for competitions, I’m just the guy who doesn’t let them fall.” He breaks off a bit of the cookie he bought, putting a small piece of it on a napkin and sliding it over to Belle, who happily chews into it. “Something about seeing them get the hang of the ice and loving it makes it the best part of all you know?” His eyes brighten and the genuine satisfaction for his job is evident.

Tessa nods, not surprised he’s taken on coaching. He always wanted to do it. “Yeah, I get that. It seems like a really rewarding job.” She licks her lips, looking for a question to fill the oncoming silence between them. She couldn’t take any more of that. “So, does she have a middle name?” She gestures toward Belle’s direction, who seems to be enjoying her chocolate milk and cookie more than she should be. It makes Tessa’s heart light.

An immediate smile makes it way onto Scott’s face, lighting up his eyes again as he looks over at his daughter.  _It felt good to see him like that_. “It’s Ariane. Belle Ariane Moir.”

“It’s a beautiful name.” Tessa says, truly meaning it, “So why’d you name her Belle?”

Scott stops the cup from reaching his mouth and looks anxious to answer her simple question. He sets his drink down before quickly running a hand through his hair. “I uh-” he taps his fingers against the granite table, “I don’t know if you’ll like the answer much.”

Her eyebrows crease immediately. Now, Tessa was anxious. What’s the big deal?  _Some ex-girlfriends name?_ She gives him a questioning look and takes a sip of her coffee, “Why?”

Scott breaks their eye contact, choosing to stare at the table before answering. “I named her Belle because, well because I’d watched Beauty and the Beast, you know Emma Watson’s version?” Red creeps up his neck, tainting it faintly. He looks sheepish, “and Belle… well, she reminded me of you.”

Time seems to slow down then. Tessa’s own drink is set down and she stares at him for what feels like a whole minute before looking over at Belle, who is still happily drinking away at her chocolate milk. No words are spoken between her and Scott as she avoids looking over at him. She’s trying to collect herself before some idiotic answer leaves her mouth, but what she just heard him say is still at the forefront, gnawing for attention.

“Cara… she didn’t really have any opinions concerning her name so I decided on Belle.”

Scott named his only child, his  _daughter_  after a character who reminded him of Tessa. Even though Belle was born a few days after their fall out, he still held it in him to name her after a character who apparently shared some of the same qualities as his former partner. Tessa didn’t know how to take this and continue on with it.

“Tessa,” He’s pleading for her to look at him. His voice is low, what he says next only meant for her ears, “I thought if I named her Belle, it’d be like having a small piece of you with me.” He pauses, swallowing hard, “I meant what I said yesterday. I need you back in my life.”

Tessa finally gathers herself, taking a deep breath before answering, “I also meant what I said yesterday Scott.”

Scott searches her eyes for a second, giving her the sudden urge to look down but she doesn’t. “I know.”

The rest of their time at the cafe is spent talking to Belle. Scott gets everything she’s saying, her jumble of words not getting in the way of his understanding. Tessa misses a couple of things and instead nods enthusiastically to anything leaving Belle’s mouth. She talks mostly about her favorite things like drawing and her neighbor's dog, whom she’s apparently gained a great amount of love for. As she speaks, Tessa begins to see the similarities between Belle and her father more clearly.

Belle’s eyes are bright, containing the same specks of gold and green as her fathers. Their excitement for life and what it has to offer is exactly the same. Their spirits, vibrant and enthusiastic. Belle’s eyebrows even do that  _thing_  she’s only ever seen Scott’s do. Tessa takes periodic moments to look over at Scott, whose eyes haven’t left his daughters. He’s present in their “conversation”, answering every question she has and continuously breaking off bits of the cookie for her to take. His love and adoration for her is so palpable, she’s never seen him so in love.

Scott starts passing Belle smaller pieces, laughing at his daughters eating habits, “Smaller bites baby.” Tessa can’t help but sympathize with Belle’s love for chocolate.

However ridiculous and stupid it is, Tessa wants to keep sitting in that cozy cafe with the both of them. She wants to hear all of Belle’s stories. She wants to keep glimpsing at the endearment and warmth that settles on Scott's face. She wants to forget everything. She wants to forgive everything.

But, unfortunately, reality sets in.

Their relationship becomes a sudden and harsh reminder that she’s not a part of it, and never will be. It reminds her that some things are easier said than done.

Tessa sits across from the man who holds her heart in his hands and willingly keeps it to himself. Her former half who now lives a life she’s no longer a part of, their paths diverging from the one she thought they’d continue walking together.

It’s then that Tessa zones back into  _her_  actuality. She can’t let herself get comfortable, no matter how badly she wants to. The sense that she’s intruding on the both of them returns strongly and she’s hit with the urge to say her goodbyes and leave.

“I’m- I think I’m gonna head out now,” Tessa announces, turning Scott’s attention from Belle to her. She makes rigid movements as she gathers her bag and coffee cup and directs her eyes towards Belle instead of Scott, who she can feel burning his stare into her. “It was lovely seeing you again Belle. I hope you enjoyed your chocolate milk!” Her smile is sincere but it’s quickly slipping.

Belle looks at Tessa, tilting her head to the side and rewards her with a sweet and shy smile as she nods her answer. Tessa returns a smile and moves her chair back to make her leave. She senses Scott do the same and finally looks over at him, predicting the expression set upon his face. His mouth opens and closes and his hands tangle together not knowing what to do with them. She knows what he wants to say, and she knows he won’t be able to get the proper words out, so she takes the initiative before he can. “Thanks for inviting me to join you and Belle.” Tessa’s voice is soft but strong as she looks straight at him, “I have to head back now, but-”

“Will I be able to see you again?”

She takes a second to answer. The simplest answer would be  _no_ , but she couldn’t do that to herself. “I told you, Scott,” She looks over at Belle like she’s afraid she’d overhear what she’s saying, “You know what it is I’m asking from you.”  _Don’t tell him._  “I’m staying at the Golden Mile downtown.” She shifts from foot to foot. There’s no point in hiding where she’s staying. Tessa still has so many questions she needs answers to and if letting him know where she’s currently making her home away from home is, so be it. “You’re welcome over, but you know what I need from you.”

The growing knot in her stomach warns her it was a bad idea, but Tessa desperately hopes she didn’t make the wrong decision. However, the understanding that sets upon his face at this moment assures her he knows she’s adamant. Knowing the answers in no way means she’s forgiving him but it does mean she has a chance to lighten the heavy load in her heart. It’s a chance to move on.

Scott takes a deep breath before nodding, that sadness seeping right back into his eyes. His hand moves to the back of his neck to rub there and turns back to Belle, “Say bye to Tessa, Belle.”

Belle puts the cookie bit she’s currently biting into on the table and waves both her hands goodbye. Her cheeks are big and full from her dessert but she still manages a soft answer, “Bye bye Tessa!” She goes right back to eating her cookie.

“Bye Princess.” Tessa smiles then. It’s a real smile.

She takes one last look at Scott and nods before turning and making her way out. 

***

_Cara was right. Tessa didn’t care much for the game._

_But seeing the excitement on both Scott's and Cara’s faces made it worth it. The both of them spent most of the game screaming at each other, even though they were rooting for the same team. But this was classic them and Tessa didn’t expect any different._

_Nine beers later and the game is finally over, with their favorite team taking the win._

_“YES!” Cara climbs and stands on the couch, her hands in the air, “Three hundred fucking dollars! MINE!” She jumps off as Scott and Tessa laugh at her enthusiasm. She claps her hands together once, “How should we celebrate?”_

_Scott gets up and stretches with a loud groan, “we could all get matching nipple rings?” He jokes and looks over at Tessa, a teasing smile making its way across his face. Tessa had mistakingly and drunkenly admitted to him once about wanting to get a nipple piercing and now he was making fun of her for it._

_Although he did admit to finding the idea incredibly sexy._

_She’d hate him if she didn’t love him._

_“Yes!” Cara immediately answers, her being the only one actually wanting to go through with something like that and not questioning his suggestion._

_Tessa gets up from the couch, shaking her head and laughing at the both of them before stretching, “It’s late, so I’m headed home. Congrats to the both of you for not losing any money.” She’s tired and the exhaustion from her long day begins to seep through her bones._

_Scott reaches out and settles his arms around hers, pulling her to his chest. He rests his head atop hers, “Stay.” He murmurs his request, kissing her temple then._

_She pulls back a bit and looks up at him smiling. Whispering her answer, “Okay.” She’s too tired to make her way home anyway, and she’d never turn down an invitation to cuddle with him in bed._

_Tessa turns towards Cara and catches her watching the both of them. A strange and unreadable expression on her face. Maybe she had too much to drink? Tessa sure did, and she brushes the thought away._

_“Boring.” Cara directs towards them, snapping out of whatever trance she fell in, “I’m headed out to celebrate. I bet downtown is fucking crazy right now.” She heads towards her things and shrugs her jacket back on._

_“Cara be careful please.” Tessa can’t comprehend how Cara always has so much energy, especially so late at night. “Text me when you’re home.”_

_Cara waves her off, “I only had two beers. I’ll be fine.” She grabs her cross-body and slings it over herself. She looks up at them again, her face morphing into distaste for a split second before it changes into her trademark smirk. It happens so quickly Tessa thinks she imagined it. She’s probably just questioning why her friends are so boring sometimes, “Bye losers, see you later.” Cara makes her way out, closing the door behind her._

_Scott turns to Tessa, rewarding her with his handsome smile. “Finally.” He mutters, closing the gap between them again, kissing her like he only has minutes left to live. He surprises her then by picking Tessa up bridal style, making her shriek in the process, and heads towards his bedroom._

 

_It’s 6 in the morning when Cara finally sends her obligatory “I’m home” text._

_Cara sends it to Scott that night instead of Tessa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked up similar names to “Virtue” and Ariane popped up. It means, “People with this name have a deep inner need for quiet, and a desire to understand and analyze the world they live in, and to learn the deeper truths. People with this name tend to be creative and excellent at expressing themselves. They are drawn to the arts, and often enjoy life immensely. They are often the center of attention, and enjoy careers that put them in the limelight.”
> 
> I think it suits both Tessa’s and Scott’s personalities even if she isn’t Tessa’s daughter.
> 
> Sneaky Scott.
> 
> ALSO [Real life] Scott watched Beauty and The Beast and mentioned that Belle reminded him of Tessa during a recent-ish interview so that was the inspiration behind Belle’s name! AND He also said he’d be the beast, he’s so cute.
> 
> Thanks for reading and comments are highly appreciated! They really encourage me to post more often!!


	8. Hell and High Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa’s heart promptly shatters into an infinite number of pieces that scrape her skin on the way down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Small warning here* This chapter does mention a subject that may be difficult for some readers.
> 
> I am planning a long story, so all this yucky angst won't drip during every chapter I promise! This is just a BIG bump in the road for them. 
> 
> Thanks for everyone's support on this story! All your comments are very appreciated! :)

Tessa desperately needs a drink.

She’s pacing the floor of her hotel room, hastily running her fingers through her hair. The same nagging thought at the forefront of her mind, forcing her to pay all her attention on it.

_He_ named his _daughter_ Belle because the character reminded him of Tessa.

It’s like his intention was to get her all riled up. Like he hadn’t already planted the seed that turned all her thoughts towards him anyway. What was he thinking telling her this specific thing? They hadn’t made up, in fact, he barely told her anything she needed to know. Tessa understands she basically brought this upon herself. She’d been wanting to know more, but now that she does, she half wished he’d kept this information to himself.

Tessa walks over to her hotel rooms kitchen and dives straight towards the tiny complimentary vodka bottle available to her, downing it in seconds. But it’s not enough. The last thing she wants to do is head downtown with the chances of literally running into someone she knows. She has quite the knack for doing that lately.

But her urges towards hard alcohol at the moment overpower her and she finds herself reaching towards her small bag. She grabs her key card and makes her way out the door before she can convince herself otherwise. She taps her foot nervously against the floor as she waits for the elevator, chewing on her lip, a bad habit she picked up recently.

While in the elevator, she has half the mind to press the “emergency” button to lock her in there for a while. The idea grows more appealing by the second, but she ultimately shakes the idiotic thoughts from her mind while the ding from the elevator prompts her legs forward.

She quickly decides on her former favorite spot, the Taverne Midway bar. Her body shivers from the cold reminding her that she’d forgotten her damn jacket in the room, but Tessa knows if she heads back she’ll most likely stay in. So she continues onward.

Tessa can see the familiar bar in the distance and she’s reminded of all the other times she found herself there. It was _their_ spot. No matter how busy they all were they always found the time to relax and have a couple drinks at Taverne Midway. And maybe it was stupid she was currently headed there, but the simple truth is that she missed it. So here she was, two years later.

She pulls open the door and is immediately surrounded by its welcoming atmosphere. It’s a Friday night so the place is loud and packed to the brim, just as she suspected. Tessa maneuvers her way through the crowd towards the bar and rests her elbows on the dark wood. She takes a minute to look around the dark bar and finds nothing but couples making out like there’s no tomorrow.

“Tessa Virtue?!”

Tessa quickly turns and finds herself facing a familiar and welcoming face.

“Brady!”

A smile immediately breaks across his face, “Oh my God! How are you doing?” Brady’s managing the bar right in front of her but leans forward anyway bringing her in for a hug, which she happily returns, “I haven’t seen you here in forever! Where’ve you been?” His voice is muffled by her neck and he pulls back, looking surprised to have her standing right in front of him.

Tessa racks her brain for an excuse, not wanting to give anything away. “Traveling!” Her voice is loud because of the chatter surrounding them and an awkward laugh leaves her mouth as she lifts her arms and shoulders in a way that signifies _surprise_.

Brady nods excitedly, “That’s so awesome! Listen, let’s get you a drink!” He turns before Tessa has a chance to say anything else and starts pouring her a beer. He sets it down in front of her but turns again. He looks like a man on a mission. Brady pulls out a shot glass and starts filling it with vodka, setting it right in front of her next to the beer.

“On the house!” He taps the bar and motions towards the drinks in front of her.

Tessa doesn't have it in her to argue with him over her free drinks and quickly downs the vodka instead. Her face contorts a bit from the hard alcohol but it soon falls into a relaxed state, her eyes closing a bit to savor the feeling. The immediate warmth that builds in her neck down to her stomach feels _great_ , and Brady quickly gets to filling the small glass again.

“You’re the best Brady.” Her voice has smoothed itself out and an easy smile welcomes itself onto her face. “I missed you! How’ve you been?” She takes a hold of the refilled shot glass and quickly downs it like the last one.

Brady barks out a loud laugh at her actions and raises an eyebrow at her, “Obviously not as great as you!”

_If only you knew._

He looks towards the end of the bar then turns back to her, “Be right back.” She could barely hear him over everyone but watches as he makes his way to the other side, taking somebody’s order and making it. Tessa looks down in front of her at the welcoming beer. She takes a swig of it, then another, then another till it’s all gone in just a short minute.

Brady makes his way back to her and eyes the empty glass, looking impressed. Tessa would be embarrassed but she can already feel the alcohol taking effect from how quickly she downed all of it. She smiles again and shrugs. “Oops.”

The next twenty minutes are spent laughing, drinking and catching up on trivial things. She’s lost track of how many beers she’s had, but she doesn't care. She feels _good_. She feels _really_ good. The alcohol running through her body feels like a barrier from the things she’s so desperate to dig and forget. Tessa thinks she would marry it if she could. If only she could feel this damn great every day. Her body is slack against the bar and it’s a miracle she hasn’t fallen off her stool from how loose it is.

“I feel guilty for keeping you here!” Brady mentions, working on the drink for the person currently next to her.

Tessa’s busy eyeing the bottom of her glass, answering distractedly, “What do you mean?”

“You’re here with Cara right?” He’s wiping down the counter and doesn’t catch the way the color drains from Tessa’s face at the mention of her name. 

Tessa looks up at him, her eyes widening for a second. She sets the glass down and stares at the scratches on the wood before answering, “Uh… no actually,” Her voice is low and she’s not so sure Brady heard her answer. She shifts in her seat uncomfortably, “Just here on my own.”

Brady finally looks up, looking like he’s about to deliver the best news and gestures to a spot behind her, “Oh really? Well, she came in earlier! She’s right over there.”

It’s almost like the alcohols intended effects completely evaporate from her body in a split second. What once felt like a warm fire in her stomach quickly turned into unpleasant vile, blindsiding her. Her heart seemed to beat unevenly, her breaths became sharp and shallow. Suddenly, she felt heat cover and burn her skin, suffocating her.

Brady’s face falls and she thinks she sees his mouth move, but Tessa can’t hear anything he’s saying. Like all the loud chatter and music that surrounded her a minute ago got sucked up into oblivion. Instead, she slowly turns over in her chair and looks towards the area he had pointed to.

And there she was.

At the center of attention, just how she always liked it.

Cara’s sat at the corner of the bar in a dark booth, surrounded by two men and a woman, a glass of red wine in hand, and a cigarette in another. She has one of them nearing her neck, kissing her there and whispering into her ear. Her head tilts back from laughter, and she brings the cigarette to her lips and inhales.

She looks different. Thinner.

Much thinner.

The dim light above the booth creates a shadow darkening the hollows of her cheeks. Cara’s shoulders are slimmer and her collarbones protrude more than they’d ever done. But it’s her eyes that shock Tessa in ways she hates. They’re dull and sunken in. Even past the dim light, she can see they’re no longer the same vibrant blue they’d always been. Instead, they’ve been replaced with something muted. She’d almost be unrecognizable to Tessa if it wasn’t for the years of knowing her. Tessa’s mind fogs as it fights its way to clear the image in front of her. Through the glimpses, she couldn’t help but stare. Two years of running from everything that happened, and here she was facing the source.

It’s after Cara exhales the smoke that she must’ve felt a pair of eyes on her because halfway through a laugh her own fall on Tessa.

It’s like the world shifts beneath her feet in that split second. Her body is stiff and rigid as she looks across the bar at _her_. Tessa had herself convinced she would never see her again, yet here she was, cold from the inside out. Cara goes still when their eyes lock and Tessa can’t decipher the immediate look that takes over her face. She looks impassive, like Tessa’s just some stranger at a bar. The man is still going at it on her neck but she seems to pay him no mind.

Then suddenly it’s like a switch turns on in Cara’s head. She blinks and reaches out, bringing the wine glass to her lips. Cara’s eyes haven’t left Tessa’s and Tessa’s haven’t left hers. The impassive look has passed and her whole look has shifted. Cara sits up and her eyebrow comes up to form that trademark devilish look she’d always given Tess when challenging her. It makes Tessa want to throw up.

The air in the bar became impossibly thick and her lungs were no longer getting any air. Tessa’s movements are slow as she gets up from the uncomfortable stool. She finally loses the eye contact with Cara as she makes her way through the sea of people towards the doors. But the cool fresh air isn’t enough to give her the strength she needs to hastily make her way down the sidewalk away from whoever that was staring back at her.

“Tess!” Tessa falters but quickly picks her pace up again, never setting her eyes off from in front of her. She doesn’t have to look to know who it is, “Hold on.”

Tessa’s breathing becomes erratic and short. _No no no_. Her eyes shut tightly and her head rings as the impending migraine slams in full force. There are thousands of things she wants to say, wants to scream, running through her. She’s rushing away, her legs working harder to get her away from her source of hurt. “Get the hell away from me.”

Why’d she have to follow her out here? Wasn’t their past enough of a wedge to keep her away?

“Ouch.” Tessa can hear Cara’s unrelenting steps following right behind her. “Haven’t seen you in two fucking years and that’s what you’re going with?” A humorless laugh leaves her mouth, and Tessa can feel the anger bubbling inside her from Cara’s condescending tone.

Tessa can’t do this. Her lips part as she takes a shallow breath, vastly unprepared to handle any interaction with Cara. She feels like she’s about to explode and collapse in on herself. But Tessa wills herself to stop against all reason and turns to face her former best friend. Maybe it’s the anger she feels at Cara’s statement that made her stop, but the expression she see’s on Cara’s face only infuriates her more. “Leave me _alone_.”

“Why are you mad?” Cara comes to an immediate stop right in front of her, almost impressed by Tessa actually turning to confront her. Cara’s head tilts to the side as her lips form into a tight-lipped smile. She’s being _condescending_ , something she knew Tessa always hated from people.

Maybe it’s because this week has been an emotional rollercoaster ride for her with everything coming to topple whatever sense of control she felt had left, but Tessa can’t stop the involuntary tears that puddle in her eyes. Her exasperation and sorrow for what’s happened takes over and she’s left begging.

“ _Stop_ this Cara. Whatever it is you think you’re doing just stop it.”

“I’m not doing anything. I just thought I’d say hi to my best friend.”

“Your best friend?” Tessa cant wrap her mind around Cara’s words, the weight of the situation sobering her up quickly. “I don’t know if you know this, but best friends don’t try to ruin each other's lives, Cara.”

“You think I ruined your life?” Cara scoffs, “You think you know what it means to have your life ruined?”

“You fabricated a story to drive everyone away from me. You ripped _everyone_ away from me.” Tessa’s temper was flaring and her loud tone was showing it, the unwavering expression plastered on Cara’s face only urged her on. “You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better about yourself, Cara. I know I’m an easy target.” She’s infuriated about the situations that have sprung up on her the last few days. The once hopeful quite trip turned into a nightmare she wanted to so desperately avoid.

“Stop playing the victim card. You’re the one who broke up with him.” Cara huffs, her tone mildly annoyed, like this whole conversation is an inconvenience to her, “You were so busy to notice how mopey he was. So guess who was a good friend and jumped in to help.” She finishes off with a smile.

“ _Stop_.” Some of the tears break through the barrier and fall down her cheeks. “You knew I loved him, Cara. You were with us every step of the way. I told you everything-”

“That’s a shame,” She interrupts, laughing at her, like Tessa’s statement is the funniest thing she’s heard in a while. “Considering I had his daughter. Have you met her? Looks just like her daddy doesn’t she?”

Tessa has no idea what she’s looking at. Her former best friend? Or the person who set out to ruin her life in every possible way for reasons she still doesn’t have answers for. Cara gives her no reason to think otherwise. She was looking at her like she was nothing. For all she knew, she was a stranger in her eyes.

“Why are you _doing this_?” Tessa throws her hands up, exasperated, confused and tired. “You wanted me gone, didn’t you? I ran from Montreal. _I left_. What else do you want?”

Cara doesn't answer back. Her mouth stays shut as she eyes her, but Tessa can see the gears turning behind them. She looks at her, trying to see past the stoic expression on her face, but her lips remain pursed and her eyes betray no genuine emotion.

“What else do you want Cara?” She’s on the verge of yelling, on a sidewalk, late on a cold night. What lead them down this road? Here she was facing someone who she once trusted with her life, only for her to come back and stab her where she knew it hurt. When Cara doesn't answer, Tessa can only pathetically try and fight through the barrier without success. “Stay away from me.”

“Why cause I fucked him?” Her words make Tessa’s blood grow cold, searing nothing but agony inside her. Cara’s eyes are locked on Tessa’s. “He was fucking me behind your back.” Her statement comes out harsh, the intention behind it sadistic. Her cold and calculated voice doesn’t falter as she speaks. “You looked like a complete fucking idiot from my end. I could see the way you looked at him when you thought no one was looking.” Cara laughs shortly, “It was embarrassing considering he ended up in _my_ bed every day after he left you at practice.”

Tessa grows still. Her knuckles are white and her fingers are so tightly curled together, she thinks she draws blood. Cara’s jarring eyes pierce right through her, wanting to get under her skin and break it. The pain she feels erupting inside her makes her want to keel over and let it take over. The heartbreak of hearing the truth from Cara makes what they were doing behind her back even more real and vivid.

“ _Fuck you.”_ Tessa spits out, wanting to cause Cara as much damage as she was causing her. It’s all she can think of, but Cara’s face is unwavering.

“That’s all you got?”

Tessa’s eyes fill with more tears, and she desperately prays they don’t fall and give Cara the satisfaction. She swallows past the lump in her throat and wills her voice to come out steady.

“Why’d you do it, Cara? Just help me understand.”

“I only told the truth.”

“They were lies Cara. Lies!” Tessa’s exasperation and anger only flares by the second. It was like trying to hold a conversation with a wall, nothing was getting through. “The crash was an accident. I never meant to hurt you or Belle.”

“It’s not Belle you hurt.” Cara’s emotions were buried underneath her skin, locked away so deep in some protection, but it only took a short second to see a glimpse past it at that moment. Tessa could tell she was cracking through the tough surface she’d encased herself with. A hint of agitation laced around Cara’s words.

“What? What are you talking about.”

“Oh spare me the fucking tears, Tessa.” Cara rolls her eyes, causing Tessa’s anger to flare up even more. “Stop acting like you’re some fucking angel descended from Heaven.” Tessa could see the familiar twitch in Cara’s eye that warned her she was agitated. She could see Cara’s eyes flooding themselves with more anger towards Tessa.

And it’s what Tessa wanted. It’s what she needed from Cara. She needed _something real_.

“Maybe if you stopped _this_ -” she motions towards the both of them, “and actually _talked to me-”_

“Talk to you? You lost that chance when you ran from Montreal like a coward.”

“ _You_ pushed me away. You and everyone else. For reasons I still don’t know.”

“Classic you Tess. Blame everyone but yourself.” She eyes Tessa up and down, a look of utter revulsion on her face. Her knuckles turn white from how tight her fist is, and the hardness on her face only darkens by the second.

“Cara I didn’t do anything to warrant any of this-”

“ _I lost my fucking child!”_

And it’s like everything’s turned upside down. Cara finally snapped.

Her sudden burst has Tessa staggering back, her mind trying to wrap itself around what she just heard. She came to an abrupt halt as the silence ensues between the giant rift that separates them. They’re both breathing hard, gasping for breaths as though they’d just finished throwing punches at each other, but Tessa swears that would hurt less than what she just heard said out loud. Tessa looks at Cara, at the stranger looking back at her with an expression she’d never seen on her face before. Pure and unadulterated pain.

“What-” A wave of confusion washes over her. Her breathing comes to a halt at the sight of Cara’s hard and unforgiving eyes in front of her. It only takes a second for everything to come crashing down on her, “What are you talking about?”

Every syllable forcing itself out scalding her throat on the way out. Cara takes a few steps back, her demeanor changing completely. Like the Cara standing in front of her two minutes ago never existed. Anxiety visibly floods through her as her pacing on the sidewalk becomes jagged. Her hand comes up to press on her temples and she’s quiet for a minute. Her chest rises up and down quickly and her eyes are shut tightly.

Cara’s eyeing the dirty stone wall, her voice low and almost indistinct. “That night, the night of the crash-” Cara’s breaths become ragged, losing any of the composure she had earlier. Her hands come up to her head and haphazardly run down her hair. “I was pregnant with twins, Tessa. I was having twins and I got into that car with you and…”

And it’s as if the jagged pieces of a messed up puzzle are coming together.

The cold night seems to grow colder. She can no longer hear the cars passing by, or the music booming from inside the bar. Everything’s gone quiet. Tessa has yet to respond to her statement, the meaning behind her words still sinking in. She couldn’t move as she absorbed what they meant.

_Twins._

_Cara was pregnant with twins and now-_

Too many different emotions flooded through her, freezing her to the ground; confusion, shock, anger, fear all battled inside her, fighting for her attention. But the most agonizing thought at the forefront was the complete and utter anguish she felt.

“ _No_ , no, no, no,” they stumble out of her mouth, as she loses control of her own words, “Cara-”

“The impact killed him.” Tessa saw the fear in Cara’s eyes, the emotion there breaking through stronger and harsher by the second as it overtakes the anger that had been there previously. “It’s your fault I lost him. Belle survived, but her brother didn’t.”

Tessa almost stumbles from the lightheadedness that suddenly strikes her. In sheer, absolute horror, she stares back. Her knees become weak and her legs begin shaking, no longer the strong foundation they once were. The look in Cara’s eyes is so clear, so palpable, now that the mask she had put up is gone. Tessa shakes her head vehemently. The panic attack coming and taking hold of the body it became so familiar with.

“No, _no_ I didn’t, Cara- I didn’t-” Her words were slipping out of her mouth like broken fragments, her body so numb the thought of it shattering was unsurprising. “It’s not true.”

But Tessa wasn’t so sure anymore. She wasn’t so sure of anything anymore and she despised herself because of it.

“It’s all your fault.” Cara spits out, her words creating a pit in Tessa’s stomach that threatens to tear everything inside her down. “Belle was never meant to come into this world on her own. She was supposed to have her brother by her side, but you took that away from her. We were happy, and you took that away.” Cara takes a step forward, invading whatever space Tessa had left, looking straight into her green eyes, “Why did you come back?”

Cara’s chest heaves with heavy breaths, her nostrils flare and her pupils widen in the dark night. Her voice is so tight and strained, but it’s her eyes that give the pain away. The once beautiful blue of Cara’s eyes is now even more dull, the black irises blocking almost all the color. It was then that Tessa saw the pain life had caused her. The pain her mistakes had made. The fear and anxiety, the loss, that brewed underneath Cara’s skin this whole time exposed for Tessa to see. Tessa’s heart hammered against her ribs for all the wrong reasons. Her eyes drift across Cara’s face, seeing the cracks she had unintentionally caused. Tired lines etched her face and her eyes held a jaded edge.

“Cara, no- I couldn’t have. It was an accident-” But with every passing second, her own words become less and less believable to herself. Her eyes glaze over when the truth of the matter keeps pounding against her body, the pain equivalent to having it punched over and over again.

Cara’s own eyes fill with tears, a sight Tessa had never seen in the many years she’d known her. They became red and a nauseating feeling washes over her body.

Tessa lost her ability to speak as if her ability to do it was stripped away from her. Her throat is parched, her mouth too dry, and her eyes sting.

“I wish you’d stayed gone. There’s nothing left for you here. You ran when you heard the truth instead of owning up to what you’d done.” Cara shakes her head as she takes a deep breath. When Tessa doesn’t have an answer, Cara takes steps away from her as if disgusted. “You’re a coward Tessa Virtue.” She’s gritting her words through her teeth, the frowns deepening even further. Her eyes are full of venom, hoping to kill whatever is left still living in her. “Stay away from me, and stay away from my daughter.”

She could feel the ground shifting beneath the two of them, cracking apart and drifting them farther away from each other. Tessa bites her tongue, but nothing was enough to take away from the roaring pain in her throat. As soon as Cara turns, she feels it. Feels the petrifying breathlessness she had felt for two years come back harder than she’d ever felt it. Her lungs are being crushed by what she was so desperate to push away, but the belief in herself was slipping by the second getting harder to grasp as it ran from her.

Her feet stay planted on the cement sidewalk for no amount of trackable time. Laughing and giddy couples begin slipping out the bar and begin getting into their cabs, as their laughter fills the air. The sounds snap her attention back from the paralysis she’d fallen into and her knees crack as they make movement again.

Tessa turns and heads back.

***

Tessa doesn’t know how she made it back to the hotel.

Time seems to have no meaning as the night drags on. Her legs feel limp but heavy at the same time and her mind is empty as she carries forward. She can’t feel the warm blast of air from the hotel lobby that encases her body when the doors slide open. The layer of cold on her skin is too thick to penetrate through but she’s convinced herself she deserves this. Her body’s on autopilot as it maneuvers her across the lobby towards the elevators.

_It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault._

“Tess?”

She hears her name being called but it’s like her body has disconnected itself from her mind, not allowing her to do what she needs it to do. However, when she hears it again Tessa manages control and slowly turns towards the source of the voice, and finds Scott there in the lobby. His eyes express immediate worry as he steadily walks up to her from the chair he was sitting on. His careful steps bring him closer to her. They’re steady like he’s afraid he’ll scare her off. Tessa has no energy left to react to his presence and instead just watches him approach.

_It’s all my fault._

“Tessa, what’s wrong?” His tone is laced with concern. He tilts his head to peer into her eyes but finds himself stopped by some new and unexplained barrier. His question receives no answer from her, which only deepens the crease between his brows. Scott can probably smell the alcohol all over her but she doesn’t have it in her to care. His eyes shift between hers trying to gauge anything from her. “Tess?”

“I just saw Cara.” Tessa stares back blankly, any emotion devoid of her.

The color on Scott’s face drains within seconds. He breaks his eye contact as he takes a step back from her.

“What did she tell you?” A split second of panic brews behind his eyes before it’s gone. His face settles into something that’s almost impassive. Like it’s the only way he can falsify some sense of confidence for the reason he’s in her hotel lobby. “I’m here to talk, Tess.” His voice is determined, “I need to tell you everything.”

Tessa’s expression is blank, leaving no hint to what she’s going to say. Instead, she surprises the both of them by nodding. She gives him no chance to respond before she turns on her heel and heads towards the elevators. She can feel him following closely behind and they both stand before the elevator doors waiting for them to open.

She’s still so shaken from Cara’s words, she feels none of the expected anxiety from being in an enclosed space with him. Like she’s fallen right back into the paralysis from her walk to the hotel. No words are spoken between them as they make their way up, both of them keeping their respective distances from each other with shut mouths.

_It’s all my fault._

The silence is disrupted by the ding of the elevator and she steps out first leading them to her room. Tessa slides the key in and opens the door, continuing her way into the room, leaving Scott behind to close the door.

“Tessa.”

She drops her key card, ignoring him and heads towards the complimentary alcohol from earlier. The hands she hadn’t realized were shaking until now, reach for the vodka and struggle with opening the bottle. She doesn’t feel or hear Scott coming up behind her, taking the bottle from her hands and peering over at her face.

_It’s all my fault._

“Tessa,” Scott repeats, attempting to get her to look at him. “I think you’ve had enough.”

Tessa sneers inwardly. Who was he to tell her she’s had enough? She instantly regrets having him in her room, the air feels thinner and did someone raise the temperature in her room or was her body getting warm on its own? She felt like everything inside her, everything she thought she knew was collapsing in on itself. What happened only minutes ago with Cara still had her crumbling yet numb inside.

_It’s all my fault._

Tessa stares at the kitchen counter and gives herself a few seconds to breathe in. Her back is facing him before she turns and speaks.

“Just say what you came here to say.”

_I’m so sorry Scott._

A certain determination covers his whole face then. She can see his jaw clench and a hardness settles in his intense eyes. He nods and looks back at the bed and takes a seat at the foot of it, rubbing his hands together. “Okay.” He shifts and exhales loudly. “I had this whole thing prepared but now it’s just… been wiped.” Scott’s hand comes up to his face, trying to rub the exhaustion away. He looks _tired_. His leg starts bouncing up and down, the visible anxiety overtaking him. He takes another long breath, situating himself.

Tessa stays by the kitchen, holding herself up with the counter and prepares herself.

“I started… seeing Cara after we broke up.” A flash of pain fleets across his face as he thins his lips. “It didn’t mean anything in the beginning. We would just get together after I left practice. She’d talk to me about things and distract me away from… our breakup.” His intense stare is directed at the wall, the faraway look in his eye making her believe he’s almost talking to himself. Like he’s still trying to understand everything that happened before. “Then things just… they changed. We changed.” Scott licks his lips, peering up for a second. “After practice, I would go over to her house and-” He stops himself which only adds to her irritation. He shifts uncomfortably, the disappointment in himself clearly visible.

“You’d fuck her.” Tessa finishes for him not giving one damn about how crude it sounds. Maybe it was the truth or her monotone voice that causes Scott’s face to snap up to hers like her words stung him from the inside out. _Good._

He looks… ashamed but not surprised by her statement. Maybe it wasn’t the words he was going to use, but it was a fact. Scott looks back down, not having the courage to look her in the eyes as he confirms the hurtful truth.

“Yes.”

It  _stings_. It really stings, finally hearing it from him. Tessa stands there watching his form and nods at the circumstances, her eyes falling into a blank stare. It was all she could do. She was at a loss for words and could think of nothing to say after his admission.

“I thought I was in love with her.” He lets out a short and humorless laugh. Like he’s laughing at himself for thinking that was ever a possibility. He shakes his head and continues, “After a few months of seeing each other, she-she told me she was pregnant. I wasn’t expecting it at all. I never saw myself having children with her, but I was happy.” Scott’s eyes lift up to hers but he looks down immediately after, “I was excited about being a father.”

He takes another moment to himself and brings his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “She was pregnant with twins.” He looks back down and shifts on the bed again, but gets up pacing a bit. He looks anxious. His body seems even tenser than it was a second ago and he walks himself over to the large windows. She can tell he’s apprehensive to continue because she knows what’s coming. He won’t look at her but fixates his stare at the surrounding buildings outside. “Around the time of the crash- she,” His hand comes up to press on the bridge of his nose. His eyes are shut tight.

_It’s all my fault._

“She lost one.” She can see the light from outside reflecting off the unshed tears in his sad eyes when he opens them. “She told everyone it happened because of the crash, but it wasn’t Tess. The crash never caused the miscarriage.” He looks back locking his eyes with hers, a raw forlorn appearance covering him. “I know that’s what she told you.”

_What?_

He steps back from the window and closes some of the distance between them. “It was an abnormality that had nothing to do with the crash.” His words are slow, and his stare is careful. He’s making sure she’s absorbing every word he’s saying.

_What?_

“It’s called vanishing twin syndrome.” Scott’s voice trembles and his breath shakes, having trouble getting the words out. “They still don’t really know what causes it. But we do know that it happened weeks before she ever got in that car with you.” He takes a chance and takes a step closer. She won’t meet his eyes as they’re focused on the view outside. “I can see it in your eyes. You can’t believe what she told you. It wasn’t your fault Tess.”

_Cara lost her child before…_

“Cara wanted an answer. She made several appointments but no doctors would give her an answer because they didn’t know why it happened. So she came up with this… _lie_.” She can see his knuckles turn white from how hard he was pressing, before loosening his fingers and tensely pressing them on his temples. “When she finally came to me with it- she wanted me to believe it so bad. Cara told me what she wanted me to hear. She became obsessed with this idea, she’s ended up believing the lie herself.” It’s barely a whisper but she hears it loud and clear.

“Cara was ruined from it. She wouldn’t eat. She wouldn’t leave her apartment for anything. She locked herself in her room and I wouldn't see her for days. I tried helping her, but nothing got through to her.” Whether he was riled up with Cara or himself for not being able to help her was unclear. “A few days after you left, she gave birth to Belle… and I thought… having Belle would help. She’d hold Belle in her arms but there was nothing there for her. She just fell back into the same cycle.” His hands find their way back into his hair and he pulls at the ends. “She needs help Tessa, but nothing I do works. Belle was with me all of the time at first, she barely knew her mother. It’s only until recently that Cara’s given a bit more of her time to her.”

The dense fog in her mind slowly clears and what Tessa feels then surprises her and leaves her questioning everything she’s learned over the last few hours.

_Heartache_.

Heartache for her friend, for Scott, and the uncovered pain they were battling through.

She hadn’t known. Hadn’t had one clue as to what was going on behind closed doors. Tessa should’ve been there for her. She should’ve been there every step of the way, right next to them. Part of the barrier that was so toughly built between them was falling apart, but it’s foundation was still strong. It doesn't change their past or the truth of what happened behind it. Or does it? Does it excuse everything that’s happened?

But one resilient thought stays poking and prodding; Cara lost her child, and she blamed it on Tessa. 

And everyone believed her. Everyone had believed Tessa was the cause.

“You thought that I was responsible for the death of your child.” Her voice is barely a whisper. It’s broken, perfectly encapsulating the way she feels inside. It wasn’t a question. She was able to put it together.

He takes a minute, before breathing out his answer, his eyes red from unshed tears.

“I believed her. I thought it was because of the accident.”

And that’s what really hurts.

Everything sets into its place, and her mind shuts down no longer obsessing over unanswered questions. She barely feels anything apart from her heart pounding painfully in her chest, hearing the truth from his words. Tessa tries to control the hurt that slowly forces it’s way through every crevice of her being, making her pulse pound and stomach twist into a painful knot. She wants to ignore it if she can.

“I am…” She stands there in the middle of the room, hands intertwined and eyes fixated on the floor, “so sorry for what’s happened to you and Cara.” The pressure in her lungs build and she’s left thinking that the agony she feels inside her is nothing compared to what they went to. “I can’t begin to imagine what you two had to suffer. I love- loved the both of you, and I still don’t understand her reasons for _why_ …” Getting through the knot in her throat felt like shards of glass under her skin, and she knows, the pain is palpable on her face. “I wish you two had trusted me enough.”

“Tess-”

Tessa clears her throat, looking at anything but him, “That’s it then.” She sounds more certain than she feels. An odd sense of detachment settles over her like her body has cut off all thoughtful communication with her brain. Her lungs automatically draw long steadying breaths but the numbness covering everything won’t let her feel the much-needed air. She feels completely empty of everything as she stares back into the eyes fixed so intently on her own.

Scott’s eyes widen for a second as he desperately shakes his head taking three steps forward, stepping closer to her. “I’m not done.”

It’s like it slams into her at once. All the anger and rage that accumulated and boiled inside her. The anger for what’s happened. The vile _lies_ that led to all of this. Was she being selfish? Maybe. But her thoughts weren’t in order and her tendencies were uncharacteristic.

“I am.”

His steps bring him even closer.

“We’re not done.”

She can feel her senses slowly making their way back to her. “ _Leave._ ”

“ _I was broken too Tessa!”_ He booms suddenly, taking Tessa aback, snatching her from the numb trance she had fallen into. Scott’s chest is heaving as his steps bring him even closer, his hazel eyes searing into her own. “The weeks before you left were hell! I’d just lost my _child_ -” his voice breaks at the mention of him. “And I was on the verge of losing you. I felt I was losing control of everything in my life. I was still trying to wrap my head around everything. But you just-” He looks angry, and his hands quickly rake through his hair before continuing. “You ended it with me, out of fucking nowhere.” He looks away, a frenzied look taking over his eyes.

“And apparently I did you a favor.” The icy cold grip of anger clenches firmly onto her heart. “You didn’t waste one fucking second jumping into Cara’s bed.”

“I can’t excuse my actions Tessa and I regret the way I hurt you by being with her. But I got my daughter out of it and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.” She can sense him getting riled up. He begins pacing the way he always did when he was angry. “You just threw us away Tessa. I had to show up to practice every fucking day and put this fake smile on for you. I’d look over to see if I could get one tiny fucking hint of regret from you, but there was nothing ever there. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Tessa can’t do anything but stand there and watch with wide eyes. The mention of their break up numbing her.

“Were you using our comeback to competition as an excuse to get away from me? I thought we were great Tess, I thought you felt exactly the same way!” It all comes out so quickly and it cracks with every word. Scott stops to take a breath, visibly trying to calm himself down before continuing, “I was so fucking in love with you.”

Tessa feels the fire building inside her and the vulnerability in Scott only makes it grow. She sees the insecurities for the first time. The insecurities and thoughts dug so deep within him the last two years that finally came back to strangle the both of them.

“I still am.” 

Scott looks back at Tessa, his eyes locking with hers. He sounds determined and the way he’s looking at her only backs up his statement. There’s a fire behind his eyes, a fire that was never extinguished when it came to her, and she’s just now feeling the heat of it again. His jaw tightens and the anger in his eyes simmer into something worn.

He looks devastated.

And it’s like everything she’s been needing to feel came flooding back in a second. Tessa’s heart promptly shatters into an infinite number of pieces that scrape her skin on the way down. Her chest feels hollow to the point where it was physically paining her to stand in the same room as him. But what kills her the most is knowing she feels the exact same way.

She still loves him. She’s still _in_ love with him.

She could feel it now, burning through her veins, spreading through her entire body until she was completely engulfed in invisible flames.

“Scott,” She tries to desperately gather herself, not prepared to have _this_ conversation at all. “I thought it was a mutual decision to end it for the sake of preparing ourselves. I never meant-”

“I went along with it because I realized it was what you wanted. You were so committed to it. Who was I to tie you down to me? I tried understanding and now I know I was never good enough for you. I tried putting it behind me, but obviously, I can’t.”

She’s at a loss for words. She hadn’t seen, _hadn’t noticed_ the feelings brewing underneath his skin. She’s known him for more than 20 years, thought she knew how to read him, but this realization was a harsh one. The impact of what she’d done finally hits her. She’d hurt him, and she’d been so oblivious to it. Her mouth opens and closes, not knowing what else to say apart from something that would never amount to what he deserves.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Then silence settles between them, filling the room with echoes coming from the buzzing city outside.

“Maybe it’s why I was so happy when I found out I was going to be a father. I’d lost you but here were these two beautiful beings that were coming into my life to brighten it up.” His hands brush against his nose, wiping at it.

Tessa’s body is rigid and aching. She could hear the sounds of him breathing as he let out shaky breaths. The shudders that left his body rattled through hers. He sighs heavily, his words weighing on his mind and hanging there. His sense of control was hanging by a thin thread and he needed to do everything possible to keep it from breaking any further.

Scott’s body seems to go slack and he sits on the edge of the hotel bed again, as if all the strength in his body has left him. “My son- his name was going to be Emery.” He doesn’t speak for a few seconds as he stares at a spot on the floor. His mind seems to wander for a bit before he composes himself again. Scott sounds resigned and worn out as he continues. “After we lost him, I didn’t know what to do. Cara’s explanations got to my head and I ended up believing her. I’d lost my child and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that Belle was okay. I needed to be okay for her.”

His arms rest on his legs and his hands come up to cover his face, putting pressure on his temples. “I was so ready to meet him, Tess. I was so ready to be his dad.” His voice is strained and it’s when he looks back up at her that she sees the broken man in front of her.

Tessa’s throat burns with the effort of holding back tears as she watches the vivid emotion splash across his face. It was something she could only describe as agony and the crumbled bits of her heart ground to dust in her chest. It’s like she’s noticing the dark circles under his eyes for the first time. The color that was usually present on his face had been drained, leaving him shockingly pale. The self-hatred he held for himself at this moment was so palpable it clouded her vision and shattered any pieces left of her.

“Scott-”

“I wanted someone to blame. Tessa, I needed someone to blame and I’m so, _so_ -” It’s then that he truly breaks down, his hands come immediately up to his face and rub at the tears there. His sobs rack through his body, filling the room as he shakes on the bed until he’s sliding off it to rest on the floor. The cold, unfeeling and now broken exterior Tessa had worked so hard to maintain for two years evaporates the second she sees his walls crumbling down. He’s ragged and broken and completely taken over by the emotion flooding through him.

Tessa’s breathing rattled from her chest and caught in her throat. “Tessa,” Scott breathes out her name, his voice deep and raspy from his cries. The sound of her name rolling off his tongue, sends a jolt through her, giving her heart a painful pang at the memory of what she’s lost with him.

“I didn’t just lose him, Tessa, I lost you too.”

Tessa fights against all her instincts and begins closing the gap between them. Or maybe it's her instincts telling her to do it because even through everything, the sight of him in this state causes her more pain than anything else she’s ever experienced in her life. No amount of physical pain amounts to what she sees in front of her. They were tiny steps, the space between them diminishing until she’s kneeling down on the floor next to him. She doesn't touch him, as she settles her back against the foot of the bed.

Tessa stares ahead at the wall in front of them, but she can feel him look over, burning a fire through her skin. They’re sitting so close to each other she can feel the soft exhales of breath that leaves his body and hit hers.

“I’m so sorry Tessa. I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you.” His voice is low and raw, “And I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I just-” He stays quiet for a moment and Tessa finally braves a look over at him. She turns slowly and is struck by the intensity in his eyes. They’re still devoid of the same warm hazel she’s always known but having him this close again keeps breaking the walls around her. He takes a deep breath and it comes out shaken. “I need you, Tessa.”

_I needed you too._

She can’t form the exact words she wants, they’re blocked by boundaries still left in her. “Scott, what happened-” Tessa can feel the familiar sting of tears and the tightness around her throat stiffens. She turns her whole body to face him on the floor and reaches out with a shaky hand to lay on his. Scott’s hand immediately wraps around hers in return and her hand feels encased in fire. It’s the first time she’s willingly touched him and the warmth of his skin only makes her crave more. “It’s no one's fault. You’re an amazing father to Belle and she’s so lucky to have you. She needs you to stay strong for her.” Tessa looks at their intertwined hands. It’s a sight she hasn’t seen in a long time. “I wish you’d told me. I wish you’d told me everything. What happened to you and Cara… no one should ever have to go through that.”

Scott’s head tilts down, but not before she sees the quiver in his lips and the tears slip through his tightly shut eyes.

“I’m sorry Scott.” He’s shaking again as sharp breaths unwillingly leave his body, and Tessa does something she never thought she’d do again. She wraps her arms around his tense body and pulls him closer to her until he’s pressed into her. Scott fits himself into her so naturally, it feels like second nature having him there again. She rubs at his back and lays her cheek on top of his head, feeling every rattle leave his body. Her own tears fall and she runs her fingers through his hair the way she used to. “I’m so, so sorry.”

They stay there, on the floor of her hotel room with his face burying itself into the crevice of her collarbone. Scott breathes into her skin like he was trying to heal the forever they never gave each other. His regret over what he’d done to her was so sharp it was nearly tangible.

Her own pain doesn’t feel like it compares to the agony Scott and Cara suffered at the loss of their child. Everything else pales in comparison. But there was still an anger inside her that hadn’t been satisfied. It still doesn't change the fact that they all believed the lie. Those who she trusted didn’t trust her, and she didn’t know if she could ever fully bounce back from that. How could she stay when the person she loved the most believed she was responsible for an act so horrendous, it made her shiver at the reminder. Tessa was stuck at a standstill. Between leaving or staying. Between forgiving and working towards something that could potentially help heal everyone affected by it.

Tessa didn’t have the answers. She didn’t have the answers as she stayed there holding Scott on the floor of her hotel room.


	9. New Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.
> 
> Making decisions is something Tessa lost the skill to do a while back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST, I’d like to say SORRY for taking soo long to update. This chapter was originally meant to be much longer but I broke it down in half because I didn't want you all to wait any longer!! The next chapter is already 80% done so it should be up in a few days!
> 
> NEXT,,, everyone's responses to the last chapter were amazzziinngg. I didn’t realize how invested people would become with my story and everyone of your comments made my day no matter how angry (rightfully so) you are at Scott. Sorry I wasn’t able to respond to all of your messages but I promise I read them ALL at least TWICE. Your anger towards some characters’ (cough cough) decisions was palpable and I’m happy I was able to get a reaction out of you guys so I’m sorry for any pain I might've caused!

_ Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. _

Making decisions is something Tessa lost the skill to do a while back.

She lay on her bed in the darkness of her hotel room. It was quiet again, with just the soft sounds of her breaths and the busy street outside accompanying her. Scott’s physical absence helped her think things through more clearly, but it was the thoughts of him still lurking that held her back. He’d made his way out earlier; giving Tessa the chance to breathe properly without feeling like her lungs were being crushed by the imposing doom of everything that’s fallen on her.

Cara had lied, Tessa understands that now. But the revelation of the truth wasn’t enough to take back what she’d felt the second she heard the words spit out of Cara’s mouth. Pure unadulterated disgust at herself for the consequences of her actions. The vile that formed at the bottom of her stomach was an unwelcome sensation she’d never forget along with the venomous look from the person she once loved.

The pierce of pain she feels digging inside her hurts her in ways she never thought it would. The backstabbing from the man she’d loved and the lies from her friend led her down a path where she no longer recognized herself. All of it only encouraged the growing headache stabbing her temples and causing the tears to fall and slide down the side of her face.

It was all too much. All of it. The secrets, the lies, the boundaries people crossed without giving them a second thought. This wasn’t the life she set out to live. Hiding away, alone with no one by her side to lead her through the times she needed a shoulder to lean on. She had none of that waiting for her back in Portland. She’d thought of Portland as her new home amongst the vibrant green trees and lakes. She thought she was happy there, but the faux emotions she conjured up inside were just a desperate excuse to continue running from everyone. The thought of returning, halfway across a country she barely knew, hurt. To return to that lonely state she’d been in would be to give up entirely on what she promised she’d never do to herself again.

Tessa was frightened for what she might do. Whether this sudden but small burst of confidence in herself would subside into a dying simmer, leaving her to return and accept her state of living. Or whether it’d lead her down a _new_ path. A path she’d choose for herself with only her well being and happiness in mind.

So she had to make a decision. The decision to stay or the decision to _leave_.

Not because she was being pushed away. Not because she was unwillingly running from everyone again and the situation at hand; but because she _wanted_ to. Tessa would give herself a fresh start because _she_ wanted to. She no longer wants someone else dictating or causing her abrupt decisions, decisions that would end up being ones that would cause her further harm. But one that opened up new doors for her. New opportunities to return, not to the person she once was, but a stronger one. One who knows her self-worth. Someone who will rebuild the shaky foundation that failed her.

So it’s here laying on her bed in the darkness of her hotel room that she finally makes her decision.

A decision on the best course of action.

A decision on the better and healthier path.

A decision on what’s best for her. On what would make her happy _again_.

***

It’s seven in the morning when Tessa heads to her mom's house, knowing full well she’s awake at this time. Her restless night caused the already dark circles around her eyes to darken, but the surprising calm she feels inside urges her on.

She feels like she has a purpose again. A purpose to get out of bed and _do_ something.

The sun is out for once, blanketing Tessa in a light that warms her from the inside out as she walks through the busy streets of Montreal. She heads towards a cafe, an old favorite, and buys herself and her mother a coffee before heading back out to catch a taxi.

The ride to her mothers was less nerve-racking than she thought it would be. She sipped at her coffee and made small conversation with the driver as they sped through Montreal’s streets. The sunshine lit her surroundings and a deeper appreciation for the beautiful and bustling city grew within her, regardless of the events that have happened within it.

Tessa finds her mother opening the front door the moment the taxi stops in front of her house. She’d sent her a message earlier telling her mother she’d be dropping by. Her arms immediately wrap themselves around her mother in greeting while being careful not to drop the coffee in her hand.

“Hi sweetie,” her mother's voice is muffled by the scarf around Tessa’s neck, before pulling back, “let’s get you inside.”

Tessa nods and they both make their way inside making a beeline for the kitchen. She sets their coffees on a counter and pulls a chair back to sit in. Her mother follows and they both relax as they take small sips from their hot beverages.

“It’s been a couple days sweetheart. How’s Montreal been? Done anything new?” Kate takes another sip and watches Tessa from the top of the cup's rim. Tessa can almost hear the question her mother really wants to ask her. _Have you talked to them? Have you talked to him?_ It lingers behind her eyes. Surprisingly, it doesn’t annoy Tessa as much as it might’ve before.

Tessa takes a moment to answer. She doesn’t want to lie to her mother anymore. Doesn’t want to continue adapting this attitude where everything appears to be okay. She could say it’s been “fine,” that the events she’d faced the last few hours hadn’t shattered the foundation and left the pieces for others to walk over. She didn’t want to mask whatever it was she was feeling anymore, and the calm inside her felt like a protective blanket shielding her from any further pain and lies on her part.

And, she might as well cut to the chase.

“Mom, I’m leaving,” Tessa can see the panic seep into her mother's eyes as her mouth opens, so she gets her next words out quickly, “and before you say anything just hear me out.” Tessa looks around at the familiar setting of the house, at the family pictures placed on the fridge and down at the coffee cup in her hands. “There’s so much I’ve stopped myself from doing because I was scared I’d never find some sort of happiness ever again. I feel like two years of my life have been wasted. They’re just gone and I’m done wasting any more time. I’m leaving but I’m not running this time. Nobody’s pushing me away. I’m leaving because I… I want to.”

Tessa’s eyes lock with her mothers and she’s surprised to find the panic in her mother's eyes has dimmed. Instead, it’s replaced with an attentiveness she needed. She takes a few breaths, her slight nerves slipping their way through but her heart is so set on what she’s decided, Tessa continues.

“As cliched as it sounds- I want to find myself again.” Tessa almost cringes at the words she’s used, the overgeneralization needing more explanation. She stares down at the cup in her hands again, scratching at the cardboard, “I thought I knew who I was but I lost that. I want to find _me_ again. I want to live my life without the boundaries all of this created, and I can’t do that here.” Tessa looks back up at her mother.

Kate doesn't say anything. Instead, she watches her daughter with an inquisitive look as the gears work in her head, turning Tessa’s words over and over again. 

Tessa’s takes a leap of chance.

“I’ve always wanted to return to Paris.”

_“Paris?”_

And it’s as if her mother is zapped back to their conversation and the reality behind Tessa’s decision.

“Paris or Antwerp. Not sure yet.”

“ _Paris?”_ Kate’s head shakes as if to clear it, the frantic look slowly making its way back to her. “Tessa, you’re talking about Europe here. This isn’t exactly Portland, Oregon.”

“I know. But it’s something I want to do. So what’s to stop me.”

“Tessa this is a lot easier said than done.” Her mother slowly lifts from the chair and makes her way around the counter, quickly tapping her fingers against the granite. “Portland already felt so far away and now, all of a sudden, you want to cross the _Atlantic_?”

“It sounds ridiculous I know, but I feel so sure about this. I can’t just go back to Portland now that I’ve realized I was only using it as a hideaway from everything.”

“A hideaway? How do you know Paris won’t be your next hideaway? Or Antwerp?”

“Because it won’t be! I want to make something of myself again. I can’t go moping around Montreal, constantly trying to dodge people I used to know. And I won’t go back to Portland.”

Tessa could see her mother growing not only frustrated but despondent by her daughter's circumstances.

“You’re running away again Tess.”

“I’m not running away!”

“Tessa, you did this last time and now you’re doing it again!”

Tessa anxiously runs her hands through her hair, her frustration growing by the second. She can’t get angry at her mother for not understanding. She didn’t expect her to accept it from the get-go. It took Tessa two years to truly understand it herself and finally admit it. Tessa gets up and walks around the counter towards her mother, whose hands are now crossed across her chest with an irritation settling in her eyes.

“It’s not a hideaway.” She places her hands on her mother's shoulders, before settling them on the granite.

“Tessa-”

“It’s hard to explain. But I feel _good_ about this. I want to get a job and I want to meet… _new_ people. I can’t go back and live in Portland and I won’t stay here - at least not now.” She takes a second to breathe and slows her next words, “I need somewhere _new_ where I can live without the worry of being harmed by everyone. I know I’m not making this easy for you or Jordan and I know it’s so sudden, but I hope you can understand my decision mom. I put a lot of thought into this and I’m finally ready. For real this time.”

Tessa doesn’t have to say his name, but Kate’s ability to put the pieces of her daughter's situation together wears down whatever chance there was of arguing any further. And it must have been the honesty and determination in her daughter's eyes, but Kate’s stance softens, knowing Tessa won’t change her mind. Her eyes are full of quiet sadness as she looks towards her daughter. Kate feels for her and everything she’s been put through and wishes that things hadn’t ended the way they did.

“The last two years… you weren't yourself. I just don’t want that to happen to you again. I want you to find that spark again. I want you to be happy Tessa.”

“I’ll find it again.”

“Oh, honey,” Kate lets out the loud breath she’d been holding in and her shoulders slump. “I - I do understand you wanting to leave, I do Tessa I just wish you didn’t feel the need to go. I know it’s what you want, but I just wish you were happy here.”

Kate’s palpable sadness propels Tessa forward and she wraps her arms around her mother. Her face burrows into her mother's neck and she allows herself a second to take in the comfort.

“Nobody can change the past mom. I can only move on from here.”

Tessa can feel Kate nod and she pulls back to look at the tears that have gathered in her mother's eyes. Kate’s hands come up to wipe at the gathered tears, but she manages to keep her composure. She grabs a kitchen towel and starts wiping at the counter, to what Tessa can guess is a way to distract herself from her decision. Tessa heads back around to sit down.

“So this is really happening?”

Tessa nods and continues trying to reassure her. “Yes, but I mean think about it. Paris! All the shops and food… it’s exciting you know?”

“I’m happy for you Tess, I am. I just think everything’s still processing in here,” Kate points towards her head then places her hand atop her daughters. “When were you planning on leaving?”

Tessa takes a drink from her coffee before responding. “I booked a ticket for tomorrow afternoon. I’m heading back to Portland to pack for a couple days. It’ll give me time to think between Paris or Antwerp and put everything together.” She doesn’t have an appetite for her coffee any longer and aims for the trash, “I sort of already have a place I’m looking into. Once I decide, I’ll be on my way.”

“Tomorrow? Are you sure you want to leave so soon?” Kate looks up but quickly gets back to wiping at the counters.

“I know it’s soon,” Her guilt builds. “I’m sorry. I just wanna kickstart this whole thing already.”

“I can come with you? Back to Portland? Help you pack up the place?”

“No, it’s okay mom.” She says, not wanting to bother her mother any more than she already has, “I don’t have much anyway, shouldn’t take more than a day if I’m being honest. Never really settled down there.”

Much to Tessa’s surprise, her mother doesn’t argue against her decision any further nor does she comment on Tessa’s sad confession. Kate hangs the kitchen towel and takes her place beside Tessa again, taking hold of her coffee cup. They’re both quiet for a minute as they soak up their exchange and realize just how real Tessa’s sudden decision has become.

“If- _they_ ask where you’ve gone, I won’t tell.”

Tessa shrugs, “I don’t care anymore, mom. I’m doing this for me.”

And it’s true. Tessa doesn't care who knows where she’s going. It’s no longer a secret she’d beg her mother to keep to herself. She wasn’t hiding, she was simply leaving because it was her decision to do so.

Kate nods, desperately trying to accept everything and Tessa can’t help but spot the uncertainty placed on her mothers face. She places her hand on Kate’s.

“You know you can come and visit me right? This won’t be like Portland. I want you and Jordan to come and see me whenever you want.”

And it’s like Tessa’s words give Kate the hope she needs. Knowing that her daughter isn’t pushing everyone away this time helps her cope with the move. The forlorn look on her face is replaced with a small smile.

“And we’ll be there sweetie.”

***

Tessa stays at her mother's all morning. She wants to soak up as much time with her as she can. Last nights revelation meant a new start but it also meant a hastier retreat from Montreal and a goodbye for her mother. But she knew she’d see her soon. She meant what she said. This wouldn’t be like last time.

They talk about Paris and Antwerp. Comparing them and weighing the pros and cons between them. They argue about which city has the better food and the better people. They bake Tessa’s favorite chocolate chip muffins as they discuss apartments and floor plans. Whether Tessa wants another all-white kitchen or if she’s willing to go darker, about the kind of job she’d pursue in the new city. They talk about the shops she’d revisit and the kind of neighborhood she’s currently interested in. Whether she’d get a dog or a cat.

Kate knew this was coming. In her heart, she knew her daughter would make her way out of the lives that hurt her. Was it hasty? Maybe. But Tessa knew what she wanted, and now, Kate knows she won’t let anything stand in her way.

It’s just past noon when Tessa gathers her things to make her way out. They both stand by the opened front door as they exchange tight hugs and goodbyes. Promises slip from Tessa’s mouth. Words promising to keep in contact and update her mother and sister on every decision regarding her move.

Tessa walks down the cement steps towards the awaiting taxi she’d called earlier, but turns towards her mother, remembering something.

“Mom, do you have Scott’s number?”


	10. Why Should I Worry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa didn’t let herself think twice about messaging Scott after leaving her mother’s house. Her fingers trembled as she typed out her message in the cab, asking him to meet up with her.

She’s headed to his place.

It’s a new address in a new neighborhood she’s never been to before. And maybe it’s a mistake, but leaving Montreal without telling him first felt wrong.

However, it does make her feel good to know that she still holds a sense of respect and decency for others, compared to other people she knows.

Tessa didn’t let herself think twice about messaging Scott after leaving her mother’s house. Her fingers trembled as she typed out her message in the cab, asking him to meet up with her. Tessa’s text was immediately answered by him, where he suggested meeting up at his house. Scott quickly followed it up with another message, before Tessa’s heart could go into overdrive. He explained Belle not feeling well and not wanting to leave her in the house with a babysitter. Tessa understands this, but the idea of walking into unknown territory makes her nerves spike.

The taxi pulls up in front of a house she’s never seen before. It’s a lovely suburban house, nothing like the bachelor-like apartments he used to live in. Tessa’s rapid heartbeats rattle her chest as she catches a glimpse at the set of red roses on the porch. She pays the driver before she gets out, and immediately finds herself wanting to turn back around. But she stops and reminds herself why she’s here. She’d never be able to leave Montreal without telling him first again. The pain and guilt would weigh too heavily on her.

Her legs feel like jello as they wobble with every step she takes towards the front door. Last night had been… something no amount of years could have ever prepared her for. He’d left her room still shattered to pieces with bloodshot eyes and the image still seared in her memory.

Her hand comes up seemingly on its own and knocks on the door. She has a couple of seconds to herself before it’s being pulled open.

“Tess!”

To say Scott looks tired and worn out would be an understatement. He sounds out of breath and the dark bags underneath his eyes have only darkened since last night. There’s a towel hanging from his shoulder and a bear plush is dangling from his hand.

“Hi.”

“Thanks for dropping by. C’mon in.” He moves aside to let Tessa in and closes the door behind her before grabbing the towel from his shoulder and throwing it behind him, “I’m sorry I couldn’t meet up with you anywhere else. I didn’t want to leave Belle.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Tessa removes the scarf from around her neck. She tries to ignore the harsh beating happening inside her chest as the events of the previous night replay in her mind. “How’s she doing?”

Scott motions for Tessa to follow him. They walk past the foyer and they step into the living room where she finds her wandering eyes taking in her surroundings. Against her will, the warm atmosphere of Belle and Scott's home unwillingly warms Tessa’s heart.

The TV’s playing _The Little Mermaid._

Picture frames hung along the opposite wall frame Belle’s vast works of art and Tessa finds herself smiling at the sight. The floor is partially covered in toys that evidently did not fit in the overflowing toy chest set in the corner. Tessa’s eyes finally land on Belle and she finds her laying on the big sofa with drowsy eyes as she hugs an oversized unicorn pillow to her body. The poor thing looks exhausted.

“She’s doing better,” Scott stands right beside her as they both look at the sight in front of them. He sounds and looks as exhausted as his daughter, “She spent most of the night awake and refuses to go to bed. She’s so stubborn. I don’t know how she does it.” Scott shakes his head, eyeing his daughter before turning to Tessa.

Tessa turns to meet his eyes and wishes she hadn’t. Scott’s looking at her unsure of what to do or what to say like last nights events were slowly coming back to him as well. His feet shift and his hands nervously turn the bear plush over and over. He opens his mouth before hesitating and turning back to Belle, walking over. He takes a seat beside her and bends down to Belle’s level.

“Tessa’s here Belle. I’m going to be right there with her, okay baby?” He points towards the kitchen and waits for an answer. Belle nods but her drowsy eyes never leave the TV’s screen. Scott watches his daughter for a second before leaning down and kissing her forehead. He brushes her hair behind her ear before hesitantly getting back up again.

Scott motions for Tessa to follow him as they make their way to the kitchen. The open floor plan allows Scott to keep a watchful eye on his daughter. He grabs a few child plates from the counter and places them in the sink.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee?”

Tessa stands in his kitchen, unsure if she should take a seat or not. Whether what she came here to tell him would take any longer than expected. “No, I’m okay thanks.”

Scott nods but his eyes stay on the sink in from of him as Tessa’s stay on the floor. The kitchen counter acts as a barrier between them, keeping them apart from each other like almost everything else has. They don’t say anything as they let the soft noise of the movie playing in the living room fill the air. It’s become a common occurrence between them. This silence. And it only highlights everything that has wedged itself between them. The complications that have come to fruition no longer a surprise to Tessa.

After what feels like a lifetime and a half of standing in his kitchen without a word exchanged between them, she feels Scott’s eyes finally lay on her.

“Tessa,” She looks up and meets his eyes. The worry in his reflecting her own. “Last night-”

“I’m leaving.”

She didn’t mean to blurt it out right then and there. But her mouth seemed to have a different idea and she could only carry on what’s already been started.

“I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon. That’s what I came here to tell you. I wanted you to hear it from me.”

Silence.

_Again._

And she can’t read him.

He stands there, hands on either side of the sink as his eyes sear into her own. His eyes, usually so expressive and unable to hide what he thinks, reveal nothing. He opens his mouth, hesitating, but finally asks.

“Back to Portland?”

“Kind of, um-” Tessa shifts forward. Her hands come up to the stool in front of her as she uses it for support, “Only to pack my things. I’m moving elsewhere.”

And there it is. A small crack allowing her a glimpse past the mask he temporarily put up.

“Moving where?”

“Paris. Maybe.”

His eyes shift between hers trying to read past whatever’s there. Like maybe all of this is some joke she’s overdoing. But he doesn’t find what he’s looking for. Instead, a sadness seeps into his eyes and the mask that was once there slowly begins to fade. Scott’s hand runs down his face, the color in his eyes dulling further.

“When did you come up with this decision?”

“Last night. Right after you left.”

“You’ve always wanted to go back.”

It’s muttered but it’s not angry. It’s disappointment, but it’s not placed on her.

“You know I can’t stay here.”

Scott nods looking down once again.

“I know.”

And maybe it’s in Tessa’s nature, but the guilt she fought away all night comes crashing in.

“I’m sorry Scott.” She whispers, unable to look him directly in the eye.

Scott’s head snaps up. There’s shock and confusion painted across his face as the words she just spoke sink in. He comes around the kitchen counter and stands a respectable distance away from her. He’s trying to meet her eyes but she won’t.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” He sounds genuinely confused, “You did nothing wrong, Tess.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m running. Like I’m just forgetting everything that’s happened here.”

Scott shakes his head, trying to block her nonsense words and coming closer.

“No, that’s not what I think at all. Tess, you’re-” Scott can’t seem to get his words out properly and trips over them. “You’re leaving because… because you deserve better.”

Tessa stills. It’s her turn to look up, shocked at what he’s admitted.

“Yeah.” Her throat burns from her words and unshed tears. “I guess I realized that it doesn’t matter if I leave or stay, because it would all hurt the same.”

Scott takes a moment, without saying anything, to just look at her. He sees the girl he’s known for so long he can’t remember his life without her. The girl who’s always been by his side, who always forgave even when he never deserved it. But things were different now. There was no “ _I forgive you_ ” being thrown his way. Not this time. His heart shatters continuously at the reminder of what he’s destroyed.

Scott only nods, the understanding of the admission from his words and thoughts settling in him. He steps forward and takes her hand in his and gently pulls Tessa closer. His unexpected touch and the warmth that comes from his hand makes her realize just how much she’s missed it.

“Do you remember-” Scott pauses, letting out a breath, “When we first got to Canton and you hated it? And that one girl in your class - Kendall Jameson, I think her name was, invited you to her party and I hated the idea of you going cause I didn’t like her?”

Tessa nods half dazed and half confused as to where Scott was going with this.

“But you went anyway, and that night I stayed up really late worrying about you. I didn’t like her but there was really no reason for me to be that worried you know? She hadn’t given me any reason to dislike her but maybe I was just jealous.” Scott’s thumb begins skimming her palm like he’d done for years, “When I went to go pick you up - you were so _happy_.” Scott’s smiling that smile he’d only ever given Tessa. “You’d had so much fun and it’s like you were finally looking forward to living in Canton. You’d met a lot of good people that night and seeing you that - radiant, made me the happiest man alive.”

Tessa stands there as his skin burns through hers, the meaning behind his words slowly sinking in.

“Sorry,” Scott shakes his head, bringing himself out of the memory he’d fallen into. “I guess what I’m stupidly trying to say is… you going to Paris-”

But he stops. Scott’s eyes lose the confidence they held when he was speaking only seconds ago. He lets go of Tessa and takes a step back before continuing.

“Tessa, I never deserved you and I know you know that already. But I’ve been selfish this whole week and I’m sorry that I expected forgiveness from you considering everything I’ve done. I invaded your space and expected to be forgiven on the spot. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come to terms with it.” He clears his throat and his voice grows softer. “I didn’t fight for you when I lost you. I should’ve fought for you, but I didn’t and I’ll never forgive myself for it.

Tessa didn’t know it until now, but she needed to hear those words from him. To know that the feelings boiling internally were validated. She had the right to feel the way she did.

Scott looks over into the living room at Belle before turning back, “I don’t deserve anything from you and the fact that you’re even standing in my kitchen right now instead of half a country away from me…”

Scott looks over at Belle again, and Tessa can tell his daughter has become his anchor. He finds strength in Belle when he needs it and Tessa’s heart breaks further. She catches his attention again by speaking.

“I came here today because I didn’t want you hearing about me leaving from anyone else. Contrary to what you and everyone else might believe… I still respect you. Even if you don’t deserve my respect.”

Scott flinches, knowing that every one of her words is true.

Tessa takes a pause, gathering her thoughts, before continuing. “Scott, you were my best friend.Erasing twenty years of history with you wasn’t as easy on my end.”

“Tessa-”

“Stop- I just- you were my anchor through _everything_.”

“T, I-”

“It was just getting harder and harder to be around you. I knew something was wrong but I never wanted to admit it to myself. Things felt different. You grew cold with me and our communication wasn’t there. I had no _idea_ what was going on with you. Our relationship - it became toxic.”

Tessa pauses, her feet shuffling. This wasn’t her intention. She came to say goodbye and here she was, digging up everything she tried so hard to put away and pouring it out again.

“We loved each other but we couldn’t be the people we wanted to be. When I ran from Montreal, I was running from _you_. For two years, I had absolutely no idea what had caused you to blow up on me and the ideas just kept running through me and I kept thinking of the worst possible things. But nothing came close to what you told me. What Cara told me.” Tessa tries her hardest to keep the tears in her eyes. Getting everything out in the open, on her end, was long overdue.

Scott’s eyes fill with the tears she’s seen much too often. He looks down at his hands, the guilt inside turning him away from the pain he caused.

“I had no one, Scott. I had no one supporting me and I can’t go through that ever again.”

Scott looks up again, his shame so intense and palpable, she thought he might shatter from the visible pain caused by her words. The admittance from her to him, even from something he already knew, seared the knife further and further into whatever was left of his heart.

“That last day I saw you in the locker room… I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it all back. But I _can’t_ and the last thing you deserve is someone like me trying to keep you here. I destroyed what we had Tess. All of it, that was me.”

“Yeah, it was.” It’s what he needed to hear. She understands that Scott already knows this. But saying it out loud, letting him know the agony he caused her felt like a release from her confines. “And you’re right. I’m leaving because the people I loved and trusted for years never fought for me. It’s also taken a long time for me to come to terms with it, but I deserved better than what happened to me. I still do.” Her next words took so long for Tessa to admit to herself, actually saying them out loud feels like a giant weight off her shoulders. “But I didn’t come here to bring any of this up again. I’m not forgetting. But I’m choosing to move on from it. It’s why I'm leaving. Leaving Montreal, on my terms, is my chance at happiness again.”

“Yeah,” Scott’s hand comes up in a desperate attempt to wipe away whatever falls from his eyes, “Yeah it is.”

“I imagined things would end up differently - for us - you know?” The melancholy and sadness dripping from her tone make Scott’s expression drop further. He takes a seat on the bench beside him.

“I know. Tessa, I need you to know that I-”

A small cough comes from a few feet away and the bubble surrounding the both of them bursts. They turn towards the tiny body. It’s Belle, pajamas and all. Her hands come up to rub at her eyes.

“Daddy.”

“Belle, what’s wrong baby?” Scott quickly wipes the tears that had gathered in his eyes, before walking over and scooping her up into his arms.

Belle rubs her eyes again and yawns out her answer, before resting her head on her father’s chest. “Movie.”

Scott turns towards the TV to find the credits rolling on the screen.

“Oh-” He turns back towards Tessa, “Sorry Tess, one second.”

Scott walks across to the living room with Belle in his arms and grabs the remote. Tessa walks forwards as well and leans on the wall next to her, watching the both of them.

“Which movie you wanna watch Belle?”

“Dodger.” Belle points towards _Oliver & Company_ on the screen, eliciting a soft protest from Scott.

“ _Again?”_

Belle nods and, to no one's surprise, Scott hits play without another complaint. He sets Belle down on the couch, kissing her forehead before making his way back to Tessa again. But before he can get too far Belle makes a complaint of her own.

“Stay.”

Scott quickly looks over at Tessa. He knows they still have things they need to talk through.

“Belle-”

“It’s okay Scott.” He looks panicked for a second, probably thinking she’s going to make her way out now. But she surprises herself and Scott when she walks towards Belle instead. “Your daughter has great taste in movies,” Tessa kneels down to Belle’s level, smiling. “Mind if I watch it with you, Princess?”

Belle gives Tessa the first smile she’s seen from her today. Belle nods excitedly, her bright smile warming Tessa up inside and melting whatever’s left in there. Scott’s looking over at her with shock and wide eyes, not believing Tessa’s willingness to stay, as he slowly takes a seat beside his daughter.

“You like Oliver & Company?” Tessa asks. Belle nods again and blushes, leaning against her dad’s arm. The two-year-old looked adorable in her Ariel themed pajamas and Tessa couldn’t help but reach out and poke Belle’s tummy. “Dodger’s my favorite. Who’s yours?”

Belle giggles and clumsily hops off the couch, running over to the toy chest in the corner, and begins digging through her pile of toys. She returns with a Dodger plush in hand and hands it over to Tessa excitedly.

Tessa eyes the plush in her hands, impressed and surprised with Belle for actually owning it and eyes Scott with raised brows.

“This must’ve been hard to find.”

Scott seems to shake himself out of whatever trance he fell into and clears his throat before answering. Tessa pretends not to notice.

“Ebay.”

***

If someone had told Tessa she’d be watching Oliver & Company with Scott and his daughter today, she would’ve called them crazy. 

But there they were. Sitting on the couch with Belle in between the both of them.

Tessa can feel Scott eyeing her every once in a while from the corner of her eye. But she won’t meet his eyes. Instead, they stay on the screen or Belle when she begins swaying along to _Why Should I Worry_. Obviously sitting in his living room alongside his daughter wasn’t the brightest idea, but her favorite scene was on, so what else could she do?

Tessa’s become invested in the movie playing in front of her when she feels lightweightht fall on her lap. She looks down to find Belle curled up and sleeping, the exhaustion finally having caught up to her. Scott leans forward placing a hand on his daughter back.

“I’m going to go put her to bed.” He whispers, as he gently lifts Belle from Tessa’s lap into his arms. He tucks her face into the crook of his neck and makes his way towards the stairs.

Tessa’s left to her own thoughts as _Oliver & Company_ continues on in the background.

Goodbye to twenty years of what she once thought was unbreakable. Goodbye to the person she would've given it all up for before. She’s doing this. She’s actually doing this. Saying goodbye to Scott to move on to what could be for her life. Her surroundings weren’t helping in the least. The framed pictures of Belle on the mantel and her drawings hung on the wall only heightened the want to get to know the little princess even more.

But the anger and hurt that still simmered within herself had her eyeing the front door a little more.

Scott returns to the living room and finds Tessa placing her scarf back on her neck.

“She’ll probably sleep for the next week or so,” he nervously rubs the back of his neck as he looks down at his feet. Their time together has come to an end and he knows it. His hand runs through his hair the way they always did when he was nervous.

“Yeah, probably.” _Say Goodbye._ “Scott, I have to go.”

“I know.”

_Goodbye._

_Say goodbye already._

But she has to get something out first before she can.

“Scott, can you promise me one thing before I go?”

He meets her eyes and they’re attentive, willing to give her anything she asks.

“Anything, Tess.”

She wasn’t sure how’d he take it. Hell, she wasn’t even sure why she was requesting this in the first place considering everything that lead to Tessa living her own personal hell.

“Will you please help Cara?” It comes out as a whisper, like asking it any louder would break the silence hung in the air. Scott winces at the sudden drop of her name before he’s looking at her like she’s asked him to jump off a cliff. “She needs help. Please don’t give up on her.”

“I can’t do that.” He blurts it out, confused as to why she would even ask. “After everything that’s happened, I can’t do that. I can’t get anywhere near her without getting angry. Dropping Belle off at her place is hard enough.”

This time it’s Tessa taking his hand in hers, skimming at the skin there. Scott looks down at their hands, taking in what would probably be the last time.

“Please-”

“How do you even- why do you even want to help her?”

“I know I shouldn’t Scott. Believe me, I understand more than anyone. But I can’t- I-” Tessa was growing frustrated. Not at Scott but at herself for even wanting to help her. _Why should she care?_ Maybe the protective instincts she held for friends was kicking in, even if they were nowhere near deserving of it any longer. “If not for me or Cara, do it for Belle.”

At the mention of Belle, his neck snaps up. Tessa knew this was a cheap move on her part, bringing in Belle to use it against him. But her reasoning overpowers her guilt as he looks at her in a _why-are-you-doing-this-to-me_ way before his shoulders slump. Scott nods, but the frustration and anger that pooled itself into his eyes was still there.

“Okay. For Belle.”

“Thank you Scott.”

She needs to get herself out of his home before it gets even harder, so Tessa turns towards the door to make her way out. She goes to turn the handle, but before she can Scott’s hand comes up and keeps the door closed prompting her to look at him.

“Tess… I know I don’t deserve it, and you can slap me for even asking. But-” Scott shifts, hesitating. “Can you keep me updated? Send me a message every once in a while and let me know how you’re doing?”

Tessa nods, giving in with a split second decision. “And maybe you can keep me updated on Belle’s skating?”

Scott’s face lights up and he gives her the widest smile she’s seen from him in a long time. “Yeah, you got it.”

Scott takes a step forward and his hands come up just inches away from her body. The sounds from the movie can no longer be heard, instead, the sound of their breathing intermingling together clouds her senses and she’s left with a pounding heartbeat. Scott hesitates before letting his hands land lightly on her waist like the thousands of times they had before, but the weight of them feel heavier this time. They stay there for a second before he moves them up across the expanse of her back, and pulls her against his warm chest. Tessa’s breathing slows, their once familiar embrace, bringing her back to the comfort of a place she once knew.

It’s the first hug they’ve shared in over two years.

Tessa can feel the beating of his heart pound right against her own, just like she always did before.

Scott pulls back as his arms stay locked around her. His hazel eyes seem brighter now but it’s only for a second before he closes them again. His breathing slows before he’s leaning in, placing a single kiss on her forehead.

And then it’s over in a second. His arms loosen and let go and he’s standing a few feet away.

“I also came to a realization last night, after I left, you know? I…I think I always just took what we had for granted in the end. Maybe I had you in my life for so long I just expected you to always be there.”

“Our timing wasn’t right Scott. Nothing worked out the way we hoped.” _Say goodbye._ “Maybe… one day… we can…” She catches herself before it’s too late. Taking the words and burying them deep within herself where she’d never want to find them again. Before she destroys every reason she worked so hard on the last few days that lead her right here this morning. Tessa looks down at her feet, muttering. “Nevermind. I’m gonna go. I hope Belle gets better soon and… don’t question her movie choices ever again.”

Her demand elicits a small smile from Scott, but his eyes tell her he’s thinking of something else. “I won’t.”

He reaches out and opens the door for her, the cold air seeping in through with the warmth of his home. She walks out onto the porch against the cool air and wraps her scarf tighter around her neck. Scott steps out with her, eyeing the awaiting taxi that would take her away from him again.

Tessa turns, taking in his features one last time, allowing herself the last few seconds of being with him before looking directly into his hazel eyes and saying the words she wished she never had to before.

“Bye Scott.”

He takes her in in return, uttering the words he hoped he’d never have to hear.

“Bye Tess.”

And there she went. Into the taxi that would take her away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy for my girlie Tess. Def excited for her Paris adventures and much more :)
> 
> Thanks for reading friends. Comments are always welcome! :)


	11. Solitudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wasn’t his anymore. She hadn’t been for a long time.

** Scott’s POV **

 

It’s muggy outside. _Again_. 

No sunshine pours in through the window like the morning before. Instead, Scott is met with a darkness that looms itself around his bedroom.

It’s fitting in a way. The cloudy and dark morning only mirrors the way he’s feeling inside. He’d slept an hour, maybe two before his alarm went off. His thoughts never gave in but only quickened throughout the night, flooding his mind with reminders of what he’d done and the repercussions for his actions.

She’s leaving. Tessa was leaving.

Leaving him again in search of the happiness she deserves.

He’d spent two years asking around, trying to find where she’d gone. Not knowing felt like a sharp knife through his chest. Tessa's mother and sister wouldn't tell him and when he got no answers the sting only grew. But knowing where she was headed off to this time around, somehow felt even worse.

His bed felt like a thousand degrees and his bare chest felt hot and sticky. Throwing his shirt off in the middle of the night had made no difference and he was left staring at the ceiling for hours.

Getting away from all the toxicity Montreal held for her now was a decision no one could have swayed her from. But he didn’t want to. He saw it in her eyes; the determination, the want, it was all there. He recognized it in a second. Scott wants her to be happy and she couldn't be that with him, not with the way he had betrayed everything Tessa thought she could trust. Happy, radiant Tessa who lives the life she deserves to live is all he wants for her.

He loves her so much he had to let her go.

She wasn’t his anymore. She hadn’t been for a long time.

Scott had to head to the rink in a couple of hours. The class he was teaching today would be a welcome distraction from everything he so desperately wanted to push away.

Belle wouldn’t be up for another hour or so, though Scott couldn’t be so sure considering how unpredictable her sleeping patterns had become lately. So, he heads to the shower to wash away whatever memories of the past week, the past two years, he can.

He stands underneath the running water for a few minutes. However, the icy water barely penetrates itself through the thick heat that seems to have surrounded his body. Disappointed with the outcome he steps out of the shower and dries off. He slips on a pair of sweatpants before heading downstairs towards the kitchen.

He decides on pancakes and eggs for himself and Belle and begins making their breakfast. Although, the Dumbo shaped pancakes he was set on mastering were proving to be more of a challenge than he thought they would be. So, instead, he’s left with misshaped pancakes that hopefully pass Belle’s rigorous pancake test.

The soft music playing across the kitchen was met with a loud knock at the door surprising Scott. It’s too early in the morning for a visit and he wasn’t expecting anyone. He sets down the spatula and heads towards his door, opens it and wishes he could slam it back shut.

“What are you doing here Cara? It’s not your day.”

She looks terrible, the dark circles underneath her eyes were even darker than Scott’s and her face was somehow even thinner than the last time he’d seen her.

“I know. I just came here to talk to you.”

Cara steps forward inviting herself inside, but Scott blocks her entry. She’s shivering, the icy air proving to be a challenge against her thin sweater, but he finds it hard to feel sorry for her.

“I’m busy. What do you want?” All emotion is devoid of him. It’s like she sucks all the life out of him when she’s around.

Cara’s brows furrow, “Can I come in?”

“No. Just say what you came here to say.”

Cara steps back and straightens herself up. Her face is set into that cold and hard expression he’s seen so often from her. Though, Scott’s learned it’s not a mask. It’s just her.

“Tessa’s here. Did you know that?”

Hearing her name slip from Cara’s mouth makes his mouth twitch. The disdain her eyes hold at the mention of her former friend builds his rage. But Scott’s expression carefully hides it all away. He’s not giving anything away anymore. He won’t let her take what she can from him and use it to manipulate him any further.

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And what Cara?” Scott’s response was short and clipped. His annoyance was quickly growing, wanting nothing more than to shut the door in her face.

“Well did you see her?”

“How is it any of your fucking business?”

“So you did see her.” Cara sneers as her own temper flares. She looks out towards the neighboring house. “Of course you did.”

He can’t fucking stand her.

Scott’s jaw locks and it feels like it’s about to shatter from the pressure he’s forcing on it.

“Look, I don’t have the fucking time for this.” Scott goes to close the door but he’s stopped by Cara’s foot in the way.

“Are you seeing her again? I don’t want her anywhere near Belle.”

Scott has to laugh, but it’s an empty and humorless sound. He looks her up and down, the pure distaste for Cara palpable.

“What? You’re afraid of Belle being around a good female role model for once?”

“Fuck you.” She spits out. Cara steps forward, bringing a finger to his chest. “Fuck you for saying that.”

Scott grabs her hand and pushes it off. “I’m closing the door now.” Nothing she says or does can surprise him anymore. He’s used to her lies. “Move.”

“Scott-”

He wants her gone. Out of his life and out of Belle’s. He’s pushed her as far away as he could, but she was still Belle’s mother. It’s the only reason he hasn’t packed up his bags and left with his daughter halfway across the country.

“If I find you back on my property, for any other reason than coming to pick up Belle, I’m calling the police.”

Cara steps back, her expression stunned before turning itself into anger again. Scott always wondered how someone like Cara could hold so much hatred for another, but now he knows. She doesn’t get a chance to say anything else before Scott is slamming the door shut.

Scott counts to ten in his head, trying desperately to control his breathing and rage. He can feel a headache grow between his temples, a pain that’s been making it’s home there for some time now. He leans against the door and hears Cara’s steps finally fade away towards the driveway.

His rapid steps take him back to the kitchen, where he paces over and over again. Scott’s angry all over, as he almost always is when he’s forced to be within a foot of her. His promise to Tessa floats around in the back of his mind, but he pushes it back. How is he meant to help her? The thought of her alone makes his skin crawl. For Cara to come around to his home, and think she had any right to dictate who he could and couldn’t be around only built his aggravation. The pure unadulterated disdain she still held for Tessa makes his blood boil. Scott bites his lip in vexation but forces himself to continue on with the eggs and pancakes before deeming them done.

He heads upstairs towards his daughter's room and slowly opens the door to find Belle still sound asleep. Scott feels assured knowing she wasn’t awake to hear her mother’s swearing. She didn’t deserve to see or hear what’s become of her parent's toxic relationship, and Scott continued to fight hard to keep that away from her. He takes a moment to just look at her, as he does most mornings when he’s not in a hurry. Just being here, with her, makes him feel calmer. His little baby girl who seems to be growing a little too fast for his liking began feeling better last night and now she’s curled up with her thumb in her mouth. Scott leans down to brush Belle’s brown hair away from her face and her eyes slowly flutter open.

“Good morning baby.” He whispers.

Like her father, Belle doesn’t have problems with early mornings most of the time. She’s gotten used to the early morning routines that allow them the appropriate time to get ready for Scott’s work when Belle joins him somedays. Belle takes a second to orient herself before reaching her arms out towards her dad. Smiling, Scott lifts her up into his chest and she immediately finds her favorite spot against the crook of his neck.

“I have pancakes downstairs.”

Scott carries Belle downstairs, places her in her highchair and serves up a poorly shaped pancake on a plate. He tops it with whip cream and strawberries, rewarding him with a smile and a giggle from Belle before he’s placing it in front of her awaiting her reaction. Belle looks down at the pancake, her head tilts to the side and she takes a moment to assess the mess in front of her. She taps the pancake, afraid it might jump out at her before looking up at Scott and smiling.

“Donald Duck!”

Scott stills, blinks and tries to keep the smile on his face. His pancake making skills were just murdered by his two-year-old.

“Yep,” He nods. “Donald Duck, that’s what I was going for.”

Belle happily munches away at her pancake and Scott sips at his coffee. Their mornings usually go a lot like this. Just the two of them as Belle talks up a storm. About what? Scott isn’t ever sure ninety percent of the time, but he enjoys their chats nonetheless.

“Daddy’s pancakes are good aren’t they?” He asks self-confidently. They might have come out looking like a mess but he could make a pretty great tasting chocolate pancake.

“I like pajamas!”

Scott laughs into his coffee. The admiration for his daughter and her growing vocabulary warms up every corner of him.

“Yes, baby I like your pajamas too.”

He sets his coffee down and boops her nose. Belle’s “words” come out rapid, jumbled and unclear. He has no idea what she’s just said but Scott nods his head anyway, a serious expression set on his face.

“Yeah, I thought so too. Good point kiddo.”

Belle smiles in return. Satisfied with… well, he doesn’t know.

***

“Stay still Belle.”

She was extra jittery this morning as he ran the hairbrush through her hair. Maybe less whip cream and strawberries would’ve helped in his favor.

Scott desperately tries to make two small braids but she won’t stop jumping in her seat. He’d been learning. The vast amount of videos on YouTube provided much-needed help when it came to doing hair, but he couldn’t find anything to help him in keeping Belle still. Opposed to starting over for the fifth time, he sighs and settles for two easy pigtails instead. _Damn, he’d been excited to try out the new braid he’d seen._ He leans down, kisses her forehead and lifts her off the stool.

“It’ll have to do. Let’s get you dressed princess.”

Belle follows closely behind, happily muttering some imaginary storyline out loud.

“Alright.” He says, opening up her wardrobe and immediately picking out the first thing he sees. “How about this one today?”

“No.”

Scott frowns, looking down at the item in his hands. _But it’s cute._ However, he puts it back to appease the tiny human and picks out the next thing he sees.

“This?”

Belle doesn’t even grace him with an answer this time. Instead, she stands there unimpressed and crosses her arms.

_Isn’t she too young for this?_

Scott raises his eyebrow at her. He tries to compose and control the incoming smile to not further encourage his daughter's attitude. “Okay miss sassy pants,” he mutters before turning and actually putting some thought into what he pulls out next. He spots something he knows Belle won't refuse and pulls it out. “Ah, this one’s the winner.”

Belle claps once and _finally_ , the princess is pleased. He smiles tenderly down at her.

“Alright arms up kiddo.”

Scott gets her dressed in her maple leaf themed sweater and sweatpants. He takes a step back to look. He can’t keep the affectionate smile off his face. He’d gotten this outfit on Canada day as a sort of joke to vex his mother who was with him at the time. Belle’s wearing the matching toque that’s much too big for her but she doesn’t seem to mind considering it’s her favorite.

Scott carries her downstairs where he gathers his skates and notes for class today. He’s stuffing everything into his duffel bag as Belle waits patiently on the couch. They walk towards the front door to make their way out when Scott pulls on his own toque last minute. However, he looks down when he hears a grunt from Belle.

“What is it?”

Her pout only deepens when she points up at his toque. He looks up, confused as to what’s wrong and then it clicks.

They’re _not_ matching.

It’s one of Belle’s _rules_ , or maybe the word _law_ would be more fitting.

Scott sighs slipping it off slowly and pouts himself. “You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry.” He opens the entry closet next to him, tosses the cursed toque aside and pulls out his matching one, slipping it on. Scott smiles down at Belle, hoping for her approval. Satisfied with what she sees, Belle nods, steps forward and waits for the front door to open.

Well, he’s raised a hell of a child that’s for sure.

***

With a coffee in one hand and Belle’s in the other, Scott walks into the cold rink. He greets the receptionist and those he passes before heading over to his students and their parents where they’ve gathered by the stands.

“Good morning everyone.”

He’s greeted by excited hello’s from all the kids as their parents help lace up their skates.

“Morning Scott! Morning Belle!” Joyce, a bright six-year-old student with a radiant smile comes up to the both of them. Belle had quickly warmed up to her a few weeks back and now takes her hand as Joyce extends it towards her.

“Morning Joyce. How’re you doing?”

“I’m great! I wanna show Belle my new skates though!”

Joyce takes Belle and leads her towards her things where he presumes the new skates are. Scott chuckles and settles his things down, quickly going over his notes and plans for today when Pamela, one of his student’s mother, approaches him.

“Hi Scott.”

“Hey Pamela.” He fixates the smile on his face as he continues flipping through his notes, continuously sipping on his coffee. She looks different today. Her hair is down and straightened as opposed to the ponytail she always sports and she’s not wearing the usual sweatshirts he always sees her in.

“Kasey wouldn’t stop talking about you all week. I think she might have a tiny crush.” Pamela laughs lightly at the idea, her face flushed with a hint of red.

Scott lets out a small laugh before answering. “Kasey’s adorable. How are you doing Pamela?”

“I’m great!” She brushes her hair behind her ear and takes a step closer. “Actually I called out of work today so not much to do later tonight.” She clears her throat, her voice perking up a bit. “Have any plans tonight?”

He’s still flipping through his notes and misses the darker red that blankets her cheeks.

“I do actually.”

“Oh?” He glances up and finds her eyes have dimmed from only seconds ago.

“Movie night with Belle.” He’s smiling at the reminder, although the idea of listening to its songs one more time makes him shiver. “Promised we’d watch Frozen. Karaoke version.”

“Oh.” Pamela laughs a little too loud for this early in the morning but finishes with a cough. “Sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.” Scott sets his notes and coffee down as Pamela takes a seat amongst the other parents. Ready to commence the class he walks towards the boards. “Okay, kids. On the ice please.”

***

Scott’s class was just about wrapping up. It’d been a great few hours that helped occupy the corners of his mind away from what it really wanted to focus on. His students were improving everyday and were on their way to accomplishing great things, and the excitement for them only warms Scott from the inside out.

He’s giving his last few notes out to his students when they all chirp up excitedly at someone behind Scott.

“Chiddy!”

He turns to find Patrick walking along the boards with a big smile directed toward Scott’s students. The kids skate towards the boards to greet him and Scott finds himself smiling along with everyone else. He hadn’t seen his friend since Jordan’s wedding, but his reasons for being here make Scott uneasy, considering he doesn’t drop by anymore.

“Hey kids.” Patrick high fives the kids and answers their rapid questions before spotting and heading over to Belle whose been sitting by Pamela.

Belle jumps up and down, causing her toque to slip out of place and cover her eyes. But, she raises her arms towards her honorary uncle nonetheless. He bends down to swoop her up into his arms. “Hello pretty lady.” Patrick fixes her toque and begins tickling her. “You’re growing up so fast.”

Scott steps off the ice and heads over to the both of them.

“Hey man.”

“Hey.” Patrick turns to greet him in return, but Scott’s unsettled by the seriousness behind his eyes. He guessed correctly; they need to talk.

He stands back and lets Patrick catch up with Belle for a bit as he goes over some suggestions with some of the parents. Scott doesn’t want Belle around to hear any of the conversation he knew they had to have so he searches for Pamela. Remembering she mentioned something about wanting to take the kids out to get hot chocolate after class and walks over to her.

“Hey,” Pamela looks up and her blush returns. Scott ignores it. “Would you mind taking Belle with you? I have to wrap up some things here?”

Scott doesn’t think he’s ever seen her smile so wide before, but she’s already nodding before he’s finished asking. “Of course! I was just about to ask!”

Eternally grateful to have Belle out getting a sweet treat instead of overhearing whatever Patrick has to say, his smile matches hers. “Thanks Pamela.”

Patrick walks over with Belle, as he bounces her up and down in his arms. Scott turns to them and fixes Belle's jacket and headwear before she heads outside.

“The kids are going out for some hot chocolate baby. Miss Pamela’s going to take you!”

Belle excitedly claps her hands clearly thrilled with the idea. Patrick let’s her down and she quickly runs over to Pamela and the other kids.

“I’ll drop her off later!” Pamela calls out, taking Belle by the hand and leading the kids out, leaving Patrick and Scott alone.

Neither of them have to say anything. They both know’s why he’s here. Scott wordlessly leads them over to sit on the stands, where he lets his exhausted body slump against the wall. They let the rumble of the zamboni on the ice fill what feels like a thick and tense air around them. Scott doesn’t know how to start or what to say. He can feel his friend look over, running his eyes all over him, analyzing and dissecting everything. Patrick must've sensed his hesitation and saves Scott from going first.

“Haven’t seen you since the wedding. How’ve you been?”

Scott shifts in his seat and looks out towards the ice, cracking his knuckles. “I’m doing fine.”

“Scott.”

He turns to find Patrick watching him with a hint of annoyance. “What?”

“Tell me the truth.”

Scott lets out a harsh breath, looking out again. “I’m doing fantastic Patrick.” He lifts his shoulders like his answer is the most obvious thing in the world.

“Are you gonna be an ass about this?”

Scott’s annoyance was growing. _Why can’t he feel like shit in peace?_

“What do you want me to say?”

He doesn’t need this right now. His mind and body feel like they’re getting to the point of collapsing in on themselves. He feels like he’s deteriorating from the inside out and he doesn’t know how much more he can take from others.

“How about telling me that you’re fucking miserable for starters. You look tired man.” Patrick nudges him with his hand, prompting Scott to look over at him. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Clearly.” Patrick opens his mouth again but thinks better of it. Scott can tell he’s hesitating to ask, and he hopes it stays that way. But against his wishes, Patrick gains whatever confidence he needs last minute and asks. “Cause of Tessa?”

“Patrick.”

Scott knew it was coming. But the sharp pain he feels from the mention of her name only makes the ache grow inside.

“Yeah you’re right let's just avoid any topic concerning Tessa like we’ve been doing for the last two years.” He replies sarcastically, shaking his head at Scott’s inability to talk to him about her. “Scott she isn’t some taboo topic.”

Scott stands and runs his fingers through his hair, pulling at the strands. “I don’t wanna do this right now.”

Patrick stays put but throws his hands up instead. His own temper grows at his friend's stubbornness to cooperate. “So when should we? Just _talk_ to me.”

“ _What do you want me to say Patrick._ ” He can’t help the way his words rip out of his throat, startling the both of them. The emotions he’s tried so hard to bottle up inside today were bursting out, and his control over them weakened. “That seeing her again reminded me of how badly I fucked everything up? That I’m reminded me of how fucking in love with her I still am? _I lost her._ ”

Patrick doesn't respond. What would he even say? Scott is angry, pissed off and hurt. His best friend is suffering at the hands of his mistakes and nothing anyone says can heal the damage that’s been done. He lets the dust settle but watches Scott’s face contort and manifest itself into the hurt he’s pent-up and hidden away from everyone.

“I screwed up. And now I have to live with it.” His chest heaves up and down and his voice cracks with every word. Scott sits back down and covers his eyes with his hands. “Patrick, I’m never getting her back. She’s leaving.”

“Back to Portland?” Patrick perks up, the worry reflecting itself in his voice. “When?”

“Today. This morning. She’s probably gone already.” He sounds torn down and defeated as he relays Tessa’s plans out loud.

Patrick frowns. He figured Tessa wouldn’t stay in Montreal much longer, but time seemed to have slipped from him and his plans to meet up with her went void. The growing guilt weighed down heavily on his shoulders. “I didn’t say goodbye.”

“Yeah well-” Scott shifts in place. He sits up and leans his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “She’s leaving for Paris. So if you wanna talk to her you know where to find her now.”

“ _Paris?”_

“Yeah.”

Patrick can’t seem to wrap his mind around what’s going on. His frown deepens by the second and the reality of everything that’s happening seems to crash against him. But his friend looks like he doesn’t want to believe it, and all Scott can do is watch.

“How do you know-”

“She came over yesterday morning to tell me.”

“And you just let her go? What’d you do?”

“What should I have done?” Scott leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. The earsplitting migraine between his temples grows with every word. “Chain her to me? Patrick, I practically put her on the plane myself. I encouraged her decision. I don’t want her here if she’s going to be miserable within a hundred mile radius of me. I won’t do that to her.”

Patricks speechless. Scott can see it splashed across his face, in the way the corners of his mouth twist around. He glances over at Scott, his eyes glimmering against the rinks harsh, bright lights. There are newer, permanent lines carved into his face that weren’t there the year before, the toll of what they’d lost having taken a toll on the both of them. 

“So she’s gone?”

Scott’s throat feels like it’s encased in sandpaper. The fire burns him down and all he can do is nod.

They stay sat there for minutes without saying anything and watch as a few skaters take the ice in the distance. Thoughts of Tessa, Belle, Cara and everything he’s fucked up and lost runs through Scott’s mind. He’s built himself an uphill climb and he has no one to blame but himself. Patrick breaks their silence and utters words Scott reminds himself of everyday.

“We’re idiots.” Patrick nods slowly, his mouths set in a hard straight line. “Complete fucking imbeciles.”

“Yeah,” Scott clears his throat. A weak attempt at trying to soothe the ache that’s settled there. _Complete and utter fuck-ups who ruined what they should’ve cherished_. “We are.”

Patrick looks over, speaking softly. “You want me to take Belle in for a couple of days? Maybe it’ll give you time to… process.”

“No,” Scott frowns. Belle keeps him strong. He wants to get better for her. “I’m… it’s okay.”

“Okay, just let me know if you change your mind.”

“Yeah.” He's grateful for his friend, for always being there for him. Scott meets Patrick's eyes. “Hey look I’m sorry, I’ve been going out of my mind a bit. I know you’re trying to help, but-”

“Don’t worry about it. Just get better man.”

They both stand from the cold hard bench to make their way out. Scott gathers his things and they both head to the parking lot, where the gusts of wind have turned even colder than earlier. The cold feels like sharp blades of ice and no amount of layers could prevent it from seeping through. Patrick’s followed him to his car as he throws his things in the backseat. Scott turns when he hears his friend clear his throat.

“Keep me updated Scott. Let me know how you’re doing.”

Scott sighs and manages a barely there nod. “I will.”

Patrick steps forward and brings his friend into a hug. Scott wraps his own arms around his friend at the unexpected action but still appreciative of the simple gesture. He’s been feeling so alone for so long. A feeling he has no right to bear considering _she_ had no one for so long when he had everyone. Patrick pulls away and punches him in the arm. “And don’t be an ass.”

That elicits a laugh from Scott.

***

Scott’s laying on the couch, flicking tirelessly through television channels when the doorbell rings. He gets up and opens the door to find Belle and Pamela on the other side. His heart warms at the sight of his daughter and bends down to Belle’s level. She walks right into his outstretched arms.

“Hey baby.” He pulls back to wipe at the small chocolate stain on the corner of her mouth. “How was it?”

Belle giggles and her answer’s enough. She’d enjoyed herself. That’s all that matters. Scott stands to thank Pamela, grateful for her taking care of Belle and bringing her all the way back.

“Thanks for taking her. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.” He leans against the door frame smiling over at her.

“She’s a beaut. It’s no problem.” He can see the familiar red creep up her neck again so he looks down at Belle.

“Say thank you Belle.”

She wraps her arms around Scott’s leg and leans against it, tilting her head up. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome princess.” Pamela smiles warmly down at her before directing her attention back on Scott. Her eyes lock with his and she licks her lips, once, twice. She looks nervous and apprehensive to say what she wants to say. Her eyes jump from his to Belle’s for several seconds.

Scott’s raises his eyebrow at her. _Huh? Oh. He should invite her inside._

“Did you want to come in?” Scott points inside and moves to let her pass through.

Pamela’s eyes widened before her answer practically spilled itself out of her mouth. “No, I’m alright… I was just wondering if maybe…” she shifts in place and looks down at her entangled fingers, “You wanted to get together sometime? Maybe have a coffee or… something?”

Scott’s mouth opens slightly, surprised with Pamela’s forwardness considering how shy and timid she always is around him. Scott’s exhausted from his week, but not exhausted enough to realize what she was hinting at.

_A date? Or is he really that exhausted he’s starting to jump to conclusions?_

But the way she’s looking at him suggests his instincts are correct.

“I, uh-” He doesn’t know what to say. He’s known her for a while now. Maybe a year? She’s beautiful, a lovely mother and friend. But the thought of going into anything with anyone that’s not… _her…_ makes his head spin. Scott looks down at Belle, who seems to have no clue what’s going on, nor is she interested enough to care. He looks back up at Pamela. “Will you give me a second?”

Scott bends down to pick Belle up. Leaving the front door open he walks over to the living room, sets Belle down on the couch, switches to one of her favorite channels and tells her he’ll be right back. Belle nods distractedly, already invested in whatever children’s show is happening behind him. He walks back over to the door to find Pamela pacing the porch.

He’s barefoot but steps out anyway, closing the door behind him. She looks up and opens her mouth to speak but Scott beats her to it.

“Pamela I-” He steps forwards. “I’d love to get-”

“No, don’t worry about it-”

“… Coffee with you sometime but I’m not looking for anything.”

She closes her mouth and stops whatever else she was going to say. Hurt flashes across her face and the guilt from it adds on to what he’s already carrying inside. He jumps to explain himself, not wanting to lose her as a friend.

“I just- I’m going through… some things, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to drag you along. I’m sorry.”

He feels like an ass. But what else is new. He can barely look her in the eye.

She doesn't say anything and he doesn't either. He just stands there like a dick.

He glances up when he hears her shuffling forward. “Hey, it’s okay Scott.” Pamela’s eyes have turned soft and it might be because she’s always been good at understanding people. “I get it.”

She can see the tired lines underneath his eyes, they’re clearer now more than ever. His eyes aren’t the same hazel she’d been in awe of the first time she saw them. They’re darker and the light that was once in them is missing now.

Scott just breathes in, his eyes conveying sorry.

She steps closer. But there’s nothing but kindness in hers. All thoughts of coffee, with those kinds of intentions, are gone, and she’s left with only worry for her friend. She lays a single hand on his shoulder before rewarding him with a small smile.

“Whatever it is you’re going through… you’ll be okay.”

Scott might’ve brushed it off earlier today, but he’s _tired_. He’s allowed to be. He manages a small smile before it slips.

“I hope so.”

She steps back and leans against the porch railing. She watches him for a bit, memorizing every crease and line that wasn’t there before.

“All the kids look up to you, you know? You’re their idol.”

Scott laughs lightly, shaking his head. Maybe he was before, but not anymore. “I don’t think I’m the best person to look up to.”

She tilts her head, not believing his words for a second.

“I don’t think that’s true. They certainly don’t.”

Scott’s brows crease as he takes in what she’s just said. He's not worth it.

***

They’d stayed out on the porch for a bit as a light drizzle began to fall. Their conversation had turned to her sons skating and how proud Scott was of his improvement on the ice. 

She said her goodbyes and headed out towards her car, but not before he offered her his umbrella that she happily obliged to use.

He watched as her car turned down the street before heading back inside.

***

Scott had placed Belle atop his chest where she slept soundly and comfortably. She had dozed off halfway through the movie, but he continued watching nonetheless, humming along to the songs. When the credits begin rolling Scott turns everything off, takes ahold of Belle in his arms and heads upstairs to put her to bed. 

He reaches her bedroom and carefully lays her in the crib so as not to wake her. He kisses her forehead, turns the nightlight on and heads towards the door.

“Daddy.”

It’s a whisper but it’s there. Scott turns to find Belle sitting up in her crib with a tired pout on her face. Scott sighs, praying this doesn’t mess with her sleeping schedule any further and walks over. She extends her arms out, so he picks Belle up again and decides to settle into the chair set in the corner with her on his lap. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her close, gently rubbing her back to coax her to sleep. Despite the heaviness set in his body, it soothes itself out at the feeling of his healthy daughter sinking into the warmth of his skin.

Belle lays her head on his chest as he plays with her brown hair. The room is illuminated by the soft blue glow from her nightlight and it only encourages Scott’s eyes to close a bit as a calm settles within him.

“Want a brother.”

It’s so soft, Scott thinks he might’ve imagined it. His eyes snap open and he’s looking down at his daughter. He could’ve misheard her but she’s looking up at him, her eyes hopeful and innocent.

“What?” His brows furrow and his head feels like it’s spinning. “A brother?”

Belle nods and looks down to play with her hands. She places them on Scott’s chest as she lays herself down again like her request hadn’t just jolted and snapped her father from sleep. Scott doesn’t know how to respond. His heart aches at the chance of growing his family, something he’s always wanted, but the likelihood of doing just that seems nearly impossible now. It’s slipped from his fingers just out of reach and his feet are planted to the floor along with any possibilities. He’d love nothing more than to give her a brother, and the suggestion only becomes a harsh reminder of who he and Belle lost two years ago.

Scott struggles to control his breathing and tries his best to keep a steady rhythm for Belle. He can feel the familiar tears pool in his eyes so he tilts his head back to hide them from her.

“Maybe one day baby.” His voice is thick with emotion and getting the words out is hard enough. Maybe if he says them out loud, the possibility of it coming true is greater. But it’s a stupid stray of hope he crushes immediately after.

He looks back down at Belle but finds her sound asleep again.

***

It’s three in the morning when Scott finally heads to bed.

His body aches from all the tension it supported today and decides to go for a quick, hot shower, wanting nothing more than to finally lay in bed and let some sleep take him.

But to no surprise to him, it doesn’t help. Nothing helps. His body still aches and his neck feels like it's about to snap in half with any sudden movement. He doesn’t bother with a shirt and turns the ceiling fan to it’s highest speed, hoping it helps him cool off a bit. He sits by the edge of his bed and sets his morning alarm.

Scott lays down and eyes the messaging app on his home screen.

It looks so menacing.

He could message her. He _wants_ to message her. But the last thing he wants to do is bother her any further so he locks his phone and places it on the nightstand. He settles into bed and forces his eyes closed, begging whoever’s listening for some sleep.

But his fingers won’t stop twitching and his mind won’t stop racing. Scott gives in and sits up, reaches for his phone and types out a quick message. He hits “send” before he has a second chance to rethink it and waits as his heart beats wildly in his chest.

**Scott     |     (3:03 am)**

**Are you back in Portland?**

It’s a simple question. He didn’t want Tessa to feel like he was invading her space in any form but he did want to know if she’d made it back safely.

Eleven minutes pass and there’s no response from her. Scott decides to put his waiting to rest and sets his phone on the nightstand again. She’s probably asleep. _Or_ she probably just doesn’t want to talk to him. The latter being the most probable in his head. He lays back down and stares ahead at the ceiling, like the night prior and waits for the weight of his eyes to close on their own from exhaustion. After some time, by some blessing, they’re on the verge of closing when a chirp from a notification has him sitting up so quickly, his vision blurs for a second. He reaches out for his phone to find a single message from Tessa.

**Tessa     |     (3:14 am)**

**Yes. Packing now.**

Scott’s breathing is even more uneven than it was before. He exhales loudly as his fingers hover over his phone. Editing and erasing what he types out a hundred times. There are a thousand things he wants to say, but the idea of scaring her off with his words pains him. So, he settles for something short. Something he means.

**Scott     |     (3:15 am)**

**Stay safe** **please. Message me if you need anything.**

His eyes jump all over the screen. Wondering if he’s overstepping his boundaries when her response pops up.

**Tessa     |     (3:16 am)**

**I will. Goodnight.**

He doesn’t want to stop talking to her. But reality sets in and the voice at the back of his mind persists on setting the phone down and calling it a day. _Quit bothering her._ And it’s right, so he types out his response, locks his phone for the last time tonight and calls it a day.

**Scott     |     (3:16 am)**

**Night Tess.**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Update and Dad Scott!! I know y'all are angry at him and I am too but omg. I had so much fun writing this chapter, it might be my new fav (cause Belle be my fav). Hope you all enjoyed it and liked this glimpse into Scott’s life. Until next time friends.
> 
> Comments always welcome ☺️


	12. White Blank Page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her growing optimism lets her know that for the first time in a long time, her happiness is only a short arms reach away.

Tessa is all packed and ready to go.

She’s been back in Portland for about a week now. But the dark clouds and heavy rain made her feel like she was still back in Montreal. The lush green of the trees was different here though, and the air felt lighter somehow. She didn’t walk the streets and round the corners in fear of running into someone she knew and left behind. A visit to her favorite coffee shop helped Tessa manage her nerves as she sipped on a cappuccino. Sitting by the large bay window as the rain outside pounded against the glass, eased her body into ways she always craved.

But it wasn’t enough to make her feel at home. Tessa didn’t know what home was anymore.

Montreal wasn’t that for her anymore and Portland could never fill the hollow ditch that was left no matter how beautiful it was. She wished it could be. Tessa fought long and hard with herself, angry for not finding comfort in a place so perfect it should've fit like a glove.

It’s really quite morbid. A woman once full of life and passion turned into the deceiving hollow soul that reflected itself off the stained glass mirror across the shop. For so long she felt like a shell of who she used to be. The fire that once resided within her had diminished but the fight to get it back grew with every day.

After two years of an engraved fatigue, she’s looking forward to what could be.

Tessa’s smiling again at the thought of Paris. She’d been a few times for competitions but she was never able to stay long enough to breathe it in as she strolled through the streets along The Seine. Her heart beat rapidly in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time, and God did it feel good.

She walked back to her barren apartment as the heavy rain pelted against her umbrella. Tessa wanted to savor her last afternoon in Portland so she slowed her walk, enjoying the crunch of the leaves underneath her boots.

Her week had been filled with overflowing brown boxes and endless flights of stairs as she shipped off what little she had left to her mothers. So, with only twelve hours left before she heads towards the airport, Tessa throws herself onto the bare mattress. She knew she wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight, her nerves were at an all-time high. Instead, Tessa decides to flick through pictures of her awaiting apartment in Paris.

She’d been on the phone for hours with her mother, who helped research the different areas as they weighed the pros and cons. Tessa swore they’d never agree on one place, but when they came across the listing, they both fell in love with the history and character her new apartment had to offer.

Jordan had been on the phone alongside her mother in hysterics the night prior, having been rightfully upset at Tessa for not having told her about her big decision. But by the end of the call, she’d given Tessa a verbal list of souvenirs she expected back. Tessa truly admired her sister and her priorities.

Now here she is at four in the morning in the back of a cold taxi on the way to the airport.

Tessa had felt like she was headed to her death last time she’d crawled into a taxi on the way to the Portland airport. But this time, there’s only light at the end of the tunnel.

***

Boarding pass in hand, she hears her gate being called and heads over to check in. As she boards the plane, Tessa says a quick goodbye to the life she’s leaving behind and hello to an opportunity at happiness.

_***_

_“Don’t go.”_

_Tessa sits up, covering her bare body with the white hotel sheet as the sunlight streams in through the large window. His hand lays on her back as his fingers lightly skim the expanse of her back. Up and down, and down and up. She glances over her shoulder, trying to hide her smile. The white sheet barely covers him as it lays haphazardly low on his hips. His head rests upon the mountain of pillows and the light catches the glint of her favorite hazel eyes. Her fingers had been responsible for having run themselves through his hair all night and now it was splayed all over the place. God, he’s so handsome._

_“We,” she annunciates, “Have to go. Practice is soon and we don’t want to be late.”_

_Scott sits up and wraps his arms around her waist. He leans down and kisses her shoulder softly, trailing his mouth upwards along her neck and jaw._

_“Yes, we do.”_

_Tessa shakes her head but her smile won’t leave her face. His lips brush against her skin and her body responds in ways she can’t control. His body feels warm behind hers as his chest presses against her back. She turns her head, her body giving in to his charms and kisses him. Scott’s lips mold gently against hers as he kisses her back slowly, attentively savoring every bit of her. His palm burns her skin on the way up where he cups her face, skimming the pad of his thumb across her cheek._

_Tessa needs more of him. Much more. Damn him for being so convincing._

_She turns her whole body and climbs atop him, deepening the kiss and splaying her legs on either side of his waist. She can feel Scott smile against her mouth as he slowly leads them back down on the mattress where his hands push her closer to him._

_His fingers rake through her hair before continuing down to her lower back. His fingers are feather-like, light and attentive to every curve of her body. The heat between her legs grows and his mouth continues encasing every part of her neck. His tongue does wonders against her skin as she tilts her head to give him more access. Tessa can feel Scott at her center and she pushes down harder rewarding herself with a moan. The growing pressure on her neck brings pleasure and pain. She can’t stop herself from smiling and pushing him impossibly closer._

_But then she realizes what he’s doing. Tessa sits up on his lap suddenly, surprising him, and places her hands on his chest. He tries reaching for her again but she pushes him back down roughly, eliciting a sideways smile and questioning eyebrow from Scott._

_They’re both panting as she brings a hand up, touching her neck where his mouth made contact._

_That’s going to leave a mark._

_“You’re clever, you know that?”_

_He laughs, trying to catch his breath as he lays his head back down._

_“It was worth a try.”_

_***_

Tessa jolts up. Her head spins and her vision goes dark for a second before it’s focusing on her surroundings again. Tessa takes a second to remind herself where she is as she looks around the darkened cabin where most of the passengers seem to be sleeping. She’s sweating all over and her mouth feels parched. Tessa lays her head back and tightly shuts her eyes. She places her hand on her chest and counts to ten, trying to even out her rapid breathing.

_What’s wrong with her?_

Tessa brings her hands up to rub her temples and tries to relieve the pressure that’s growing there. Her dream was… absolutely uncalled for and _vivid_.

But it wasn’t just a dream, it was a memory. And it’s exactly what she’s trying to forget.

She reaches for her water bottle, uncapping it quickly and drinking nearly all of it in seconds. But her mouth still feels parched. Her seat suddenly feels too hot and small, like it’s all closing in on her.

Tessa quickly gets up quite clumsily and makes her way down the aisle towards the restrooms. Luckily they’re all unoccupied, so she gets into one of them and locks the door behind her. She faces the mirror and places her hands on either side of the sink, hating what’s reflected back at her. Tessa’s face is flushed and pink all over. The bright white light hung above the mirror only accentuates the bright green in her eyes and she can read herself all over.

She hasn’t had sex with anyone in over two years. 

And after two years, it was taking its toll on her. She and Scott had been quite… _active_ during their time together. For years they’d supported and happily obliged to each other's wants and needs until it started becoming something _more_ meaningful to the both of them. But she doesn’t have that anymore. She doesn’t have that with anyone anymore. It wasn’t something she actively thought about while in Portland so the clear reminder of it all now stuns her. Tessa splashes cold water on her face, hoping for some kind of miracle to take the pressure between her legs away.

But the truth of the matter is; she wants to touch herself. Relieve the pressure and put an end to this need, right here, right now. Doing it wasn’t a big deal, but going through with it after _that_ would feel like she was succumbing to him, and Tessa didn’t want to give him any more power. She didn’t want him holding anything else over her, dangling it there out of reach.

“Breathe. Just breathe.” She whispers it over and over like a mantra, hoping the repetition cements itself into her conscious to stop the fire currently happening inside. She looks back at her reflection and rolls her eyes. “You’re such a loser.”

A set of quick knocks on the door surprises her as a muffled voice comes through.

“Return to your seat, please. We are landing shortly.”

_She needs to get her shit together_. Tessa splashes some more water on her face before drying herself off and opening the door. Most of the passengers seem to be waking up now as the pilot announces they’ll be landing in fifteen minutes. Tessa hopes her face doesn’t look as flustered as it did only seconds ago and sits back down. She smiles briefly over at her seatmate who spent most of the flight asleep and crosses her legs tightly.

Gathering her things and orienting her mind and body, Tessa slides open the window shade. And there it is. 

Paris.

All previous thoughts are wiped out as the vast view she’s rewarded with welcomes her heart. The streets and structures that line the land tug at something in her. There’s opportunity nestled in them, in the people walking the streets. Bright sunlight illuminates every crevice and her heart beats erratically inside her chest. The bright blue river that weaves its way through buildings, is picture perfect and Tessa feels the hope radiate inside her at the sight. The plane glides lower and lower into her future, bringing in the details of the streets down below. The light in her heart that was missing for years was settled there again, burning with a purpose.

_Paris_.

Tessa feels _giddy_. She’s probably obstructing her seatmates view of the city but she didn't care, because she couldn’t get enough. Her smile grew so big her jaw started aching and her eyes felt wet with tears. Being here feels like a milestone. A step in the right direction. Free from what happened to what could be. Free to live in the way she wanted for herself with only herself in mind.

Tessa was happy.

This is the start of the rest of her life.

***

“I miss Nana.”

Belle's having breakfast and she has had a stubborn pout on her face all morning. Her arms are crossed and she won’t eat the cereal placed in front of her. Her comment caught Scott off guard. He glances up from the dishes he’s washing to see her angrily eyeing her breakfast before looking down again.

“I miss her too baby.” Scott sighs but continues washing what’s left of the dishes. He hadn’t gone to visit his mother in quite some time… six months to be exact, and the reminder stung. It might as well be centuries long to the Moir family who always made it routine to visit each other regularly. Scott’s sure his mother will have a word with him the next time he sees her.

A half-cry suddenly leaves Belle and her pout only worsens until she’s kicking the air in front of her clearly unsatisfied with her dad’s answer.

“Belle.” Scott quickly dries his hands and rushes over to her, taking the bowl from her highchair and placing it on the counter before she knocks it over. “Belle stop it.”

This only sets Belle off even more and soon enough there are tears gathering and falling from her eyes. Scott’s heart breaks at his daughters worsening mood and swiftly swoops her up off her chair. He tries settling her in his arms but Belle won’t calm down. She only cries and kicks harder as his efforts to calm her turn futile.

“Belle,” Scott’s voice breaks and his worry only grows. Seeing Belle this way tore him to pieces and the crease between his brows deepens. Scott begins swaying from side to side. She’s been more on edge lately and Scott couldn’t figure out why all week. He hadn’t realized that Belle not having seen her grandmother in some time was affecting her so much. “Baby, shhh. I’m sorry.”

Scott wasn’t so sure what he was apologizing for. For unconsciously keeping Belle away from her grandmother? For failing to be a strong parent when Belle needed him to be?

Belle loves her grandmother. The two of them were inseparable whenever Scott brought her over to Alma’s house. They skated together, played together, ate together; yet here he was committing another horrible decision by keeping them apart. It was never his intention. But Alma began asking too many questions about Tessa and he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Scott saw his mothers disappointment whenever he chose to avoid any subject matter concerning Tessa. Alma cared deeply for her. She still does. But Scott and Tessa’s complete and utter separation from each other was hurting his mother in ways he understood and he couldn’t bare to watch that pain anymore. He was sick of hurting those around him. So he stopped showing up like an idiot.

“Shhh,” Scott whispers as he begins running his fingers through her hair. He keeps at it until he feels Belle begin to relax in his arms. Her kicking stops as she hesitantly rests her head on his chest. Scott continues swaying as he slowly walks around the kitchen, glancing down at her every few seconds. He kisses the top of her head when he feels her breathing return to normal and the stiffness leave her body.

Scott missed his mom. He missed his brothers. He missed Ilderton. He’d been avoiding that part of himself for months in fear of what would come of it. But now he was wanting it back. Scott can’t keep letting the things and people he loves slip from his fingers. Not only was it affecting him, but his daughter too, and that was the last thing he ever wanted.

Scott leans down and wipes the tears on Belle’s cheeks. He tries to get her to look up at him but she’s avoiding his eyes, instead, Belle hides from him by covering them against his chest. Scott sighs. “I’m sorry Belle,” He brushes her hair behind her ears, “We’ll go visit grandma.” At this, Belle begins coming out of her shell and glances up at him with glossy eyes. This elicits a small smile from Scott as he wipes her eyes and nose. “I miss her a lot too Belle. We’ll leave tomorrow morning and we'll spend a few days in Ilderton. I promise. Okay?”

She doesn't respond right away. Instead, Belle looks up at him with her big wide eyes like she’s trying to see if there’s a small chance her dad’s lying to her. But when she doesn’t find what she’s looking for, she nods.

***

Scott packs Belle’s clothes along with his own later that day.

He didn’t have class today, which gave him ample time to plan a last minute trip down to Ilderton. It’s only about a seven-hour drive away. A drive Scott didn’t mind making. The route there was always refreshingly beautiful in ways only Canada could provide.

A small spark of excitement lit itself inside him as he continues packing for their trip. Being back in Ilderton always felt _good_. He’d take Belle to his favorite breakfast place, to the farm, to the skating rink that marked the beginning of a great adventure. Scott glances over at Belle whose settled and sleeping in his bed. She’d fallen asleep quickly and left Scott to his own in a quiet house.

He finishes by packing their skates and closes the suitcase. Scott prepares for bed and sets his alarm for six in the morning, deciding it would be more beneficial for the both of them to leave for Ilderton early. He takes a look at Belle laying right in the middle of bed and smiles. She looks so small as the big bed seems to swallow her up. He leaves her there, not wanting to wake her and lays on the edge.

Scott covers the both of them and closes his eyes.

***

Tessa has an interview lined up in a few hours. 

Tessa paces across her apartment, running from room to room as the three cups of coffee she had earlier start taking effect. She’s switched her outfit seven times now and is nowhere near satisfied with what she’s wearing every time she catches a glimpse in the mirror. Her nerves are at an all-time high as she finishes putting everything together and her fingers won’t stop trembling. But they’re all good nerves though. She’s been looking forward to this interview all week. Tessa knew this could be the start of a new and exciting career for her.

It’s for a marketing position at a firm she researched very thoroughly for hours. It’s a line of work she’s always been interested in but was never able to fully experience for herself. Tessa had sent in her resume a few days prior and they got back to her rather quickly about wanting to schedule a meeting with her. She was surprised to find they’d actually wanted to interview her considering she’d never held such a position. At least not literally. Sure, in her _Olympic Games Days_ , Tessa had some influence in the online sphere but she’d long disappeared from that life.

Tessa finally settles on one outfit and heads out the door with her things before she can change her mind. She heads outside towards the buzzing city as her nerves for the interview grow. But the city offers her a much-needed distraction.

The streets of Paris are alive with the sounds and smells of music and coffee. She passes the corners that slowly become more and more familiar to her each and everyday she passes them. She recognizes the man who sells jewelry in the corner and the lady who sells flowers in another. Her smile widens as the streets open up to her and she begins noticing the smaller details Paris has to offer. The people here move fast. They know where they’re going, what they want and Tessa hopes to match their quick pace soon.

The office building is across the street from her now and her legs shake with nerves, anticipation, and excitement. She heads towards the entrance and the brisk air inside wakes her up. Tessa spots the front desk and walks over to check in. The receptionist smiles up at her, placing her hands on the keyboard. 

“How can I help you?”

Tessa smiles back as her nerves grow. She tries to slip some sort of confidence in her voice before responding.

“I have an interview with Aaron Hill at ten-thirty.”

The receptionist, who’s name Tessa can see is Ashley nods, “What’s your name?”

“Tessa Virtue.”

Ashley eyes Tessa before looking down and typing her name into the computer.

“Alright. He’ll be out with you shortly.” Ashley gestures towards the chairs with a smile. “Please have a seat.”

Tessa thanks her and turns towards the chairs sat across the room. Her frazzled nerves jump altogether, in different directions, wanting her attention. Her leg bounces and her insides turn to knots. Tessa hadn’t realized how important this interview was for her. It’s the chance at something good and new, and she didn’t want to screw it up. Tessa sighs and glances around, admiring the interior of the building to distract her. The office itself is modern, a complete opposite from the old but beautiful stone building it’s set in. It’s an amazing environment to work in, and the desire for the job grows by the second.

She’s so consumed by the beauty and intricacy surrounding her she doesn’t hear the footsteps headed towards her.

“Virtue?”

She quickly turns to find the man she presumes to be Hill. He’s younger than she thought he would be. And handsome. Really handsome. Tessa shakes her head and sets her shoulders straight. She rises from her seat, repeatedly telling herself to relax in her head.

“Yes,” Tessa answers. She tries her best smile and sticks out her hand. Aaron takes it and firmly shakes it. “Tessa Virtue.”

“Aaron Hill,” He responds, giving her a charming smile and pointing behind him, “If you want to follow me, we’ll talk in my office.”

Tessa smiles and nods, following right behind him.

***

_“When did you first realize you liked me?”_

_Tessa can feel Scott glance down at her. She’s laying on his chest, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest as his heart beats just underneath her ear. His fingers continue it’s path across the expanse of her back, lulling her to sleep._

_“I’ve always liked you.”_

_Tessa shifts and looks up at him, laying her chin on his chest. Scott’s smiling down at her and her eyebrow arches up giving him a look. Tessa shifts higher up along him wanting a closer look._

_“But, when did you realize you wanted to be with me?”_

_Scott’s hand slowly comes up to her cheek, his thumb gliding across her skin there. His eyes take her in, further memorizing the face he already memorized years ago._

_“I, I don’t know. I think it’s just always been in here.” His hand lays on his chest, just above his heart, before placing it on her back again. “I’ve always wanted you.”_

_His voice is soft, not wanting to break the serene atmosphere surrounding the both of them this morning. Tessa’s heart feels like it’s encased in fire, as it always does when she’s around him. Her hand comes up and traces his lip lightly with the tip of her finger. It pouts slightly and Tessa gets the urge to kiss him as his soft breaths lightly crash against the skin on her wrist._

_Tessa lays her elbows on either side of his face and she slowly leans down to kiss him. His hand automatically comes up to caress her face where gently pushes her closer to him. Scott’s lips press against hers with such affection as his warm hands roam across her skin leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake._

_This feeling is so strange but welcoming. It stretches throughout every dip of her body, overwhelming her and making her feel complete. There’s no end to what she feels. It’s absolute. Every time he kissed her it was like the world stopped, leaving just the two of them to wander together. She feels so light and safe in his arms, like she’s on top of the world and nothing could ever harm her. They fall more and more in love with every passing day, each time harder than the last. It was a story Tessa never wanted to end._

_Scott’s hands reach hers and they interlock as he whispers against her lips._

_“I love you.”_

_***_

Tessa wakes to the sound of cars passing by. She sits up and rubs her tired eyes as the blurry world in front of her slowly begins to focus. She reaches out for her phone only to discover it’s 5:44 in the morning and groans. Her alarm isn’t set to go off for another four hours so she lays herself back down and forcefully closes her eyes. But any chance of sleep seems to have slipped from her body no matter how tired and exhausted she feels. Tessa throws her sheets off and sits up again, sighs, and slowly lifts her body up off the bed.

She heads towards the kitchen and begins heating up some water for tea. She taps her fingers on the counter as she waits for the water to boil. Unlocking her phone, she opens an application she never thought she’d use again and scrolls through her inactive Instagram account. Tessa taps on her last post, a post from over two years ago.

It’s a picture of her and _him_ during a practice. It was a regular, routine day that would’ve helped lead them to their third Olympics.

She hastily closes the app again, disappointed in herself at her inability to _let go_. She feels herself growing stronger every day, breaking apart from what hurt her. But like she told him before, erasing twenty years of history wasn’t easy on her part. She expected these bumps in the road and it would take patience and time to fight this uphill battle. There were times throughout the night she woke up feeling alone and the darkness of the early morning only accentuated what she felt inside as she lay in bed.

The whistle of the kettle brings Tessa out of her thoughts and she stands to make her tea. She sits by the couch set by the window with her mug intact as she stares out at the vast world of Paris in front of her. Tessa spots a few people walking the streets, heading out or just coming in. Tessa wonders what their stories are. Whether they came to Paris to escape the demons that plagued their past, or whether they’ve always found their home here, comfortable in the old stone buildings this city had to offer.

Tessa unlocks her phone again and opens the messaging app. Her finger hovers above Scott’s name, questioning whether she should or shouldn’t. But Tessa had made him a promise. She promised she’d keep him updated even if he didn’t deserve it. Maybe it was a sad excuse but Tessa took advantage of it anyways.

She taps on his name and begins typing out her short message. It’s late in Montreal so Tessa doesn’t expect an answer until later and hits “send.”

**Tessa     |     (5:57 am)**

**I got a job.**

Setting her phone down, she wraps her hands around the mug and takes small sips of her tea. Thankfully, it begins warming her up inside and helps her stiff limbs loosen a bit. She closes her eyes and takes in its comfort but the chirp from her phone has her opening them up again. Grabbing her phone, Tessa finds a response from Scott.

**Scott     |     (5:58 am)**

**That’s amazing! Congrats Tess. What’s the job?**

Tessa’s palms sweat as she takes hold of her phone again. She had hoped he wouldn’t respond so soon and is surprised he’s still up. He always liked sleeping in to wake early. She sets her mug down and brings her legs up, tucking them underneath her. She licks her lower lip debating on whether or not to respond. Tessa only wanted to update him but her urge to continue a conversation only grew. So, she gives in and types.

**Tessa     |     (5:59 am)**

**Marketing communications. How’s Belle?**

Tessa waits as the bubble indicating he’s typing pops up.

**Scott     |     (5:59 am)**

**You’re gonna do amazing Tess. You’ve always been great at that stuff.**

She waits and a second bubble pops up on his end.

**Scott     |     (5:59 am)**

**Belle’s well and happy again.**

A small smile crosses Tessa’s face. She didn’t know Belle all that much, but knowing she was well again made her happy.

**Tessa     |     (6:00 am)**

**I’m glad she’s okay.**

She stares down at her phone, questioning whether she should say anything else. His end is silent too like he’s also looking down at his phone and stopping himself from continuing. Tessa’s hesitant. She should just go back to bed and see if she can get any more sleep before falling down some rabbit hole. But, Scott starts typing and Tessa’s breath stops in return.

**Scott     |     (6:01 am)**

**It’s early Tess. Are you okay?**

Tessa looks down at his message. Reading it over and over again.

Her week in Paris has been everything she’s ever wanted. She owns a beautiful new apartment with the amazing view she’s always wanted. She has a new job she’s looking forward to starting soon. Tessa has everything at her fingertips and she can finally say she’s _okay_.

Tessa knows there’s something inside her that isn’t satisfied. Something she’s determined to find and fix. But her growing optimism lets her know that for the first time in a long time, her happiness is only a short arms reach away. Tessa would discover more and more reasons to love herself again, without the fear of everything falling apart on her again. She looks outside at the street lamps that offer a soft glow. The hum of the city surrounding her is better than anything she’s ever heard. It lifts her spirits in ways she’s craved. Tessa glances down again, types out her message and goes back to bed.

**Tessa     |     (6:03 am)**

**I’m happy again.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tessa's in Paris now for real, so I hope my girlie has the best time.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Comments are always welcome!


	13. Turning Page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the first time in a long time where he’s woken up excited about a new day.

“Scott?”

“Hey, mom.”

Alma opens her front door all the way with a complete and utter look of shock on her face. She’s looking at Scott like he’s got two heads. Like the idea of him actually standing on her front porch at ten in the morning was so startling, she had to take a second look. Alma’s eyes then lay on Belle in Scott’s arms and she reaches out immediately.

“Oh, giver her over Scott.”

Scott smiles sheepishly and passes her over. Belle reaches out excitedly in response and kisses her grandmothers cheek when she’s finally in her arms. Alma sways and pinches Belle’s cheek as she returns with a hundred kisses of her own. His mom looks so happy and his guilt only grows at the reminder of how he’d kept the two apart.

“I missed you monkey! How’s my little Belle?”

Belle smiles the widest smile he’s seen from her all week. “I missed Nana!”

Alma’s emotions get the best of her as her lips tremble and eyes fill with happy tears. She brings Belle closer and hugs her tightly, not wanting to let her go. Alma peers over at Scott from above Belle’s shoulder before focusing on her grandchild again. She happily pokes at the large toque sitting atop Belle’s head and laughs.

“Let’s get you inside.”

Scott picks up their luggage and follows the both of them inside into the warmth of his mother’s home. The house smells like _Fall_. Alma has different scented candles burning around the house along with Fall like decorations. It perfectly encapsulates what Autumn is and provides a much-needed warmth and comfort deep inside him. He sets their luggage down and takes his jacket off, dropping it on the couch. Alma walks them towards the kitchen where she sets Belle down. She heads towards a closet set in the hallway and comes back with a box full of beads and bends down to Belle’s level and hands her the box.

“I’ve been wanting to give these to you. I got you these beads monkey.” Alma opens the box for her and picks out different beads and shows them to Belle. “That way you can make your Nana a bracelet!”

Belle’s eyes light up and she claps her hands excitedly, bouncing in place. Alma pulls out her high chair from the same closet and places it right next to the chair Scott’s sat himself on. Scott picks Belle up and sits her on the chair where she proceeds to grab the beads under his watchful eye.

Alma watches Belle for a second as she gets started on the bracelets then shifts her eyes over at Scott. “I’ll make us some coffee. Looks like you need it.” She turns and places the kettle on the stove.

“Thanks, mom.”

“Mhm.”

Scott shifts in his seat and glances over at Belle, who’s so concentrated on her work, a small pout has formed on her face and her brows have creased over. Scott’s endeared with the sight and reaches over to run his thumb over the creases on her face, softening them.

Alma turns and faces Scott, leaning on the counter as she waits for the water to heat up. “Why the sudden visit now?”

Scott looks down at the counter in front of him almost ashamed with the way his mother’s looking at him. She probably wants to strangle him. But Belle’s here and that wouldn’t be the greatest impression.

“Belle missed you.” Scott’s hands run over the surface of the counter like the granite is the most interesting thing he’s seen. He feels seven again. Like he’s in trouble and about to be put in time out.

Alma’s silent and Scott finally looks up to analyze her expression. She looks unimpressed with his answer and eyes him carefully, breaking him down. Scott sighs and gives in, slumping in his seat and looking away again.

“I missed you too.”

“Yeah, I thought so.” She steps back and leans against the sink behind her, crossing her arms. “How are you?”

“I’m good.”

“Yeah?” She nods, not believing him for a second. His mother knows him better than anyone.

“Got a bit of a headache on the drive over.” Scott’s being dumb. He knows it but shrugs nonetheless. “But that’s about it.”

Alma rolls her eyes at her son and heads over to a cabinet. She opens it and grabs a bottle of Tylenol, handing it over to Scott. He takes it gratefully as she turns to pour the now boiling water into two mugs, preparing their coffee. She hands Scott his coffee and takes a sip of her own. Alma looks over at Belle, who’s still hard at work, and smiles before eyeing Scott again.

“So you talked to Tessa?”

Scott chokes on his coffee. He quickly sets the mug down and coughs into his hand, trying to clear his throat from the hot drink. Alma hands him a napkin that he swiftly takes and wipes his chin. He glances up to find her nonchalantly sipping on her coffee.

“Kate called.” She shrugs.

Scott frowns as he wipes his shirt from the small amount of coffee he accidentally spilled on it. “Were you waiting for me to drink my coffee before asking?” He shakes his head and clears his throat before answering her question. “And yes, we talked.”

“And?”

He tosses the dirty napkin on the counter and rubs at his temples, trying to rid himself of the never-ending headache. “And… she’s in Paris now. So that’s how it went.” His insides shudder at the reminder. But it’s what he deserves.

“Good.” Alma nods again, impressed with what she’s hearing. “She’s always loved Paris.”

Scott’s face snaps up. “I-” He can’t help the small seed of betrayal that grows and stings inside of him. But he _gets it_. He gets it completely. Tessa’s left a toxic environment behind to prosper in a new one and that’s all Scott wants for her. He leans back against his chair and swallows away his previous words. He clears his throat before answering. “Yeah, I’m happy for her.”

“We should all be.” Alma takes another sip of her coffee. “I’m proud of her for taking that step. It wasn’t easy for her, leaving all of this behind. But she made the right decision.”

Scott pushes away his mug, losing his appetite for any coffee right now. He nods and his chest shakes a bit at his uneven exhales.

“I know she did.”

“Nana!”

Him and Alma face Belle who’s swaying in her highchair and smiling down at what she’s made. Alma walks over and glances down at Belle’s creation as her eyes crinkle in admiration.

“Oh Belle, they’re beautiful! Let me tie them for you.” Alma grabs one of the bracelets and begins tying the plastic string before putting it on and grabbing the other bracelet. She hands it over to Scott and his heart seems to grow ten times when he peers down at it. It’s a bracelet with mix matched, neon colored beads. When he turns it over, he finds that some of the beads have spelled out, _“Dad.”_

Scott’s brothers had talked to him about this before he had Belle. They had told him about those small moments when a child does something like this. That the amount of love for their child that surges through them is completely uncontrollable. Scott feels it every day. And it only swells into a wild affection for his daughter.

Scott stands and reaches for Belle, quickly placing her in his arms. He places a kiss on her left cheek then another on her right. Belle covers her smile with her tiny hands as she falls into the crook of his neck.

He leans down and pushes her hair back behind her ear. “I love it, baby.” He says, rewarding him with another tiny smile. Scott kisses her forehead and tilts his head, laying his cheek on her head.

Alma’s watching and grins at the both of them. She places their mugs in the sink and heads around the counter towards them.

“I was cleaning out a room before you got here. You can help me finish up. Come on.”

She directs Scott to follow her upstairs into the spare room where he spots boxes and boxes of dusty memorabilia. He sets Belle down and she automatically walks over to a pile of old books and magazines stacked in the corner.

“There’s so much junk in here. I have to get rid of most of it or I’m never going to hear the end of it from your father.”

Scott sticks his hands in his pockets as he lightly kicks the side of a random box labeled “Charlie’s medals.”

“Why don’t you just stop hoarding everything?” He bends down and opens another box, peering inside before looking up at his mom. “Fridge magnets?”

Alma shrugs.

***

They’ve been at it for two hours now.

His mom had hoarded a lot of stuff throughout the years. _A lot._

Scott’s sat on the floor with a box placed between his legs as he begins shifting through its contents. He glimpses over at Belle occasionally, who's still distracting herself with a figure skating magazine. She traces over the figure skating dresses some of the women are wearing and begins mumbling happily to herself. Scott grins and gets back to sorting the mess in front of him.

“Your first pair of skates!” Scott looks over to find his mom holding the skates up by the laces with a wide set grin on her face. Alma starts pouting then as her eyes get glassy with tears. “They’re so tiny.”

“Oh, God.” Scott mumbles and playfully rolls his eyes. But he gets it. He cried over Belle’s first skates too.

He’s just finishing with a box he’s been sorting through for over a half hour now when he spots a box labeled “Scott’s medals.” He leans over and slides it towards himself. Upon opening the box, he lets out a low whistle as he peers down inside. He finds some of his first medals. They’re tiny and made of light plastic that weighs no more than a feather in his palm. They’re all medals from their first few years of competition and his stomach twists in remembrance with startling clarity. He pulls each medal out, one by one, and lays them on the floor next to him. This gets Belle’s attention as she starts crawling over to him and eyeing the medals with a curious expression. She mimics her dad’s sitting posture and stares up at him with wide eyes causing Scott to slide closer to her.

“They’re some of daddy’s first medals, Belle.”

He sees Alma glance over and set what she’s sorting through aside as she watches in silence. Scott grabs one of the lighter medals and holds it out in front of Belle, handing it over. She happily takes it and holds it with both tiny hands, turning it over and over. Alma then stands and leaves the room, heading down the hall until she comes back with a case in hand. She leans down and passes it over to Scott.

It’s the case holding his first Olympic gold medal.

It’s been a while since he’d last seen it. He’d given it to his mother for safekeeping and having it here with him again felt strange and bizarre. Scott’s heart pounds as he slowly slides the case open revealing the beautiful medal inside and memories of that night come seeping in through every corner of his mind.

The euphoric sense of pride he felt as he took the ice alongside Tessa just before their free dance comes back. Memories of how he’d messed up the last few seconds of their routine and the look of alarm Tessa held afterward makes him warm up inside. The crowd had then erupted into ear-shattering cheers when they’d finished performing on home turf. He smiles at the memory of tricking Tessa into believing they’d gotten second when they’d actually just won their first Olympic medal ever. All the sweat and tears they’d suffered through had been worth it and Scott would never change one single thing about it.

Scott takes Belle and sits her between his legs as he swallows away the thickness that has gathered in his throat. He takes the medal out and holds it for a few seconds, admiring the curves and shine of it. It’s as beautiful as he remembers it being and places it closer to Belle.

“And this is my first Olympic medal.” He whispers and hands it to Belle carefully, letting her get used to the heavy weight of it. Belle takes it with a sense of wonder and awe in her eyes. They’re wide and curious as she slowly tilts it and admires it. Belle giggles for a second before looking up and meeting Scott’s eyes. He bends down and plants a light kiss on her forehead before glancing over at his mom.

“Thank you,” He says and clears his throat. “I hadn’t seen it in forever.”

Alma takes a second herself before answering. Her eyes are a little red though they might be from all the dust in the air.

“You’re welcome.” She stands back up and heads to the spot she was previously in, opening another box and clearing it out. Her eyes widen a bit and she shifts her eyes towards Scott again. “But I guess that’s not it. Here you go.” She sniffs and slides a smaller box over to him.

Curious, Scott opens it, and this one surprises him more than the last.

It’s a small box full of old pictures of him and Tess. He spots some from their first few years together when they could barely make eye contact with each other, but they’re no older than ten and twelve in most of them. With a trembling hand, Scott takes a picture in which they’re standing on the podium after winning first place in one of their first competitions. They’ve got large and pride filled grins decorating both their faces and their happiness in getting first is evident. They’d always been smaller compared to the other teams, but they’d proved everyone wrong that day and nothing felt better at the time.

He puts the picture back and pulls out another where he seems to be around the same age as Belle. And just like her, he’s wearing a toque that’s much too big for him.

“That’s dad, baby.” He leans down and points at himself in the picture. “You got your cuteness from me.”

Scott laughs and glances up at Alma who looks over with an unimpressed look. Scott shrugs and returns his attention to the picture before putting it back and picking another. It’s another one of him and Tess sat in the backseat of a car. It’s evident the picture was taken too early one morning on the way to practice considering the frowns they both have on their faces.

Belle’s hands hover above the picture for a bit as she looks it over. She finally settles her tiny finger on a spot and points at an eleven year old Tessa. Scott’s heart goes a hundred miles an hour as it feels it’s pounding harshly against his chest. But he manages a soft smile at Belle before answering. “That’s Tessa. Remember? You met her.”

Belle nods once and a smile splashes across her face. “Pretty.” She whispers and looks at the photo again.

“Yeah, she is.” Scott runs his hands through Belle’s hair again. “She’s beautiful.”

***

“Your dad should be here soon. He’s getting the truck fixed.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He sinks even lower into his chair, staring straight ahead.

They’re sat outside on the porch, overlooking the sun as it cast its golden rays down upon the vast, green land. Belle’s been tucked into bed as the exhaustion from the trip got to her earlier than he’d thought. Scott has a beer in hand and Alma has a glass of wine in hers. They don’t say anything, both letting each other admire the sunset in front of them before diving into something they both know is coming.

“Are you keeping in contact with her?”

“Um,” He shifts in his seat, “Yeah, a bit. I asked if she’d keep me updated and stuff.”

Alma doesn't say anything to that and lets the sounds of the rustling trees settle between them instead as the sun sunk lower and lower.

“You’re not happy.” Alma states after a few minutes, breaking the silence and taking a sip of her wine.

Scott takes a swig of his beer, then another. He wants to tell his mother that he’s alright, that she has nothing to worry about. That waking up every day and remembering everything he’s caused isn’t still eating him up inside. But he won’t lie to his mother the way he lied to Patrick. There’s no healing in that.

“I am for her,” He takes another drink. “But no. Not with myself.”

Alma nods but her eyes are still set forward, staring straight ahead at the last few remnants left of the sunset. “And why do you think that is?”

Scott shifts forward and he sets his beer on the ground. His hands rub his tired eyes and run down his face. “I think it’s fairly obvious. I didn’t fight for Tessa. Seeing her in Montreal again just reminded me of everything I did to her and everything I lost. I’m happy she’s finding happiness somewhere else. I _am_.” He faces his mom and runs his hands through his hair in quiet frustration. “But, I miss her more than anything.”

“And what are you doing to fix that?”

“I promised her I’d try and help Cara.” Scott’s answer is immediate. It’s something he’s thought about over and over again. His jaw tenses just saying her name, but he lets it go for his sake.

Alma looks over, slightly surprised at his mention of Cara. She sets her glass down and turns to face him for the first time this afternoon. She has a slightly confused expression on her face, one he understands entirely, like the idea of him voluntarily helping Cara is baffling. “You’re going to try and help her?”

“I lost Tessa, but I want to fight to keep her in my life one way or another. So I’m doing this for her. I promised her I’d try.” Scott shifts again and turns his whole body to face Alma’s. With a frown on his face and a sincerity in his eyes, Scott asks a question he wants a candid answer to. “Do you… do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

The question runs through his mind every minute of every day, and he wants to hear an answer even if nobody but Tessa knows. Alma leans forward, mirroring Scott, and reaches towards him to take his hands in hers.

“Scott listen to me. Build on your failure and grow from it. Don’t try to forget your mistakes because they have the power to turn you into someone better than you were before, for yourself and Belle.” Alma scoots closer and looks straight at him, making sure he listens to every word she’s saying. “Scott, life’s greatest lessons are learned at one’s worst times. Face your mistakes and fix them.”

“What if I can’t?”

Scott’s shaky exhale of breath settles between them.

“Then you never deserved her.”

***

Scott’s wakes up in his old bedroom. His old mattress is still encased with sheets covered in maple leaves and the posters of his favorite hockey players still decorate the wall. His back aches a bit from the soft bed as he stretches his arms and legs. Scott glances over at Belle who’s crib had been moved to his room last night and walks over. He’d slept in today and caught up on some much-needed sleep, so the sun streamed in and illuminated the rest of the room already. Belle is still asleep as he bends down to pick her up slowly. Her eyes stay shut as he carries her downstairs towards the living room where he finds his mother reading by the large window. 

“Morning.”

He’d stayed up late last night going over her words and a certain kind of determination settled within him last night. A determination to do better and _grow_. He wants to be the person Belle and others can look up to again. Righting his wrongs and building over his mistakes. It’s the first time in a long time where he’s woken up excited about a new day. 

“Morning, Scott. How’d you enjoy your old bed again?”

Scott grunts and sits on the couch careful so as not to wake Belle.

“The poster above my bed seemed a lot scarier at four in the morning.”

Alma shuts her book and rolls her eyes, making her way over. “I always hated that thing there.” She mutters, before sitting down next to him and gently poking Belle’s foot. “We should wake her up, or she won’t sleep tonight.”

“Mhm.” He mumbles. Scott closes his eyes and leans his head back as he begins running his hand up and down Belle’s back. Something about being back at home feels so comforting and complete, he never wants to leave.

“What did you and Belle want to do today?”

Scott opens his eyes and looks down at his daughter. “I wanted to take her to the ice rink. Just want her to experience it a bit.”

“She’ll love that,” Alma smiles, the idea pleasing her. She gets up then and taps Scott’s shoulder. “I’ll make breakfast.”

***

“This is where your dad learned how to skate, Belle.”

Belle’s hand is wrapped around his index finger as she stares across the expanse of the ice rink. Belle leans her head against his leg before looking up. Her toque falls and covers her eyes, as it always does, and he bends down to fix it, grinning. He glides forward carefully to match Belle’s slower speed and takes a lap around the ice.

It’s always surreal being back here at the Ilderton skating rink. It had all started here, years ago, and now Scott was here with his daughter.

Belle’s hand slips out of his and she takes a few small steps on her own. Her legs are still shaky at times, but she improves every time she gets on the ice, and her improvement has Scott grinning from ear to ear. He pulls out his phone and begins taking a video of Belle as she glides across the ice in front of him. Scott tries to document as much of her progression as he can, considering that ninety-percent of his camera roll was of Belle and recently found out he was quickly running out of phone storage.

He opens the messaging app without thinking too much about it and taps on Tessa’s name, attaching the video on a message and sending it. Tessa had updated him on her life over in Paris, and in return, Scott would update her on Belle’s skating just as promised. He slips his phone back into his pocket and joins his daughter again. 

Their time is spent laughing and gliding across the ice. He holds Belle’s hand as he twirls her tiny body rewarding him with a giggle and swoops her into his arms, kissing her pink nose. He doesn’t want this sudden flare of joy to ever end. The pure contentment and pride he feels to have Belle by his side as the sounds of laughter fill the cold air and echo across the rink are better than anything he’s ever experienced.

But he catches a glimpse at the banner hung high above the ice. A banner marked with his and Tessa’s name, and the light inside Scott dulls a little.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, Dad Scott! is my fav to write and I can't get enough. Also FYI, next update might take a little longer. I want to start writing longer chapters and get more content on them so we can really get the ball rollinnnnnn.
> 
> I really really appreciate your comments :) Till next time.


	14. Not Going Home

** [Warning: Explicit Content] **

 

He’s standing just outside her place, overthinking everything that’s lead him here. Scott hasn’t knocked on her door yet, but he already feels the anger and frustration coursing through him, slipping through every one of his nerves. He lets out a loud exhale of breath and shakes his head, knocking on the door before he changes his mind and turns back around.

He waits a few seconds before the door is being pulled open, revealing Cara on the other side. She looks just as terrible as she did a few days ago, or maybe the dark circles underneath her eyes look worse then they did before. But there’s still a look of disgust and confusion encompassing Cara’s whole face as her eyes lay on him. She’s not used to Scott coming here willingly and his presence unsettles her in return.

“Is Belle with you?”

“No.”

“What do you want then?” Whatever mild front she put up is gone after realizing it’s just him.

Scott's mouth forms into a strained thin line as he holds in the words he really wants to snap out at her. He maintains a steady breath as he remember's just who he's doing this for. It's for Belle, and for Tessa.

“I came here to talk.”

“Really? You sure you didn’t come over for something else?”

Cara’s face still shows revulsion but the sick and twisted attitude she's built against him has her insinuating something else. It makes him feel sick. Scott’s jaw locks so hard, it sends a sharp pain its way and his hands fold into tight fists.

“Cara, for once,” Scott steps closer and spills the words he can't quite yet control. “Cut your bullshit and listen to me. Just drop the fucking act and let me in. I want to talk to you.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Cara snaps back in return and closes the door a bit more, using it as a barrier between them.

Scott takes a breather and closes his eyes, praying for some sort of quick miracle to come his way and alleviate the growing stress. But Tessa’s face comes to mind, and her request to try has him opening his eyes again. “Look, I’m sorry.” He steps back and runs his fingers through the strands of his disheveled hair. “Will you please let me in? Please?”

She seems surprised by his sudden calm tone, not used to it after years of resentment between each other and it must’ve been the look in his eyes because Cara finally steps back and hesitantly opens the door enough to let him in. Surprised with her compliance, Scott walks in not knowing what to expect. He’s only ever here to pick Belle up and never finds it in himself to want to step inside. But he’s surprised with the state of her place, to say the least. It’s a complete opposite of what she looks like, everything is in its place and a sweet fragrance fills the air. The upkeep might be for Belle’s sake, but it wasn’t enough to cover what was brewing just underneath Cara’s skin.

Scott peers over his shoulder at Cara, who's following right behind him before taking a seat in the living room. His elbows rest on his thighs and his hands come up to rub at his eyes. Cara’s eyeing him carefully and takes a seat on the small couch across from him. Her fingers tangle themselves together and a strange, nervous glint seems to settle in her eyes when he looks at her. Cara casts them down, leaving Scott perplexed by her actions.

Her behavior is a complete one-eighty from what he’s always known. It’s like Cara turned off the switch that made her who he always knew her to be. There wasn’t any confidence in her expression, instead, it’s been replaced by apprehension and uneasiness.

Scott needs to be the bigger person now. He needs to swallow his pride and push away the foul feelings he still holds for her. He looks around the room, gathering his thoughts before looking over at her again.

“How are you?”

Cara scoffs and shifts in her seat. Her exhaustion gets the best of her though and her expression drops further. “Why do you care? You haven't cared about me in years.”

“Because Belle’s our daughter and she loves you. You’re important to her.”

His answer is straightforward. Scott doesn't hold any love for Cara anymore, they’d ruined each other's lives in ways he wished he could take back. He had tried to drive her away from them when she proved too unreliable to care for Belle in the beginning. But Belle still held love for her mother, and he would try his best to help her now.

But Cara doesn’t see it that way. She frowns as her chest begins heaving up and down and her words come spewing out. “Oh, so she’s our daughter now? You’ve finally decided to associate her with me?” Cara gets up from her seat and throws her hands up, her eyes widening with imminent anger as she begins pacing in front of the sofa. “Well thank you very much, Scott.”

She wants a fight, but he won’t give her one. It leads to too much damage, and Scott doesn’t know how much more he can take.

“Calm down, Cara.” Scott stays seated as he watches her pace around the small room. He can’t blow up on her like he used to anymore. “I didn’t come here to hurt you.”

“No? What did you come here to do then?” She stops her pacing and faces him, waiting for an answer.

“Cara you need help.”

It’s not the way he wants to go about saying it, but in this case, being straightforward may be his best bet. Scott's jaw tenses as he waits for her response and watches her angry expression drop. It’s been replaced with one of shock and disbelief.

“What?” She says it so softly as if the idea is so irrational to her. Cara takes a step back, looking at him like his statement is the craziest thing she’s ever heard. “You think I need help?”

“You’re not okay, Cara. You haven’t been for a long time.”

The truth. It’s all he wants between them know. Nothing more, nothing less. But Cara doesn’t care, she looks at him again, directing her resentment and rehashing her animosity.

“That’s brave of you to say. Considering you look like a mess yourself.”

“At least I’m making an effort to change.”

“I don’t need to change-”

“Look at yourself, Cara. You’re falling apart.” Scott gets up from the sofa. A sudden burst of energy, something, rapidly coursing through him. He feels like his words are bouncing off a wall, falling and wilting to the ground. He steps closer to her, making his words clear. “You’re losing weight like crazy, your face is all sunken in and Brady told me he’s seen you down at the bar almost every day.”

“Stop, just stop talking to me.” She rakes her hands through her hair and steps away. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anybody’s help. You don’t actually give a shit about me. You’re only doing this to clear your own fucking conscious Scott. And for what? You did nothing wrong, right? So why don’t you get the fuck out of my apartment. I’ve been doing just fine on my own.”

Cara’s words are carefully spoken. They have an air of finality to them and no matter how badly he wants to fight against them, he comes to realize that nothing would change her mind today. The tension fills the silent air surrounding them, and Scott comes to realize how helpless he feels at this moment. He’d tried so hard to separate himself from the mother of his child, but apparently, they were more alike than he originally believed. He’s tired. Tired of the constant back and forth between them and the enmity of it all. Extending an olive branch instead of hostility would begin the long overdue healing process for him. So, Scott takes all of his courage and uses it to suppress any further friction.

“Cara, I don't want to bother you anymore. I’m gonna go.” She’s facing away from him now and her body moves with shallow breaths. Scott lays a hand on her shoulder. “Cara-”

“Get off me.” She shoves his hand away and remains still again, just as pallid.

Scott steps away. His body feels fatigued and his head pounds from only minutes of being here. He glances at Cara again. How long had it been since he’d last had the energy to stand near her, without the resentment being there? Scott can barely remember there ever being a time like that. The bitterness still simmers underneath, but he’s done living with it. He takes a step towards the door but stills before turning around to face her again.

“I won’t push you away anymore. I won’t do that to you. If you need me, you know where to find me.”

With their fuses simmered and fizzed away to nothing, Scott makes his way out the door.

***

 

**Five Months Later**

 

“Me and my girlfriend are headed out tonight,” Amber sits on Tessa’s desk as she sips on the coffee she never fails to bring every morning and her eyes twinkle with excitement at the thought of her nightly plans. “Come with. I want you to meet her finally.”

Tessa leans back against her chair and lets her hands slip from the keyboard in front of her. She glances up atAmber who’s giving her a raised eyebrow and no way of backing out.

“I don’t wanna interrupt date night.” Tessa grabs her own coffee and takes a sip, leaning back in her chair.

“You won’t,” Amber hops off Tessa’s desk and leans against it. “A friend told us about a club not far from our apartment and we wanna go check it out.” She raises her eyebrow again but looks down at her coffee with a sideways smile, a suggestive tone coating her next question. “Unless you’re busy with Aaron later?”

Tessa rolls her eyes at Amber as her heart pounds a bit harder than it had been a few seconds earlier. “It’s not like that.”

“No? Oh, I must be blind then.”

“Mhm, must be,” Tessa’s sure she’s blushing so she faces forward and continues working to hide it from her friend, before glancing over again. “And, yes, I’d love to third-wheel you two. I’ve been wanting to meet Kim for weeks now anyway.”

Amber takes a seat on the desk again, having no apparent plans of heading back to her office as her relentless smizing practically smothers Tessa.

“I mean you can always invite Aaron to come with. Who knows what kind of… shenanigans would happen.”

Tessa’s mouth drops open at her friend’s implication as she faces her again. Amber only winks in return and tilts her head with a sly smile, almost challenging Tessa to correct her assumptions.

Tessa squints her eyes at Amber and taps her pen on the desk. “You know I can’t stand you, right?”

“That’s what they all say, baby.”

Amber, Amber, Amber. Her nerves had dissolved themselves into nothing the second Amber took her in on her first day, showing her the ropes around the office and presenting Tessa to everyone who worked in their department. Amber is the marketing manager in her department, but she never pretended to be anything more than a friend to Tessa. It proved to be challenging on Tessa’s part considering all the insinuations Amber always made, but she'd never change anything about her friend.

Somebody steals Amber’s attention then, pulling her into a conversation actually concerning work, which allows Tessa to return her attention back on her own. However, Tessa’s phone chirps with a notification and she reaches for it, looking down at the screen and smiling at the message it contains.

**Scott | 9:34 am**

 

**Belle has a crush on a boy from one of my classes. She keeps telling me she wants a boyfriend now. Please help.**  
****

Tessa grins down at her phone and brings a hand up to cover her smile. Their weekly updates with each other were a nice constant she came to treasure as she maneuvered her way through the giant that was Paris. Tessa thinks for a minute, thinking up of ways to grind his gears about Belle having a boyfriend, but ultimately settles for a simple question. The poor guy’s probably already so miserable with the idea of his two-year-old wanting a boyfriend.

**Tessa | 9:35 am**

  
****

**Has Belle invited him over for dinner yet?**

Tessa half expects him to block her number at this point. She’s always been Team-Belle.

**Scott | 9:35 am**

 

**_Tess._ **

His response makes her laugh, and she quickly types out her question.

**Tessa | 9:35 am**

 

**_Scott, did you cry?_ **

His answer comes in immediately.

**Scott | 9:35 am**

 

**_Yeah._ **

“Is that Scott?”

Tessa jolts in her seat and almost drops her phone. Amber’s joined her again and she’s peering down at the phone in her hands. Tessa can’t come to decipher the expression on her friend’s face. But Tessa doesn’t have a chance to answer Amber before both their names are being called.

“Tessa. Amber.”

Aaron walks up to Tessa’s desk with a relaxed smile decorating his handsome face. His hands are in his pockets and the sleeves of his white button up are rolled up to his elbows, displaying the few tattoos he has there. Not that she’s taken the time to study them or anything.

“Mr. Hill.” Amber gives him a broad and mischievous smile, knowing exactly that he hates it whenever anybody calls him that. Especially those who he considers friends. Aaron looks unimpressed, but after seven years of knowing her and being her best friend, he’s gotten used to her antics.

“Amber, don’t you have that report due at five?”

Amber leans away from the desk, a slight scoff leaving her mouth, but a twinkle is still present in her eyes. She walks towards Aaron and taps him once on the chest, “I finished it early. But, I’ll go. I have that meeting with Wilson in an hour and I gotta prep. I’ll let you know how it goes.” Amber throws her now empty coffee cup into Tessa’s trash can before walking away towards her office, but turns back last minute and directs her attention on Tessa again. “And, I’ll be seeing you tonight.”

Tessa sends her a thumbs up and shakes her head, turning back to her desk. It leaves Aaron and Tessa alone and her nerves spike having him so close to her. Her legs cross underneath the table and she reaches for her keyboard again to distract herself from Aaron’s proximity, but she’s interrupted by him.

“Tessa, can I see you in my office please?”

He tilts his head towards his office and that damn charming smile of his spreads across his face. Her throat feels parched as she nods and gets up to follow behind him, keeping a respectable distance between the both of them. Aaron opens his door for her and Tessa steps into the office she’s come to know quite well in her five months here. She stands and waits for him to close the door behind them, closing them off from all the work and chatter happening in the office. Aaron faces Tessa then and walks over to her. He reaches for her wrist and gently pulls her to him.

“How are you?” His voice is soft as he leans into her neck, kissing her there once.

Tessa tilts her neck and grins, enjoying the feel of his lips on her goosebump ridden skin.

“I’m good.” She whispers back and looks over at him, meeting Aaron’s blue eyes when he comes back up.

“Yeah?” There’s a lazy smile adorning his handsome face and Tessa can’t help but lean in and kiss him. Aaron’s hands slowly wrap themselves around her waist and he smiles into the kiss.

Tessa reluctantly pulls away and nods, answering back, “Yeah.”

Aaron gently pushes Tessa against his desk and she happily complies, leaning back against it. Tessa can’t seem to get used to his affection even from months of doing whatever it is they’re doing. All she knows is that she likes it and wants to feel it for as long as possible. He leans into her neck again, a spot she quickly learned he loves and kisses her skin there.

“What are you doing tonight?” Aaron’s breath is hot against her skin and she’s almost certain he can feel her strong pulse.

“Me and Amber are going out.” Tessa’s having a hard time concentrating, as he deepens his kisses. Her hand comes up to the back of his head and she pulls him closer as she continues. “You can always come with…”

Aaron pulls back and takes a look at her. A slight glint in his eye as a smile slowly builds on his face. “Yeah, I’d love to third-wheel you two.”

Tessa gives him a look. “Well actually, Amber and Kim are going together,” She looks down briefly, can’t taking the way he’s looking at her, before eyeing him again. “And you…”

“Can be your date?” Aaron finishes for her, causing her to look down embarrassed.

But she glances up again, leaning in just inches away from his lips, earning a small smile from him. “Yes.”

“Then yes. I’d love to.”

“Good.” Her eyes dance all over his face, taking in all the small details that make him, him.

Tessa doesn’t exactly know how she got here or how they got started. Her attraction to Aaron was immediate. Getting through the initial interview was difficult enough with his blue eyes practically piercing through her body, tingling every nerve they came across. But no matter how hard she tried to push those feelings away, they stuck around and infuriated her. Tessa wasn’t pushing any potential love away, she’d come here to start again, but what they had came sooner than she let herself prepare for and it scared her. They’ve never made whatever they share between them official and it had never bothered her before. She felt safe, and she was happy.

They weren't anything and they weren’t nothing.

But sometimes Tessa thinks she needs  _more_.

Aaron’s hands come up to her waist and he gently lifts her up onto his desk, moving his paperwork aside. Tessa spreads her legs open and wraps them around his waist, pulling him against her, as his hands slowly slip underneath her shirt, snaking their way up her ribs to trace her skin there. Tessa’s breathing turns heavy at the feeling of having him so close and brings her lips to his. He happily returns the kiss and deepens it, bringing his hands higher up Tessa’s body until they reach the bottom of her bra. She gets lost in him, as she always does, but Tessa’s mind snaps back to the reality of where they are and pulls back, out of breath.

“Aaron not here.”

He groans against her neck but ultimately pulls away from her.

“I know.”

Aaron looks flustered but the way he’s looking at her right now makes her want to lean back in, throw caution to the wind and let him do whatever he wants to her. But she stops herself. Tessa closes her legs and awkwardly hops off his desk before fixing her skirt.

“I have to go back.” Tessa whispers it against his lips as she leans back in while she lets herself overthink her feelings. She slides her hand down his arm and traces some of the tattoos inked into his soft skin there. Tessa steps back and begins making her way out but Aaron quickly stops her, turning her back around to face him.

“I’ll see you tonight.” Aaron gives her a quick kiss and opens the door for her, composing his face back into its relaxed state. Tessa wants to shut the door closed and push him up against his desk, but she suppresses the thought and places her hands behind her back and begins inching her way out the door.

“I’ll see you.”

Tessa closes the door and heads back to her desk as normally as her body lets itself as if she wasn’t just in there feeling up her boss. She sits back down and crosses her legs tightly, ridding herself of any thoughts that may distract her from her work but ultimately decides to message Amber when she doesn’t spot her around anywhere.

**Tessa | 9:52 am**

 

**I invited Aaron tonight.**

Tessa doesn’t get a chance to place her phone down before she gets a message in return.

**Amber | 9:53 am**

 

**Hahahahahahahaha I knew it.**

***

Tessa would be lying if she said she wasn’t looking forward to this all afternoon right after Amber asked her to come. And with Aaron joining in… well, tonight couldn’t be more perfect. Tessa’s excitement grows as they near the pounding music and Aaron reaches out to take hold of her hand. Her heart pounds as they enter the building and the bright flashing neon lights and storms of people dancing in every corner, build her eagerness to get out on the floor and dance.

Tessa’s broad smile seems to shine through the dark atmosphere and she pulls Aaron along with her, through the masses, towards the center of the dance floor. Amber and Kim follow closely behind and begin dancing, wasting no time in pulling each other closely and enjoying every second tonight has to offer.

Aaron grins over at Tessa and pulls her flush against him, her back to his chest, as he leans down and plants a few kisses along the expanse of her neck. They stay like this, moving and swaying with each other to the music as the crowd around them grows throughout the night. The room vibrates as the heavy bass surrounding them pounds into the air, thick with the scent of alcohol and smoke. It pours throughout every corner of the building and bounces off the walls, destroying any chance at conversation. Not that Tessa cared for any of that right now, it’s hopeless to try anyway.

Tessa loses track of how long they’re out there. Two, three or four hours of letting the music move their bodies along to the rhythm and bass. Amber would scream in her ear about something she couldn’t hear, so Tessa would nod along, pretending to know just exactly what her friend was talking about. She takes a gulp of the drink Aaron had brought over to her, letting the hard alcohol burn down her throat and loosen her body.

Aaron’s chest is pressed against her back again before he’s turning her over to face him, and she feels it then. There’s that sudden pause in a person’s natural expression that falls on their face when people look his way. Even after months of knowing him, an overcompensating weak smile finds its way onto her expression. The strobe lights highlight the beautiful angles of his face and the slight perspiration gathering on his forehead from the heat of bodies around them has her leaning forward. Tessa plants a kiss on his neck and another and then another. She places her lips up against his ear as he tilts closer to her.

“Come home with me tonight.” It’s a request she wasn’t going to make, but Tessa needs him more than she realized. His body is impossibly close to hers but it’s not nearly enough.

She pulls back to resume her place on his neck, but she catches a glimpse of something that always snakes its way between them, separating them from each other. The apprehension is clear as it always is when it comes to whatever they share. Tessa pulls back from him, clearing out any distractions and focusing on the handsome face in front of her.

His eyebrows are knit tightly together as he stares down at their now still feet. He sounds sorry as he lets the words Tessa should’ve expected slip from his mouth. “I can’t. I have to head back home.”

And there it is. Not that it surprises Tessa much at this point. They’ve gone to each other's plenty of times, but after months of nothing official, returning to each others bed felt strange. It feels like a slap to the face, the desperation for something else from him driving her nearly insane. It never bothered her before, in fact, her want was only really coming now, but her feelings for Aaron grew every second and she doesn’t know how much more apprehension she can take from him.

She wasn’t his girlfriend and he wasn’t her boyfriend. Tessa thought she didn’t care, but apparently, she does.

“You never can.” She pulls away completely, but the bodies surrounding them keep her close to Aaron. “Whatever, we’re not even together. You can do whatever you want.”

She’s not so sure Aaron can hear her considering the pounding music that’s quickly become a nuisance. But an immediate frown forms on her face, indicating he has.

“Tess-”

She faces Amber who’s busy working on Kim’s neck to realize what’s happening next to her.

“Go. I’ll stay with Amber and Kim. It’s fine, Aaron.”

“I’m not going to leave you here like this.” His eyebrows are knit tightly together as he steps closer and places his hands on her arms. He’s shaking his head as he looks around for the exit before turning back to her.

But Tessa shakes him off and rolls her eyes, facing a pair dancing a few feet away. “I said I’m fine. Go home. I don’t want to leave yet.”

“Please don’t be mad.”

There’s a hint of sorry desperation laced into his tone. He’s leaned right up against her ear and his request makes her shiver as she faces him again. Tessa can see the disappointment there but she doesn’t have it in her to care right now.

“I’m not. I get it.” But she is, or maybe she isn’t. She can’t be angry at him for not wanting a relationship with her. Tessa wasn’t going to force him. But she wants a label on whatever it is they’re doing. She’s tired of the back and forth with people in her life. She’s been craving stability and structure and she’d do anything to find it. “Aaron, go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Aaron’s eyes search her face and for a second, she thinks he’s going to stay. But, he’s leaning forward and planting a single kiss on her sweaty forehead.

“Call me when you get home. Or call me if you need me to pick you up. Okay?”

Tessa nods and lets her lungs fill with the thick air when he finally steps back and away from her. She watches Aaron disappear into the crowd and steps closer to Amber. Her friend finally pulls back from Kim and eyes the single Tessa standing in the middle of a dance floor and frowns. Amber looks flustered as she manages a look around before directing her confused gaze over at Tessa again.

“Where’s Aaron?”

“He had to go.”

Amber’s mouth drops open and she pulls back from Kim enough to allow her to step closer to Tessa.

“Fuck him! Let’s dance baby!”

Tessa tries to fight the smile on her face, but her friend’s insane dance moves are too convincing. She inches closer to them and lets the music bounce her limbs around once again. The sheer happiness returns to her and she’s left laughing and screaming out the lyrics with her friends. Whatever thoughts of Aaron she had left, were left out on the dance floor as the music's liquid adrenaline injects itself right into her bloodstream.

Amber’s pulling Kim to her again when another body comes up to Tessa. She turns and finds a beautiful blonde smiling over at her, inching her body closer to hers. Tessa smiles in return and happily steps closer in return, allowing the stranger's hands to find a place on her hips. Her new friend finds the place where Aaron formerly stood and pushes her own hips against Tessa’s back, causing Tessa to lean her head back against her shoulder. Tessa’s heart pounds in her chest as she’s turned around with their grins nearly losing themselves within the rising puffs of their breath.

“What’s your name?”

“Kendra.”

Tessa leans in and lets herself enjoy the feel of Kendra’s body against her own. The sweaty bodies surrounding them push them ever closer with no intention of leaving any space between them. Tessa’s body moves against the music as they stay there, swaying against each other, song after song, and let the electricity around fuel them. Tessa gazes over at her new dancing partner and catches a small glint of something there, something that excites her. Kendra leans forward slowly and places a kiss on Tessa’s exposed collarbone. It surprises her, but the warmth of her lips feels so great against her skin she lets her do it again.

Tessa’s chest rises and she tilts closer to Kendra, inviting her closer. Her hips roll into Tessa as her own hands find their way around Kendra’s neck. One of Kendra’s hands slide lower onto her thigh and she looks up to face the piercing eyes in front of her. She leans in again as her hand slides higher up Tessa’s thigh and kisses her jaw. Tessa’s hands find their way to the back of her neck and pulls her closer before she’s tilting her head down to return the favor. She steps impossibly closer as their bodies continue swaying to the music and lets her lips guide their way up and down Kendra’s neck. But she leans back from Tessa’s lips and makes a request before anything else.

“Let’s go.”

She’s pulling Tessa along with her now, past the crowd towards the back of the building where the restrooms are. Tessa’s heart slams against her chest and the music blasting through the crowded space only encourages the feeling. Kendra expertly maneuvers her way through and pulls the restroom door open, slamming a stall open. She pulls Tessa inside the tiny space and pushes her up against the wall. She closes the stall and turns back to Tessa, and connects their lips. Tessa’s been pushed to sit on the toilet but she doesn’t have much time to think about it before Kendra’s pulling her top off and climbing on top of her.

“Do you want this? I want to hear you say it.” Kendra is just as out of breath as Tessa is. She starts grinding down on her, slowly, building up the tension as she waits for an answer.

“Yes.” Yes. Yes. Yes. Tessa places her hands on Kendra’s waist and pushes her down against her even more.

Kendra smiles and bites her lip before she’s kissing her again. Sticking her tongue in Tessa’s mouth, she starts pushing Tessa’s shirt up, revealing her black lace bra. She pulls away to have a look and immediately dives back into Tessa’s neck, putting her mouth on every bit of surface she can. But, Kendra pulls away again and grinds down on Tessa, bringing her hands up to her own bra, and pushes the cups down, revealing her bare breasts. 

“Please.” Kendra breaths, placing her hand behind Tessa’s neck and brings her closer.

Tessa doesn't need to be asked twice and leans forward, hastily kissing the skin just above Kendra’s nipple. Kendra’s palms slide up the sides of her body, hastily pushing her hands beneath Tessa’s shirt and heating up the skin over her ribs. A gasp falls from Tessa’s lips when Kendra’s hands shift down her body to close in underneath the waistband of her thong. Without any hesitation, Kendra tries tugging them down and Tessa hurriedly lifts herself off the toilet seat to help her. She hops off Tessa’s lap and kneels on the floor of the restroom.

Tessa’s head falls backward and a quiet whimper leaves her lips as Kendra’s thumb circles her clit, nearly causing Tessa to beg her to hurry up. She could feel Kendra smirking against her skin, her lips and tongue dangerously close to where Tessa needs her. Finally, Kendra takes pity on the mess in front of her and drags her tongue devastatingly slow up Tessa’s core, the heat of it nearly setting Tessa on fire.

Her tongue makes her way up her entrance once more and fills the void there as Tessa squirms in her uncomfortable seat. Her hands settle against the wall for some sense of balance before she brings them down to tighten their grip on Kendra’s hair as she continues pleasuring her. Her breathing is as uneven as ever and Tessa’s fairly certain she’s going to pull all of Kendra’s hair out if her tongue continues curling into her body the way it’s doing now.

The burn is slow and good. Tessa feels like she’s floating as Kendra’s actions send Tessa to orgasm, her body collapsing and surrendering to euphoria as it floods through her. Her eyes are closed and her fingers become limp in Kendra’s hair before they fall to her sides. She brings them up to her face, wiping the sweat that’s gathered there.

Kendra comes back up and meets her lips urgently before Tessa breaks away again, only getting a few seconds to get her request out before Kendra’s connecting them again. “Come home with me.”

Kendra nods excitedly and lifts herself off the floor, pulling Tessa, who’s still recovering, to her stumbling feet. Kendra smiles and pulls Tessa’s skirt back up, pocketing the thong on the floor. She licks her lips clean as she pushes the stall door open, and begin making their way out towards the pounding music again. Tessa locks eyes with Amber a few feet away who's looking over with a shocked expression on her face as her eyes trail down to Tessa’s and Kendra’s enclosed hands.

But Tessa doesn’t get a chance to say anything before she’s being pulled away again.

In a daze, they both walk toward the exit.

***

“Morning sunshine.” Amber’s sitting in Tessa’s chair, trying her hardest to hide her large smile as her eyes twinkle with amusement. “Have fun last night?”

Tessa’s whole body aches from last nights… activities and she wants nothing more than to sit in the chair her friend is currently occupying. “Amber.”

“So how was it?” Amber leans forward and taps her pen against her lips, not giving up the seat. “You seeing her again?”

“ _Amber._ ”

Tessa really just wants to sit down while her whole body feels incredibly tired and sore. She sets her stuff down on the desk and leans against it. But she doesn’t get a minute to herself before her name is being called by someone a few feet away.

“Tessa, can I speak with you please?”

It’s Aaron and he’s hastily walking up to them. He looks distracted and tired but his eyes land on Tessa and all she can do is stand there as he gets closer. Amber’s eyes widen and her mouth twists uncomfortably, before she finally lifts herself off Tessa’s chair, giving a quick goodbye to the both of them. Tessa rolls her eyes at Amber leaving her to fend for herself and crosses her arms and leans against the desk, looking at anything but him.

“What is it? I already turned in my report.”

He steps closer and lowers his voice, making sure nobody nearby can hear him.

“Can we talk in my office, please?”

"Why can't we just talk out here?"

_"Please?"_

Tessa lets out a breath at the idea of walking into his office, alone, but she nods hesitantly and begins following right behind him. She knows exactly what they’re going to talk about. He’s going to say he’s sorry and they’re going to fall right back into whatever the hell it is they’re doing. And however unofficial they are, Tessa needs to talk about last night too. Aaron pulls his office door open and she steps in right behind him. She’s standing there, dead center, and looks out the window when she hears the door finally shut.

“Tessa,” She can hear him inch closer to her, “Last night-”

“I slept with someone. Last night.” Tessa blurts it out and faces him. He stills for a second before he’s stepping forward again. His face is heavily guarded and she can’t read whatever’s splashed across there. She licks her lips and lifts her chin, wanting to repeat what she just said. “After you left. I-”

“I want to be with you, Tessa. Just you.”

It’s Tessa’s turn to still as her eyebrows knit tightly together at his statement. She faces him completely and lets her arms fall to her sides. Tessa’s head shakes a bit as she stands there staring at him, searching for any hint of anger or confusion at what she’s just admitted, but she finds absolutely nothing there.

“Did you hear what I said? I just said I slept with someone last night.”

“I know. I heard you.”

“And you don’t care?”

Aaron takes in a deep breath and looks around the room, seemingly gathering his thoughts before answering her. He places his hands on his waist and gazes down at his feet before slowly shaking his head.

“I do. But I can’t be mad at you for that.”

Tessa’s mind races a hundred miles an hour and the growing pain between her brows worsens with every passing second. She leans back against his desk and stares ahead at him, perplexed by their exchange.

“Why the sudden decision? I asked you to come home with me last night, and you gave me the same excuse you always do. Why know?”

“Because I can’t go on pretending like I don’t want something else with you. It’s hard enough walking around the office and seeing you and not being able to just…”

“Aaron-” Tessa opens her mouth but closes it again, not expecting his admission. She doesn’t know what to say to that, considering she’s been wanting something official with Aaron for a long time, and now that’s it’s finally in front of her, the overthinking process of it all kickstarts itself.

“No. Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such an ass. But, I fucking want to be with you so bad and I hope you still feel the same. I haven’t done this in a long time and I was scared and-”

“I’m scared to you know?” She braves a step forward and throws her hands up before crossing them again. “But you came into my life and… and I want you here with me. I want you beside me. I’ve just been feeling so  _stupid_  lately. I didn’t know what you wanted and I couldn’t help it from bothering me last night. I had enough.”

“I know.” He mirrors her earlier actions and takes a small step forward, taking some precaution and studying the settled look in her eyes. "I know Tess. I'm so sorry baby."

She takes a long and hard breath, letting her words settle in her head before she lets them out. The guilt builds inside as flashes of memories and reminders of why she came to Paris in the first place come to the forefront and the hypocrisy in her actions is not lost on her. Although malicious and revengeful thoughts weren't in her head at the time, her actions seem to convey just that. Maybe she's not as good as she thought. Her fingers run through her hair as she lets out an unsteady breath. 

"I'm sorry, Aaron. For last night. It was selfish of me and my intention wasn't to hurt you I just... I really believed you didn't want anything to do with me out of the office and..."

She blinks away the few tears that have gathered in her eyes as they stay there in the silence of his office. They let the words sink in, letting each word turn over and over, dissecting their meaning and the future they could hold. But with every second her mind becomes more clear, more resolute and all Tessa sees is a chance. It's not a perfect one, but it's something she's willing to throw herself into. The man standing in front of her holds a new beginning, and the welcoming feeling is too addicting to let go. She lets her arms fall to her sides and closes the space between them, bringing her hand up to his arm.

“You know I do.”

“What?” Aaron’s eyes dance across her face, picking up on every inch of it.

“I still feel the same way. I just want to be with you.”

A small smile breaks across his face and his hands meet her body. He softly places them on her waist as he leans in. “You do?”

“Yeah.”

Aaron’s large hands immediately trail up her body to cup her face and he’s leaning into her lips. Tessa can’t help but grin into the kiss as her own hands come up to rest on the base of his warm neck. She tilts her head and pushes against him, meeting him with an urgency he always brings out of her. Their kiss quickly turns urgent and he deepens it, producing soft sounds of pleasure from her. She can finally throw her damn caution to the wind as he starts pushing her back against his desk until she’s bumping into it, nearly pushing his nameplate off.

His lips trail down her jaw towards her neck where she hastily shoves her hair to the side. He pulls back to look at her and their puffs of breath mix together in excitement over what they both want and need right now. But she has no time for breaks and pulls him back in.

“You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to fuck you on my desk.” Aaron's words surprise her as he mumbles it against her lips and the image has Tessa practically begging him to go through with it.

Tessa breaks the kiss and looks into his eyes, the desire in them burning her through and through. Aaron lifts Tessa up from her knees and places her on his desk. He’s intent on the mission he’s created for himself and hurriedly slides her pants off and discards them on the floor, revealing her black lacy thong. Tessa’s mind is going crazy with the idea of going through with this as he pushes it aside immediately and strokes her with a finger, then two, then three. Tessa lets out a moan, trying to stay conscious of the fact that there are still people working right outside his office, but the sight in front of her drives her mad.

Aaron wastes no more time and gets down on his knees, leaning in, and circling her clit with his tongue as he grabs onto the back of her thighs to slide her closer. Tessa throws back her head and arches her back along his desk, her chest rising and falling from the pressure. She reaches down and grabs a handful of his hair, pressing him closer and moans softly.

Tessa opens her eyes, after much difficulty, and manages to look around. Another short moment of rationalization seeping into her at the reminder that they’re still in the office. However, it’s all wiped away when she looks down.

Tessa’s eyes look glossy as she meets Aaron’s eyes. Even with his mouth full and his hands occupied, Aaron keeps his eyes on Tessa’s face wanting to see every flick of pleasure there. He’s spreading her legs farther apart as his tongue and fingers work hard to bring her to her limit. But Tessa needs him before she does, and she needs him now.

“Get up,” She’s breathy and dazed from the stimulation she’s receiving, but she can’t wait any longer. She reaches down and grabs his shoulders, pulling him to his feet. Aaron doesn’t protest and meets Tessa’s lips again as he continues running his hands against every curve of her body. Tessa can’t take it anymore. She pulls away and reaches down, unbuckling his belt, and gasping out, “Fuck me.”

Aaron only nods quickly and kisses her once again before he’s lifting Tessa off his desk. He bends her over, slides her thong down her legs, and enters her in one smooth thrust until he’s all the way in. Tessa’s eyes shut tightly and clings to the end of the desk as he thrusts into her over and over again. They’re both panting but she tries her best to match his thrusts and rolls her hips against him. Tessa’s in heaven, her head is spinning in ecstasy and she’s just about to let go before he stops suddenly.

“I want to see you.” Aaron’s panting along with her as he pulls out, turning her around to face him.

Tessa’s chest heaves up and down and she spreads herself for him again. He steps closer and slides in, making Tessa cry out again. She wraps her legs around his waist, wanting him impossibly closer as he starts a quick tempo, filling and stretching her. Aaron groans and leans down, planting his lips on her neck as he laps at the skin there. She brings a hand to the back of his neck and feels the fire inside her burn into something uncontrollable. Tessa’s reaching her end again and finally lets go, her body shaking with release. Aaron joins her just after, his hard exhales of breath landing hotly on her skin.

Tessa can feel the thundering pulse throughout her whole body as she rides out her high, clutching to whatever she can and her back arches off the table again when he pulls out slowly. Aaron’s arms loop around her back and he pulls her up, her body limp in his strong arms. One of his arms stays locked firmly behind her back and his other palms her jaw as he leans forward to kiss her roughly. Her whole body vibrates and their breathing slowly returns itself back to normal.

Aaron pulls back and meets Tessa’s eyes as they’re still bright with satisfaction.

“Tonight.” He kisses her again. “Come home with me tonight. Please.”

Tessa looks at him. She sees the sincerity in his eyes and the want he’s displaying in them.

“Is this what you really want?”

Aaron nods quickly like his life depended on her knowing it.

“Yes. God, yes.”

“Okay.”

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a twitter account a few days ago. I have like 3 tweets and share some of my VM related artwork. It's @scottthoney if any of you are interested in following me or if you want to ask me questions or yell at me, you're more than welcome to. 
> 
> Looked up some reactions to my story on twitter for the first time and didn't realize how many chest pains I was causing. I've always loved writing angsty things but I just hope it isn't pushing too many people away from the story. Maybe after I finish this one I can start a fluffier one to make up for any pain I've caused. 
> 
> Also, I really appreciate anyone who takes time to leave a comment after each update. Your comments really do encourage me to continue writing so thank you.
> 
> Been feeling sort of insecure and self-conscious about my story lately. Hopefully, this is just a weird funk I'll get over soon. I'll try and have a chapter up for all of you soon.
> 
> Till next time.


	15. Poltergeist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is still angry at the feelings that have managed to uphold themselves, manifesting quietly inside of her

_ Scott’s fist makes hard and fast contact with the front door. The loud and disruptive sound seems to echo down the hall, but he doesn’t care. He’s pacing, running his shaky hands and fingers down his pale face and through his hair as he waits for it to open.  _

_He needs to talk to someone. It’s been a week since it happened, and all he’s done is lay around questioning everything that's lead him here. Going over everything he’s ever said, ever done, to lead the one person he loves the most in this world to break off away from him._

_The door finally opens and he finds Cara on the other side. She’s pulling on a shirt too big for her body and her brows crease in confusion at the sight of him until they change to something more subtle._

_“What’s up?”_

_Cara’s one of his best friends, but he’s never come to her for anything without Tess by his side. He'd cut himself off from everyone the past week, but he could no longer find solace in isolation. He figured, by talking to Cara, he could figure out what really lead Tessa to do it._

_“I need to talk to you, anyone,” Scott’s eyes scan the floor and he’s shaking his head, as the pounding encompassing his head grows. “I don’t know. Can I come in?”_

_Cara watches him for a second before she leans and peers out the door, looking down each side of the hallway._

_“Is Tessa with you?”_

_Scott’s whole body tenses up, locking itself by the joints from the mention of her name. His jaw tightens and his eyes land anywhere but Cara’s._

_“No. She’s not.”_

_Cara’s eyeing him again as she studies the creases that seemed to have developed since she'd last seen him. Scott knows she’s trying to read him, like she always does, and it unnerves him from the inside out. When Cara finally finds whatever it is she's looking for, she steps aside and opens the door further to let him in. Scott steps inside and heads towards the living room where he lands roughly on the large couch. He breathes in deeply and lets his fingers run over his tired eyes and temples, trying to ease the pain there. There’s a stillness overlaying the apartment as Cara waits for him to talk when the door across the hall opens. A woman steps out, distracted by going through the contents of her bag and reapplying her lipstick. Her eyes fall on him before landing themselves back on Cara as she walks towards her, who’s leaning on the wall across from Scott. _

_“I’m leaving, baby.” She leans towards Cara and plants a kiss on her lips, before leaning away with a satisfied grin on her face._

_“I’ll see you.” Cara leans in to kiss her again before she watches her make her way out the front door._

_Cara sighs and makes her way to the small couch across from Scott and sits with crossed legs. Cara’s finger tapping against the couch fills the room as she waits for Scott to say whatever it is he came here to say. But, he’s busy chewing on his lower lip and his eyes won’t meet hers so she speaks up first._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“We broke up.”_

_It hurts saying it. In fact, it's the first time he's stated it out loud, and somehow it makes it all seem the more real. Scott looks up when he’s met with nothing from Cara in return and finds absolutely no display of surprise on her face. A calm demeanor is settled across her face instead, as she looks ahead at the broken man in front of her. He sits up, suddenly unsure of what’s happening, but before he has a chance to say anything else, she’s asking another question._

_“When?”_

_“A week ago.”_

_Cara’s silence only builds his discomfort as she nods slowly to what he’s just told her. She looks down at her hands for a brief second before she’s looking back up and the truth slaps Scott across the face._

_She knew, somehow she knew all of this already, and her clear poised nature at the moment only asserts the fact._

_“Did you know? Did you know she was going to break up with me?” Scott’s question spills out before he has a chance to think twice about it. He’s leaning forward and his narrowed eyes draw his brows together as he waits for her answer._

_“She brought it up.” Cara shrugs her shoulders, building the sudden rage he feels boiling inside._

_“When?”_

_“A while back. She came over and talked to me about it. Said she’d been thinking about it for a while.” She leaves him in the silence that seems to boil uncomfortably in the room as her words slowly sink in. His chest shakes with the weak exhales that leave his body and the energy he always held diminishes by the second. But it’s her next words that leave Scott reeling himself into a new territory of unexperienced pain. “You didn’t actually think you two would stay together forever, did you? She didn’t see it like that for herself, Scott.”_

_He becomes abruptly rigid and his jaw clamps itself tightly, producing a pain that’s being encompassed by another. Cara’s never looked at him like this. Her eyes have a certain stillness to them like all the life had been sucked out of them. Or, maybe they’d always been like this and he never noticed until now._

_“What?” He can't quite believe what's happening right now. His friend, someone he thought he could confide in, was questioning everything he believed so strongly and the unsympathetic air surrounding her only stung more._

_“Scott,” Cara leans forward and shrugs, like all of this is some obvious plot to a storyline Scott had no idea about. “You two are complete opposites. Did you really think you’d marry her?”_

_Cara’s words tear at his insides and the blood drains from his face, leaving him pallid and almost lifeless. She’d known for a while now. He’d told her he was going to ask Tessa to marry him. He’d been carrying the ring in his pocket for weeks, and now, for the first time, it’s no longer there. Instead, it rests at the bottom of a random drawer in an unused room. Her words are the breaking point of what little patience he had desperately held on to and his eyes flash with outrage and anger. He feels like he’s losing himself. He can’t recognize the rage he’s feeling inside, burning through every nerve._

_Scott can’t find the words he needs, instead a wall seems to block any coherent thought and he’s left standing rapidly, heading towards the door. He’s dizzy and the outer edges of his vision seem to blur with every step he takes._

_“Scott, wait.” She’s following right behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder._

_“Get the hell off me.” He shrugs it off, can't standing her proximity or anything else from her._

_“I’m sorry, okay? I’m here to help,” She pushes against the door he attempts to open and blurts out something she knew would get him to stay. “She told me things, you know?”_

_“What things?” He turns to her, giving in to that sliver of blindness for everything that's happened._

_Cara steps back and breaths in deeply, looking apprehensive all of a sudden. Her eyes scan the floor and the nervous appearance doesn't fit her as well as she thinks._

_“How she thought… that you guys wouldn’t last,” She shifts and runs her fingers through her hair, pulling it all to one side. “She told me…” But her words slip out of her mouth like vapor and she stops herself from continuing._

_“What?” It comes out louder than he thought it would and his hands are thrown upwards. He's exasperated and agitated with Cara's sudden uncertainty to share what Tessa had shared with her._

_“No, I promised her I wouldn’t say anything. This is between the two of you.” She seems to be contemplating with herself, but it all seems so fake it drives him up the wall._

_“Tell me, Cara.”_

_And maybe the pain displayed on his face is the little incentive she needed from Scott, because whatever confidence she was missing comes back. Her steely eyes meet his tired ones again as she lets her next words rip into him._

_“She told me you weren’t serious enough for her. That the relationship you two had together wasn’t enough for her anymore. Maybe she just grew tired and wanted... something else.”_

_Scott’s mouth goes dry as his brain fills with static, firing off a million agonizing thoughts at once, offering no sense of relief. His chest feels like it’s collapsing in on itself, creating a hollow shell that tears at what’s left of him. His eyes turn wet with tears and he blinks them away, turning to face the door in front of him._

_“You’re lying.”_

_“I’m not.” Cara’s mouth turns into a hard line as she shakes her head. “She used the comeback as an excuse. But she’s been wanting to end it for a while.”_

_His words are stuck in his throat and he feels the fragments of whatever he had left crash to the floor. The space around Scott seems to be closing in on him and the air grows thicker, blocking the much-needed relief. He needs to get out of here now, so he turns to open the door._

_“Where are you going?” Cara places herself between him and the door. “You’re not going to go talk to her, are you?” There’s a flash of worry on her face as her eyes widen with panic._

_“I have to see her. Get out of my way.”_

_“Wait.” Cara leans on the front door as he goes to open it again and her stance seems to shift. Her voice lowers and drops until it's merely a whisper between them. “Don’t go.” She's breathing heavily, staring at his firm chest set in front of her before looking down at her hand. It comes up slowly and she lays it on his hip, bringing herself closer. “Let me help you.”_

_Scott looks down at her hand and pushes her off immediately._

_“What the fuck are you doing?”_

_“I want to make you feel better.” Her big eyes gaze up at him and the pure revulsion he feels leaves him dumbfounded. Cara places her hands against his hips again, as her hands slip just barely underneath his shirt. Scott’s knuckles are white from clenching his fists too hard and his face is red from the rage he feels._

_“Stop, Cara.” He pushes her hands off again, taking a few steps back and putting distance between them._

_The growing agitation on her face seems to reflect his own and the unrecognizable, frigid look in her eyes has him questioning the last few years he's come to know her._

_“Why’d you come here in the first place then? Just to talk? Yeah, right.” She lets out an empty, humorless laugh and rolls her eyes at him, disgusting him more than she already has. He has no idea who she is anymore._

_He could see her rearranging her face into something she hoped appeared more nonchalant to cover the rejection she wasn't used to receiving. Scott's eyes narrow at the person in front of him. Someone he thought he knew, someone he thought he could confide in wasn’t there, and maybe she never was, maybe he'd just been blinded to all of it. Instead, all he sees is the revulsion and disgust that take place, averting his thoughts away from any sense of respect._

_He’d fallen for the self-deception, that was clear now._

_He feels the uncomfortable void fill with an emotion he’s never wanted to turn to - raw anger and disappointment. Her unmoving gaze is accompanied by his slow and heavy breathing, like he’s looking at the person he thought she was for the last time. The static from earlier comes back and all he’s left with is a bitter request._

_“Stay the fuck away from me.”_

_He walks out and slams the door behind him._

***

They both lay in her bed as the soft beams of moonlight filter in through her bedroom window. The scene is comforting and her bed is warm from the body fit right next to her, but her mind won’t shut down for the night. Instead, Tessa is left staring up into the dimly lit ceiling as Aaron sleeps with soft puffs of breath hitting her bare skin. It’s a comfortable ambiance, but her wondering thoughts frustrate her. 

She lifts herself up slowly so as not to wake Aaron and gently slips the covers off before getting out of bed. Tessa puts on a robe and grabs her phone, unconsciously hoping for some sort of message from _him_ to appear. But to her slight and surprising disappointment, there’s nothing there.

She quietly walks out of the room and takes a seat on the couch beside the large bay window and unlocks her phone. It’s nearly four in the morning for her, and Tessa know’s he’ll be worried if she texts him at this time, but she can’t help her fingers from tapping on the messaging app. Tessa types out her unplanned message, putting no conscious thought into what she’s writing and lets her fingers do the work.

All she knows is that she misses him. A feeling that seems to throw her off her axis, considering they’d just messaged each other two days ago. It doesn’t bother her as much as it once did, but something inside of her still ticked. Something is still angry at the feelings that have managed to uphold themselves, manifesting quietly inside of her. She stares down at her message and reads it over and over again before finally sending it.

**Tessa | (3:56 am)**  
****

**I know it’s four in the morning here, but don’t worry. I’m fine. I just can’t sleep and honestly, I haven’t been able to for a while. I just want to say that I miss you and hope everything’s going great at home. How are you?**  
****

Tessa tosses a blanket over her body and locks her phone. Messaging him was probably a mistake, but the early morning hours have her feeling braver than usual. She closes her eyes for a second and prays for some sort of calm to blanket over her. But it doesn’t come, so she sits in the dimly lit living room and waits for something she doesn't know. The soft buzz of her phone has her leaning off her arm to reach for it, and the name displayed on the screen has her breaking out a soft smile.  
****

**Scott | (3:57 am)**  
****

**I miss you too T.**  
****

Tessa reads his single message over and over again, making sure it's actually real, actually in front of her. It sparks a comfort within her and she decides to welcome the warmth produced from it as another message from him comes through.  
****

**Scott | (3:58 am)**

**Why haven’t you been able to sleep? What’s on your mind Tess?**  
****

Tessa hesitates before answering because she doesn't have an answer.  
****

She can’t sleep for unexplained reasons. She’s the happiest she has been in a long, long time. The man Tessa’s falling in love with every passing day is just a room away, laying in her bed and she’s surrounded by people who care about her and her wellbeing. She wouldn’t change anything about what’s happening around her. So why can’t she catch a good night sleep?

**Tessa | (4:00 am)**

**I don’t know. Maybe I just miss home.**  
****

It wasn’t what she was going to say, but it just comes out. She doesn’t realize she’s feeling this way until it’s typed out in front of her, perplexing her in different ways. Tessa gets the sudden urge to type something else, an explanation for why she’s feeling this way, and she doesn’t know whether it’s meant for Scott or herself.

**Tessa | (4:02 am)**  
****

**It’s probably just stress from work. I’ve been working on a big campaign the last month and I guess it’s taking its toll on me. It’s no biggie I’ll probably just start taking something before bed.**  
****

Tessa waits as Scott types out a response and chews on her nail, a habit she always tried to stop him from doing. And when it finally comes through, her heart seems to be knocking against her ribs.  
****

**Scott | (4:03 am)**

**Remember when you made me that tea with honey? Knocked me right out. I make myself a cup whenever I can’t sleep now. Maybe you should try it T. God knows it beats the other stuff.**  
****

Her chest wants to cave in on itself as she reads his message. Maybe its the mentioned, endearing memory coming to mind that she remembers so vividly or maybe it’s because a simple message like this has her realizing just how much she misses him. But Tessa tries her hardest to bury whatever she’s feeling, locking it away and throwing the key to block whatever senseless thing she might do.  
****

Tessa brought this upon herself. She shouldn't have messaged him. Now, all Tessa wants to do is go back to the warmth of her bed.

She types out her final message, throws the blanket off to the side and sits up.

**Tessa | (4:05 am)**

**You’re right, I’ll try that. Wish me luck. Goodnight Scott.**  
****

With that, she locks her phone and heads back to Aaron’s side.  
****

***

“Alright kiddo,” Scott lays on the sheet he’d laid on the floor of the living room and rests his head against his crossed arms. Backside up, he closes his eyes. “Paint away.”

Belle was going to paint on his back. Because… well, because she’d insisted, and Scott couldn’t really tell her no.

He hears her giggle and feels her tiny hands on his bare back as the first sudden touch of cold, uncomfortable paint hits his skin.

“Oh, geez.”

His eyes immediately draw open and he peers back at Belle. But the bright smile he sees makes it all worth it, so Scott finds himself closing them again. Scott has no idea what Belle's drawing or if she's just mixing random colors and hoping for some sort of result, but whatever it ends up looking like, he knows he'll love it. She's mumbling happily to herself and he can't quite catch what she's saying so he settles further into the white sheet and relaxes as her tiny fingers poke at his back. He gets used to the feel of the brush and paint, and soon, the motions turn comforting, almost lulling him to sleep.

He feels himself dozing off minutes at a time as random thoughts and memories cross his mind, until he doesn’t feel the brush anymore. Scott opens an eye and peers over at Belle crawling to the spot next to him on the sheet. She lays herself next to her dad, mimicking his exact position and closes her eyes. Scott can’t control the wide smile that breaks across his face and the breathy laugh he lets out has him scooting closer.

They lay there on the living room floor and let the soft sounds of the TV fill the room. Scott peers over his arm at Belle and finds she's actually dozed off, probably exhausted from her short skating lesson earlier today. He slowly lifts himself up and kneels down next to her, reaching out to place her sleeping form in his arms. Scott cradles her head, turns off the TV and heads up the stairs to her room where he lays Belle down in her crib. He gets a hand wipe from the restroom to clean off the paint on her fingers and leans down to kiss her forehead. Scott closes the door behind him and heads to his room, walking to the restroom where he catches a glimpse at Belle's artwork painted on his back. 

His back faces the mirror and he turns his head, instantly warming at the sight reflected there. The paint covers the wide expanse of his back, and the scene holds so many colors he doesn't quite know where to look. Scott's eyes scan her painting and he's able to spot three tiny stick figures near the center of his back. One's bigger than the other two, who share the same size and Scott's heart seems to break a bit at the image. He assumes the larger one is him and one of the smaller ones is Belle. But, he doesn't know who the third person is supposed to be. Maybe it's a friend or maybe it's the brother she's wanted.

But whatever it is, it makes Scott face the shower to turn it on.

***

The rain falls against the glass of his windshield, as Scott drives through downtown to get Cara to one of her weekly appointments. Her arms are crossed like a stubborn petulant child and Scott has to crush the urge to roll his eyes at her again. He’s getting better at it though, knowing she’ll knock it off as soon as she enters the office. 

“I don’t know why you still act like this. You know these appointments are helping you.” Scott sighs, stopping at a red light and looking over at her.

She’s been unusually quiet since he picked her up. Cara’s usual mild insults weren’t coming out and there was a profound irritation settled within her. She’s staring out the windshield, at the people walking the streets, before opening her mouth.

“Did Tessa ask you to do this?”

Scott turns his head and faces Cara as his mouth drops slightly open at her question. He doesn't know how to answer her. _Yes, but I’m doing this for Belle too_ , would probably be the best answer, but instead, he’s left battling his silence. A honk sounds from behind them and Scott brings his focus back on the street ahead, accelerating forward.

“Why are you asking?” Scott’s grip on the steering wheel turns tight and a frown forms on his face.

“So she did.” Cara’s voice is devoid of any emotion as she nods and looks outside her window, refusing to look over at him. “Typical.”

“Cara-” Scott looks over at her again but the growing rain makes it harder to steer his eyes away from the road. “Why does it matter?”

“Turn around. I want to go home.”

This throws Scott aback, but he keeps driving forward, determined to get her to her appointment and frustrated with Cara’s sudden burst. He shifts in his seat and keeps his eyes on the road as the conditions outside worsens by the second.

“Please don’t do this.”

“I was right you know. You aren’t doing this for me. You want to get back on Tessa’s good graces so you agreed to help me,” She finally turns to look at him with angry, narrowed eyes. “You think by doing this, you’ll get her back?”

“I’m doing this for Belle, Cara.”

“Yeah keep telling yourself that.”

He can’t take it anymore. Her attitude and behavior have him reaching a point he’s always despised. She’d gotten better, they both had. Cara actually went to her appointments willingly. She talked to them and Scott could feel her improving every day he saw her. But something inside her shifted since the last time he saw her and she’s back to the cold and heartless bitch he’s known for years. Tired, he pulls off into a parking space and turns his body to face her.

“Why are you _doing this_? Why are you doing this today? Talk to me Cara, what happened?” He looks back in front of him and shakes his head, almost amazed at the steps they’ve just taken backward. “You’re doing better. You actually look healthy again and Belle’s been happier around you-” He’s at a loss for words and the rest of them get lodged in his throat.

“I was fine to begin with.” Her teeth are gritting together and her jaw locks tightly. Cara’s looking out at the pouring rain pounding away at the windshield, and if it wasn't for the weather, Scott's sure she would've walked out already. 

“Is that what you really think?” Scott lets out a humorless, empty laugh. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, leaning back against his seat. He's almost forgotten what it was like to fight against this back and forth with her. Scott had been naive enough to believe they'd left it behind, locked away for it to become nothing. But he was wrong. Scott opens his eyes again and his next words are low and clear as he turns to face her, making sure she hears exactly what he has to say. “You’re a compulsive liar Cara. You manipulate people and trick them into doing what you fucking want. You've been doing it for years and we all just fucking fell for it. Do you get some sort of sick pleasure from it? You lied to me, and twisted some lie into something I ended up believing. I pushed away the person I wanted to marry. I-" His throat burns roughly with the emotions clogging up whatever airway he has left. As he went on, so did his self-hatred. "I followed in right behind you and I'm just as guilty for doing it."

It's like all the energy has been sucked out of him again, a feeling he's unfortunately gotten used to. Scott's staring down at his lap, at the way his fingers twist together before his hand comes up to rub at his temple, hoping to diffuse the knot there.

"If you really want to go home, I'll drive you back. But if you don't, just let me take you."

Scott braves a look over at her, expecting some sort of smize for the pain displayed on his face. But, he's never seen that look before, it looks almost unnatural settled there on her face. He can see it slowly contorting itself into something of understanding like she's finally grasping at the straws laid out in front of her. Her strong stance dulls and Cara does something that shocks him. She nods her head so gently, he almost misses it. 

"Okay. Let's go."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to my fav boo Scott <3


	16. Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy.

**Three months later**

 

They walked, hand in hand along the Seine, grinning from ear to ear as their laughter filled the cool air. He showed her his favorite spots snuck around the vast and bustling city, places she would have never found without Aaron by her side. Tessa lost count of how many shops they’d walked into and how many marriage proposals they’d come across, making her blush uncontrollably as he skimmed the skin of her hand with his thumb. Coffee cups warmed their other hands as the sunset shining above the old buildings encased the cobblestone streets in pink and gold.  
****

Tessa could never fathom this level of elation. The happiness coursing itself through every nerve of her being feels the comfort of Aaron beside her. She lightly squeezes their joint hands as he brings them up to kiss the back of her palm, eliciting a small, breathy laugh from her.

She can’t get used to him, in the absolute best way possible. Her past customary cautious grin spread itself into the radiant smile she’s been wearing more often. Tessa could release everything behind her, letting it float away to dissolve into nothing to make more room for the things that mattered. She had Aaron beside her now.

Their relationship grew stronger every day, and with each day she strayed farther and farther from the person she no longer wanted to be. The much-needed growth was finally there, settled inside her, and the self-satisfied feeling from it has her smile widening. 

They wrap up their day in the same bed, as they always do, whether it be his or hers. Their naked bodies, illuminated by soft moonlight, tangle together in the white cotton sheets. Aaron’s hand slips itself down her arm and around her waist, pulling Tessa closer to him and kissing his favorite spot on her neck.

They speak in hushed whispers, though there’s no one else in the room but them, until they finally kiss each other goodnight.

***

“You should come to Montreal with me.”

Well, there it is. She didn’t mean to blurt it out so abruptly, she was going to ease it in, _naturally_ , but it’s happened and now she’s left staring at a spot just behind his head awaiting his reaction. She taps the brim of her coffee cup and takes a deep breath. Maybe it's _too_ soon. Maybe she's crazy for inviting him to come with her to a new country he's never visited before, but she took her chance and now all she can do is wait. 

“Montreal?” Aaron looks up from the message he was typing out on his phone and eyes her until surprise settles on his face. His eyebrow shoots up and there’s a glint of amusement twinkling in his eye. “You want me to come to Montreal with you?”

The question is as equally surprising to Aaron, but he doesn't look as panicked about it as she feels inside. In fact, he looks quite pleased she's asking him in the first place. A bright blush colors Tessa’s cheeks as she looks down into her coffee mug, swirling its contents before looking up. _Yes_. Tessa’s been toying with the idea for a while now. The thought of having Aaron by her side, introducing him to her mother and Jordan has her leg bouncing just underneath the table.

“I’d love it if you could.” Tessa tilts her head. She can tell she's about to start rambling, but she can't stop herself. “You know I’ve been wanting to visit, and you know I couldn't last month. Plus, my mom and Jordan want to meet you, and-”

“Tess, yeah,” Aaron nods excitedly, not letting her finish her rambling and rewards her with the brightest smile she’s seen from him all day. He reaches across the small table and takes her hand in his, giving it a soft squeeze to ease her visible nerves. “Yeah, of course, I’ll go with you babe.”

Tessa’s whole body tingles as she tries controlling the wide smile splashed across her face. She bites her lip to try and diminish it a bit, but it’s of no use, it breaks through anyway. Aaron’s just agreed to come with her, to fly across the ocean to a country he’s never been to before. She’s deliriously happy, giddy even, at the idea of introducing him to her family and Tessa’s excitement only builds by the second.

Tessa can’t even give him an answer back, she’s too busy smiling at the thought of it all. Instead, she smiles into her coffee mug as she takes another small sip, before setting it down and focusing her bright eyes on him again. The way Aaron's looking at her makes her feel like she's engulfed in flames, and she tries desperately to control herself before she jumps over the table to him. But his self-control seems to be much stronger than hers and he's asking her a question, bringing Tessa out of her thoughts.

“When were you planning on leaving?”

Tessa clears her throat before answering, separating their hands only to glide her fingers across his knuckles. “Sometime late next week maybe?” She shrugs, not having an exact plan drawn out. “I figured with us finishing the last campaign we had a bit of time to relax, and I don’t know…” She trails off as an image of her family meeting him for the first time pops into her head. “It’s perfect timing, you know? Everyone wants to meet you.”

A slight blush covers Aaron’s cheeks in return as he raises her hand to kiss it. “And I can’t wait to meet everyone.”

He lets go of her hand and leans back against his chair, not letting their eye contact falter from each other. Her pink blush returns and she finds herself looking away towards the art hung on the wall. 

Her phone buzzes faintly against the fabric of her jeans and she digs into her pocket to pull it out. But upon seeing whose name is displayed on the screen, she freezes for only a second before she’s pushing her phone back into her pocket as _his_ message goes unanswered again. She takes hold of the chocolate muffin set in front of her and tears off small pieces before glancing back up at Aaron.

“I’ll start looking at flights and let you know what I find.” She clears her throat and shifts in her seat, leaning closer to him. “I can’t wait for you to see Montreal. You’re going to love it.”

He in leans closer to her in return and brings his hand up to caress her arm. 

“Better than Paris?”

Aaron has a playful look twinkling in his eyes and his smile grows awaiting her answer. Tessa lets out a breathy laugh and looks down at the table, bringing her hand up to tap against the wood.

It’s a simple question really. One that isn’t meant to be taken so seriously, but the question hits something lodged deep within her and she glances back up before answering.

“Nope.”

***

Scott peers into the rearview mirror at Belle whose busy distracting herself with her favorite plush toy. He's dropping her off at Cara's for the weekend, just as he has been doing almost every other week for the last three months, and his chest feels a little heavy knowing his daughter won't be with him today. He turns onto Cara's street and parks in the apartments guest parking space, before he has a chance to turn the car around and drive them back home. Scott hesitantly turns the car off and hops out the door, before walking over to Belle and opening hers. 

"Let's go, baby." He unclips Belle from her car seat, placing her in his arms and reaches out to get her small packed bag. He uses the card key Cara gave him to get into the apartment building and they begin making their way up using the elevator. 

Scott turns to Belle, whose still busy playing with her plush toy and gives his distracted daughter a long kiss on her cheek. He brushes the soft strands of hair behind her ear and looks at her for a few seconds. Separating himself from her has become harder and harder every week, and he understands smothering his child isn't necessarily healthy, but he can't help the anxiety that slowly creeps up within him when Belle's not around. 

"Are you excited baby?" He takes her tiny hand in his large one and gives it a soft squeeze. He's not excited about the idea of Belle staying at Cara's, but he'd make sure she is. "Happy to see your mama again?"

Belle nods softly but she doesn't meet his eyes, instead, they stay on her toy placed in her other hand. She's been uncharacteristically quiet this morning, to the point where she wouldn't sing along to her favorite morning show and refused to finish the pancakes she always finished in record time. Scott frowns but the elevator doors open and he's stepping out into the hall. 

He walks over to Cara's door and knocks on the wood a few times before turning back to Belle. He hated seeing her like this. Her bright, beautiful smile wasn't adorning her face this morning and all he wants to do is change that.

"I love you, baby." He whispers it to her, leaning in close to try and meet her eyes. "What's wrong, Belle?" His frown deepens as he runs his thumb over her cheek, wiping off some of the syrup he'd missed. But Belle doesn't have a chance to answer before the door is being pulled open. 

"Hey," Cara's got a small smile on her face, an actual genuine one that's been making its appearance more often, and motions for them to come in. "I'll take that." She grabs Belle's small bag from Scott's hand and walks over to place it on the kitchen island. 

He steps inside and heads towards the living room and places Belle down on the couch carefully, turning on one of her favorite prerecorded shows. He stands there for a minute just watching her eyes glance up towards the screen, before sighing and turning around. He walks over to Cara whose begun cutting orange and apple slices in the kitchen for Belle. 

She's looking better and healthier every day that passes by. Her hair is picked up and her face is clean from any makeup. Her skin is no longer pallid, instead, it's replaced with a healthy and lively tone he hasn't seen on her in a long time. Her eyes aren't the same dull grey they were and her face seems fuller, replacing the hollow cheeks she once had. 

"The vitamin gummies are in her bag, along with the blanket she'll probably ask for sometime later tonight." He sticks his hands into his pockets, watching as Cara continues her task of cutting the fruit into even smaller pieces. "Is there anything else you might need?"

"No, I'm all set. Thanks," She places the fruit into a small bowl and heads over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands. She dries them off and turns back to Scott, a sudden apprehensive look coating her face. "Do you... maybe want to stay? I was planning a Disney movie night with her."

Her question shocks him, considering she's always been keen on him making his way out quickly after dropping Belle off. Her hands are tangled together as she leans against the counter, looking regretful of her question. He'd stay for Belle, but he wanted the both of them to spend time alone together, rebuilding the mother-daughter relationship that should have been there from the start. 

"Uh, no it's fine," Scott clears his throat and steps back from the counter, avoiding the look of disappointment on her face. "I'll leave you two to it."

"Yeah," Cara seems to knock herself out of whatever she fell into and grabs the small bowl of fruit. She walks around the counter, past Scott, and towards Belle's tiny figure sat on the couch. Cara sits down beside her and places the bowl on her lap as she begins brushing the strands of Belle's hair behind her ear just as Scott had done. He watches Cara watching their daughter, and the once conservative love for Belle she once had now seemed to bloom in her eyes. Scott can't help but feel grateful for the progress she's made for Belle's sake. Cara reaches over to give Belle a quick kiss on the forehead before leaning back against the couch. "Ready for movie night, Belle?"

Belle's eyes don't meet theirs as she keeps them focused straight ahead at the television playing Sesame Street, but she nods nonetheless. Scott can't figure out what's going on with her. Maybe another trip to her grandma's house needs to happen soon or maybe it's about something else he's not getting. He sighs and steps forward, kneeling just in front of Belle.

"I'm leaving, baby. Give me a hug, please." Scott brings his awaiting arms up and Belle leans into them, burying her face into his neck. He tilts his head and plants a kiss on top of her head. "I love you, Belle."

"Love you, daddy." 

Belle's so soft-spoken and she's looking at him with those big, wide eyes of hers. He can't get used to her saying it and his heart seems to want to leap out of his chest every time he hears those words. He's fully accepted he's probably the world's sappiest dad, but nothing makes him happier.

He hesitantly stands back up and gives Belle one last look before making his way towards the door. Cara stands and follows right behind him, opening the front door and leaning against it. Scott steps out into the hallway and turns back to look at her, trying desperately to hide the anxiety building inside.

"Call me if you need anything, yeah?"

"Yeah," Cara nods, swallowing heavily before backing away from the door to close it. "Take care."

Scott waits for her to quietly shut the door before making his way back to the elevator.  

***

Tessa’s excitement and quick movements cause her to almost fall from the stepping stool she’s using to bring down her empty suitcase. With a heightened heartbeat, Tessa places the suitcase on her bed and starts placing her thoroughly thought out outfits into it. 

Seven outfits for seven days. That’s how long they planned on staying in Montreal.

Tessa blocks any shoddy thoughts wanting to slip through, a skill she’s learned to nearly perfect during her time in Paris and continues packing. She’s determined to have a great week back home, away from the memories and events that spoiled it last time. She’d reunite with her family, introduce Aaron and have a fantastic time taking him to all her favorites spots just as he had done for her. It’s a simple plan really, a plan she’s run over and over in her head trying to perfect every turn or possible mishap.

And maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea, but Tessa hasn’t told _him_. She hasn’t mentioned her brief return to Montreal and she has no intention of letting him know. Because she came to the realization that she _did_ want to see him again. In fact, from the second the need to visit Montreal crept in, all she could think of was him, and she just couldn't have that.

Montreal is a large city, and she'd just have to be careful.

They’d gotten better, up until she stopped returning most of his messages because she’d gotten too close and she still held her reservations. She always felt guilty about doing it. Their shared messages made her happy, they always managed to bring a smile to her face, but worry seeped in. She’d let herself slip into something comfortable, something that should have taken more control on her part. Tessa found herself craving the relationship they began building, but her walls came up, whether it was by her permission or not, and the warning bells began ringing in her head. 

So she stepped back and separated herself, limiting their messages to a slower constant, and Scott fell right into step. He probably figured she was busy, but he never questioned it, never pushed her, and Tessa felt grateful for whatever unspoken understanding they had.

But her eagerness greatly outweighs her worry, and it’s all the reassurance she needs. So she zips up her suitcase, places her passport and plane ticket on the kitchen counter and prepares for bed, ready for her long flight home tomorrow morning.

***

“I’ll get you another one Scott.”

He could barely hear the bartender across from him as he takes his empty glass. Patrick had dragged him out tonight albeit Scott’s objections, and now he’s currently being pushed against the bar from the large crowd around him. He can admit to losing his feel for long night outs, no longer the young and energetic guy he used to be, and much preferred a night at home with his daughter. But Patrick had had enough of Scott sitting on a couch with Disney movies being played constantly on his TV and forced him to come along.

Patrick slips himself beside Scott and orders another beer before throwing his arm around Scott’s neck.

“How you holding up? Lost all your stamina?” Pounding music seems to shake the whole bar, causing Patrick to practically have to yell into his ear. Scott turns over and gives him a look, but he’s not so sure his friend is processing it considering how smashed he probably already is.

“I’m just fine Chiddy,” Scott takes a large swig of his beer and turns to look at the strangers surrounding them, eyeing a few people stumbling out the door. “At least I’m doing better than some people here.”

Patrick tilts his head back and laughs loudly, though Scott’s not so sure at what. He feels the beer slowly taking effect, shaking his nerves a bit, and welcomes the impending lax state of mind that seems to come with it. He's just about to take another drink, but Patrick suddenly leans forward and brings Scott closer, looking like a guy with a secret.

“Look don’t be mad at me, and don’t make it obvious or whatever just in case I’m wrong,” Scott’s confusion grows as the words stumble out of Patrick's mouth. “But there’s a girl down there that won’t stop staring at you.”

Patrick points at a spot just down the bar behind him and Scott leans away slowly to peer over his friend's shoulder and sure enough, there’s someone looking back. Scott doesn’t have time to process anything else before he’s being quickly pulled back, nearly spilling some of his beer on his shoes.

“What the  _fuck_ , I told you not to make it obvious.” Patrick punches Scott’s chest and takes another swig of his beer.

Scott steadies his own drink and tries to hold in his laugh as he rubs at the area his friend just unnecessarily had to punch. Patrick looks like a total goner, his eyes are glazed over and he’s spending too much energy worrying about Scott looking over at some random stranger. It’s like they’re back in high school.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” Scott holds his hands up in defense before shrugging. “Doesn’t even matter. I’m not interested.”

He can almost hear Patrick's eyes roll and he can definitely hear his loud sigh, but he doesn't care. The thought of talking to anyone, with the idea of taking them home with him or anything else along those lines, has his stomach twisting over. Scott's not so sure he could ever go through with something like that, at least not again. Patrick seems to sober up a bit at his friend's statement as he looks up at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He lets out a loud exhale of breath and orders another drink before turning back to him. 

“Scott-”

“What?”

Scott's playing dumb, and he knows it. But the last thing he wants is to engage in anything with someone. He isn't ready for anything, whether it be short or long term. He finishes the beer in his hand and sets the glass down against the bar, declining another drink from the bartender for now. 

In Patrick's drunk state, he looks into Scott's eyes, gathering whatever he can from them before backtracking from what he initially had in mind. He knows of the sadness that seems to have taken home in Scott's eyes for the last two, almost three years, and has tried desperately to help him through it. But it seems, whatever he tries, is futile.  

“Nothing,” Patrick shakes his head and takes the beer placed in front of him. He takes a long sip before letting his next words slip out quickly. “But I should let you know she’s not the only one.”

It's Scott's turn to roll his eyes as his hand comes up to rub at the bridge of his nose.

“Patrick.”

“Just in case you were interested... in you know... approaching them or-” 

“I’m not.”

Scott interrupts him before he has a chance to say anything else. He knows where he's going with this, and he's appreciative of his friend's efforts to try and get him back out there, but, he's nowhere near interested. Patrick sighs and seems to deflate a little, knowing that his best friend won’t budge. He brings his arm up against Scott's neck again and leans in closely with a sudden faux seriousness and humorous look taking over his eyes.

“I’m a terrible wingman aren’t I?”

A wide smile spreads itself across Scott's face and he mirrors Patrick's stance by bringing his own arm up and around his neck.

"You tried your best. That's all I can say." 

They both fall back into easy conversation as the night lingers on. Beer after beer and shot after shot has them feeling lighter than time has let them for a while. Scott lets himself relax as the alcohol courses through his body, loosening his muscles and relaxing every joint. He feels his phone weigh heavily in his pocket so he reaches in and pulls it out, checking it for notifications. But there aren’t any, at least not any that matter and he can’t help the disappointment that flows through him. 

He knows Tessa’s distancing herself, but he can’t figure out  _why_  she’s doing it now. They were doing so good for so long, and now, it’s like they’ve taken five giant steps back. He hasn’t questioned her about it, instead, he lets her have the space she’s quietly asked for. Scott understands he never deserved her messages in the first place. He never deserved the friendship they slowly built from the ground up, but this sudden backtrack felt like a slap to the face.

Scott places his phone back into his pocket and tries to push all thoughts of her away, at least for tonight. He glances back over at Patrick, who’s taken up a conversation with the woman beside him. So he turns back to the bar and orders another drink, wanting nothing more than to return back home to his daughter.

***

Tessa feels like every fiber of her being is vibrating with anticipation and the adrenaline coursing through her veins only heightens her excitement. Any minute now, her mother would pull up into the airport's pickup area and meet Aaron for the first time. She’d gushed about him plenty of times to her mother over the phone, and her mother’s approval of him only grew with every call. 

Aaron chuckles as he stands beside her, probably feeling all the hyper energy coursing through her body, and takes hold of her hand. Tessa glances up and meets his eyes, before looking back out at the hundreds of cars that seem to be coming in through the pickup area, until she finally spots her mothers car making its way towards their general direction.

Tessa bounces in place before taking a few steps to meet her mother's parked car. Kate opens her door and rapidly makes her way around the car, taking quick steps towards Tessa and immediately wrapping her arms around her.

"Oh, honey," Her mother's voice is muffled against Tessa's neck as she squeezes her tightly against her. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Tessa can't help the tears that flow into her eyes and the sudden pressure in her throat as she stands in her mother's embrace. She hadn't realized just how much she's missed her.

They stay like that for a minute until Kate leans back and places her hands on Tessa's shoulders. She takes a minute to just take her all in. Tessa's hair is longer and dyed a lighter shade of brown now. But it's her green eyes that get her. They seem brighter now, _happier_. Kate's eyes reflect Tessa's as they fill with tears before she's going in for another long hug. They both know they don't have much time to stay here with security rushing everyone so Kate leans back again and her eyes fall on Aaron standing just a few feet away from the both of them.

"Hello, Aaron!" Kate seems to leap towards him as she wraps her arms around him like she's known him her whole life. 

Aaron wraps his arms around Kate in return as a wide, warm smile splashes across his face. 

"It's finally good to meet you."

She stands back from him, visibly trying to contain most of the excitement wanting to break through. Tessa swears she's never seen her usual composed mother so _bouncy_ before, but she's loving every second of it. Kate loops her arms around theirs and leads them towards her car. 

"Pleasures all mine. Now, let's get in the car before security shoos us off." 

***

“I love him.”

“Well, please remember that he’s _my_ boyfriend mom.”

Glasses of wine in hand and eyes set up towards the dark sky, Kate and Tessa sit on the steps of the front porch. They’ve left Aaron inside with her dad and Jordan, giving them time to get to know each other better as Tessa and her mother retreated outside. Tessa has missed her mother tremendously, she lost count of how many months they spent apart. But having her close again brings back that security blanket only a mother can provide.

“You look happy sweetheart. It’s good to see you like this.”

Tessa glances over at her mother, who’s looking right at her as a warm smile decorates her face.

“I… I am.” Tessa clears her throat and looks back behind her towards the house before looking over at her mother again. “Aaron makes me happy. I haven’t felt like this in a really long time you know?” Tessa sniffs as her nose turns red from the slight chill in the air. She looks up into the starless sky and thinks of Aaron and everything he's managed to make her feel. She takes a sip of her wine before continuing. “Sometimes I walk into work excited just to see him, and I feel this… _thrill_ whenever I’m near him.”

Kate grins over at her daughter and brings a hand to Tessa’s back as she glides it up and down. She brings her closer to lean against her shoulder, and Tessa falls against it, closing her eyes.

“That’s how it’s supposed to feel.”

Kate’s whispering, as if the dark night calls for it, and Tessa glances up at her confused.

“What?”

Kate looks down at Tessa for a brief second, before looking back out again.

“Love.”

Tessa’s whole body stills for a second and she slowly sits back up. She’s staring straight ahead, just like her mother as her mouth opens and shuts immediately after. Kate's words seared hard into her and her mind seems to be firing off a million different things, things she can’t quite understand and study. She knew she was. Tessa knew she was falling for him. She knew she loved him in some way, but actually hearing it out loud had her nerves jumping out of her skin. The silence settles between them again, leaving the sounds of rustling leaves to fill it, and Tessa to battle her thoughts on her own.

Maybe there's a reason love is invisible, and maybe that uncertainty is a reason Tessa feels so unsure she could be trusted with it. The only way to truly understand love is to feel it, embody it, until it isn't so undetectable anymore. And does she feel it? All she knows is she feels something and maybe it's her fault for not fully embracing it. Tessa swallows thickly before taking another large gulp of her wine and finishing it off. 

“I think I might be in love with him.”

When she speaks her voice trails slowly like her words are still unwilling to take flight and she feels everything inside her come to a halt at the admission.

“Might?”

Tessa shifts her legs, feeling the sudden knots forming in them. “I don’t know if it’s too soon, but…” Tessa nods slowly, staring blankly at her now empty wine glass. “I think so.”

Her mother's arm comes up again, to rub at her back. "You'll know when you feel it. Don't rush it, honey."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know." Tessa grunts as she lifts herself back up to her feet and wipes the back of her pants. She looks in through the front windows, at her dad and Jordan conversing with Aaron and laughs, leaving the worry of their conversation behind. "We should head back inside and save Aaron from dad's hockey explanations."

 ***

Scott knows their communication has been off the last month but he desperately needs someone to help him pick out Belle's dress. She's participating in a small competition, if you could really call it that, and she was disliking every dress he would show her on his phone. He doesn't want to bother Tessa with his problems, but time is running out and he swears he's losing his hair over it. 

Tessa might not even answer, and that thought alone makes him want to put his phone away. But he fucking misses her... and well he really needs help picking out a dress Belle will actually like so he's sending her a message before he can change his mind.

***

"I think you made a mistake _not_ ordering the passion fruit lemonade but I'll let it slide."

Today has been a complete success so far. Tessa spent the morning showing Aaron around Montreal. She took him to her favorite cafes and hole in the wall bookstores that are harder to find if you haven't spent enough time here. Her feet hurt from how much they'd walked and her stomach aches a bit from all the food they've eaten, but Aaron's visible appreciation for the city makes it all worth it. 

"It's fine. I'll just take some of yours, babe."

He reaches over and takes her drink as they rest on the grass of a park just near the lake, taking in their surroundings and breathing in the fresh air the outdoors has provided them. She raises her eyebrow at him but grins anyway, shaking her head before looking back out. The weather was perfect all morning and she hopes it stays this way so they could continue their stroll around downtown, being nowhere near finished with showing Aaron around. 

Her phone buzzes beside her and she reaches for it mindlessly, taking a look at the name displayed there. It's Scott, and usually, she would put it away and respond later, but a quick peek at his message has her unlocking her phone.

**Scott     |     (2:04 pm)**

**Hey, I don't want to bother you but Belle needs a skating dress and I was wondering if you could help me out with that.**

A few seconds later, another message pops up. 

**Scott     |     (2:04 pm)**

**Unless you're busy. I don't want to bother you.**  

Tessa can't help but feel the slight guilt that courses through her. She never wanted him to think he was bothering her, but what else did she expect when she blatantly ignored half his messages now. She knows Scott well enough to know that he's desperate and needs help, and in a way, this can be a small stepping stone to make up for avoiding him. So instead of pocketing her phone and ignoring it, she opens his messages up and takes another look. Luckily, she still knows of someone who might be able to help with his situation and opens up the safari app. Selecting a new tab, she pulls up a local designer's website and screenshots her information for Scott, before attaching it to a message and sending it.

**Tessa     |     (2:06 pm)**

**She might be able to help. Give her a call and see what she can do for you. She's really fast too so she might have it done soon. Hopefully this helps! Please tell Belle I wish her the best of luck.**

She locks her phone and sets it on the grass next to her, focusing on Aaron again and the small bundles of people enjoying the perfect weather in the park. She allows herself a second to just close her eyes and listen to her surroundings as she leans against Aaron's strong shoulder. Tessa can feel him turn to place a kiss on top of her head as his arm comes up behind her to bring her closer. 

"Thanks for today, baby." He whispers it against her ear and she finds herself glancing up into his eyes.

"Thanks for coming with me."

Aaron leans down and meets her lips with his, as his hand comes up to cup her face. Tessa smiles into it happily before setting her head on his shoulder again, peering back out. She hears her phone buzz again, and she reaches over to pick it up, wanting to know what Scott said about her recommendation. But, what she reads on the screen has her sitting back up.

**Scott     |     (2:10 pm)**

**The time on your screenshot is 2:06 pm?**

Tessa's whole body stills.

She feels all the air sucked out of her and the lightheadedness she was once so familiar with kicks in instantly.

Tessa's mouth turns into a grim line amid her sudden pale face as she reads his message over and over again, before clicking on the screenshot she'd sent him. The time she's in is clearly displayed there and she was an idiot enough not to crop it out. She's about to respond, exactly what she's going to say... she doesn't know, but she doesn't get a chance to before another message from him comes through. 

**Scott     |     (2:11 pm)**

**Are you in Montreal?**

 

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new twitter @/scottthoney


	17. Do You Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa takes another step forward before she realizes he’s walking away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably my favorite chapter I've ever written. I hope you all enjoy.

He hasn't been able to wrap his head around it. 

She's in Montreal. 

Tessa’s actually in Montreal.

Scott doesn’t know how long she’s been here or how long she's planning on staying. He doesn't quite know anything anymore. She’d declined his call and ignored his messages yesterday after she'd sent him the information he'd asked for. 

And now, twenty-four hours later, his fingers tap on her number again for what seems to be the sixth time, desperate to hear the voice he’s been missing for months.

But his call goes straight to voicemail _again_ , and it’s all the confirmation he needs. 

She doesn't want to see him, and the truth he's spent months trying to avoid finally came to fruition. 

Scott can't quite figure out what he did to push her away these last few months. He thought they were doing good. _Great_ , actually. They seemed to have built their friendship back up from the rubble it had been left in. What started as a few messages a week turned into daily reminders of what each other was up to in their lives. They shared their thoughts and talked about the dog they ran into on the way home, and about their crazy neighbor. She updated him about life in Paris and work and in return, he'd send her videos of Belle's improvement on the ice.

But something took a turn and he can't figure out why. At first, he thought it might be work, maybe she became too busy and tied up with her many projects. But he couldn't help notice her tone in responses had taken a turn too. They'd become shorter and less _her_. The emoji use he always made fun of, happened less and less until she was sending almost full stop messages. Like she couldn't wait for him to stop messaging her so she could be left alone. 

Until one day, she would just ignore almost everything from him for days to the point where it became a rarity if Tessa ever responded to him.

Scott swallows thickly as he sits in the stands amongst other parents watching their children take the ice. He can spot Belle standing by other kids awaiting their turn, and Scott can see the excited glint in her eye. It makes his heart soar and it's enough to take his mind away from someone who no longer really seems to care anyway. 

Scott stands and cheers loudly when Belle takes the ice slowly. He's sure there'll come a time when Belle gets embarrassed by it but for now, her wide grin directed at him has Scott clapping and whistling louder than necessary. 

She's wearing the dress tailored and made for her by the woman Tessa had suggested, but he doesn't have time to think much about it. 

If Tessa doesn't want to see him, he'd comply with her wishes and leave her alone. 

***

Her legs are moving at their own accord. Her body knows where it’s going even if her mind hasn’t quite caught up yet.

They take her forward into the ice rink that seems to cool down with every step. Her guilt grows by the second, weighing down heavily on her, she could no longer flush it down to nothing. She’d ignored his calls and his messages, turning a blind eye to them and hoping she’d just imagined them, that he wasn’t desperately trying to reach her.

But they did stop. He didn’t call her past the first day, and his messages stopped too. She found herself glancing over at her phone, taking it out of her pocket to find a message-less screen. It was enough to knock her off balance, the realization that she still wanted his calls, still wanted his words. Tessa woke up, prepared to take on her third day in Montreal, but her chest felt heavy and her mind wouldn’t set itself straight, concentrating on the events she had planned today.

Sending him a message in hopes of explaining herself didn't seem fair. 

So she finds herself inside the skating rink she knows he coaches at. She’d sent Aaron off with her dad, leaving the two of them to get to know each other, as she made her way past the sign-in desk, ignoring the look the receptionist gave her. Her eyes scan the ice and her heart nearly drops when she finds someone skating circles around the kids but settles herself down when she realizes it’s a different instructor. She briefly eyes the stands occupied with parents overlooking their children and still doesn’t spot him lingering among them. The brief idea of him calling in pops in, although she finds that strange considering he mentioned hating having to do it.

Tessa lets out a breath and her shoulders slump after realizing that he’s not here.

A small speck inside of her is grateful he’s nowhere to be found. She has no idea what she’d even say to him and her resolve seems to be weakening now, knowing that she wouldn’t have to see him today and explain herself for the decisions she made.

She’s just about to walk out when she spots someone walking in, halfway down the rink.

And there he is.

Scott leans against the boards and his eyes focus on the young skaters circling around on the ice. Tessa notices he’s not wearing his skates and instead looks upon the man instructing the kids as his fingers wrap themselves around a small coffee cup, leaving his other hand to briefly run through his hair. His hair is longer and his skin is pallid, but everything else about him still looks the same. She can still spot the same dark circles underneath his eyes and they still hold the same intensity whenever he focused on something.

She takes a careful step, slowly heading around the boards as her eyes stay glued to his figure. She sees him rub his eyes as he looks down at his coffee, taking another slow sip.

He must have felt someone’s eyes on him, because he tilts his head to the side before slowly turning to face her.

Standing there, time itself becomes more calm. She feels everything around her come to a sudden standstill as he looks into her eyes. She doesn’t know what her face is doing or what it’s supposed to do. Whether giving him a smile would seem too cruel, or if keeping all that away from him would hurt any less. She stands there as if she’s lost her mobility, like her joints are stuck in place unable to do anything but just stand there. Tessa’s mouth opens slightly before she’s shutting it again, unable to form any coherent words that would build a bridge over the gap that’s appeared between them.

But she doesn’t know what to expect from him either. Scott always wore his heart on his sleeve. He showed his emotions so vividly, they’d strike anyone a mile away, but nothing comes her way. Instead, his mouth remains an uncharacteristic grim line amid his pallid face, his eyes dull and empty from their usual spark. She sees the hurt in his eyes, the hurt he’s trying to desperately mask, and the pain it causes Tessa inside makes her want to keel over.

All she wants to do, at this moment, is close the distance between them and take it away.

But then he blinks and briefly looks down for a second before turning his head and focusing on his students again.

Tessa stills. Her movements stop and she feels glued to the ground. The familiar void grows again and the distance between them seems to expand, leaving no room for rehabilitation.

She takes a small step forward and watches as he brings the coffee cup to his lips again, before turning around to throw the cup in the crash. Instead of turning to face the ice again, Scott continues walking in the opposite direction. Tessa takes another step forward before she realizes he’s walking away, from _her_.

“Scott?” She’s taking quick steps to attempt to keep up with him. But he won’t turn to look at her, instead, he keeps his pace and continues forward as if she doesn’t exist. “Scott, wait.”

He disappears from her sight when he turns a corner to enter the office. Tessa doesn’t let it deter her from reaching him though and soon she’s turning the corner right behind him.

Scott’s standing just behind the office desk, staring down and flipping through the papers settled there. She feels breathless as she stands there in the doorway and takes a small step forward, trying to close some of the distance between them and closes the door behind her.

“Scott-”

“I’m busy.”

His tone is sharp, but she can tell he’s forcing it. This isn’t how she imagined any of this. She didn’t want their reunion to be tinted by her decision, but now she sees there’s no way of avoiding it.

She takes another step forward, but he still feels too far no matter how close they physically get.

“Can I please explain-”

“You didn’t tell me you were here. You ignored my calls and my messages. Clearly you didn’t want me to know and you didn’t want me to see you.” His eyes are cast downwards, still locked on the papers set on the desk, although she knows he’s paying them no mind. His jaw tenses and his eyes shut tightly for a second before he’s lifting them, looking right at her with half-lidded eyes. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, Tess. I get it.”

It hurts to hear him talk like this, like he’s nothing to her.His words pierce right through her, tearing at her insides to discard all over the floor. The pain in his eyes and voice is evident, and she blames herself completely for causing him harm.

“That’s not what I want you to think.”

“But it’s the _truth_ , Tess.” His fingers run through his hair and his frown grows deeper. “What am I supposed to get from your silence towards me?”

“Scott, I made a mistake in not telling you, I know. Every time I saw your calls… I… I wanted to answer them, but-” She can’t find the right words amongst the mess in her mind. He’s looking at her, waiting for something she doesn’t quite understand herself. “I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“I think a simple message would’ve sufficed.”

“Scott-”

“Were you just going to tiptoe your way around Montreal, avoiding me? Pretending like you were still in Paris whenever you decide to message me back?”

It stings, but Tessa knows he’s right. If she’d made it through this week, without him finding out, she’s not so sure she would have ever told him she’d been in Montreal. She shifts in her spot and fails to answer. 

Her silence speaks volumes, and he leans away from the desk, straightening his back and looking back down.

“Yeah.” She can hear the strain in his voice, and he clears it before speaking. “Listen, I’ll stay out of your way. You don’t have to worry about me,” He seems dominated by a profound sadness as the fatigue engraves every crevice of his face. His fingers rub at his temple and his eyes close from the pressure being applied. Scott places both hands on the desk and slowly shakes his head, visibly trying to sort out through all of his thoughts. “Tess, I went through months of messages, rereading everything but I don’t know what it is I said that made you shut me out.”

Her throat feels thick and she fears no words will come out. She takes another careful step forward until her thigh bumps lightly against the desk separating them.

“I was getting too comfortable Scott.”

Her words simmer heavily between them, and his eyes snap up to meet hers. Confusion laces through them and his brows crease.

“What?”

“Our messages, us building this _friendship_ again,” She waves between the both of them. Her heart pounds heavily against her chest, and she’s almost certain he can hear it smacking against her. Tessa licks her lips, looking down and around, anywhere but at him. She never thought she’d actually say these words out loud. “I was getting too comfortable with all of it.”

Tessa’s not looking at him, but she can feel his eyes roaming all over her as if taking her in for the first time.

“And what’s wrong with that?”

It’s really all or nothing. So she lets the words slip past her lips.

“I’m scared.”

Scott’s face drops and every hint of whatever disappointment and anger he had displayed there slip from his eyes. He’s trying to meet her eyes and his mouth opens once, twice, before licking his lips and trying again.

“What are you scared of?”

His voice is merely a whisper and her words in return, mirror his tone.

“I’m scared you’re going to hurt me again.”

Her words and the silence that follows lay on their skin like poison. The thick silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before glass shatters onto the ground, seems to ring in her ears. She’s looking right at him as his face contorts itself right back into the pain it showed before. She almost expects herself to walk out because of it, to avoid whatever he has to say, but she doesn’t. Tessa can hear Scott swallow before watching him slowly come around the desk for the first time.

He’s standing right next to her, with only a foot separating their bodies. Hers seems to vibrate with how close he’s standing and she braves a glance up into the hazel eyes laced with distress. Scott closes them, for only a second, but when they open again the pain only seems to have augmented.

“Tess,” Her name falls from his lips as a whisper and she feels his breath hit her skin, warm against her cheek. The strain cakes his voice, and his words come out thick with sadness. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Their eyes are locked, unwavering from each other.

What he’s just said, has Tessa’s insides crumbling. Memories of months ago come back and she feels like she’s in the lion's den.

Neither of them has a chance to break the silence before the office door is being swung open.

“Hey, Scott-” Someone pops their head in, but they halt and straighten themselves out at the sight in the office. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

Tessa steps back from him immediately but Scott’s eyes stay on her for a bit longer before stepping back as well. The woman standing in the doorway looks like she wants to make her way back out and pretend like she didn’t see anything but she turns to Scott after seemingly making up her mind.

“I just wanted to let you know that Caleb’s done with the kids.” She taps on her watch. “It’s noon.”

“Thanks, Pamela, I’ll head out in a sec.” If Pamela can tell he’s distracted, she doesn’t mention it.

“Okay,” She looks over at Tessa again, and a warm smile grows on her face. She seems to make her mind up about something again when she quickly steps inside and sticks her hand out towards Tessa. “Sorry, it’s just so lovely seeing you. My kids love you.”

A somewhat shy smile breaks across Tessa’s face as she takes Pamela’s hand, shaking it. She’s blushing and she can’t quite remember how to respond to people when they talk about her this way. It’s like she’s almost forgotten she was once a World Champion, a chapter she’s almost ripped out of her life. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Pamela takes a step backward and looks between the both of them, realizing they were probably in the middle of something and turns around, closing the door behind her.

The closed-door silences the kid's laughter heard from down the hall, and again, they’re left with nothing but the sounds of their breaths. Farther apart now, physically and mentally, Scott eyes Tessa again. He looks apprehensive and nervous, but he takes a step forward.

“Can you… can you give me a few minutes? I just need to give the kids some notes before letting them go.”

Tessa nods, distractedly and unsure it's such a good idea for her to wait around, but decides to avoid her instincts. Instead of staying in the small office, whose walls seem to be closing in on her, she follows right behind Scott.

They walk down the hall and back towards the loud ice rink. Scott glances over at her, before walking over to his students, who’ve gathered right by their parents. Tessa stays back and leans against a wall, watching him and his students from a distance. She watches the way he interacts with every kid, kneeling down to their level, high-fiving them and leaving no one behind. It’s clear every one of his students adore him as they look up to him with wide smiles and bright eyes.

Scott occasionally glances back at her, as if to make sure she’s still there, like he’s afraid she’ll disappear on him again.

But she doesn’t. She sees the relief in his eyes before he turns back around, finishing his conversation with some of the parents. Scott hugs everyone goodbye and waves as they begin making their way out, one by one. He shakes the hand of the man Tessa assumes to be Caleb and watches as people begin slowly trickling in as the rink opens up to the general public.

Scott’s back is to her and she can see it rise as he takes a deep breath before turning around and walking back to her. His eyes are set on hers and every step he takes has her feeling nervous. Without stopping, Scott takes Tessa’s hand in his warm one and leads them down the expanse of the boards and around a different corner.

As soon as they’re away from any wandering eyes, Scott closes the distance between them, pulling Tessa into his arms and enveloping her into his body. Her arms wrap around him in immediate response as she feels his breath, warm against her neck, and his heart beat right against her chest. He pulls her impossibly close, sliding his hand up her back to cradle her neck, burying himself into it as he always did before.

“I’m sorry, Tess.” His voice is muffled by her neck as he turns to briefly lay a kiss on her ear before placing himself as he was.

She lets herself take him in, pressing herself farther into Scott like she’s making up for lost time. These hugs that were once a constant, an assurance, were now a rarity she missed. Every part of him is warm and Tessa still slots herself against him perfectly, fitting herself into every part of him. Tessa breathes him in, taking in the hint of mint that always lingered on Scott’s skin, a small puzzle piece of what makes him, _him_.

He pulls away a bit, keeping his arms locked around her as his eyes look between hers. Scott’s eyes are a bit wet, but he blinks it away, before leaning back into her.

Tessa decides she can stay here, with him, forever. And it’s exactly that comfort that has every alarm going off in her head.

It’s Tessa who pulls away this time, although she keeps her arms around his waist. Scott’s looking at her like they’ve been apart from each other for years. Like, he can’t quite believe she’s actually here, standing right in front of him.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” His words are reminiscent to what he told her when they’d seen each other at Jordan’s wedding. But they still affect her all the same. He’s looking at her the same way, the affection in his eyes overflowing past everything else. His hands run up and down her arms slowly before he slides them down into her own.

“I’m here.”

“Tess, when I saw you…” Scott squeezes her hands lightly before he lets them go, running his fingers through his hair. His distress makes its way through when he shakes his head, clearly disappointed in himself for the reaction he had towards seeing her. “I’m sorry for walking away. I shouldn’t have done that. I’d been waiting for you to come back and visit and I didn’t know what to do.” He’s not looking into her eyes, instead, he concentrates on Tessa’s collarbone. “I know you don’t want to see me, but-”

“Don’t say that.” She reaches for his hand. “Don’t say I don’t want to see you. I made a mistake in not telling you.”

Scott closes his eyes and shakes his head, not wanting to hear it. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“Come for a walk with me?” Tessa blurts it out, the words spilling out before she has a chance to stop and assess them. Part of her wants to put a stop to the obvious guilt he’s feeling, not wanting to see the expression on his face anymore. But a bigger part, a part she doesn’t want to admit, misses him tremendously. Whatever magnetic pull he had towards her never dulled, and she doesn’t want a way out, at least not today. _“Please?”_

He looks just as shocked as she does, not expecting that she’d want to spend any more time with him. His mouth opens slightly and his eyebrows knit together.

“Tess, you don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

He’s so close she can hear him swallow as he nods slowly.

“Yeah, okay. I’d love to.”

Scott decides to leave his stuff locked away in the office, not wanting to bother with it today. They exit the rink, letting the sunlight bathe their skin in warmth as they begin making their way down the sidewalk past the parking lot. Tessa has no idea where she’s going or where she’s leading them, but she walks anyway, letting Scott follow in-step right beside her. The rink is only a few blocks away from her favorite district downtown so she decides to lead them there, hoping to find a quiet spot for them to talk.

She feels slightly shocked she’s walking next to him after all this time, like she’s inside a memory relieving the days they’d walk to get lunch after a quick workout. Tessa’s hand brushes slightly against his and, in a beat, crosses her arms in front of her.

“How long were you planning on staying?”

Scott breaks the silence, bringing Tessa out of her thoughts as she kicks a small rock before answering.

“A week.”

Scott nods and sticks his hands into his pockets. He’s quiet for another minute before he lightly bumps her shoulder, causing Tessa to peer over at him.

“Thank you for suggesting Barbara to me. She had Belle’s dress done and it saved me a lot of stress.”

“You’re welcome.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m glad I could help.”

They come across a small breakfast joint that opened only a few days ago. Tessa’s stomach growls loudly considering she’d forgotten to eat anything in her haste to get to the rink. So she walks towards it, looking up at the hanging sign.

“My mom told me this place has the best pancakes. Mind if we eat?”

He's peering up the sign too, a bit squinty-eyed from the sun. Then he looks over at her again, giving her his best smile. 

“When have I ever turned down food kiddo?" 

His longtime nickname for her leaves her heart warm, almost making her stumble on the small step leading to the entrance. Scott tries to fight his smile as he opens the door for Tessa, but it breaks through anyway causing her to look away quickly. They’re greeted by a quiet and quaint place, occupied by a few people having pancakes for lunch and she can immediately smell the food and coffee causing her mouth to water.

They sit themselves at a small booth next to a large window overlooking a small children’s park littered with families enjoying the sunny day. Neither of them says anything as she looks out the window, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable. Even after all this time, they don’t need words to fill the space between them, instead, they're able to enjoy each other's presence without them as they let the clink of dishes and utensils fill the air.

It's like they're both pretending there are no obstacles between them, and they're both just going along with it. 

"I'm sorry again T." His voice is thick and his attempt to clear it doesn't do much of anything. It's clear the disappointment in himself hasn't gone away, instead, the guilt only seems to grow on his face as he frowns down at the table. "I shouldn't have reacted like that."

Tessa shakes her head and stops herself last second from reaching over and taking his hand in hers. The image of Scott walking away from her hurt her in more ways than she'd like to admit, so she pushes the image away, wanting to enjoy this moment with him. 

"Scott, please don't worry about it. Let's just enjoy lunch, okay?"

She gives him a reassuring smile and turns to look back out the window but she can still feel his eyes on her. Tessa can feel their every movement and she turns back over to him, tapping her fingers on the table. The corner of his mouth lifts slightly and he reaches over to the salt shaker, turning it in his hands.

“Tell me about Paris. I bet you’ve been to every cafe there is eh?”

She can appreciate his attempt at trying to lighten the mood so she tilts her head to the side and lifts her eyebrow. _Almost._

“Not _all_ of them. I think I have _one_ left on the list.”

“One?” Scott leans back and lets out a low whistle, shaking his head with a resolutely unimpressed face. “I’m disappointed.”

“I’m a bit off my game I guess.” She grins over at him as she reaches for a menu, passing him one as well. 

The waitress comes a few minutes later and takes their orders. Tessa makes Scott order first so she can finish making her choice between their regular chocolate pancakes and their _triple chocolate_ pancakes. She doesn’t think she’s ever had to make such a difficult decision before.

“And she’ll have the _triple chocolate_ pancakes please and coffee for the both of us.”

Tessa looks up from the menu as the waitress walks away with their orders. Scott’s folding his menu and setting it back in its place when she gives him a questioning glance. Looking amused, he shrugs his shoulders.

“Kiddo, I could see the way you were looking at those pancakes. Let’s not pretend here.”

She can’t exactly correct him because, well, because he’s right.

They dig into their plates as conversation flows naturally between them like the riff that separated them never existed. At least, for a moment, Tessa can pretend it never did.

She talks about the campaign she and her team spent months working on and about Paris itself. She talks about her daily walks from her apartment to the Seine and back. About the food and the coffee and the shops. He pulls out his phone and shows her the dress Belle had worn a few days prior and pictures of her first day in a children's art class. She tells him about Amber, about her crazy antics and all the trouble she's pulled her into. 

Throughout it all Scott listens to every word that passes her lips. The gentle gaze of his eyes and the relaxed nature of his face urges her to continue pouring out her words over anything she wanted. Whatever they talked about didn't matter, only that they were talking.

And she knows it's a mistake, but she lets herself fall back into pretending they're what they used to be. 

Their plates are nearly empty and Tessa uses her last bit of pancake to scoop up the remaining syrup. Scott leans back against the booth and holds his hands to his stomach as he closes his eyes in what looks like bliss.

“Your mom’s right by the way. These pancakes just kicked my ass but they were worth it,” With his eyes still closed, he lets out a breath. "Holy shit."

She takes a sip from her coffee, satisfied with his response.  

“I told you. You know my mom’s never wrong.”

She feels the slight buzz coming from her phone so she reaches into her pocket to pull it out.

**Aaron | (1:04 pm)**

**Your dad’s good. Like really good. A bit embarrassed to admit he’s about to win.**

Tessa lets out a breathy laugh at Aaron’s message before she types out a quick response and sets her phone down on the table. She looks up and finds Scott’s eyes watching her past the brim of his coffee cup.

She hasn't told him about Aaron, and she wasn't so sure she ever would. But sitting here in front of him now, and omitting it from him has her shifting uncomfortably in her seat. It's hard for her to admit it, but she wants to talk to Scott about Aaron. She wants to tell him everything Aaron has done for her, about the happiness and contentment he's brought into her life. Tessa reaches for her cup, takes another sip and silently prepares herself to tell him.

“I met someone.” She reaches for her napkin and begins folding it to distract herself from looking up at Scott. “His name is Aaron.” 

Tessa gnaws on the inside of her cheek as she fiddles with her knuckles, weaving her fingers in and out of each other. She lets her eyes roam around the table, to the menus stalked vertically beside the window to the salt and pepper shakers before glancing over at him. 

She doesn’t know what to expect. Whether she’d see the usual tick of his jaw that sometimes indicated anger or witness a sort of resentment in his eyes. But neither appear. Instead, a certain calm seems to rest on his expression and his lips begin bearing the semblance of a soft smile as he silently urges her to continue. In a sudden daze, she does. 

“We’ve been official for three months now?” She clears her throat and shifts in her seat, tossing the dirty napkin to the side. “He’s actually here with me. He’s met my parents and Jordan, and…” She doesn’t complete her statement, instead, she finishes by nodding like an idiot. 

Tessa watches as his soft lips stretch into a small smile but she can’t help but notice that it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Scott looks like he wants to say something he can’t quite put into words, so he wraps his hand around his coffee and stares down into the dark liquid.

“How’d you meet him?”

She feels evil for even thinking about doing it. But she needs to lighten the mood, desperately. So, she does the first thing she can think of and waits for him to have a mouthful of coffee before responding.

“He’s actually my boss.”

And as expected, he chokes. 

Scott starts coughing into the back of his hand as Tessa passes him a napkin. His fist hits his chest a few times as he attempts to clear his throat and takes the napkin from her. After a few seconds, he's able to compose himself and he coughs a few more times.

“That was rude, T.” Scott feigns annoyance but his mouth twitches and she’s pretty sure he’s fighting a smile.

“Sorry.” 

Tessa bites her lip to try and diffuse the stupid grin growing on her face. She watches Scott wipe the corners of his mouth before scrunching up the napkin and tossing it on the table. Their eyes meet again and her smile slowly disappears. They lapse into a silence and Tessa watches as the rays of sunshine splash across the table. But then Scott clears his throat and lets out a soft laugh as she catches herself watching him again. He opens his mouth at the same time she does, but he's quicker than her in getting the words out. 

"You know you can talk to me about him kiddo."

She closes her mouth, not knowing what to say, and nods in response. 

Just then the waitress comes over to their booth to place their receipts on the table. 

Tessa's grateful for the distraction as she's not so sure what she would have said. She _wants_ to talk to Scott about him. But something keeps stopping her from doing so. She catches something flash just beneath the surface of his eyes when she doesn't say anything else. He probably figures she doesn't want to talk to him about Aaron, and Tessa does absolutely nothing about it.

He gives her a distracted tight-lipped smile and leans back again, figuring she's probably done talking with him now that they've finished their lunch. But, the emotion has disappeared before she can think more about it. 

“You probably need to get back to him eh? I don’t want to take up any more of your day.”

She feels a surprising sting against her chest at the idea of leaving him already and feels her first instincts kick in, instincts that have built themselves from twenty years of being around him.

“Actually, my dad took him golfing. He just wanted someone to show off his golf skills to.” She laughs lightly and her leg bounces just underneath the table. “You mind spending the rest of the day with me?”

He's better at hiding his surprise this time around and the grin that grows on his face lifts the heavy weight from her shoulders. 

They get their receipts and slowly lift themselves from the booth, still recovering from what they’ve just scarfed down and head to the counter to pay. Tessa pays first, much to Scott’s disappointment considering he wanted to pay for her lunch, and leaves a generous tip in their tip jar. 

She’ll make sure to come back for more.

Scott reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet causing something to slip out and fall to the linoleum floor. Tessa reaches for it before he can, picking up what looks to be a bracelet, although a little too small for his wrist, made up of colorful beads. She stands back up and feels his eyes on her as she turns it over, smiling at the letters spelling out _dad_. Tessa looks up and finds him eyeing the bracelet with adoration.

“Belle?” She hands the bracelet back to Scott and he takes it, looking at it for a bit before pocketing it again. 

“Yeah,” He smiles warmly at whatever fond memory pops into his head and turns to hand his card to the cashier. “My mom bought her a beading kit and she can barely separate herself from it.”

A wide grin spreads across Tessa’s face at the image of Belle and this new hobby of hers. 

“Where is she by the way?”

His smile seems to diminish a bit and a nervous glint covers his eyes as he places his card back into his wallet. 

“She’s, uh, with Cara.”

The light inside Tessa seems to diminish a bit at the mention of Cara’s name, can’t putting off the heavy weight of it. It makes her feel ridiculous in the first place, considering she had asked him to help Cara. Where else would Belle be anyway?

“Oh,” They give their thanks to the staff and begin making their way out. “How is she?”

He slips his hands into his pockets as they walk down the sidewalk alongside the children’s park. 

“She’s… better.” 

“Yeah?”

Scott seems uncomfortable and hesitant to talk about her, but continues anyway. 

“Yeah, she’s been spending a lot more time with Belle these last few months actually. Belle seems happier about it too. She’s getting to know her mom a bit better, you know?”

Scott glances over at Tessa. He watches her like he's waiting to garner her expression as if he needs reassurance that he's made the correct decision.

“Of course, and even if she’s too young now I’m sure she’s going to appreciate the effort you two are making, Scott.”

His eyes are set on the sidewalk again but he manages a tight-lipped smile and a stiff nod. They walk in silence for another minute or two before Tessa decides to change the subject, not wanting to see him so visibly uncomfortable. 

“Hey, maybe you can bring Belle here? I get the feeling she’d go crazy for the pancakes I had.”

Scott smiles in a way that can stop anyone in their track, thankful for the subject change, and Tessa has to look down to make sure she doesn’t trip on a crack. 

“Belle _would_ go crazy. But, I don’t know if I’m ready for her to stay up all night from all the sugar.”

An image of a restless Belle not letting a tired Scott sleep from her sugar overdose has Tessa keeping in a giggle.

“I bet Belle’s growing like crazy huh? What is she? Five foot something now?”

Scott turns and scrunches up his nose at her, as if the suggestion is horrifying to him. He shakes his head and frowns dramatically. 

“Please, don’t remind me. I just want her to stay tiny forever.”

“What universities has she applied to?”

_“Tess!”_

Tessa lets out a loud laugh, the kind of laugh they always shared between them before and bumps her shoulder against his. She’s missed teasing him. 

“She still with that boyfriend of hers?”

In a rather swift manner, Scott turns around and begins walking in the opposite direction, leaving Tessa to laugh on the sidewalk.

***

** Tessa     |     (5:32 pm) **

** Hey babe. I'll be back at the hotel later tonight. I'm with a friend.  **

***

They end up at Scott’s house.

It’s not one of her brightest ideas or moments, but truthfully, she didn’t want this day to end. It’d gotten dark outside so they had made their way back to Scott’s parked car at the rink and back to the place she'd told him she'd be leaving for Paris. 

She sits in his kitchen and watches as he pours water into a kettle, leaving it on the stove top to boil. While his back is turned to her, she gives herself a quick glance around at the frames decorating the walls. There seems to be more of Belle’s drawings hung up around the living room and more toys piled up in the corner. She spots the plush toy Belle had shown her all those months ago and Scott’s sweatshirt thrown haphazardly on the couch. The house seems quiet and still without Belle sat in the living room watching her favorite movies, but everything still seemed so inviting. Their home was so _them_ and the love so palpable _._

“I know you said you hadn’t been sleeping well. Is that still the case?”

“It’s gotten better.” Tessa turns back from studying her surroundings and shrugs, brushing a bit of hair behind her ear. “I think work was just keeping me up.”

“Blaming work? It’s probably all that coffee.”

Scott turns from his task, peering over his shoulder to give her a teasing look. Tessa playfully rolls her eyes like it's the most absurd suggestion. 

Scott turns and sets a mug down on the counter in front of her and begins preparing a cup for himself. She gives him a grateful smile and brings the rim to her lips, letting the smooth liquid soothe her throat. Tessa wraps her hands around the mug and leans on her arms comfortably as the honey tea relaxes her limbs. She watches the way Scott's hands wrap around his own mug so she glances away briefly and catches a glimpse of something fairly familiar placed on his counter. 

“Is that..." Tessa squints at the object and tilts her head. "Is that what I think it is?”

Scott glances up and cautiously turns toward the object she’s pointing to, looking almost concerned as to what he may find there. But when he sees it, his shoulders relax. He sets his mug down and walks over to the object to pick it up, handing it to her. 

It's exactly what she thought it would be. It’s one of their first medals. She doesn’t know the exact year they earned it, because it looks like one of the hundreds they won during their first few years skating competitively. The medal is made of cheap plastic and it’s no bigger than a coin, but that didn’t matter to them all those years ago. Tessa’s sure they’d felt like they’d just won gold at the Olympics. 

She gives Scott a questioning glance.

“Me and Belle went over to my mom’s for a few days and we sort of ended up unboxing years worth of things.” Scott looks a bit embarrassed and runs his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. Belle just picked it out of a box and wouldn’t take it off for hours.”

Tessa grins up at him and runs her thumb over the peeling edges of the medal before setting it back down on the counter. She curiously scans the kitchen counters behind him again, wondering if there’s something else she might've missed. Something on them that could hint and answer a question she's wondered for months. Tessa doesn't know what propels her to ask but she's started before she can stop. 

“So… don’t answer this if you don’t want to but,” She can’t quite believe she’s about to ask him this, because she's not so sure she wants to hear his answer, but her curiosity gets the best of her. Scott looks up at Tessa with a questioning glance as she debates last second. “Have you met anyone?”

Tessa swallows heavily as her question lingers in the air. She wants to take her words back immediately, embarrassed for having gone through with her question on something so personal. She lets her eyes trail from her mug to his face, watching as he immediately understands what she’s implying, and grateful she doesn’t have to elaborate. Scott doesn’t answer for a few seconds as she sits there anticipating his answer not knowing what it is she wants to hear, or if she even wants to know, but he clears his throat and answers anyway. 

“No, I haven’t.” Tessa notices his jaw tighten before he loosens it, stirring the honey into his tea. “I haven’t actually bothered.”

It isn' t the answer she's expecting if she’s being honest with herself. And it certainly isn't what she’d prepared herself for.

Tessa frowns and watches as he bites the corner of his mouth in deep thought about something. 

“Why?”

She thinks she might slip from her seat with the way he looks at her, but he blinks and he's hidden it away in a matter of seconds. 

“Because I wouldn’t be good with anyone else.”

“You can’t say that.”

“ _Tess_ -”

She finds it so disconcerting that she cares so much about this as opposed to him. 

“I just don’t want you holding yourself back.”

“I’m not. Look it doesn’t matter. I can’t force that sort of stuff anyway. I love you T, but I'd rather just not talk about it.”

Tessa's sure she's stopped breathing from the tightness in her chest. 

Her eyes are locked on his and it takes him a moment to realize what he's just said.

It was innocent, really. It's the  _I love you_ that you tell a friend, but it'd been so long since she's heard those words from him, Tessa feels like her joints are locked in place. Tessa thinks it can't possibly mean any less than what she thinks considering how heavily intertwined their pasts are. 

"Sorry," He stares down at his feet with furrowed brows and shakes his head. "I know you care, but I just... it's not what I need right now."

He leans against the counter and crosses his arms as he tilts his chin up, eyeing one of the light fixtures, clearly done with the conversation. So Tessa respects his wishes and backs off from the subject, leaving him at peace with his decision.

But she can't help think that having him in front of her right now opens doors that weren’t previously open. Parts she’d tried so hard to forget were still muddled and the only person that could provide her the answers she needs is only a few feet away. She just needs to summon the courage to talk about it. 

“Scott?”

“Yeah?”

He's still looking upwards, probably regretting ever bringing her to his house, but Tessa fears she might never get the chance to ask again, so she lets her mouth form the words before she can fully think it through.

“Do you ever think about it?” She stares down into her tea, watching the vapor rise and disappear into the air. “About what we did together? Everything we accomplished?”

There's a sadness embedded in his eyes when he faces her again. 

“Every day.” 

“Do you miss it?”

Scott doesn't hesitate before answering.

“Not a single moment of any day do I find myself not missing you, Tess.” The feel of Scott’s gaze on her body has Tessa glancing up, spotting the regret deeply embedded in them. “I think about everything else we could have done together. And I hate myself every day for ending it.”

“Don’t.” She frowns. “I think we’ve both ended up where we’re meant to be.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m happy. I’m happy in Paris, with my job, with my new friends. With Aaron.” She takes a moment, catching a glimpse of Belle's picture on the fridge. “And you have a beautiful daughter that loves you more than anything and a job you genuinely enjoy. I saw the way you interacted with those kids, Scott. You love what you do.”

“I do. But I lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me. I’m right here.”

“I did Tess.” He breathes in deeply and looks off to the side like he’s trying to gather himself. “I used to be somebody you could trust. But I've seen the way you’ve been looking at me all day. Like you’re waiting for me to mess up and hurt you again. I lost you because you don’t feel safe with me anymore.”

Tessa’s eyes widen before she composes herself and stares down at the table. 

It hurts hearing it out loud. But it’s the plain and simple truth.

She just hadn’t realized it until he said it.

“It’s hard for me to trust you.” Her voice is thick and her throat feels like it’s closing in on her. Tessa slowly pushes the mug away from her, not having an appetite for it anymore. “At least most of me doesn’t, not anymore.”

The corners of his eyes turn red and he swallows heavily, his voice thick when he speaks again. 

“I regret hurting you Tess, it weighs down on me every single fucking day. But it won’t change the fact that I did it. There are consequences to my actions, and you taking away whatever trust you had in me just goes to show that you know what’s best for you. I've tried telling myself that I don't deserve you in my life, and I _don't_. But I need you, and I’ll work every day to earn your trust back. But I won’t force anything on you without you wanting it in return. I won’t do that to you.”

His eyes won't sway from hers when he's finished, wanting her to know that he means every single thing passing his lips. She feels nearly at a loss for words and her throat clogs with unspoken words as the pain seers through her skin, reminding her of everything they've lost. 

“I always questioned, what made you do it.” She's not ready to give him an answer as she's left desperately trying to diminish the striking pain she feels in her gut, so with a frail voice she continues. “I know we weren’t together, but… I guess I still want to know.”

Scott doesn't even try to hide how badly the mention of his mistakes makes him feel and his skin seems to dull. His hand comes up to wipe at his red and tired eyes as he bites the corner of his mouth again. He shifts and crosses his arms, concentrating on a spot on the floor. 

“I knew that you didn’t want to be with me anymore. That’s the only thought that ran through my head at the time. I know you said I wasn’t enough and you needed someone…” He struggles with his next words as Tessa looks on, confused as to what he’s saying. “You needed someone _better_.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Tess, what I thought at the time doesn’t matter anymore. I hurt you regardless.”

She brings her hand up to stop him from saying anything else as her brows furrow with confusion. 

“No, I still want to know what you’re talking about.”

“I… I went to go talk to Cara a week or two after we broke up. I just, well, I wanted to know why you did it. I figured she’d know.” His jaw tightens and untightens as he shifts on his feet, clearly uncomfortable with bringing any of this up again. “She told me you’d talked to her about me, about wanting to walk away from me.”

Tessa can't stop shaking her head, almost mechanically. 

“Scott, I never said those things.”

“Tess, it’s okay.” He shuts his eyes tightly and his hand comes up to press at his temple. “I wasn’t enough for you and I understand that now-”

“I _never_ said those things.” Whether she repeats her words for herself or for Scott isn’t clear.

Scott doesn’t say anything else, instead, he watches Tessa like he’s waiting for her to realize she’s wrong. 

But she can’t, because Tessa has no idea what he’s talking about. 

And then suddenly, like she’s been slapped in the face with it, it dawns on her. The truth of many unanswered things crashing in on her like never before. 

And it seems as if Scott picks up on it too by the understanding dawning on his face.

She can see something flash underneath the surface of his hardened expression and whatever little color there’s left seems to drain from his face.

There’s a knock at the door, but neither of them reacts to it. Scott’s searching her eyes but he seems to be thinking about a million different things, trying to assess what’s real and what isn’t. Then he blinks and looks down at the kitchen island for a second, before looking over at the door and stiffly walking over to it. 

Tessa feels glued to her seat and her eyes are set on the window above the sink as she stares out at the dark, starless sky. She hears the door open but she doesn’t turn to see who it is. Her mind feels like it’s racing, like its trying to sort out the blurry memories from almost three years ago. She has no idea what Scott was talking about. Whose words he was reiterating. But things are starting to slot into place, like parts of the puzzle are coming together for the first time. 

Tessa hears Belle’s soft voice coming from down the hall and its enough to knock her out of the trance she’d fallen into. She slips off the stool and walks slowly towards the door but stops just before rounding the corner. 

“Say bye to momma, Belle.”

It's Cara.

Tessa feels the blood drain from her face. 

She knows she isn’t ready. She isn’t ready to see her old friend and she fears she never will be now that pieces of the puzzle have fit into place. But something compels her forward, whether it be the anger simmering beneath her skin or something else, and takes a careful step around the corner. 

Scott was right. 

She seems better. Her skin has a healthier glow to it and her cheeks aren’t as sunken in as they used to be. The way she's dressed is different from how she used to dress before and her hair is no longer the unkempt mess she'd last seen her in.

Cara’s kneeling on the floor of the entryway, hugging Belle with tightly shut eyes as she rubs her back gently. But then they open slowly as if she can feel somebody else's presence and her blue eyes land on Tessa standing just a few feet away.

She looks like she's just seen a ghost. 

They both still completely and her whole body seems to go tense all over. Cara must have noticed something simmering just underneath Tessa’s eyes because she lets go of Belle and stands slowly. Scott's standing by the door, but he seems to be looking at nothing - his face completely blank and emotionless as another quiet moment passes. But in the blink of an eye, Cara quickly turns without saying another word and makes her way down the porch steps.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might take a little longer to update the next chapter but I'll try and write a bit every day. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! All comments are much appreciated. Till next tiiiime. 
> 
> twitter @/scottthoney, come yell at me if you want
> 
>  
> 
> *** This chapter, and really the whole story came to me while listening to Do You Remember by Jarryd James. Really recommend everyone listen to it if you haven't already.***


	18. Retrograde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa’s palms are sweaty and the sudden adrenaline coursing through her system is shutting down her ability to process any logical thoughts. Her legs move her forward with the intention of reaching her old friend before Cara has a moment to speed away from all the harm and pain she’s caused, away from the responsibility she has never claimed as her own.

Tessa swears time slows down.

Everything inside her feels as hollow as the day she left Montreal all those months ago. She feels herself retreat back into the shell she’d overcome watching Cara’s retreating form grow smaller and smaller.

The air feels thicker and she swears her lungs have stopped working properly, no longer taking in the air it needs. The space around her feels like it’s closing in on her, suffocating her, and all she wants is an escape from it. An escape from everything that’s brought her here to this moment in her life. But as she watches Cara stride to her car, her head makes its mind up.

Tessa’s palms are sweaty and the sudden adrenaline coursing through her system is shutting down her ability to process any logical thoughts. Her legs move her forward with the intention of reaching her old friend before Cara has a moment to speed away from all the harm and pain she’s caused, away from the responsibility she has never claimed as her own.

Tessa walks past Scott as he reaches his arm out to stop her, finally out of the trance he’d fallen into, but it’s not enough to keep her inside the safety of his home. Her arm slips from his grasp and she makes her way past the entrance onto the porch.

“Tess, wait-”

But his words turn into a muffled mess in her ear as she speeds down the porch steps, ignoring any sensible thing that might keep her back. Every step she takes forward brings forth a new memory from years ago when Tessa thought she had it all. She had the man she loved by her side and her best friend on the other. Tessa had never felt more on top of the world, but now everything feels tainted, beyond repair. She watches as Cara’s shaky hands drop her keys onto the gravel, bending to desperately pick them up. Cara stands for a second attempt as she glances upwards into the green eyes who’s trust she’d betrayed. 

“Just leave me alone.” Cara spits out the words as Tessa steps closer and her obvious urge to escape seeps through every rigid movement, but Tessa can't let this moment slip from her grasp.

“Why’d you do it, Cara?” Her voice is barely a whisper on the brink of letting everything out. Relentless, Tessa makes her way around the car and comes to stand right beside Cara who refuses to look over at her. “ _Why?”_

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She shakes her head as if the accusations being made against her were being pulled from the air, from nothing. Cara unlocks her car and attempts to open the door but it’s quickly slammed shut by Tessa, who now stands between her and her only way out.

“Yes, you do.” Tessa steps impossibly closer, letting all the accumulated anger and resentment blind her from any reason. But Tessa can’t find any reason to care about controlling what she has to say right now. “You told Scott he wasn't enough for me, Cara. Why would you say something like that? You _lied_ to us. You _manipulated_ us. How long did you think you could run away from what you did?”

“Why do you care?” She practically yells it out and her words echo down the empty street. Cara finally tears her attention away from the car door as she steps closer in return, chin held high in weak defiance. “You never deserved him anyway.”

_“I loved him.”_

The words rip out of Tessa and her throat burns from the tears she fears might escape past her control. 

“No, you didn’t. You never said it out loud, but I knew you believed he was holding you back from what you really wanted. You two didn’t want the same things. I only sped up the overdue process of you two calling it quits." Cara lets out an empty and humorless laugh at the sight of Tessa's expression. "You should be thanking me. I heard you’re doing quite fucking well in Paris.”

“So you’ve manipulated _yourself_ into believing your shit lies? Where does this end, Cara?”

Cara's eye twitches before she glances behind Tessa, and the anger seems to be overshadowed by the sudden anxiety that overtakes them. 

“Tessa.”

She’s breathing heavily as Scott calls out her name. But she refuses to turn and instead keeps her eyes glued on the foul human standing in front of her. She sees the anger and disgust reflected in them and her heart shatters into a million pieces, scraping her skin on the way down. Not from what she’d lost but for what Cara has become. Or maybe Cara was always like this, and they were all just too blind to see it. Tessa resents every second ever wasted on her, every second ever spent by her side, knowing she was just calculating her next move all along. Finding ways to hurt the people around her had always been her agenda, and Scott and Tessa were just her chest pieces.

And she feels like an idiot for ever asking Scott to help Cara in the first place. 

Tessa hears the rubble underneath Scott’s steps and feels him walking closer. His proximity is enough to tear her attention away from Cara as she finally breaks contact. She slowly turns to find Scott standing in the driveway, a few feet away from the both of them.

That same magnetic pull that never dulled between them, brings her back to a place she needs to be and Tessa feels every breath leave her body. She feels the anger slowly dull and die inside her and every imploding thought deflates along with it. He’s looking at her. Just her and nothing else at the moment seems to matter. Tessa's thoughts anchor themselves back to reason and her insides deflate from the way he’s looking at her, with reassurance carved deep within every crevice of his face.

She knows exactly what’s he’s thinking even if he hasn’t said it out loud and she feels her breathing slow into its natural rhythm. He takes a slow step forward and she thinks he’s never looked more certain about anything in his life, right at this moment.

“She’s not worth it, Tess.” He takes a few more steps before his fingers brush softly against hers. She glances up into his eyes to find them flicking between her green ones. “Come back inside, _please._ ”

She'd given so much of herself already, she'd devoted too much towards the anger she always held inside. For once, Tessa just wants to be free from the mountable pain she's held onto for so long. The ringing in her ear begins fading away and all she has left to hear are the breaths intermingling between them. 

Tessa appears unable to speak but manages a slow nod at Scott. As her resolve settles in her chest, she realizes he’s right.

Cara’s not worth it. All this accumulated anger towards her isn’t worth it. She looks away from him, toward the gravel underneath her feet and towards Cara once more. Tessa turns just in time to see her eyes planted on Scott and the pain she failed to disguise on her face from his outspoken thoughts. But regardless, Tessa takes a single and slow breath as she takes a step closer to the stranger in front of her.

“You know,” Tessa's voice is low but set. Her throat feels scorched from everything she's holding back. But just this once, she gives herself the small freedom of letting them out. “I once thought you still had some redeemable qualities buried somewhere inside you. But standing in front of you right now… all I feel is nauseated from everything you’ve become. You hurt people, Cara. You take the things they love and you twist them in ways that end up destroying them. I don’t know what it is I did to you to have you hurt me in the way you did, but I hope it was worth it.”

Tessa’s eyes burn into hers once more, making sure she hears every last word.

“You can’t be helped. You’re just a bitch.”

And she knows instantly from the look in Cara’s eyes, that her words hit their mark.

Without another word from anyone as the silence mingles between them, Cara takes a step backward, opens the door and climbs inside. 

Tessa's rigid joints move and she stands on the sidewalk as the red taillights illuminate her skin. She hears the engine start running and watches as Cara drives away and rounds the corner. Nothing but the sounds of rustling leaves and the chirping of crickets can be heard as she and Scott stand there, staring off into the now empty road.

She feels the warmth of his hand land softly on her back and the heat radiates all throughout her body, melting the layer of ice that had encased her only seconds ago. And from the twenty years of having him in her life, her response to his touch is immediate. Tessa turns over and steps into his touch as he instantly envelops her form in his arms.

She rests her head on his firm chest, just above his beating heart and concentrates on the safety the rhythm of his heart projects. In his embrace, the world around her seems to blur away, pushing anything and everything away, leaving her in what feels like… home. The steady rise and fall of his chest become slower and her eyes begin drooping shut. He nestles his face into her neck and his puffs of breath fall gently against her skin as his hand trails up her back to cradle her neck.

“I’m sorry Tess,” Tessa swallows heavily at the sound of his muffled voice breaking against her skin. “I didn’t know.”

She can feel his chest rise unevenly now against hers, and in that moment, her arms squeeze a fraction tighter as her hands spread across the expanse of his back. Time held no meaning for her as they stood there in the darkened driveway. All she knew is that his limbs were cradled around her body as he hugged her to his chest and the blissful warmth radiating from him gave her the comfort she needed.

For a single fraction of a second, she lets herself think about the opportunities they lost. All the opportunities that they’ll never get back. They’d always intended on living an intertwined life, and that had been taken from them by their mistakes. It slipped from their grasp, leaving them stranded with broken hopes. 

But then the conversation they had only minutes ago in his kitchen seeps back into the depths of her mind, so she pulls back slightly, just enough to glance up into his eyes.

“I shouldn’t have done that with Belle in the house.”

“Belle didn't hear any of it, okay? Don’t apologize.”

She doesn’t realize the tears have slipped from her eyes until he’s wiping them with his thumbs.

“I just-” She throws her hands up in tired exasperation as her lower lip begins quivering. She looks off toward the empty road, can’t bearing the disappoint she’s so sure is displayed on his face. “I couldn’t just stand there and watch her leave knowing that she told you those things, Scott. I swear to you I never did.”

Her eyes become glazed with more tears and when she blinks, they slide down her cheeks and drip of her chin, leaving a wet trail behind. Scott brings her close again as he kisses her temple. She can feel him trying to take away her guilt and pain with every bit of contact he makes against her skin. But her apologies won't stop slipping past her lips, as she repeats them over and over again. Tessa's chest sears with uncontrollable pain at the thought of Scott ever thinking she'd ever say something like that.

"Please, stop apologizing, Tess." His words are muffled once again, and they're so soft she can barely hear them. "Baby, _please_."

_Baby_. She knows it was just an unconscious slip on his part, that he didn't mean to say it out loud, but it doesn't stop her heart from hammering roughly against her chest. 

In a desperate attempt to block out her incoming thoughts, Tessa lifts her glistening, red eyes towards the closed front door.

“Where’s Belle?”

Scott leans away and takes a careful step backward before clearing his throat. 

“I uh, sat her in the living room. She’s watching a movie.”

Tessa nods quickly, averting her eyes from his. She can't quite seem to overcome the guilt she's experiencing. 

“I think it’s better if I just go.”

Tessa doesn't have to look at him to feel the sudden effect her words have on him, but she knows it's what's best for the both of them right now. She can't let herself fall back on everything she's built and worked on because of the revelation they've just uncovered, no matter how badly she wishes she could at this moment.

"You don't have to go yet." He says it so quickly in a desperate attempt to keep her here, with him. "Come inside for a bit, Tess. We can... I can make you another cup of whatever you want and..." 

But the words quickly die and the next go unspoken because Tessa knows, that deep down he understands. He understands it all too well.

He takes another moment to himself when she doesn't answer, before breathing out. "Let me drive you home."

Tessa bites her lower lip and the crease between her brows deepen. "No, it's okay," She reaches out for his hand and gives it a squeeze in a reassuring gesture, trying to reign in every bit of self-control she might have left. "I'm going to call a cab, okay?"

He hates this. She can see it so plainly written in his eyes, not wanting to take her quiet conviction as reassurance. But unwillingly, he nods and steps aside to let Tessa head back inside to gather her belongings. They leave the darkness the outside brought them and open the door to the warmth his home provides. She hears the television play a familiar song as she rounds the corner and comes across Belle snuggling on the couch with a blush colored blanket covering her body. Tessa can't help the way her heart warms at the sight of Belle trying to mumble out the words of the song. But the little girl's determination is clear from the complete focus on her face. She really is her father's daughter. 

Belle's attention is soon taken from the screen as her big, hazel eyes shift over to Tessa.  The little girl blushes the same way she did when Tessa first met her at the wedding, so she snuggles herself further into the couch and brings the blanket up to her chin. 

Scott walks past Tessa and makes his way around the couch to stand behind Belle. He leans down and plants a kiss on her forehead and Belle's bright smile and giggle lift Tessa's spirits at the visible happiness they bring each other. She watches on but shakes her head to remind herself why she walked back in here and heads towards her bag slung over the kitchen stool. In the quiet comfort of the kitchen, she breathes in and out, trying to flush everything away, concentrating on a single spot on the wall. Tessa pulls out her phone and quickly orders an Uber before walking back into the living room, giving Belle a smile and a small wave in a weak attempt at saying hello and goodbye.

"Bye, princess. It was lovely seeing you again." 

Tessa knows Belle deserves so much more, but she can't quite find the correct words right now. So with a sigh, she turns and heads back towards the front door. Scott's steps soon follow behind her and her heartbeat quickens again, wishing she could just slip out without having to say goodbye.

With her eyes set on the front door, Scott's hand wraps itself around hers and he's pulling her to a stop.

"Tess, please don't run away from me."

They're quickly spoken and soft, but she can't ignore the way his voice breaks. Without thinking, she turns to face him.

"I'm not running. I just know I shouldn't be here right now."

"I know that none of this changes our circumstances. I know that I still hurt you and the last thing I deserve is your time and respect. But," He licks his lower lip and his thumb slowly caresses the back of her hand. "Please, don't give up on me."

And like glass shattering from impact, the pieces of her heart fall to the floor. Her eyes shift to the side again and become coated with a glassy layer of tears. He looks _scared_. As if her walking out his front door, means she's walking out of his life forever. 

But she has no intention of ever leaving him again, that's all she knows as of right now. So, on the tips of her toes, Tessa leans in and lays her lips on his cheekbone as her hand comes up to cradle the side of his neck. Her lips linger there for a moment as he leans in, letting out a soft exhale of breath. She slowly leans away and opens her eyes before stepping back down. Tessa watches as his eyes slowly open again, and she's left speechless from the intensity in them.

“Can I see you again?”

Tessa nods because it's all she can do at the moment. With that, she makes her way outside, towards the awaiting car as his last words reiterate in her head. 

_"I'll see you then."_

***

Tessa can’t decide what’s worse: the horrible gut-wrenching ache she feels tearing at everything inside her or the twisted and mangled knot clogging her throat.

The soft hotel sheets aren't enough to keep the thoughts and reminders away as she feels tormented by a past that cannot be undone. Her body shakes with the shivers coursing through her and Aaron's body isn't enough to keep them away. She presses herself closer to his sleeping form in an attempt to share body heat as her emotions shift through heartbreaking loss, denial, and anger.

Suddenly infuriated with the goosebumps covering her skin and everything else, she tears the sheets off, grabs her phone and heads into the bathroom. The bright lights seem to blind her for a second before they have a chance to adjust and she sits herself down on the edge of the bathtub.

Tessa doesn't exactly understand what she's doing in here as she stares at the tiles underneath her bare feet.

So, she does the sensible thing and begins filling the bathtub at three in the morning.

She strips herself of Aaron's large t-shirt and drops it to the floor before slowly stepping into the water and settling down. Tessa folds a large towel and leans her neck against it, closing her eyes and sighing at the soothing sensation the warm water brings her. Her pulse slows and the goosebumps finally leave her skin behind as the soft trickle of water droplets relax her. 

As time passes, thoughts of Scott seep into every crevice of her mind. The way his eyes fell when they realized what had been done to them, the way he caressed her hand, the way his eyes filled with unshed tears when he begged her not to leave him.

But Cara's face also emerges from the depths in which she wishes it would stay. Tessa thought she was done thinking about it, she grew _tired_ of thinking about it and no amount of analysis would turn back the clock. No matter how many times she racked her brain over what could have been, nothing would ever give her what she had always dreamt of every night spent in his arms. 

Tessa learned, a very long time ago, that she'd never again get those quiet mornings as she and Scott lay tangled in bed, talking in whispers and breathy laughs. He'd never make fun of her cooking again and take over whatever dish she was attempting to make. But what broke her the most, were the things that hadn't been, but could've. She'd never get the chance to glance across the nursery and watch their newborn baby sleep on Scott's bare chest as he slowly dozed off in the early morning light. As if every conversation they ever had about starting a family simply evaporated into thin air.

And Tessa guesses, in a way, they did. 

Because he already got that.

He already got all of that, and it wasn't with her. 

“Babe?”

Tessa jumps and tears her eyes open, glancing over at Aaron peering inside the bathroom. She lets out a harsh breath and brings her hand up to her chest in an attempt to slow her heartbeat again. She closes her eyes for a second before answering. 

“Hey.”

“A bath at three in the morning? You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I, uh,” She shifts in the tub and the towel hanging off the edge slips to the tiled floor. “I was cold and couldn’t sleep. Thought this would help.”

Aaron nods and peers at his shirt laying haphazardly on the floor before he steps into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He walks up to her and kneels down on the tile floor right next to the tub and brings his hand up, brushing a strand of wet hair behind her ear. Tessa takes ahold of his arm littered with the ink she traces almost every night as she brings his hand up to her cheek. 

"Can I help?"

With a slow nod from her, Aaron slowly begins leaning in, and when his lips finally meet hers, his hands begin exploring every inch of her. He leans in again and again and soon, he's ripping off whatever clothing he has and joins her in the water.

*** 

“I was thinking we could head to the ice rink this morning?”

She’s tracing over some of the ink that marks his chest, memorizing every curve and shift in the black lines. Her head rests on his chest and his hand runs itself down her long hair, almost lulling her back to sleep.

Tessa hadn’t expected last night to happen the way it did, although it was a welcoming surprise. She hadn’t realized how long they’d been in the tub until the water began to feel like ice on her skin. So begrudgingly, they’d dried off and found their way back in between the white cotton sheets, limbs interlocking with each other.

But unlike before, she was able to relax against his body almost feeding off of the warmth it radiated and soon began dozing off from the exhaustion.

“To watch... a hockey game?”

Tessa laughs and shifts to plant a light kiss on his chest.

“No,” She draws out the word as she gives him her best cheesy smile, knowing he won’t like what she believes to be a brilliant idea. “I want to take you skating.”

As expected Aaron lets out a loud groan and digs himself deeper into the bed, staring straight up. Tessa didn’t expect him to be psyched about the idea, in fact, she’s looking forward to watching him slip all over the place.

“Babe… you don’t want to take me skating.”

She turns over and crosses her arms just before resting her head on them to stare up at Aaron, who continues to look completely unimpressed with the idea. 

“Oh, cmon. It’s not that hard! Just put one foot in front of the other.”

He looks away from the ceiling, eyeing her. 

“That’s easy coming from an Olympic gold medalist.”

At the mention, her wide grin begins slipping from her face, until there’s no trace of it left. That part of her life was something she never actively thought about anymore. She’d shoved it away into a corner where she hoped it wouldn’t come back to bite her. Somehow though, she didn't know if she could continue ignoring it. Tessa had spent most of her life devoted to something that almost felt too taboo to talk about with him, and she’d give anything to feel some sense of normalcy with the subject again.

Staring at him now, Tessa realizes she needs to tell him why she really wants to take him to the rink. She had tried to convince herself she just wanted to watch him make a fool of himself skating for the first time as he clung to the boards, but the image is quickly overshadowed by her true intentions.

Tessa wants Aaron to meet Scott.

She figures she could never fully give herself to him if he didn’t understand or know that part of her life. Even if it is her past, it’s too heavily intertwined with who she’s become today. How can she expect to move on with someone when they’ve never seen the other half of what made so many things possible for her? The pain she'd endured, the sacrifices she'd made, all lead her to where she is now. Tessa realizes that Aaron has only skimmed the pages of what makes her, _her_.

“Well, there’s actually someone who works there. Someone I want you to meet.”

“Who?”

There’s a pause, followed by a slow inhale of breath.

“My… old partner. A friend.”

“Scott Moir?”

She tries to hide the way his name still makes her feel but it’s especially strange hearing his name spoken out loud by Aaron. Like ice dance, his name wasn’t one that ever passed her lips when talking with Aaron, because she could never separate the two from each other. She and Scott had always been referred to as “one" like they were _one_ entity. But for the first time in years, that’s no longer the case. It’s as if her two worlds are colliding and she doesn’t know how to deal with the collision.

She must’ve been staring for too long because Aaron pokes her nose.

“Tessa, don’t act so shocked. Google exists.”

Snapping back to reality, she looks at him inquisitively.

“You Googled him?”

“I Googled _you_. Babe, I interviewed you remember? I did my research beforehand.”

His fingers run themselves up and down her arm as her mouth opens and closes, unable to form any coherent words. It’s obvious he did his research beforehand and she feels like an idiot to think he’d never find out about Scott. Tessa thinks he's probably already seen the pictures that pop up when someone googles her name and the red tint creeps up her neck.

When it’s apparent that she doesn’t quite know what to say, he continues.

“Look, I’ll come with you. I want to meet the guy that spent 20 years by your side.”

In a daze, she nods and it’s why she finds herself walking towards the ice rink a few hours later.

Tessa believes there must be something fundamentally wrong with the way her scattered brain has been dealing with her circumstances these last few days. It seems as if her heart always beats wildly when she nears the ice rink, a feeling she’d fully expected to experience today. For only a second, Tessa wishes she could confidently walk back into a rink, hopeful with what her time on the ice would bring.

Her hand grows sweaty inside Aaron’s and his occasional reassuring hand squeezes aren’t enough to keep her nerves at bay.

Scott would be meeting Aaron soon.

She hadn’t told Scott nor had she messaged him about any of this, and maybe it wasn’t fair to surprise him with such a visit, but Tessa knew if she didn’t do this now she’d _never_ do it. She knows he isn’t coaching today, but she also knows that he likes to bring Belle very regularly around this time and hopes to bump into them.

Tessa knows it's her fault, for never bringing either of them up to each other, warming them up to the idea that both of them were important to her. That she wanted both of them in her life. But, selfishly, she’d hoped she’d never have to do this. She and Aaron hadn’t spoken about her Olympic career apart from the one time she mentioned it distractedly, and he’d never asked her about it beyond that.

She’d never explicitly talked about spending twenty years of her life next to a man she spent twenty years loving. She’d never mentioned the challenges they’d overcome together or the way they shaped each other's lives, turning them into the people they were today. Tessa never mentioned any of it, and now - curiously - she wished she had if only to soften the blow.

Tessa has imagined this moment hundreds of times in the span on a few short hours and every scenario ended civilly. Neither of them gave her any reason to doubt that they’d be anything but civil, but the annoying tick at the back of her neck had to count for something. The knot in her stomach and throat seem to be mocking her and tearing away at any chance of reason as her steps become quicker, wanting to get this introduction out of the way.

Without a single word, Tessa leads Aaron towards a counter to rent out some horrible looking blue skates as she anxiously peers around the rink, trying to spot _his_ hazel eyes. Her white and tattered skates hang from her shoulders and she drops them to the floor when she and Aaron find an empty bench, setting their things down and tying their laces.

After three attempts at trying to tie her skates from her antsy leg shaking, Tessa finally stands and lets out a long breath. Aaron looks just as nervous as she does, though she suspects it’s from actually stepping on the ice for the first time as opposed to meeting Scott.

“If I fall, just leave me there.”

Trying to diffuse her smile, Tessa rolls her eyes and takes his hand.

“I won’t let you fall. We’ll take it slow.”

“This is so embarrassing. I feel like you’re teaching me to walk for the first time.”

Hand in hand, Tessa steps onto the ice first, followed closely behind by Aaron who looks desperate to be anywhere but here. Desperately trying not to laugh at the uneasiness on his face, Tessa leads them around the outer edge of the ice, giving Aaron a chance to get a feel for the skates and to grab onto the boards whenever he feels the need.

But even in her attempt to keep her full attention on Aaron, she can’t help but glance around searching for _him_. The rink is busy, filled with kids and their parents enjoying the early morning hours and she fears she might have missed him, that maybe he already came and left earlier.

And deep down, the thought elevates some of her anxiety.

But, because she’s decided the universe either loves or hates her, Tessa hears them before she sees them. Specifically, she hears Scott’s heartwarming laugh and Belle’s giggles.

Almost like her life depends on it, Tessa turns towards the source, spotting them near the center. Scott has Belle in his arms as he spins her over and over again, earning him with some soft giggles from his daughter. Belle’s wearing the same large toque she’d been wearing when Tessa had run into them all those months ago, and just like then, Scott’s wearing a matching one.

A sudden tug from Aaron pulls her attention back on him. He’s on a knee having lost his balance as one hand grips onto the boards tightly.

“I don’t know how you do this.”

With her help, Aaron makes his way back onto his skates and leans back against the boards decidedly needing a break.

“It’s not that bad when you spend twenty years of your life practicing,” It’s strange mentioning this part of her life to him, but she lets herself continue before she can stop herself. “Me and… Scott, we spent _hours_ on the ice every day.”

Without a word, Aaron stares at her as he slowly begins nodding his head, until he’s gesturing at someone behind her. “Isn’t that him over there?”

_Yes._

“Oh, is it?”

Tessa winces slightly from her failed attempt to appear nonchalant but turns her head anyway. She watches as Scott pulls out his phone and takes a picture of Belle who slowly begins circling him once before her toque falls, covering her eyes. She watches the way he kneels down and pulls it back up, brushing some of her hair back behind her ear in the process. She watches the way he scoops her up into his arms as Belle takes a hold of the thin, silver chain he always wore.

He really is the father Tessa always knew he’d be.

“Babe?”

“Yeah?” She swirls back around, not realizing she’d been starring before clearing her throat. “Sorry, I was just making sure that was him.”

“You wanna go say hi?”

He looks at her expectantly, slowly leaning in every second she goes without an answer. 

“Yeah, lets,” With a shake of her head and a laugh that sounds much too forced, Tessa nods. “Go do that.”

She grabs Aaron’s hand, nearly supporting what seems to be most of his weight as she takes them closer to Scott and Belle. They haven't seen her and appear to have no idea she’s here which makes her quickly consider dropping this plan altogether and speed skating the hell away from them. The closer she gets the harder her heart beats. It makes her seriously consider; How wrong would it be if she were to take Aaron’s hand and turn them back around? Scott and Belle hadn’t seen her yet, surely it’s alright?

Scott’s back is to her and only Belle’s face is visible as she snuggles into her father's neck. Her beautiful and hazel eyes land on Tessa however and she stares back at her every second Tessa glides forward. She watches on as Belle mumbles something she can’t quite hear. 

Tessa’s close enough now that she can hear Scott ask his daughter to repeat herself when he slowly glances over his shoulder. His eyes widen when they land on Tessa and he’s turning himself towards her fully, adjusting Belle in his arms. Without a single word from either of them, it takes Scott a few seconds to realize she’s not alone when his gaze lands on Aaron beside her.

Memories of last night come crawling back and the fresh wound they created opens up all over again. 

Tessa’s mouth seems to have forgotten how to move or work when she finds herself unable to open it.

But, Aaron - as composed as ever - clears his throat and brings her closer, prompting Tessa out of her thoughts for the second time today. She doesn't exactly know how to start or what to say apart from just introducing them, so with a shaky voice she doesn’t quite recognize, she opens her mouth.

“Hey, um Scott, this is Aaron.” She gestures between the both of them before awkwardly setting her arm on her side again. “Aaron, this is Scott.”

Scott’s manages to cover his semi-shocked expression with a bright smile as he carefully sets Belle down on the ice while she moves herself to hide behind his leg. He extends his arm out towards Aaron, who takes it slowly and shakes it firmly.

“Hey man, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Aaron’s hand finds its way onto Tessa’s waist again and she glances upwards to find a muscle twitch at the corner of his eye as his mouth forms a rigid grimace. Her mouth opens slightly and the beginnings of a frown form before looking over at Scott when she hears him clear his throat. Scott rubs the back of his neck as he attempts another smile and Tessa suddenly wishes the ground would swallow her up.

“Oh uh, this is my daughter, Belle.” Scott glances down and behind him at the tiny form clinging to his leg as she hides from the stranger in front of her. “Baby, wave hello.”

With a frown, Belle hides further behind his leg, refusing to meet Aaron’s eyes and peers down at her tiny skates. Scott sighs but lets his daughter be when he looks up again.

“Sorry, she’s shy. This your first time skating?”

“Yeah, it is.”

Tessa can’t decide whether she wants to laugh or scream or do both. Scott’s eyes had always been expressive, too telling of what he really thought of others during random situations. And, from years of learning, she can see he’d like nothing more than to skate away from the two standing in front of him now. Tessa has to applaud his efforts though.

Scott looks at him as if expecting to hear more, but Aaron’s short answer causes the awkward silence to grow between them once again. So Scott nods and glances to the side for another fraction of a second.

“Right, well you have an amazing partner.” He attempts a small laugh, but it’s quickly followed by a cough. “Tess won’t let you fall.”

“She _is_ amazing isn’t she?” Aaron’s hand slides Tessa impossibly closer and his grip on her tightens. Not enough to hurt her, but enough to exude whatever he wishes would come across to Scott. Maybe it’s her lack of sleep or maybe it’s because she’s been so scatter-brained, but Tessa tries to throw off what she thought she saw as a misunderstanding.

Surely Aaron wasn't trying to _brag_ or anything?

And for the first time, Tessa can _really_ see a crack in Scott’s expression. The friendly mask he’d worn only seconds ago falters and the slight crinkle that forms in the corner of his eye, tells her everything she needs to know: he definitely doesn't like Aaron. _Fantastic._

It’s as if they’re living their high school days all over again when they were obligated - by their parents - to introduce each other to their significant others. Tessa remembers the discomfort she felt when Scott would purposely try to intimidate her dates by staring them down and shaking their hands a little too firmly. Now, that familiar discomfort managed to wiggle its way back, right here right now, as her eyes wander down to Belle's oblivious face. She thinks she's never been so jealous of a toddler. 

Scott’s line of vision falls on Aaron’s hand resting on her waist. She can see him swallow heavily before looking off to the side for another single second and Tessa wishes things didn't have to be this way. Desperate to reign his focus back in she opens her mouth.  

“So, we’re gonna go get some lunch after this. Would you and Belle want to come with?”

She doesn't know what prompts her to ask and she doesn't actually think it's a bright idea to have Scott sitting across from Aaron, but she doesn't necessarily want to take back her offer. Her eyes stay glued on Scott's although she can see Aaron's quickly turn to face her. Scott's eyes widen at her invitation and his skates shift on the ice. 

“Oh,” He attempts a warm smile, but it comes off too stiff. “Ah, it’s alright. We uh, just ate and Belle has a… playdate… thing.”

_A play date? With who?_

“Right, yeah.” Tessa tries to hide her disappointment, knowing her days in Montreal are coming to a close. Her question had been a sort of hail mary considering how clear it was that Scott didn't like Aaron. "Maybe some other time?"

Scott nods, although not too convincingly, just before Belle mumbles something from below. Probably grateful for the distraction, Scott peers down at her.

“Yes, Belle?”

She begins tugging at Scott’s pants refusing to look at anyone but him, clearly wanting to make her way out. Tessa feels her whole body deflate knowing exactly what's coming next as Scott looks over at her apologetically. 

“Yeah, I should… we’re actually gonna go… now. Fatherly duties call.” Tessa almost misses the way he frowns, probably cringing at what he's just said. “It was nice meeting you, Aaron. I hope you've enjoyed your stay in Montreal so far.”

“Nice meeting you too, _Scotty_.”

Tessa can’t stop herself from physically wincing at the ugly nickname, knowing explicitly well how much Scott hates it when anybody calls him that. She catches the tightness that seems to overcome Scott’s jaw, but it’s gone in a mere second when he looks over at her.

“Bye, T.”

Years of learning how to better communicate with each other let her decipher the split second look he gives her just before turning. _He wants to see her again._ She watches as Belle grabs onto his index finger as they skate away. 

It leaves her and Aaron standing in the middle of the cold rink as strangers circle and maneuver their way around them. 

Tessa thinks that really could have gone so much worse, considering they didn't use the blades at the bottom of their skates. 

"Seems like a great guy."

"Huh," She turns back to Aaron quickly, digging her blade into the ice. "Oh yeah, yeah."

"I think we should wrap it up here? Let's go get that lunch you talked about?"

Aaron takes a hold of her hand, likely because he needs help getting to the exit, and begins gliding slowly across the ice. With their own shoes placed back on their feet and his skates returned to the counter, they make their way out. 

“You should know, he hates when people call him Scotty.”

Tessa throws on her sunglasses, glancing up at him to find a small smirk settled on his face.

“Hm." His hand tightens around hers. "Well, now I know.”

 ***

“So what exactly does Scott do for a living now?”

They’re having a late breakfast in their room, choosing to opt out of having to get dressed and buying food elsewhere as the sounds of the morning news fill the air.

“He coaches kids. Helps them get started.” Tessa answers back distractedly with a mouthful of toast before washing it down with her coffee. She’s still sat in bed with the white bed sheets wrapped around her legs as her eyes drift from her plate to the TV screen.

“That all?”

Tessa stops the toast before it reaches her mouth and all thoughts of enjoying breakfast fly out the window in a matter of seconds. She sets the toast back down on the plate and peers over at Aaron, who still seems engrossed in his own plate. Something in his tone sounds… _condescending_ and it makes the air in the room grow thick.

“ _Yes.”_ Sitting cross-legged on the bed, she shifts in place suddenly feeling defensive over Scott. “It’s an incredibly rewarding job and he loves it. Plus, it makes him happy and I think that’s what we all strive for, isn’t it?” She doesn’t know what to expect as a response from Aaron, but it certainly isn’t the raise of his brows that seem to mock her answer. “What?”

“Nothing. Just seems sort of… pointless?”

He shrugs his shoulders and continues cutting into his omelet like he just commentated on the perfect weather - as if his somewhat snobbish response hasn’t rubbed her the wrong way. Tessa just stares at him for a few seconds as he blows and sips on his coffee while checking some emails from his phone. Almost mechanically, she removes the plate from her legs and reaches over to set it on the nightstand, before sitting and watching his indifferent demeanor continue.

She’d let it go yesterday, brushing Aaron’s short answers and general attitude towards Scott away; trying to understand her boyfriend wanting to be cautious about meeting Scott considering her past with him. But his continued pissy attitude toward him was beginning to irk her, and she’s never been a morning person.

Tessa wasn’t delusional enough to believe he and Scott would ever form a sort of polite friendship, she wouldn’t even go as far as to expect them to consider themselves acquaintances. The idea had alway been nice, in a perfect world, but she was done expecting perfection when it came to the world around her.

“Why are you acting like this?”

The tick in her neck has returned harder than ever when he responds without looking up from his phone.

“Is he the _friend_ you were with the other day?”

“Yeah, we were just catching up. I haven’t seen him in months.”

“Catching up? How exactly.”

Unable to wrap her head around the words passing his lips, her mouth opens but closes immediately after. She knows exactly what he’s insinuating, what he’s thinking. But it doesn’t stop her from asking anyway, wanting to hear him say it out loud.

“What exactly are you insinuating?”

“Nothing. But, you two have history, right? How am I supposed to feel when my girlfriend spends a whole day with her _ex_?”

Aaron finally gives Tessa the decency of looking at her when he’s talking to her. She sees his jaw lock as he bites down on it and the simmering annoyance in his eyes reek with detachment. There’s no reason for her to grow defensive; she and Scott hadn’t done anything _wrong._ But her natural instinct in wanting to protect their relationship kicked in, no matter how tattered it still is.

“I told you, all we did was _talk_.”

“So you didn’t sleep with him?”

She's completely dumbfounded by the words he's using to lash out at her. Her eyes widen in pure disgust and her mouth gapes open at his accusation. In seconds she’s climbing off the bed, too angry to stay sat on it and stands at the foot of it.

“Screw you, Aaron.”

“Well, what am I supposed to think?”

“That I’m your girlfriend and I would _never_ do that to you.”

"Really? May I remind you, you literally slept with someone that one night I wouldn't go home with you."

She thinks it isn't fair, it's completely not fair for him to bring it up to use against her. She'd told him about it and he'd forgiven her considering they weren't officially together yet. Months of uncertainty in their relationship had driven her away from him that night, but she'd moved on. It's apparent he hasn't.

“I’m not doing this. I don’t know what the hell’s gotten into you the last day and a half, but I’m done dealing with people’s absolute bullshit.”

In haste, Tessa slips on the jeans she'd thrown at the foot of her bed last night as she eyes the room trying to remember where she last placed her bag. Her anger seems to be boiling at this point. This trip was meant to be a short escape from work, a chance to meet up with her family while introducing Aaron to everyone. But, now most of it’s just become tainted with everything she’d wished to avoid.

"Where are you going?" Aaron hasn't bothered standing from where he's sat as he looks onward, watching her get dressed. 

“Let me know when you’re done acting like an insecure _asshole._ ” With her bag slung across her body and phone in hand, she turns back to him once again. "And don't ever treat me as some sort of prized possession again."

With that, Tessa grabs her bag and makes her way out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

***

Tessa’s music is interrupted by the ringing of her phone and she shuffles to see who’s calling. With a sigh of relief and a smile, she answers when she sees her mother’s picture on the screen instead of Aaron’s. 

“Hey, mom!”

“Tessa, honey? Listen-”

The person in front of her moves off to the side when they’ve finished ordering and she distractedly stares up at the menu, still indecisive to what she wants. She smiles at the cashier and decides to order the first thing she sees instead.

“Sorry, just a second mom.” She presses her phone against her chest as she orders a chai tea latte and repeats her name from how loud the small cafe is this morning.

She'd decided she needed an escape from the confines of Aaron's attitude and the anger she felt towards him was very much still present. The accusations flung out at her still stung and her resentment only grew with every second she spent away from him. So, she found herself strolling the streets of downtown Montreal searching for a small nook to hide away.

“Sorry I was ordering. How are you?” Tessa presses a finger to her ear to block out the excessive noise and decides to wait for her drink near a quieter corner.

“Where are you right now?”

“Picking up some coffee. Why?” Tessa drags out the last word, suddenly nervous about what her mother has to say. _Did Aaron call her?_

“Hon, listen,” There’s a small pause and the worried tone in her mother’s face isn’t helping. Tessa swears her heart has stopped beating. “Scott was involved in a car accident. But-”

“What?” Tessa's whole face grows pale and her body stills from what she's just heard. “What are you talking about? Where is he? Is he okay?”

She feels the rush of panic overwhelm every nerve in her body and every breath she has escape her. Coffee wiped from her mind and in her haste to make her way out of the busy cafe, she bumps shoulders with someone causing her to drop the phone. Quickly and with shaky hands, Tessa ignores the small crack that's formed on the screen as she bends down to pick it up, pushing the door open.

“He’s at the General Hospital. Tess-”

With his known location, she hangs up as her mother's words and the sounds of the world around her begin ringing in her ear. She hears nothing but the piercing sound when she flags down the first cab she sees. Climbing inside, she directs the driver with haste. 

“Montreal General hospital. Please, hurry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took longer than I wanted it to but I was fighting the worst writer's block evvveeerrr. But I hope you all enjoyed it and pls don't kill me for the cliffhanger bull :)
> 
> QUESTION: Would you guys prefer waiting longer for longer chapters, or would y'all prefer shorter chapters (3k-4k) and quicker updates????
> 
> Thanks for reading. All comments are deeply appreciated.
> 
> twitter: @/scottthoney


	19. The Way You Make Me Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That cab ride to the hospital had felt excruciatingly long, leaving her to imagine the worst of scenarios. She worried whether Belle had been in the car with him and the thought alone made her eyes glaze over with tears.

“I’m here to see Scott Moir.”

“Room 21.”

Tessa can clearly remember three different instances her skin turned pale white from how frightened she was.

The first time happened when she was twelve. She’d tried everything to slow even stop her growth spurt; keeping away from milk and avoiding any protein for days. She and Scott were the same height and she feared, with a few more weeks, she’d overpass him and see the top of his head. The thought kept her up at night, leaving her restless and tired for morning practice. Scott would think she was irked with him. But, truthfully, the idea of no longer skating with him, because of their height differences, haunted her. He had become her best friend, her confidant; someone she could rely on to always be there for her. She might have even developed a small _crush_ on him and the thought of no longer holding his hand made her cry at one point.

The second time happened when she was fourteen. They’d just moved down to Canton, Michigan and although Scott had tried to sweeten up the idea, Tessa couldn’t help hating it the second she laid her eyes on it. She had no real friends there, no one she could happily sit at lunch with while gossiping about the cute boys in class. She’d occasionally spot Scott in the hallways who never seemed to be short on friends. The girls would surround him too and Tessa hated the way her gut seemed to ache whenever she’d spot him with someone different. It’d been a random Wednesday afternoon and she was meeting up with him by his car after school when she spotted them. The girl from her Chemistry class and Scott, kissing each other like it was the only thing that mattered. It’d made her drop her books, but they’d been so consumed in each other to notice the noise, making Tessa turn abruptly and walk home instead. She remembers the phone calls and the messages she’d ignored from him asking her where’d she’d been. It seemed silly looking back at it now, but she’d been fourteen and in love with her best friend.

The third time happened when the pain began. She’d ignored it at first, thinking that maybe she’d strained her muscles too hard at practice the day before. But the pain never left, it lingered there until it became too unbearable; staying with her until it prodded the foundations of safety and security she’d built up over the years. Tessa never mentioned it though; she’d smile and laugh when she needed to, covering the pain as if it was a passing phase. But she couldn’t hide it one morning. She’d stopped halfway through a routine when her legs gave out during a lift, leaving her to crash against the ice. She felt Scott’s hands on her in seconds as his words went unanswered and all she could hear was her heart beating wildly in her chest. The pain was greater than ever before, stinging every nerve as if they were on fire.

The news came later that week and the words surgery and compartment syndrome floated around in her head bringing forth her worst nightmare. That maybe, she’d just have to stop skating and leave Scott.

Tessa feels frightened now as her legs take her forward.

That cab ride to the hospital had felt excruciatingly long, leaving her to imagine the worst of scenarios. She worried whether Belle had been in the car with him and the thought alone made her eyes glaze over with tears. By the time the cab had pulled up in front of the building, she’d lost what seemed to be most of her ability to think clearly.

As she rounds the corners, her heart seems to speed up with every step, pounding heavily against her lungs. Room 21 is just ahead and Tessa isn’t prepared for what she might find inside it. With her hand hovering just above the handle and a deep breath, she steps in.

What she finds inside leaves her dumbfounded.

Charlie Moir sat on a chair set in the corner of the hospital room as Scott rests - awake - with Belle placed safely in his arms. A cast is wrapped around his leg and several small bandages cover his face. Tessa can already see the large purple bruise that covers the left side of his face from the door.

Scott and Charlie’s eyes both snap over to hers and as if on queue, their mouths drop open in surprise not expecting to find her here. Tessa stands in the doorway unable to find the proper words; How are you? How did this happen? How are you feeling? Instead, she swallows away whatever might come out and steps inside the room fully, closing the door behind her. Charlie Moir seems to be experiencing the same problems as her considering his mouth hasn’t closed and he’s looking at her as if he’s just seen a ghost. She can’t exactly blame him. They’d been close and she just up and left him too like the rest of them, and she’s not so sure if Scott’s mentioned her short return to him.

Tessa braves a few steps forward until she’s standing a few feet away from the hospital bed, where Scott still lays, wide-eyed.

“Hi.”

Tessa doesn’t recognize the squeak that comes out and shuts her mouth right after. Physically wincing, she mentally berates herself for being unable to say anything else. She finds it difficult to see him this way, all bruised up, when all she ever wanted to be certain of was his safety.

She watches the way he closes his mouth, the corner of it lifting a bit as he tries to hide an incoming smile. _Typical, Scott_ \- she thinks - _trying to make light of a situation where he’s clearly hurt._

“Hi,” Scott’s eyes twinkle with the bright light shining just beside the bed. His bottom lip has a small gash on it and she’s certain it hurts him to smile, but he does it anyway. “Was in a bit of an accident.”

Tessa can hear the creak of the chair behind her as Charlie gets up off it to make his way forward. He looks at her then at Scott, wordlessly shifting his eyes between the two of them probably trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

“I can see that.” She swallows heavily. “Your _leg_ , Scott.”

Tessa can feel every breath of air leave her body as it all comes crashing in on her. He’s alright, at least most of him. He’s a little battered, a little bruised but he’s okay. He’s sitting there, smiling at her, as if the cuts and bruises on his face don’t exist. She takes another small step forward and she must have begun frowning because the small smile on Scott’s face disappears only to be replaced with a frown that matches hers.

The thoughts she’d had earlier come seeping back in as she imagines just about everything that could’ve happened to him. The slight panic attack she’d experienced a few minutes earlier in the cab was over but it left behind some scattered emotions.

“Tess, are you alright?”

Shocked with his question she finds herself sitting on the edge of the bed in seconds.

“Am I alright? Scott, how are you?”

She glances over her shoulder, staring at the cast that wraps around his leg. Her eyes trail upwards towards his arm to find more tiny scrapes and bruises there until they land on his face. The dark bruise there covers the area around his eye and cheekbone and Tessa has to physically stop herself from reaching over to try and soothe the pain there.

“I’m okay, kiddo. Just a little bruised up.”

“What happened?”

“Some kid was texting and driving,” Scott closes his eyes for a second as his jaw tightens, showing his disappointment for the actions done by others. “I’m just thankful Belle wasn’t in the car with me at the time.”

The crease between his brows deepens as he looks down at Belle in his lap. She’s resting her head on his chest as she distractedly plays with the silver chain around his neck. Scott’s eyes scan her face as if looking for any of the damages he suffered through, but swallows heavily when he finds none. He leans forward and plants a single light kiss on Belle’s forehead before glancing back up.

“I’d dropped her off at Charlie’s earlier today. I had some things I had to finish at the rink.”

On cue, Tessa looks up at Charlie to find him looking right back. Staring at him now, Tessa realizes just how much she’s missed him. He hasn’t spoken a single word since she walked in, from shock at her return or something else she doesn’t know. But mere seconds later he’s blinking and talking.

“When did you get back?”

Charlie’s face is a blank mask now as no emotion breaks through to give her a hint into what he might be thinking or feeling. She’s never seen him look at her this way before. The warmth had never been astray from his familiar features whenever he welcomed her with open arms. He’d become a part of her family as the other Moir’s had throughout the years, building their relationship to the point she considered him to be closer to her than her own brother. But that comforting familiarity wasn’t there anymore as he watched her, awaiting her response.

“A few days ago. I’m just visiting.” She shifts from her seat on the bed to face him fully. “How are you?”

She attempts a smile but it quickly slips.

“I'm fine.” He doesn’t sound angry, which helps alleviate the knot she currently feels in her gut, but she can’t help picking out what sounds to be buried resentment. She feels herself deflate a little as Charlie’s eyes shift between her and Scott once more. “I’m gonna go get something to eat downstairs. I’ll take Belle.”

He leans over to take hold of Belle, but Tessa doesn’t miss the look Scott shoots his brother. He lets him take her into his arms anyway and watches as they make their way out the door. It leaves her and Scott with the settled silence in the room as the sun rays shine in brightly through the window blinds. Turning back towards him, their eyes lock.

“Don’t mind him.”

“How can I not?”

Scott shakes his head and shifts forward, wincing in the process.

“Scott, try not to move.” Tessa leans over and tries to place the pillow behind him in a more comfortable position. “Here, lean back again.”

“Yeah,” He groans and closes his eyes tightly before doing as told. “You’re probably right.”

Sitting on the mint colored hospital blankets Tessa watches as Scott’s eyes remain closed. His chest rises and falls slowly and the puffs of breath passing his lips turn into a rhythmic pattern. She glances down at his hand laying on the bed, tattered with more scrapes and bruises; the image making her heart clench. Just giving herself the small chance of physically reaching him again, Tessa covers his hand with her smaller one.

His fingers wrap themselves around hers instantly and with a deep and shaky intake of air she looks back up at him.

It’s his eyes that get her.

Those brilliant, hazel, warm eyes sparkled with mirth could soothe anyone. They’d always been there, in her subconscious, providing her the sense of home she always craved. She’d seen the way they’d matured throughout the years, seen the way the slight green appeared in his eyes sometimes, almost as if they were waiting for her to be in his life. As if the green in them somehow marked what she meant to him. She gets lost in them as she would before, in that brilliant, hazel warmth.

“Scott, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

It’s a soft whisper but it manages to convey every bit of relief she felt the minute she walked in through that door to see the smile on his face. His thumb glides over the smooth skin of her hand like it always did before and it’s the first time she realizes how vulnerable she feels. Having him here, inches from her, has her holding back the tears the threaten to glaze over her eyes.

“Well, at least most of me is,” If Scott notices the frailty she might show, he doesn’t mention it as he attempts to lighten the mood, gesturing towards his broken leg. “The kids are not gonna like this though.”

“Oh, I’m sure they won’t miss you.” Her throat feels like it’s closing in on her but she manages a light laugh.

That bright, beautiful smile takes over his face and he watches her for a few seconds, just taking her in. It’s as if he doesn’t even feel the bruises and small cuts that cover half his face as his eyes shine brightly with the sunlight caught in them.

“Who told you I was here?”

“My mom.” Tessa lets out a breath. “She called and I just… immediately got into a cab.”

“I’m guessing my mom called your mom. I told her not to worry about it but you know how she gets.” He shakes his head but Tessa can see the underlying smile. “She’s in Banff on a trip with my dad.”

At the mention of his mother, Tessa’s insides seem to collapse. God, she missed Alma more than she realized. She missed all of the Moir’s more than she realized. They’d always been family to her, welcoming her into their homes and traditions, to their summer barbecues and holiday parties. She was a small puzzle piece that fit in with theirs and the ache that always felt present inside her, unknowingly until now, came from the void she’d created when she left them too.

Her silence must have been too long and Scott might’ve caught that look in her eye, the look that let him know she was mulling over something.

“Tess, about the other day-”

Snapping her attention back on him, she immediately and wordlessly shakes her head, knowing exactly where this conversation is headed. He stops and he gives her a tight-lipped smile and a tilt of the head instead - but Scott being Scott - lets out a light chuckle.

“There wasn’t a playdate or anything.”

He looks a bit ashamed to be telling her this as he runs his fingers through his hair before grimacing from the pain.

“What?” Tessa glances at him with a questioning brow. She can tell he’s holding back a smile by the small twitch at the corner of his mouth. “Then why’d you leave so abruptly?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious your boyfriend doesn’t like me, T. I guess I didn’t necessarily want to sit across from him for lunch.”

“He’s not like that I swear.” She runs her fingers through her long hair, exasperated from the other day's events. “I didn’t mean for that to go the way it did and I’m sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable. I just… I wanted you two to get to know each other because…”

She can’t get the words out as her head spins a million miles a minute, choosing to look away from him and out the window instead.

“Because?” She hears the creak of the bed, the way he slowly leans forward. “Kiddo talk to me.”

Tessa understands that these things need to be said. She understands that the barriers she built up months ago must come down if she wants any semblance of moving on. As Tessa looks at him now, she finds herself at the mercy of his questioning eyes, pleading to know what she’s thinking, what she’s about to do.

“Because I need you in my life too.” Her voice breaks as she says the words out loud but she doesn’t care. She watches the way his eyes soften at her outspoken thoughts and the way his mouth opens slightly. “I know I’ve been the worst with timing lately but if I don’t say this now I don’t know if I’ll ever get around to doing it. Scott, I need to be straightforward with you.”

Wordlessly he nods, trailing his eyes over every inch of her face.

“Scott, what I’m starting to feel for you isn’t fair to Aaron. It isn’t even fair to you.”

“Tess-”

“No, let me finish.” She shifts again, straightening her shoulders and deciding to power through this instead. Letting the words out instead of keeping them inside, lingering until they’ve turned to dust over time. “I didn’t want to love you anymore. Because, frankly, you don’t deserve it. But I can’t go around pretending like I don’t think about us every minute of every day. And I know that I’ve only been back for a few days but now that I know what Cara did… I… I can’t possibly go back to how I thought things should be. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She only hears his breathing as his tentative eyes watch on. He nods slowly.

"None of this means that I’m forgetting what happened before I left. It just means that I need to get myself sorted out before I continue dragging someone else into my mess. I won’t do that to Aaron. I know you don’t know him the way I do, but he deserves so much more than what I’m able to give him and it’s unfair of me to drag him along until I figure out what it is I want. I’ve suppressed what I could, but I can't do it anymore.”

“Tess, I never meant to-”

“You didn’t. It was only a matter of time until everything started catching up to me. Scott, I’ve done a lot of selfish things. I spent the _entire_ day with you and I never even told him who I was with. It was a stupid mistake because I thought I was over it. Over you. That getting over it meant I could finally move on, with Aaron. But it's obviously clear that you don't ever leave my thoughts."

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry T." He seems at a loss for words, looking around the room as if he'll find the answers scattered throughout. His eyes grow wet and his thumb glides over her skin delicately, as if trying to convey how sorry he feels. "Tess, I told you I would do anything to gain your trust back. I just want us back in whatever form you'll have us. Tell me what I have to do.”

"Just be by my side and give me time." The answer comes instantly; it’s one she’s been holding in for a long time. She looks down at their hands, unable to control the way the intensity in them makes her heart beat.

"Tess, I can do that." He leans in closer, trying to meet her eyes. "I can do that for you. Anything you need.” He looks down at their intertwined hands too, liking the way they feel together. “What… what happens now?"

“Aaron and I… we had a bit of an argument and I made the mistake of leaving him in the room instead of talking through it. I need to talk to him, tonight. Figure out some things and see where it leaves us.” Closing her eyes, she tries to remember some the old breathing exercises recommended to her by their therapist at the time. “I care about him so much, Scott. I need to do the right thing here. I’ve been selfish with my feelings and I feel like I’m constantly lying to him even when I think I’m not. God, Scott. I brought him all the way here to introduce him to everyone.”

Suddenly, her eyes well up with tears, hot and uncontrollable, reappearing almost as quickly as she wipes them away. She tries to speak but her words stay logged in her throat, feeling like hot coals burning to be on the surface. Scott’s eyes widen as he takes in her expression, instantly wrapping his arms around her as best he can from the restrictions imposed on him. She wipes at the tears with her hands almost begging them to stop.

Scott brings her closer until he’s pulling her back with him. His heartbeat thuds against her ear as he holds her, gently running his fingers up and down her back, soothing the tense muscles he feels there. He kisses the top of her head, runs his fingers through her hair once and continues the repetitive motions until her shoulders stop shaking. Her eyes remain closed as she leans in closer to him, stealing some of his familiar warmth to rid her skin of the goosebumps the cold room brought forth.

Tessa feels her breathing slow to a steady pace again and she allows herself a minute to just lay there with him, in his arms. But then the reminder of where she is and Scott’s condition has her sitting up in seconds.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Scott.” The words spill out as she catches the small wince he makes. There she’d been, practically laying on him when his body is overcome with sore pain. _Could she get any more selfish?_ “You need to rest. Can I get you anything?”

He doesn't respond as his eyes trail every small crevice of her face. They trail from her eyes to her nose to her lips and back up to her eyes. The red in them is prominent now as she desperately tries to blink the remaining tears away. She'd always hated crying in front of him, always hated showing whatever pain she felt and the silence that settles between them only augments the feelings inside her.

Slowly, she reaches over to trace a small bruise on his arm, disliking the way the purple and yellow looks on his skin. She wishes she could take them away, every mark and gash that’s bringing him pain. Her hand trails upwards towards another bruise and then another as if willing to touch them away. She’s careful to not put any pressure on them in fear of hurting him further and lays her hand on his again, weaving their fingers together until she can’t tell whose is whose.

She still loves him.

That much is clear to her as she sits on the mint colored hospital sheets in the cold hospital room. The feeling stretches throughout her whole body, overwhelming her in ways she wished it didn't. It’s strange to her - frightening even - how he had always been the one stable force in her life, her one stability in a world filled with chaos and mayhem.

Tessa feels like she’s holding on to broken threads. She knows she needs to let go, but the greater part of her _needs_ to try and rebuild the foundations of what could be.

“Tess.”

“Yes?”

But that’s when the door opens and the spell they’d been under breaks, floating away out the door.

Charlie walks in with Belle in his arms while managing two coffee cups in one hand. He glances around the room, probably figuring that he interrupted something but steps forward anyway.

“Here. Thought you might want one.”

Charlie offers her one the coffee cup’s he’s holding and she takes it, grateful for the gesture.

“Thank you, Charlie.” The warmth the coffee provides immediately makes its intended effect and feels herself slowly relax from how tense her shoulders had been only moments ago.

Charlie nods and gently places Belle in the chair right next to the bed before glancing back over at Tessa with solemn eyes.

“Mind if we step out for a minute?”

He gestures towards the door and Tessa can’t help swallowing from the nerves that have suddenly built up. She peers over at Scott who gives her a cautious glance and Tessa’s reminded of the times they’d both been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to and are now going to be reprimanded for it.

With all the feigned confidence she can muster she answers. “Yeah, of course.”

She gets up with legs that feel much too numb and makes her way out with him, but not before peering back at Scott one more time. Shutting the door behind them, they walk a few ways down the hallway into an empty waiting area.

She shuffles in place, uncomfortable with what might be said as she watches Charlie take a seat. For the first time she notices the dark circles underneath his eyes, very much like his younger brothers and how tired he must feel. His elbows rest on his knees and his hands cover his eyes before rubbing them and looking back up at her.

“I missed you kid.”

Tessa swears she could cry right then and there. She hadn’t thought of the relationships she was cutting off when she fled. She hadn’t thought of all the explanations she’d keep within. She thought it would make it easier - leaving - without seeing the disappointment upon their faces. But looking at Charlie now she realizes how grand of a mistake that had been.

“I missed you too, Charlie.” She takes a slow seat in the chair next to him.

“Scott didn’t tell me you were visiting. I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you sooner.”

“Don’t apologize. I haven’t been the greatest friend to you.” At her words, Charlie stares down at the tiled floor. She continues quietly. “I’m sorry I left when I did. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“You had your reasons, Tessa. Believe me I understand why you did it.” He peers over his hunched shoulder at her before leaning back against the chair. “At least it looks like you’re doing better now? How are you really?”

Not wanting to lie to him, she takes a moment to think about what it is she wants to say.

She wants to say that - yes - technically she is doing better than she was before. That she’s enjoyed her time spent living and working in Paris. That she admires and loves the friends she’s made there. But she could also tell him the void has never been filled. Every day she wakes knowing there’s still something missing. Something she didn’t want to admit until now, and she doesn’t know if all the good things she has waiting for her back in Paris are enough to take the emptiness away.

Tessa knows there’s something fundamentally wrong with her. If asked the same question just a few months ago, without a doubt, she’d say she was unconditionally _happy_. That she’d found her place in Paris amongst the old cobblestone buildings. But sitting in the cold hospital waiting room she realizes that, although it had been true then, she wasn’t so sure if it was true for her now.

“I’m good.” Tessa shrugs. “I work in an Advertising firm in Paris and… and the city’s beautiful and I sort of… almost… have everything I’ve ever really wanted.”

“Thriving in Paris, eh?” Charlie leans over and bumps her shoulder with his. A small smile forms on his face but she can tell he’s still having hesitations. “But what do you mean by almost?”

He knows. He has to know exactly what it is she means. Without a word she gives him another shrug.

“Ah.” He nods, knowingly. He takes a deep inhale of breath before letting it out loudly. “You know, Tessa, my brother’s an idiot.”

It shouldn’t. But it makes her breakout into a wide grin. _Charlie Moir_ , always one to make her laugh at the least opportune time. He laughs alongside her for a minute, until the chuckles have left both their bodies and the seriousness of the conversation they’re attempting to have comes back.

“I’m serious Tess.” He sets his eyes on her again. “But he’s an idiot that learns from his mistakes. God knows he doesn’t deserve you, but I know he’s trying. Believe me he’s trying.”

She knows. She knows he’s trying. She can see it with every movement he makes, with every word he speaks. She can see the guilt etched into his hazel eyes every second he looks at her. She can see the way he chest rises and falls whenever she touches him, as if it’s the last thing he expects her to do.

She knows he’s trying. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare her.

“I know.”

Charlie takes a sip of his coffee, frowning for only a second before he’s getting up off the chair.

“How bout we head back in before Scott gets an anxiety attack from us being out here too long.”

With a breathy laugh, they head back to the room.

***

It’s around noon when a nurse comes in to change the bandages. Charlie had gone home a bit earlier to drive his kids to a friend's as promised which left Tessa and Belle to look over the broken-legged Scott. Scott, as expected, had insisted on Tessa not worrying about him and heading back to the hotel, but she brushed him off with a wave and an eye roll. She hated the idea of leaving him alone, considering he had convinced everyone who wanted to come down and see him that his injuries weren’t _that bad._ He hated the idea of others worrying about him which might have made Tessa want to hit him with her bag a few times.

He keeps Belle in his lap most of the time as she rests against his chest, but Tessa watches the way he begins wincing as she shifts around putting pressure on his bruises and scrapes. She'll poke them occasionally and he'll gently wrap her small hand in his larger one to stop her as the nurse worked her way around the little girl, replacing some of the old bandages with new ones.

Not knowing who she feels more sorry for, Tessa nears the bed.

“Scott, let me take Belle.”

She doesn’t have to explain her reasoning as he peers up at her, he knows that Tessa sees his grimaces and flinches. So, his eyes soften a bit as a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“Thanks, T.”

Carefully as to not hurt Scott, Tessa leans forward and takes a hold of Belle before securely placing her in her arms. The little girl shows no objections, and to Tessa’s surprise, Belle immediately leans her head against her neck just as she does with her father. As if she's been held by Tessa hundreds of times before and finds the comfort provided to her familiar. 

Tessa can feel Scott’s eyes roam across her face as she peers down at Belle, whose tiny hand has curled around her thin silver necklace. Her bright hazel eyes find Tessa’s green ones and her plump cheeks turn a sweet pink as she snuggles further into her neck, concentrating on the necklace again. Her face glows from a light within, as only a child’s can, melting the constraints Tessa held within.

Holding Scott’s daughter in her arms feels surreal.

It shakes her up from the inside, holding the child of the man she thought she'd have a child of her own with. It makes her throat clog up a bit but the bundle of sweet joy in her arms is enough to melt it away. Belle brings so much joy to his life, it's abundantly clear in the way they smile at each other. She sees it through every gentle kiss placed on her cheek and ever cradle, through every 'conversation' even if most of it is just incoherent mumbles from his daughter. The happiness Belle brings into his life is all she's ever wanted for him, even if Tessa isn't in the picture. 

She can tell Belle is tired by the way her eyes droop when she blinks. So, Tessa takes a seat in the chair behind her and lets Belle sit on her lap as she snuggles against her once more. She catches Scott's gentle eyes watching them, but he doesn’t look away when she does.

He looks _happy._

It’s shown through the way his eyes gleam with the ambers of light that reside in them. The small smile contained at the corner of his lips grows into a smile that takes her breath away, bringing forth the butterflies he always managed to make flutter. With softened eyes, he rests further against the pillow and watches the both of them. Even with the dark scrapes and bruises covering his skin - Tessa thinks - she’s never seen him so content. 

Neither of them notices the nurse make her leave.

It’s the calm, level breathing that finally makes Tessa look down. She finds Belle has succumbed to the sweet spell of sleep as her head falls to the side before Tessa places it to rest against her chest.

_The poor girl needs a comfortable bed._

“Scott,” She feels nervous about asking, nervous at the idea of being in his home without him. “I can take her home if you’d like.” She keeps her eyes on the tiny sleeping figure in her arms as she brushes a few stray hairs away. “It would give her some time to sleep a bit while you rest. And then I can bring her back later.”

There’s a settled silence in the room after her suggestion, but she doesn’t dare look up at him. _Maybe she’s overstepping her boundaries._

“I don’t want to bother you anymore.”

At his words, Tessa glances up at him with a frown of her own.

“Scott,” She whispers exasperated as she gives him the best glare she can muster. She slowly rises from her chair, careful to not wake Belle and stands by his bedside. “You’re not bothering me. Let me help you.”

She can see the apprehension on his face. For years, he’s always hated the idea of bothering other’s with his problems, not wanting to get in anyone’s way. But she can see his hesitation slowly fall as well, indicated by the tired look in his eyes. Tessa could tell he'd been battling any sleep and would greatly appreciate some time to snooze away.

He must’ve also seen the look on Tessa’s face that finally makes him give in.

Sighing and clearly hating the idea of asking, he nods. “Yeah, yeah that'd be great T.”

Tessa feels a slight weight lift off her shoulders at his compliance, knowing that she’s contributing at least a little to helping him out. She scans the small room for his house keys before looking back over at him. “Where are your keys?”

“Right on the counter over there.”

With the keys in hand, she notices the small beaded ‘bracelet’ Belle had made for Scott hanging from them. A warmth resides in her chest as she walks back to stand beside him.

“I’m going to put her to bed and then I’ll bring her right back after her nap, okay? Please try to rest. You need it,” Trying to lessen any worries he might have, Tessa attempts to lighten the mood as she bends down a bit, giving him better access to give Belle a goodbye kiss. “Alright, give your baby a kiss goodbye.”

“Which one?”

With feigned confusion decorating his face, Scott points at Belle then at Tessa. She can’t control the blush it brings forth and even though she knows he’s joking, she can’t stop her heart from acting out. So she throws him another half-assed glare to distract away from her red cheeks.

“Sorry,” He bites his lip as he desperately tries to rid away his smile unsuccessfully. “Couldn’t help it.”

He leans in and plants a gentle kiss on Belle’s forehead before reaching out and taking hold of Tessa’s hand. Their fingers intertwine for a moment before letting go.

“Thanks again, kiddo. For being here.”

The skin beneath his fingers tingle and burn all at once.

“Of course.”

With one last look at Scott, she and a sleeping Belle make their way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I was extremely nervous to post this chapter (?) I've been overthinking my story so much lately and sometimes I'm scared with the direction I'm taking it in fear of some of you guys not liking it. 
> 
> But I have to remember that this is just a FIC and I'm writing it for FUN. There were three extremely rude comments left in the last chapter that I had to delete because they didn't like some of the things the characters were doing. 
> 
> (However, I do appreciate constructive criticism and reading your interpretations !!!)
> 
> This is a STORY. I'm not a perfect storyteller by any means and the way I interpret things might not be the same way others do!
> 
> I sincerely hope you all enjoyed this chapter and trust me with where I want to take it. The angst can be overwhelming to write about sometimes but I'm doing my best haha
> 
> Thanks again for reading and commenting. You guys don't understand how much I appreciate it <3


	20. Wake Up Call

_ “I’ve always wanted twelve.” _

_“Scott, we’re not having twelve kids.”_

_The soft glow of flickering Christmas lights reflects off the smooth surface of the granite kitchen island Tessa’s working on. Her brows are furrowed and the tip of her tongue sticks out in concentration as she methodically attempts to wrap the present set in front of her. She's torn the wrapping several times, hating the way the pattern doesn't line up at the seam - making Scott grumble about the likelihood of him having to go buy more if she keeps it up_.The _soft melodies of The Carpenter's Christmas album fill the air as the mouthwatering smell of the carbonara Scott's working on makes her stomach grumble. He's working away, attempting and most likely succeeding in perfecting the plate Tessa had managed to mess up the previous night._

_“Think about it though. We could have two little hockey teams. We’d dominate.”_

_Tessa peers up from her meticulous wrapping, quickly sucking on the paper cut she'd given herself and lays her eyes on Scott’s back, whose attention is fixated on the stove in front of him. She waits for Scott to glance over his shoulder before giving him a small smile and a questioning brow._

_“And where would we fit twelve kids?”_

_The handsome smile on his face grows, clearly admiring Tessa for even entertaining his insane idea. He turns back towards the stove, and his answer flows out as if he’s thought about it a thousand times over._

_“We could buy a fixer-upper," He reaches for the bacon set off to the side and dumps it in. "You know, make it completely ours. Have everything the way we want it. We’d design your white kitchen with the big marble island you've always wanted. I’d build you a little reading nook and we could custom every bedroom to the kids liking,” He peeps over his shoulder again before turning back. "I hope some of them don't mind sharing a room though. I don't know about adding twelve separate rooms."_

_Unwrapped Christmas present be dammed, Tessa’s heart feels like it’s about to burst and her sudden need to wrap her arms around him exceeds anything else as she makes her way around the kitchen island. She presses her cheek against his white t-shirt, taking in his comforting and familiar warmth. With a few, slow kisses planted across the wide expanse of his shoulder blades, Scott's hand comes up to envelop her smaller one on his chest._

_“Mhm. That does sound nice.”_

_His chuckle vibrates softly throughout the entirety of his back and up against her cheek. She tightens her arms around him, savoring the contentment she feels only when she's with him and steps impossibly closer._

_“Already planning on hiding away from me and my terrible jokes?”_

_“Sorry.” She kisses his back once more before resting her cheek against him again. “And will you be bearing all twelve kids?”_

_Scott swiftly glances over his shoulder as Tessa peers up to meet his eyes._

_“Ouch.”_

_“Exactly,” With that, she squeezes his hip once before loosening her arms and standing next to him with crossed arms. “I’m capping it at four.”_

_"I guess I can work with that."_

_He sighs it out almost defeated-like, but the corner of his lips tug upwards. His eyes stay focused on the_ pasta _he’s working on but his smile grows and his eyes catch a bit of the Christmas lights wrapped around the tree, lighting the soft hazel there. She watches as he adds the few final touches to the pasta admiring how comfortable he always looks maneuvering his way around the kitchen._

_Turning off the stove and setting the pot of finished pasta off to the side, he wipes his hands on the kitchen towel slung across his shoulder before coming to stand in front of Tessa. A hand lays on her hip as the other comes up to brush some of the hair from her face; his fingers lightly tracing her cheekbone before settling on her neck._

_His next words are merely a whisper._

_“Our kids are going to be so beautiful_ Tess, _because you’ll be their mother.”_

_***_

The keys jingle in her hand as Tessa steps onto the porch. Belle managed to sleep throughout the short cab ride here, peeping her eyes open only once when the car drove over a slight bump in the road. Now, she laid almost limp in Tessa’s arms as she twisted the key, stepping inside Scott and Belle’s home once again.

There’s an immediate comfort that surrounds Tessa the moment she steps inside. The amber beads of light seep in through the windows, splashing across the walnut colored floors as the delicate scent of lavender fills her lungs. Every corner and bit she sees has it’s charm and them written all over it, encompassing everything they are. Scott and Belle’s shoes are placed neatly past the entrance just underneath the assortment of picture frames that decorate the walls; the same pink blanket Belle always seemed to be wrapped around is thrown on the couch amongst some of her plush toys. She notices the details she hadn’t noticed before, but she comes to admire every single one of them.

Tessa makes her way up the stairs, careful to not wake Belle as she cradles her closer. Upon reaching the landing she stares down the hall and discerns that she’s never actually been up here - further realizing - she has no actual clue as to which door Belle’s bedroom resides behind. She steps further into the hallway, slowly peering inside a room before she finds herself looking at, what appears to be, Scott’s.

The bed is unmade and no curtains hang from the windows. No pictures decorate the white walls and nothing has been placed atop the dresser. It’s as if he’s moved in only yesterday and hasn’t had the time to personalize anything. And unlike the rest of his home, his room feels quite bare from anything truly personal. Apart from the picture frame adorning a baby picture of Belle and a book whose title she can't quite read, his room seems spare of anything warm. As if he’s never taken the time to make his room, his.

With a slight frown engraved on her face, she closes the door and continues onto the next one. Luckily, she finds Belle’s white crib surrounded by four pink walls. She slowly steps into the bright room and immediately spots a large box containing a toddler’s bed placed underneath the window - leaving Tessa to guess that it must be time for Belle to make the transition from crib to bed. Belle's small fingers are wrapped around the thin chain of her necklace, leaving Tessa to gently pry them from it without waking her. She slowly sets Belle down, before reaching over and sliding the white curtains to minimize the sunlight peeking in.

The little girl’s eyes stay shut as she subconsciously reaches out to hold the stuffed teddy bear placed in the corner. Tessa bends over to slide Belle’s shoes off and brushes some of the light brown tendrils of hair away from her face, smiling down at the tiny sleeping form before walking out and quietly shutting the door behind her.

Leaning against it, she lets out a loud sigh as her eyes span the length of the hallway. The house is extremely quiet and knowing that Scott isn’t here with her - in his home - unnerves her a bit. It’s bizarre - Tessa thinks - that she’d always known every trivial thing about him. She’d always known where he liked to place his keys after coming home and which corner of the couch he always liked to take up every afternoon after a long day of practice. She knew where his favorite mug was kept and which stool he always preferred to sit on to drink his morning coffee. The image is still so clear, playing over and over in her head like a broken record, she has to shake the thoughts away.

But Tessa doesn't know the trivial things anymore.

She stands there staring into a hallway she doesn't recognize. The door to his bedroom is straight ahead and it takes everything in her power to avoid looking at it when she heads back towards the stairs. She lets her body slump down on the living room couch, letting her muscles loosen and relax from how tense they’d felt all morning.

Tessa can’t quite wrap her head around the whirlwind that has been the last few hours; her argument with Aaron, the hospital, and now Scott’s home. Everything is still so fresh, pricking at her until it’s gotten her full attention.

She’s still angry, but it's slowly fading as the disappointment replaces it, lingering and gnawing inside her. She hadn’t told him about spending the day with Scott, hadn’t come clean about the attachment she still feels every single day, because truthfully, she’d sworn it wasn’t there anymore. But it had managed to creep back up on her - although Tessa figures - she should have known.

She feels the guilt grow in her gut with every passing second she spends apart from Aaron, leaving him without an explanation. When tensions are high her reaction has always been to extend an olive branch and build the bridge that’ll allow them to move on; she'd learned it from the years of counseling she'd attended and all the times she'd put the advice to good use. But as she stares down at her phone, she finds no messages from him, no missed calls or voicemails - and it’s not like she was really expecting any, but it doesn’t stop the sting from burning through her chest.

But, she suppresses the impulse to continue avoiding it and pulls out her phone to call him.

She thinks he’s not going to answer, but he picks up the phone seconds before she almost hangs up.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Tessa feels herself grow smaller from the strain he exerts in that single word. She hates that she’s done this to them because of her inability to let go of what she’s wanted to leave behind so badly. She finds herself unable to say anything else, as her mouth opens and shuts, considering she doesn’t have the words he deserves to hear; Hey Aaron, remember how we fought over Scott this morning? Yeah, I spent the whole morning with him and his daughter.

At her silence, Aaron continues for the both of them.

“Where’d you go?”

She focuses on a spot just below the television. Nervous for his reaction, she clears her throat and answers truthfully.

“Scott, he uh, he got into a car accident early this morning. I’ve been with him and Belle at the hospital.”

There’s a short silence on his end, a silence that pricks at her heart. But, his tone is calm and collected as ever when he answers.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s got a broken leg and a few scrapes and bruises, but otherwise he’s okay.”

More silence.

She’s tapping her fingers against her thigh as her leg bounces in place. Her focal point shifts from underneath the TV to glance around the room, using the different inanimate objects as hopeful distractions.

Tessa hears him clear his throat at the other end of the line.

“Tessa, I think we need to talk.”

She sucks in a breath at his words but ultimately understands that he’s right. At least they're on the same page.

“I know. I'm looking over Belle but I’ll be at the hotel soon.”

“Okay." Another pause. "Take care.”

He hangs up before she has a chance to say goodbye.

Tessa's fingers shake slightly as she locks her phone and sets it beside her.

Her heart plummets into her stomach and the everlasting lump in her throat grows bigger and unimaginably painful. She feels the change like night and day; a shift that’s turning everything inside out as the building blocks crumble just beneath her feet almost adrift to the inevitable change.

It’s sudden clarity really. The realization that the lingering feelings never truly went away. That she’d never truly be able to commit to someone else, without it being unfair to either of them.

She still tastes the bitterness on her tongue when her green eyes meet his hazel ones, like it’s engraved there forever. The resentment still simmers just underneath her skin, stinging her every breath.

So, why is she so willing to fix it?

It doesn’t matter that she loves Aaron. It doesn’t matter that she cares for him. It would never truly be enough without the nagging reminder of what she’s suppressing - could no longer go on feigning ignorance to her thoughts.

It's not lost on her how completely insane all of this is.

With what feels like the weight of the world on her shoulders, she lets out a sigh that seems to deflate her whole body as her eyes wander along the many objects placed around the living room.

Then something she hadn’t noticed before, one framed picture amongst many others set on the mantel. Tessa stands and steps closer, taking the small frame into her hands and notices some of the wear and tear at the corner of the old photograph.

It’s a picture of her and Scott sitting in the backseat of a car. Most of the picture is dark and they’ve got unpleasant expressions settled on their faces, leaving her to think they were on their way to an early morning practice. She’d never been good at waking up for those which lead her to hold a grumpy frown throughout most of the morning - a frown Scott always tried to turn around by any means necessary. She spots the Marvin the Martian pillow he’d gotten her several years earlier, nestled between the both of them sparking a small smile from her. At times, she liked to use the pillow as a barrier between them, an action that irked Scott. Tessa would say that it was too early for him to be annoying her, but really, she couldn’t take the way his hand brushed against hers throughout the car rides, hating the way it made her heart beat.

And even though most mornings were spent wishing she were back in the comfort of her warm bed, sometimes she thinks she’d do anything to relive moments like those again.

Tessa sets the frame back down on the mantel, finding it odd Scott had picked this picture out of the hundreds they had together, considering how grumpy they both looked.

She crosses her arms as she slowly glances around the house. Belle’s plush toys are scattered everywhere; on the couch, on the dining room table, on a kitchen stool. Tessa’s fingers ache to gather them all up to return them inside the toy chest just underneath the window, so she turns her attention back towards the frames, not wanting to overstep her boundaries.

Tessa has always done this. At times, when she’d visit Scott and begrudgingly find his t-shirts and shoes scattered around his room, she’d get the urge to pick them all up. Sometimes she would - most of the time she would - leaving Scott to physically pick her up to carry her out of the room. He’d always poked fun at her for it, but later on, admitted to how endearing he found the whole thing.

It gets the better of her now as she steps forward and gathers the stuffed toys on the couch into her arms; trying to justify her actions. Scott has a broken leg, he won't be able to do this. She places them in the chest, assorting them carefully before heading to the kitchen and dining room to grab the rest. She places the large assortment of crayons she spots on the coffee table back into its box and stacks the white sheets of paper into a neat pile. She folds the throw neatly and places it on the couch before arranging and fluffing the pillows.

Tessa steps back to look at her surroundings, satisfied with the immediate difference she sees, before rolling her eyes at herself.

Not knowing what else to occupy her time with, she heads upstairs into Belle’s room again; deciding it’d be better if she sat in the chair she spotted in there before she gets her hands on anything else and seriously oversteps her boundaries. Belle’s still sound asleep as her long lashes brush against the tops of her pink cheeks, clutching onto the small stuffed white bear. Tessa leans down and brushes some more hair from her face before sitting in the chair placed in the corner.

Willingly putting herself in this position wasn't something she had ever planned, but she was here now; watching over Scott's daughter.

It washes over her then and the tears prick at her eyes as she glances around the room, lit by the soft glow of sunlight breaking through the white curtains. She lets out a shaky breath, eyes glued to the baby pink walls surrounding her.

Scott has it all - she thinks - a beautiful daughter who's bedroom he can paint pink.

It's what she wants one someday.

Annoyed with the sudden onslaught of thoughts she blinks away the wetness from her eyes and pulls out her phone, opening up a book she’s been putting off for months. She reads away, letting herself delve deeper into the story that makes time slip by until she’s interrupted by some shuffling from Belle.

Her eyes are still shut but her arms are raised just above her head as she stretches them out, frowning cutely. Tessa locks her phone and walks over with a smile, watching as Belle’s hazel eyes flutter open to meet hers. She feels the nerves come then, wondering if Belle is expecting to see her dad instead, not ready to unknowingly deal with her reaction.

But - for a toddler - she seems surprisingly content after waking up from a nap, not quite like Tessa’s own niece.

Belle really couldn’t be more like her father.

Without a word, Belle sits up slowly with bleary eyes and reaches her arms out for Tessa. Without wasting a second, she picks her up.

“Hello princess.”

She whispers it as she takes Belle into her arms, not wanting to break the soft atmosphere of the dimly lit room. The little girl snuggles against her neck - something Tessa quickly realized has become one of her favorite things - and yawns quietly, granting a dimpled grin from Tessa at Belle’s simple but adorable actions. Her hand brushes throughout the length of Belle’s hair, separating some of the knots that had formed during her short nap before gently making her way out the room and down the stairs.

Tessa places her down on the couch but Belle seems to have other plans as she slides off it and kneels down in front of the squared coffee table. On it is the small box of crayons and the small stack of white papers she'd arranged earlier. Belle's tiny hands grab a clear sheet of paper and wrap themselves around a purple crayon. All traces of sleep seem to have escaped her as she settles herself into a comfortable sitting position before poking her tongue out as her crayon makes contact with the paper.

A soft smile appears on Tessa’s face and she slowly slides off the couch to sit on the floor alongside the tiny toddler.

“What are you drawing Belle?”

“A flower.”

Belle’s cheeks grow pink again as she tilts her head to the side with a sweet smile decorating her face. Her voice is just a tender thing, causing Tessa’s own smile to grow for the girl. She looks down at the paper Belle’s working on, watching the way she draws four small circles before switching to another color in concentration. She finishes it off by drawing a big yellow sun that takes up a fourth of the page and stands once again to slide it over to Tessa.

“This is beautiful.”

Tessa's means it wholeheartedly as she sits there staring at the artwork placed in front of her. Excited with Tessa’s approval, Belle reaches over and slides a paper towards Tessa.

“Oh, thank you, Belle.” Tessa looks down at the blank paper and reaches over to grab a green crayon before looking over at Belle again. “I was thinking we could draw your dad something to help him feel better.”

Belle’s smile grows wide as she nods excitedly, standing from the position she was in. Her giggle bounces around the room, heartwarming and vibrant, softening the room as only a child can. With a few wobbly steps Belle comes around to stand beside Tessa, and without any hesitation, plops herself down atop her crossed legs.

Tessa stares down at the small bundle of sunshine that’s found herself comfortable enough to sit between the legs of someone she barely knows. She shakes her head, desperately trying to regain the composure that’s slipped between the cracks of her broken structure, feeling the knot in her stomach tighten only to loosen moments after.

Belle carries on, humming to a tune Tessa doesn’t recognize as her head tilts from one side to another.

Tessa clears her throat. “What should we draw for your dad?”

Belle doesn’t hesitate before answering. “A mermaid!”

She peers upwards into Tessa’s eyes as if awaiting her approval - and Tessa gives it in form of a wide grin.

“Let’s draw him a mermaid then.”

The blue crayon held between the palm of her tiny hands glides across the paper, connecting dots and lines until the image she had becomes clearer. Every new element of her drawing excites her, prompting light-hearted squeals that resonate around the living room; lighting up and stripping whatever gloom was left inside Tessa.

It’s Belle that completes most of the drawing really with Tessa contributing a few bits here and there until they’ve both deemed the final product satisfactory. They beam at each other throughout as Belle begins telling her a story, though Tessa's not so sure considering she can't quite make out many of the words. But she laughs and nods her head anyway, continuously falling for the young girl in her lap.

With elevated spirits, Tessa finishes up their joint project by writing out Dad at the top of the drawing per Belle's request with a quick Get Well Soon from her near the bottom.

Deciding it's time to return to the hospital, Tessa slides Belle's shoes back on and gathers her belongings. With Belle's fingers wrapped around her index finger, Tessa locks the front door before heading to the awaiting cab.

***

Tessa steps into the small room only to find several balloons, flowers and Get Well Soon cards scattered throughout it.

She freezes if only for a second before slowing her steps, cautious as to make sure she hasn’t accidentally walked into the wrong room. But she spots Scott in bed and finds Charlie’s come back as he sits in a chair near the bed, watching whatever television show was currently on.

“What happened in here?”

At the sound of her voice, both Charlie and Scott glance up. He's holding a handmade card in his hands but the grin that breaks out at the sight of her nearly makes Tessa trip.

He takes a second to look around at the small gifts left for him before answering.

“Well apparently word broke out and I'm blaming my mom entirely on this one. Guess some of my students and their parents didn’t believe me when I said I felt fine." He sits up further, wincing in the process. "They came by after you left.”

As Tessa steps closer, she notices the signed names on his cast that weren’t there before, eliciting a light-hearted laugh from her. She sets Belle down on the bed, who quickly crawls over into her father's open arms.

"I like what they've done here," She peers around the room, impressed with how quickly they'd been able to pull it off; making it so obviously clear how much his students love and appreciate him. "You probably didn't get any sleep then, huh?"

"No," He laughs lightly as the red tint creeps up his neck, most likely embarrassed from all the attention he's received. "But I'll catch up on that later. Did Belle give you any trouble?"

He glances down at Belle who's busying herself with the card he'd been looking over only moments ago.

"Course not."

He reaches over towards the small vase placed next to his bedside and removes one of the sunflowers from the arrangement before placing it on Belle's lap. She happily takes it and giggles softly, letting herself fall into her father's chest as she plays with the flower petals.

"Thanks again Tess," The way his eyes peer up at her then makes the breath catch in her throat. "You don't know how much this helped me."

"Don't mention it." She clears her throat and - after much thought - sits atop the mint colored blanket. She glances behind her at Charlie, who quickly turns his attention towards the television, before looking back at Scott. She's nervous all of a sudden and she's sure her cheeks are tainted pink with the way Scott's eyeing her with the corner of his lips tugged upwards. Her fingers brush some of her hair behind her ear as a nervous laugh slips past her lips. "Um, Belle actually made you something."

At the mention of her name, Belle turns her attention towards Tessa. Reaching into her bag, she pulls out the drawing Belle (and she) had worked on and places it on Belle's lap, gesturing for her to give it to him.

She happily does, bouncing in place as Scott's hand takes the drawing. He glances over at Tessa, lips slightly parted in a soft smile. His eyes say more than his words do at that moment, and it becomes too much for her then as she looks down at the bed sheets for a second, if only to orient herself again.

“Is this for me?” His attention is latched back onto his daughter as he takes the drawing, looking at every bit of it like it's the eighth wonder of the world with the widest smile overtaking his face. “I love it, baby.”

The tenderness overtakes every bit of him then when his eyes soften and crinkle at the corners. He places the drawing down before wrapping his arms around Belle and showering her face with kisses. She squeals and jumps around, encased with all the love her father so evidently always provides her.

Not wanting to interfere any longer, Tessa slowly makes her way off the bed and slings her bag across her body. This makes Scott look up.

“Scott, I should go.”

She doesn’t have to say anything else, he knows exactly what it is she’s going to go do.

The smile on his face slips away, leaving no hint of it behind as the light slowly diminishes from his eyes. Belle pays this no mind when she grabs a marker placed by his bed and slides down towards his cast, writing and drawing alongside the other markings there.

Scott's mouth opens and closes as he peers over at Charlie, whose attention is still on the television. He frowns and the line between his brows appears, deepening in ways she wished it wouldn't. Swallowing heavily, he reaches out for Tessa's hand, grasping on to it like he used to before.

“Tess, don’t do anything you don’t want to do.” His voice is a whisper, making sure she's the only one that can hear him. His eyes look between hers, trying to garner whatever he can from them. "He makes you happy, you said so yourself."

She tugs her lower lip into her mouth and her own deep-set frown makes an appearance, engraving her face.

He does make her happy. But she's not so sure it's enough to keep the both of themselves unfairly wedged together, dragging him alongside her until she figures herself out.

She squeezes his hand before letting go, and the missing warmth chills her.

"I'll see you later, Scott."

It's a miracle her voice doesn't break then, in the cold hospital room.

Throwing a quick wave at Charlie and quiet goodbye at Belle, she makes her way out with a heavy heart.

***

Tessa thinks she’s been staring at the hotel door for a solid minute now, memorizing the lines of the dark wood. Her feet are planted to the floor and her arms are stuck to her side, unwilling to unlock the door and move her forward into the room.

Leveling her breathing back into a steady rhythm, she slides the hotel key card in and opens the door. She spots Aaron sitting at the desk, face illuminated by the soft glow of his laptop in the otherwise unlit room. He stops typing and glances over his shoulder when he hears her come in.

“Hey.” Tessa chokes on her words as her throat clogs up with the pain of what she knows is to come. Too many apologies and explanations run through her head, but none of them are good enough for him as he stares at her with unrelenting eyes. Her hands are red and sore from the constant rubbing and wringing of her fingers as the still silence augments the tension.

Aaron leans away from the desk she’d briefly seen him working on and stands to face her, running his hand down his face.

“Scott’s okay?”

She nods timidly. “Yeah, he’s okay.”

“Good.”

He suddenly looks all business, just like the many times she’s seen him in action at work. His shoulders straighten and she can predict his words before they've even come out.

“Tessa," He steps closer. "I’m not going to beat around the bush here. You know me and you know that’s not what I do.”

Tessa sucks in a breath and feels a small piece of herself wilt inside at the sound of his voice; distant and cold, unlike the man she knew him to be. But there's no anger in his voice, which unnerves her even more. She thinks - she'd much rather have him visibly angry at her as opposed to the hint of disappointment that's fighting through his collected composure. Tessa knew he’d want to get right down to the core of the problem, he’s never been one to dance around an issue, ignoring it until it’s become almost forgotten.

She steps further into the room and sets her bag down at the foot of the bed.

“I know.” She takes in a deep breath, hoping it brings the confidence she’s lacking. “I’m sorry about this morning. It wasn’t fair of me to assume that you’d be fine with me being around Scott. I just wasn’t thinking.”

As he stares at her, Aaron nods, but she almost misses it by how small the movement had been.

His calm composure seems to crack, if only slightly, when he tugs his lip into his mouth. He looks away from her for a moment, choosing to stare down at his feet.

“This morning, after you left, it got me thinking and all these questions started coming up so I’d like you to answer them now, please.” Tessa can see the silent war raging behind his eyes as they drift between hers. His frown grows deeper as her heart sinks to the floor. “I never bothered questioning it before because we never talked about it, and then I asked myself why? Why do we never talk about your past Tessa? Why are you always pushing it off?”

Tessa swears her heart is going to rip through her chest from how quickly it’s beating against it. Every instinct in her - at the mention of her past - wants her to avoid it, but she ignores them.

“Because I left Montreal to run away from it.”

“Scott was a big part of it, wasn’t he? Were you running from him?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you run right back to him?”

Tessa’s silent for another moment, watching him in shock as the words process in her head. It’s terrible hearing it out loud, considering it’s the last thing she would have ever expected to do months ago. She's mulling over his words, over her actions, over every scrap of feeling that managed to dig it's way back into her life, poking and prodding away.

Aaron steps closer, waiting, but nothing comes.

Because Tessa - after all this time - can't find an answer that won't tear her apart by admitting it out loud.

He lets out a sigh. It's not until he looks back up at her that she sees the sheer determination prominently etched on his face.

“Tessa I’m going to make this very easy for you, and I need you to tell me the absolute truth." He steps closer. "Can you tell me, with a hundred percent certainty, that you’re completely over him?”

No.

"No. I can't tell you that."

Her answer doesn't seem to shock him as much as it should have.

Aaron nods, not letting anything break through the mask he's built, and turns the watch wrapped around his wrist.

"You know, I saw the way you were looking at him the other day. I know you probably didn't realize it. But I saw. When did you know?"

"I realized it when I saw him again. I swore I didn't feel anything for him anymore and I thought... I thought that I could ignore it when I realized that was a lie but I can't."

"Tessa-"

"Aaron none of this is fair to you. My feelings for him and the way I keep my past away from you isn't fair." Her chest tightens with every word, but every word needs to be said out loud. "I love you Aaron, but you deserve so much more than what I'm able to give you."

And there it is. Spoken out loud.

“And I can’t blame you if you resent me.” Her bottom lip wobbles and her eyes glaze over with tears. "I brought you all the way here. I introduced you to my family. You don't deserve any of this."

She’s become that person she realizes. That person she fought so hard to avoid. She’d dragged him into her mess, a mess she could have sworn was no longer there, but it had just been masked by time spent no longer in his presence.

He doesn't say anything for a while, letting her words linger and the silence simmer. She almost expects him to pack up his stuff and walk out, slamming the door behind him. She almost expects him to yell at her, tell her to get out, leaving him to hate her in peace.

Her eyes never sway from his the entire time, awaiting what's bound to come, garnering everything she can from them until - almost as if she's imagined it - they soften.

It almost knocks her off her feet, that faint of gentleness.

“Come here,” With an action that shocks Tessa, he's within arms reach in seconds, pulling her up against his chest.

She let's go then.

The tears burst forth, as she cries into her hands and the tears drip between her fingers. The muscles of her chin tremble as the static begins ringing in her ear. Her chest rises and falls shakily with a quiet cry, soaking up the front of his shirt; breathing ragged as his hands rub at her back, up and down over and over again, attempting to soothe away the desolation she feels.

"Shh, it's okay Tessa." His lips press against her temple, giving her the comfort she knows she doesn't deserve.

_I don't deserve him. I never deserved him._

"I'm so sorry Aaron."

“Shh, you're okay. I care about you Tessa and I’ll continue to be here for you whenever you need me, I promise." His hand runs through the length of her hair. She feels the slow rise and fall of his chest as he attempts to help her level her breathing. "But we both know we can’t continue doing this if one of us isn’t completely committed.”

“I know.” Trying to level her breathing as best she could, she takes a step away from him, shaking her head as she uses the back of her hand to wipe at her wet nose. “God, I’m so sorry Aaron. I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me.”

“I do. I believe you.”

The tenderness in his voice only augments the guilt continuously building inside. His hands are soft against hers as he leads Tessa to the foot of the bed where they both sit, hands clasped together.

Aaron's thumb rubs against the back of her palm, soothing her until her breathing returns back to normal. Tessa peers over at him, eyes red and raw with tears, voice barely audible from how sore her throat feels.

_I don't deserve him. I never deserved him._

“Did you see yourself with me?" She wipes at the tears that have dried on her face, rubbing at them until her skin turns red. "You and me... long term?”

He takes this moment to stare straight ahead instead, focusing on a random spot in the dark room. She sees the way his throat wobbles slightly as he swallows heavily.

“I know you want kids someday.” His hand squeezes hers before he's turning to look at her. “But, I…I’ve never wanted them.”

His confession startles her, to say the least.

Shifting closer to him, she blinks as her lashes lay heavy with tears.

"Really?" 

He nods before he's staring straight ahead again. “Yeah. I've never seen myself having a family of my own." He winces slightly, almost ashamed to only be admitting this now. Aaron shrugs his shoulders, looking back at her with a tight-lipped smile. "Guess we should have talked about this stuff some more huh?”

"Yeah. I guess we should have."

They sit in silence for another minute or two, letting their time together dwindle down. She lets her head fall against his shoulder and he leans his head on her in return. The rumble from his incoming words vibrates against the top of her head.

"Did he hurt you?"

His question doesn't surprise her. In reality, she'd been expecting it.

"Yeah, he did." She leans away, straightening up before locking eyes with him. "And I need you to know that I'm not forgiving him in any way. It just means I can't go around dragging you along until I figure out what to do about it."

His hand squeezes hers again and the worry seeps into his eyes.

But it must have been the look Tessa gives him that lets him know she'll be alright.

The handsome features of his face soften even further as his blue eyes gaze over every inch of her face until the corner of his lips hint at a smile.

"Do you want me to break his other leg?"

"Aaron," Her mouth gapes open in shock, if only to try and desperately avoid her incoming smile. She bumps his shoulders with his eliciting a laugh that slowly scrapes away at the gloom. "You don't owe me any favors. You're supposed to be angry at me."

"Tessa I'm not angry at you. It's not something you should be worried about." He pauses for a second as he watches her, overthinking his actions before he finally decides to brush some of the hair away from her face. "How about we just sleep huh? One last night?”

With widened eyes, his request warms her all throughout.

_I don't deserve him. I never deserved him._

Her smile is wobbly but it’s there; eyes red and raw from the tears as her hand comes up to wipe at her wet nose again. “Yes, please.”

***

They lay in bed side by side until Aaron's arms envelop her from behind, bringing her closer into the warmth he provides. The familiar rhythm of Aaron's breathing returns after a few moments indicating that the sleep she'd wish she get has already overcome him. His soft, warm breath hits the skin of her neck throughout the first hour of her laying there, sleep evading her reach.

She lays there for two or three hours as the emotion comes in brutal waves, scratching at the surface.

Tessa shifts further into Aaron, and closes her eyes, beckoning for sleep to come her way.

This was it. After seven months, this is how it would all end - wrapped up in his arms in a hotel suite.

It was over.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST I'd like to say I'm sorry for how long this took. This has been the craziest semester of my life.
> 
> SECOND, I liked Aaron, but I think we all knew he wasn't going to stay around for too long. And I know Tessa ISN’T perfect and she KNOWS she isn't perfect. She understands that she doesn't deal with things in the best way but, hey, we're all human. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Comments are always very much loved and appreciated!
> 
> *Chapter wasn't edited, so I apologize if the pacing seems weird in certain parts or for any wonky nonsense*


	21. A Closeness

**Scott | (7:04 am)**

**Are you okay?**

**Tessa | (9:11 am)**

**Yeah. I’m okay.**

***

Tessa diligently folds her clothing back into the suitcase - that now - seems much too small to hold everything her mother had given her to take back.

Her hands are placed on her hips as she stares at it, willing it to shut.

She folds and unfolds and rolls and unrolls, unable to place her items to her satisfaction. She begrudgingly flips it over, dumping every article of clothing onto the white bedspread and starts all over again.

Grunting when the zipper gets caught in something, she glances across the room at Aaron’s suitcase, already zipped up and placed by the door ready to be lugged away. She has half the mind to stuff some of her items in there but quickly flicks the thought away when she hears the door open.

“Hey.” Aaron walks in and tosses the keycard onto the dresser before flopping onto the bed unceremoniously. His arm covers his eyes from the sunlight breaking in through the large window. “I talked them into giving us an extra hour for checkout and I’ve scheduled the Uber for noon.”

Her mother had insisted she and Aaron spend their last night sleeping in the guest bedroom and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

The idea seemed fine at first, but after last night and everything else that came from it, it became the absolute last thing Tessa wanted to do.

“I’m surprised they budged,” Tessa mutters, distractedly laying most of her weight on the suitcase in her fourth attempt to close it. “I could clearly use the extra hour.”

Aaron peeks over at her, letting his dimpled grin peep through. With a grunt he sits up, tilting his neck to either side as he stretches, attempting to rid himself of his exhaustion.

“You can put whatever doesn’t fit in mine if you want. There’s still some space in there.” He lets out a yawn and gets up off the bed, double checking to make sure they haven’t left anything behind amongst the drawers.

With her last hurrah, the zipper makes it’s way all the way around, drawing an excited laugh from Tessa. She dramatically lays herself on top of it and sighs loudly, closing her eyes in the process.

They make their way down to the lobby, suitcases rolling behind them through the pristine floor of the hotel. Her hands feel sweaty and her steps slow unwillingly just before they pass the revolving doors but she speeds up without second-guessing the thought that’s continuously run through her mind all night and morning.

Approaching their awaiting Uber, Tessa swears she can hear her heart beating roughly against her ears. She hands the driver her suitcase and climbs into the back seat, hands wringing together over and over again, ignoring the glances Aaron keeps throwing her way.

She must look so crazed and frazzled right now, relentlessly shifting in her seat and bouncing her leg as the car makes its way forward.

This goes on as they make their way through the horrendous downtown traffic that’s flooded the streets. Her muscles feel tight, ready to spring into action, making her actually consider jumping out of the car that’s stopped at a red light.

“Tessa,” Aaron places his hand on her leg, urging her to stop the erratic movements that are surely beginning to annoy him. “Relax. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah,” She nods quickly. Nope. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry.”

Aaron sighs and looks out the window for a brief second before glancing back over at Tessa. He looks hesitant to say whatever it is he wants to say but ultimately gives in.

“We’re going to tell your mom, right?”

Her leg starts bouncing again.

“Yes.” She swallows heavily, her stomach feeling queasy at the thought of it. “But we have to ease her into it, or she might freak out on us.”

“Freak out on us?” His eyes widen almost comically. “Well, now you’re making me nervous.”

“You weren’t nervous before?” She looks at him incredulously, admiring his composure but envying it all at once. “Look at me. I can’t stop shaking.”

“I’m just better at hiding it is all.” As if on cue his leg starts bouncing like hers. Groaning, he shifts and wipes the palm of his hands on his jeans. “Now you have me doing it.”

Their collective leg shaking and bundle of nerves is almost humorous.

“Look,” Tessa turns to face him, grasping at the scraps of whatever composure she has left. “We’ll tell her after lunch… or… dinner. I just don’t want to lay the news on her so early in the day.” More overthinking. “Am I over thinking this?”

“Yes,” Aaron answers as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world much to Tessa’s vexation. He shuts his eyes tightly and rests his head back against the seat. “But I agree.” His hand drags down his face, marking a pale red path on its way down. He squeezes the bridge of his nose and lets out a soft groan. “God, your mom said she was gonna make a peach pie cause I said it was my favorite dessert. How am I gonna eat it without feeling like the guiltiest man alive?”

“We’ll tell her first thing then.”

“No!” His eyes burst open immediately, making Tessa jump in her seat. Aaron takes a deep breath, collecting himself before running his fingers through his hair in a nervous manner. “No, let’s just ease her into it.”

“Fine.” Tessa nods excessively, trying to convince herself this is a good idea. “We’ll wait.”

After what felt like the longest and most nerve-wracking car ride of her life, they pull up in front of her mother’s house. It conveys the grace and structure her mother always held, something Tessa currently lacked; porch lined with varying flowers blooming in the sunlight.

With suitcases in tow, they climb the steps and ring the doorbell. Her stomach shifts uneasily and her hands feels clammy, unclenching and clasping each other until she’s reaching out, taking Aaron’s hand in hers, squeezing tightly as he squeezes back.

“So… later. Right?”

“Yeah, later.”

The door is pulled open so quickly it surprises the both of them. Her mother’s wide smile makes an appearance and in seconds, Tessa’s enveloped in her mother’s arms.

“Oh, you two are early! C’mon in.” Kate nudges them inside before she turns to Aaron, giving him a hug as well. “Hi Aaron. It’s nice to see you again.”

Aaron returns the hug, chin resting on Kate’s shoulder with a smile on his face.

“It’s lovely seeing you again Mrs. Virtue.”

“Call me Kate, Aaron.” They place their suitcases by the entrance and walk behind her as she leads them to the kitchen. “I hope you two are hungry. I made a peach pie for dessert.”

Tessa gives her mother a kind smile, the thought of peach pie making her stomach grumble, reminding her of the breakfast she never ate. But as she peers over at Aaron - with a smile carefully constructed to help hide the guilt from the secret their withholding - the same can’t be said about him. The words seem to have triggered something in him as he turns rigid beside Tessa, swallowing loudly. She turns to him with wide eyes, mouthing relax as inconspicuous as possible as her mother fills the kettle.

She’s never seen him so worked up before, shifting in place over and over again, as if his composed nature ceased to exist. He leans against the countertop, tapping his fingers against the pristine marble as Tessa watches on not so sure whether as to who's antsier anymore.

Luckily for both of them, Kate’s facing the cabinet oblivious to what’s happening behind her, pulling out mugs and preparing the coffee.

But just as Kate turns around, mouth open to ask how Aaron takes his coffee, both Tessa and Aaron go to speak at the same time.

“We are. Thanks, mom.”

“We broke up.”

***

The clinking of silver spoons hitting the rim of their ceramic mugs is the only sound that fills the uncomfortable silence looming over the kitchen.

Both she and Aaron are sat opposite Kate, staring down into the warm hazelnut flavored liquid in their cups. The air is thick with tension and the scent of coffee as Tessa’s eyes begin wandering; simultaneously avoiding her mother’s stare.

Aaron’s confession had been… unexpected to say the least.

Not that Tessa can blame him. He’s always been an honest person and the admiration she has for him only grows even if the nervous energy currently emitting off his body has latched onto her.

She concentrates on the way the soft sunlight splatters against the dark wood of the breakfast table; spreading her fingers across the small pool of light, enjoying the way the warmth coats her skin. But it's not enough to distract her from the scrutiny she knows is coming. It's like she can sense it building inside her mother with every sip of coffee, with every glance Kate throws her past the rim of her mug.

The palms of her hands grow slick with sweat when Aaron clears his throat, bringing her right back into reality.

“The coffee is amazing Mrs. Virtue.”

“Thank you, Aaron.”

Kate gives him her best smile, considering the circumstances before it slowly slips. He nods, lips set in a straight line as he stares down at his coffee again.

_This is awfully painful_ , Tessa thinks as she continues stirring the coffee that’s already been stirred enough.

Her mother - her poor mother - had baked a peach pie because she'd learned it was Aaron’s favorite, and now, here they were only to deliver bad news. Her mouth felt dry as she continued stirring, glancing over at Aaron who seemed to have developed the same nervous coping mechanism.

Tessa notices he's barely taken a sip from his coffee; choosing to stare out the window into the backyard instead. If it'd been she and her mother sitting alone at the breakfast table - maybe - she'd let the silence linger on for longer, if only in an attempt to gather some sort of coherent explanation. But, for Aaron's sake, she sits up and squares her shoulders.

“Mom-”

“Were you going to tell me?”

Tessa sighs and pushes her mug away. Her whole body deflates as she leans back in her chair.

“We were planning on waiting until later today,” Tessa peers over at Aaron, who seems just as ashamed as she does. “I just didn’t want it looming over us the whole day.”

“When did this happen?”

“Yesterday.”

“Why?” Her mother’s eyes widen, baffled as she looks between the both of them.

Tessa and Aaron share a quick glance.

Because I've realized I may not be completely over Scott and I couldn't drag Aaron along for the ride.

Oh, and I want kids and he doesn't.

“We just… we want different things.” Tessa shrugs.

“You just now talked about these things?”

Aaron shifts uncomfortably next to her, clutching onto his mug and taking a large drink from it.

Exasperated, Tessa throws her mother a please stop expression, widening her eyes and pursing her lips. Her forsaken leg shaking is back, rattling the foundation she so badly wants to keep intact. She never expected her mother to understand, at least not now, but she needed some sort of semblance of comprehension for all the shit running through her head.

Kate’s instincts to want to argue their decision dims at that moment, seemingly having taken pity on the both of them from garnering her daughter’s desperate pleas to stop. Sighing, she lifts her hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry.” She closes her eyes for a brief second, gathering herself and stands to take her empty mug and steps into the kitchen. “I’m sure you kids know what you’re doing and I’m not going to meddle in this.” Kate quickly glances over her shoulder and gives Tessa a knowing look, letting her know that she will, in fact, be meddling in this later with her. Placing her mug in the sink she walks over to the fridge and pulls out the pie she’d made earlier. “I was going to save this for after dinner, but I think we need some now.”

With her mother briefly preoccupied, Tessa places her hand on Aaron’s thigh and gives him a reassuring squeeze.

He mouths sorry, looking genuinely distressed from the whole ordeal, but Tessa quickly dismisses it not wanting him to feel an ounce of guilt.

Her mother comes back holding three small plates with a slice of pie set perfectly on each one. The slice Kate places in front of Aaron is considerably larger than the rest, wordlessly encouraging him to relax his rigid posture.

In all her composed nature, Kate sits back down and moves on, easing into a new subject.

“It’s early. What do you two have planned for today?” She asks as she picks up a fork and digs into her pie.

Neither of them is quick to answer.

What did they have planned for today?

A day left in Montreal. She locks eyes with Aaron and is reminded of all the things they've already experienced during their short time here. She'd taken him everywhere she'd had planned; her favorite cafe's, her favorite park with her favorite running trail, her favorite local shops.

He's been a lovely... _ex-boyfriend_ so far, but she wasn't so sure he was up for anything else, considering their unfortunate circumstances.

Not to mention she still means to make a quick - maybe not so quick - stop at the hospital to say goodbye to a certain someone.

She doesn’t let the thought linger for too long.

Tessa turns back to her mother. “We didn’t actually make any plans, really.”

“Oh,” Kate takes another bite out of the pie, pausing to give herself an approving nod. “That’s okay. We can plan something out unless you prefer to stay in. You two have a long flight tomorrow, no point in exhausting yourselves.”

“Yeah,” Aaron nods, mouth full of pie as he peers over at Tessa. “If you don’t mind us hanging around.”

Kate shakes her head, distractedly as she takes yet another bite. "Of course not. If you want to rest early the-" She pauses, letting her fork linger in halfway to her mouth, and looks up to meet both of their eyes. "Bedroom's already set up."

Oh _right_.

One guest bedroom. One bed. Her mother must be having a mental breakdown over this.

Tessa rolls her eyes.

"Thanks, Kate."

The doorbell rings then, echoing from down the entry hall and prompting everyone to glance over their shoulder.

"Hm." Appearing piqued that someone would interrupt her from finishing her pie, Kate stands. “Excuse me.”

Tessa’s hands wrap themselves around her not-so-warm-anymore mug as they wait for her mother to attend to whoever’s at the door.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispers from beside her, despite her mother already having walked down the entry hall. "I know we agreed we wouldn't say anything but your mother is a _very_ intimidating woman and-"

“It's okay,” Tessa shakes her head, sincerely not wanting him to feel any guilt for blurting out the truth. “We should have just planned on telling her sooner rather than later. You did the right thing.”

“Your mom probably hates me now.”

“Aaron,” She slides her chair closer and takes his hand in hers, trying to hide the small smile about to break through. Even though they'd (read: Aaron) had unexpectedly broken the news, a certain calmness settled over her knowing that it was at least out in the open now. “Trust me, you’d know if she did. Just try and relax.”

He nods timidly but doesn’t say anything else for a little while as he finishes the dessert on his plate.

Tessa can hear soft murmurs coming from down the hall as she stands to take their empty plates to the sink, making her wonder which neighbor might be at her mother’s door.

“I know you just said we hadn’t planned anything, but,” She turns her attention back towards Aaron before sitting back down. “Shouldn’t you head for the hospital? Say goodbye?”

Tessa's lips part and her stomach shifts uneasily. She's surprised he’d mentioned it, considering she’d never said anything of the sort out loud. 

Was her desperation to head back there written all over her face?

Her guilt sits heavily on her chest, stiffening every bit of her body. She doesn't want to be selfish. She doesn't want to leave Aaron waiting in her mother's home even for a single minute. But time seemed to be slipping from her fingers and seeing Scott again was inevitable. She could never physically get herself on a plane without having said goodbye to him. 

Tessa feels ashamed for even asking, but as she watches the way the sunlight catches in Aaron’s eyes, she spots the sincerity in his suggestion.

“Are you sure?”

Aaron nods and returns the same sense of comfort she'd been able to provide him as he takes her hand. 

She feels somewhat anchored as her prior sentiments chip away. She's settled in her decision, at least as best she could be when she hears it coming from down the hall. That familiar voice her heart places immediately after it reaches her ears.

_Scott?_

Brows creased and face twisted into a puzzled frown, she turns in her chair while attempting to hear it again. She's half convinced she'd made it all up until she hears him again, voice drifting across the kitchen to her. 

They can't see the front door from where they're sitting and she's briefly thankful for the barrier that exists between them. Her heart twists and sinks, hammering in ways it hadn't before as the confusion drowns her all at once. _He's not at the hospital. He's here, at her mom's house._  She turns back in her seat as her hands break out in sweats and soon she’s rubbing the palms of her hands down her thighs.

Her impulse is to stand, to run straight for the door, but she keeps herself planted to her chair, hands clamping down tightly on the mug.

"That's him isn't it?" She’s surprised when she glances over at Aaron. He doesn't look anywhere as vexed as he should be. "Speak of the devil."

Her lips part but no words come out. Because what does one say when your ex-boyfriend shows up to your mother's house where you and your ex-boyfriend are staying?

She's half-tempted to laugh. Half-tempted to laugh at the situation she's found herself in. 

"I don't know why he's here." She's whispering, anxious her voice might carry out towards the front door. She licks her lips until her frown smooths out. "I thought he'd still be at the hospital. I-" She turns back towards the hall as if the wall there has magically disappeared, allowing her a brief glimpse at Scott. 

But the obstruction is still there and she straightens back in her seat. 

"Tessa." She turns to face Aaron, watches as he nods towards the door, wordlessly encouraging her to go.

She swears her heart flutters then, grateful to have someone as amazing as him still willingly wanting to be a part of her life. With legs that feel much too weak, she pushes her chair away from the table and places a chaste kiss on Aaron’s temple. 

"I'll be right back."

Taking a deep breath, she heads down the hall.

“I just wanted to get these back to you before we leave for Ilderton.”

It’s his words Tessa hears as she turns the corner, making her heart pang at the sudden mention of the small town she ached to see again.

“Scott?”

He stands in the doorway wearing a cast donned with his student’s names and a crutch supporting his weight. His hair is more disheveled than usual, indicating an almost endless run-in with his fingers and the purple bruises blanketing the skin underneath his eye look darker than they did before. He shouldn't look as good as he does standing there in the threshold of her mothers home, wearing a white t-shirt that hugs him in her favorite way. But with every intake of air and every step forward, the pinks of her cheeks emerge and the striking on her chest hammers relentlessly. He’s holding a set of books in his hands, books she soon recognizes as those her mother read to her before bed many years ago.

Scott looks just as surprised to see her here as his eyes widen and soften immediately after. He shifts, placing a bit more weight on the one crutch before straightening himself up again. Tessa’s confusion overrides the expression on her face as she steps closer, eyebrow raised in question.

“Hey.” His answer is just a breath, one she barely hears.

“I didn’t know they’d released you. I would’ve helped.” Her frown grows deeper as she steps closer, coming to stand directly in front of him.

His eyes flash with endearment as he tries to reign in an incoming grin.

“Just a broken leg, kiddo. I’ll be okay.”

“Did you drive here?”

“No, Charlie drove,” Scott seems to shake himself out of the short daze he’d succumbed to and points behind him. She spots Charlie leaning against the car in the driveway as he graces her with a small wave before going back to his phone. “I just came by to drop off some books your mom lent me. Belle spent a lot of time looking over them.” He laughs lightly at the thought of his daughter then blinks like he’s suddenly remembered Kate’s standing there alongside them. He turns towards her and places the books in her hands.

Kate studies the books with tattered pages and worn edges before giving him a smile. “I told you she would! And I’m glad you’re doing okay. Don’t ever scare us like that again.” She reaches out and places her hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring and familiar squeeze. “If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to give me a call, you know that.”

“Thank you, Kate.”

Nodding, she gives Tessa a brief knowing look and walks down the entry hall, leaving the two of them alone.

His lips part and the softness in his eyes, that softness that's only ever belonged to her, returns.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.”

_I’m leaving tomorrow._

The words are just at the tip of her tongue but uttering them out loud seems to be nearly impossible right now.

She’s hesitant when she steps out onto the porch with him; closing the door behind her to allow them the bit of privacy she always seemed to crave when she was with him. From the look that’s appeared on his face though, Tessa can tell that he knows what must be coming, almost as if he can hear the words she hasn't yet spoken. That although they’d finally managed to get the words out that had built up over their years of separation, everything wasn’t quite as right as he’d hoped. Tessa watches as Charlie looks up from his phone, probably sensing the signals she’s quietly sending him and knowingly goes to sit in the car.

She feels her need to latch onto their compliant and civil understanding for just a moment longer.

“I heard you’re headed to Ilderton?”

“Yeah,” He answers distractedly, watching her as he tries to pull out what she really wants to say from out of her, but complies anyway. “I’m trying to visit more often. Belle misses her grandma constantly and my mom threatened me if I kept her away for longer than a month.”

_Oh, Alma._ Tessa realizes with rapid perturbation how badly she misses her.

“I miss it.” She whispers it, like a secret she’s only willing to share with him. She concentrates on the potted flowers her mother took care of meticulously, not wanting to see what should be despondency displayed on his face. “I miss everyone. How are they?"

"They miss you."

His words land like a blow to her chest. 

"Say hi to them for me?”

“You know they’ll always welcome you with open arms.”

She knows. Somehow, that piece of assurance that built itself so profoundly inside her never left.

“Scott,” She leans against the white wooden railing of the porch and crosses her arms. Sucking in a deep breath, praying and hoping for everything to fall into its rightful place, she continues. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

The soft wind blowing through the trees and the creak of the porch as he leans against the railing is the only thing she hears.

“I figured.” The crestfallen tone coating every syllable continues twisting her gut.

Sneaking a glance upwards, she finds him looking at her. And although she could hear his disappointment, his eyes desperately try to reign in some of the light they always held inside.

However, in all her desperate attempts to try and make everything better again, even when things seemed far beyond her control, she continues to explain herself.

“Scott… Aaron and I… we ended things last night. He’s here actually.” She gestures toward the house. "We're both flying out."

“Tess-” That deep indent between his brows appears and he takes a small step toward her.

“No, wait.” She holds up her hand, the pads of her fingers landing lightly on his warm chest, wanting to get all of this out of the way. “I’m okay. I promise. We talked and… it’s for the best. And unless he’s incredibly great at hiding it, he’s not angry or regretful.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispers it gently.

… And It’s not that she expected him to jump with joy at the prospect of her no longer being in a relationship with Aaron, but his frown only grows deeper.

And knowing him for so long, always being so in tune with him, she can practically feel the guilt oozing on his skin.

“Don’t be. We didn’t want the same things.”

But her words have no effect on him as he limps away from the railing, haphazardly running his fingers through his hair in the frantic manner he’d show before.

“Tess, oh my God. I’m so sorry.” He walks down the porch and towards her again, at least as best he can considering the cast wrapped around most of his leg, pacing across the white wooden floor. “You were so happy with him. I know you were. This is all my fault.”

“Scott, stop.” He’s walking away from her again but as he makes his way back over to her, she makes sure to get a firm hold on his arms, stopping him from resuming the process. “Continuing our relationship wasn’t fair to either of us. It's what we both want.” In a manner she hadn’t done in so long, Tessa begins running her hands gently up and down his arms, wanting to soothe away the guilt. “I told you we talked. Believe me, it’s for the best.”

His unsettled eyes find her calm ones, and almost as if a switch has been turned on inside him, he reaches forward and brings her body flush against his.

“I know you said you’re okay, but are you really okay?” He mumbles it against the nape of her neck, now running his hands up and down along the ridge of her spine.

Her muffled answers come as her lips press against his chest. “I’m okay, Scott.”

They stay like that for a while, enjoying the warmth each other radiates before they’re both slowly pulling away.

Taking his hand, she leads him to the small bench placed a few feet away. His palm and fingers are perfectly slotted against her own but she slowly lets go, entangling her own hands and placing them on her lap. 

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth before speaking. 

“I can’t leave my responsibilities behind. You understand that don’t you?”

“Kiddo, I would never ask you to leave any of that behind.”

He sits forward, resting his bruised arms on his legs, trying to meet her eyes. She nods knowingly.

“You know, I’m going to make it more of a point to visit more often. Being back here, it’s made me realize how badly I missed it.”

A fondness slowly overtakes the guilt that had consumed him only minutes ago as he watches on. Hazel eyes piercing onto the side of her face, he reaches over and runs the pad of his finger along the inside of her wrist, prompting her to look at him. 

“Tess, can we promise ourselves something?”

Wordlessly, she nods.

“Promise me you’ll… talk to me. Let me know when you’re tired of me and everything.” He laughs half-heartedly as he rubs the back of his neck. But although he tries to hide it, she can hear the carefully hidden anxiety creep up as he carefully avoids her eyes for a second. “Last time, I- I couldn’t figure out what changed,” He licks his bottom lip and his frown returns. “And I don’t deserve you God, Tess I know. But-”

Placing her hand on his, she runs her thumb alongside his knuckles.

“I will.”

He turns his hand palm facing up and laces their fingers together, thumb rubbing small circles against hers in return. Tessa withholds the shiver she so badly wants to let out from the familiarity the small action brings her, very much the same feeling that encompassed her whole before. She swallows as she looks up, up into that hazel familiarity that always reigned her in.

The hope splashed across his face isn’t lost on Tessa.

“Well, I guess-” She stands from the bench and reaches her hand out for Scott to take, who stands beside her now. “I guess this is goodbye, _again_.”

It shouldn't, but it makes Scott chuckle. 

"You'd think we'd win the _Saying Goodbye_ Olympics."

She rolls her eyes if only to use it as an excuse to disguise the wetness that had gathered in her eyes and lands a soft punch to his chest.

With the sounds of rustling leaves, Tessa breathes in, filling her lungs with the clean fresh air as she returns herself to the situation at hand and the realization that, _God_ , she wants to stay.

But she doesn't let the thought linger for too long. 

He's standing just a short breath away, watching her with everything she's ever cherished from him. With a nervous swallow and a bundle of nerves settled in her center, she reaches up on the tips of her toes, plants a kiss right on the corner of his lips - dangerously close to where her instincts had previously made their home. Tessa places her hand on his firm chest, just above his heart and feels it beating as she swallows away the urge to lean her cheek against it.

“Say bye to Belle for me?”

Scott doesn't try to hide the way he looks at her then.

Eyes shining bright with her right at the center of everything. Tessa leans back slowly, heart pounding roughly against her ribs as her lips tingle from his warmth, unable to look away from his hazel entrapment.

His hand brushes against her arm as it makes its way up, landing on her neck, delicately caressing her there.

Her eyes flutter closed as he leans in against her shallow breathing, feeling his in return fan against the tops of her cheeks. They share the same breath now when his lips press against the tops of her eyelids. First one then the other. The feather-like brushes that skim against her sensitive skin blur everything else away, leaving only the space between them to diminish.

For a moment - it’s just she and him.

His hands hold her face softly, thumb running gently over the tops of her ears as he returns the kiss, placed at the corner of her pink lips.

And just as soon as he’s on her skin, he isn’t.

Opening her eyes and the door back into reality, she finds him standing only a few feet away. The skin on his neck is a pale red and Tessa assures herself he can spot the same color tainting hers.

The look embedded in his eyes reminds her of the first time he'd kissed her - really kissed her.

He’d been fifteen and she’d been fourteen, sitting on the lone bench just outside the ice rink. She’d been angry with him, for reasons Tessa can’t quite remember now, avoiding every pleading look he’d thrown at her all morning.

So he’d kissed her, kissed her when she turned to yell at him as they sat waiting for their ride back home.

And the look he’d given her as they both leaned away from each other then, that same look of complete and utter adoration, adorned every bit of his eyes now.

His eyes gleam in ways they hadn’t the first time she’d said goodbye, and although they still seem sad, his support for her overpowers what’s left of it.

“I’ll miss you kiddo. But, I’ll see you soon.”

And as Tessa watches him almost stumble down the stairs from his weak grasp on the confines of his cast, she smiles.

***

Kate had quickly pulled Tessa into a room to ask if she'd prefer Aaron sleep on the couch, but she quickly waved it away, not wanting to force him to spend the night on it.

They’re in the guest bedroom, locked away from more of her mother’s impending questions after Tessa had assured her over and over again that she knew what she was doing.

They prepare for an early night in as they change and brush their teeth, placing everything in order to make their leave easier in the early hours of the morning.

Tomorrow, Kate would drive them both to the airport, they’d board a plane and she’d be back in Paris.

_I can’t possibly go back to how I thought things should be._

Her words play like a broken record, overtaking everything else until it's all she can think about. 

The memory alone makes her shoulders slump. She’d ended it with Aaron, but Tessa didn’t know if that means she’d ended it with Paris too.

It's the same impending thought that's drowned her mind throughout the day. And it's the same thought Aaron now interrupts.

“I know you don’t want to go.”

She glances upwards, mouth pursed. Tessa knew he’d eventually see it in her, that he’d see her apprehension, but she asks anyway.

“What?”

The blanket her mother had lent them for the night is draped over her arms as she folds it.

“Tessa, you don’t want to go back to Paris. At least not yet.”

“Aaron. Don’t.” Tessa shakes her head and turns, neatly laying the blanket on the bed, dismissing his statement. “I’m getting on that plane, same as you.”

“Look, if you’re going because you feel guilty or something-”

“I’m not.”

“Tessa.”

“Aaron.” She turns completely, watching the way he frowns. “I can’t just stay here forever and ignore my responsibilities back home. I know things aren’t the way they were before, but… I can’t just _stay_. I have a job, an apartment, friends.” She repeats the words, hoping to overemphasize to the point she starts believing them.

He throws on a shirt and places his plane ticket on the dresser.

“So you’re just going to head back to Paris and… what?”

Tessa swears Aaron’s inside her head, poking and picking out her thoughts and spelling them out for her to hear.

_I can’t possibly go back to how I thought things should be._

Tessa lets her hair out of the bun it was in and gently runs her fingers through it, ridding it of the small knots that formed there.

She can't help but feel annoyed. She'd spent so long mulling over this, churning her decision over and over and here he was rattling the foundation of certainty she'd built. 

“Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I just don’t want you jumping on that plane and realizing you’ve made a mistake halfway through the flight.” Aaron sits at the foot of the bed, keeping his eyes on the way Tessa moves across the room, gathering her things to have them ready in the morning. “I know it’s a lot easier said than done. But take a few days and think about it.”

Tessa stops her pacing, relinquishing the mask she’d tried on. His prodding having already twisted and snapped her resolve. She twists the shirt in her hands before balling it up and tossing it on the bed. 

She sighs.

Her plane ticket draws her eyes like a magnet; that cursed piece of paper placed on the dresser. She wouldn't mind if it spontaneously lit on fire. 

Having gone to sit next to him on the bed, Aaron reaches over and takes hold of her hand, rubbing the skin there with his thumb.

“I know you didn’t spend enough time with him. At least not as much as you wished you had to really decide what you want to do.” She slowly turns to face him, watching the way his handsome face displays every bit of sincerity. “Don’t make the same mistake you made before. Just stay. See where it leaves you and if you don’t like it, you can always fly back.”

Closing her eyes tightly, Tessa lays back with a grunt and sets her hands on her stomach, staring up at the ceiling. She feels the bed dip when Aaron does the same as her past resolve now lays broken on the floor.

“I’m selfish.”

“You’re human. You can’t always expect to have your life in order.”

His tone is warm, filling her with immediate appreciation. 

“I know I can’t go back to how things were. I’m just scared.”

“Tessa, you’re one of the strongest people I know. If anyone can get through this, it’s you.”

She turns her head, watching him as he watches the ceiling before turning back. 

“Part of me wishes you hated me, you know?”

He doesn't answer for a minute, making Tessa's fingers twist and wrap themselves together. She doesn't know if she could ever forgive herself if he really felt resentful of her this whole time. 

“Not possible.” He answers, easing the knot in her chest. With a grunt he sits back up and taps her thigh in the process, standing to finish gathering his last few items. “Cmon. Let’s sleep. You’re driving me to the airport.”

Her eyes trail across the ceiling, finally accepting what she should've seen coming all along. And then she's sitting up too quickly, blinding the edges of her sight. 

"Aaron," She waits for him to turn, face partially lit with the dim lamp placed in the corner. "Thank you."

His eyes crinkle from a soft smile. 

Silently, she thanks him for coming into her life when he did.  

***

The next morning, she’d told her mother to stay in bed, making sure to tip-toe into her room before the alarm was due to wake her up.

She’d gently nudged her shoulder with a quiet _I'm taking him to the airport._

And as her mother watched her for a moment, Tessa couldn’t help but get the sense her mother had known this was coming. And it’s only further confirmed when Kate smiles faintly before snuggling further into the sheets.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiiiiii. 
> 
> Very very sorry for taking so long to update and apologies if this chapter seems off. This semester has taken me by the horns and I couldn't find the time to write without feeling like I was neglecting my coursework.
> 
> That being said, end of semester projects and finals are coming up so I won't be writing then but I'll make it up to y'all during Christmas break.
> 
> Till next time. Thanks so much for reading and as always comments are very much appreciated :)
> 
>  
> 
> twitter: @/scottthoney


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